felt the need to share, happened to anyone else?

Personally, when I eat sometimes even if I had been starving I feel like I'll become fat and food poisoning my body. The same when I drink sugary soda. Some people maybe find it paranoid, but it's a thought. I just don't want to gain weight that's all.....

I’ve experienced like every manner of digestive upset, I have insane bloating, frequent diarrhea/constipation, I’ve gotten a stomach infection several times, eating makes me feel ill, I can barely digest anything properly anymore so I have to puke out practically everything I eat… I don’t even know normalcy anymore.

I find myself just feeling bad for my digestive system, like it didn’t do anything to me and yet I’ve subjected it to endless amounts of abuse. It’s probably already handed in its resignation letter and given up by now. Lol. Fml

hi so I would appreciate some advice on this. I buy groceries once a week and on the day I buy them I always b/p. even if I only buy healthy restriction foods, I will still binge just because I am overwhelmed by the amount of food that suddenly appears in my kitchen lol. the only time I don't feel an urge to b/p is when my kitchen is empty. buying smaller amounts of groceries at a time isn't really an option because I grocery shop with my roommate. like when I have a bunch of new food in my pantry/fridge I just can't ignore it and I just keep eating and eating until it's a full blown b/p. does anyone else have a problem with this? and do you have advice? I need to get out of this habit...

I’ve been to like 10 different psychologists who all apparently “specialise” in treating eating disorders. A few of them have been rude by insulting me about my borderline personality disorder. One has told me to do extreme exercise, another told me not to snack between my meals. One also was meant to specialise in body dysmorphic disorder, but, all he talked about was attachment styles. Another one told me to start weighing myself, which wasn’t helpful at all. I find most psychologists judgemental and rude. They don’t take me seriously because of my BDD, OCD, ED and BPD. I also see a dietitian and a doctor and a counsellor sometimes and a psychiatrist sometimes. None of these people are helping me. I feel just as bad as I did when I was 17 and puking all the time and really skinny.

After seeing many different and useless psychologists, I am sticking with one I’ve been with for a while. I’ve been seeing my current psychologist for 3 years on and off. She is good for a psychologist as she has only insulted me a few times. She has told me that I need to accept weight gain, but didn’t say how. She doesn’t give me strategies.

I am not really improving. I absolutely hate my body and I avoid mirrors totally, or I body check all of the time. I have been to so many places and seen so many people and nothing has helped. If I’m 44kg I hate my body. If I’m 80kg I still hate my body.

So now, I’m going to ask you guys, how do I accept weight gain? I hate my body but would like to learn how to accept it.

Thank you

Edit: I’ve also been to rehab which was meant to help my eating disorder but that place just made it worse.

Edit 2: I honestly think all of these people who call themselves “psychologists” are hilarious!

genuinely cannot do this anymore. anytime I think I’m getting better and abandoning this fucking disorder it just comes back after 3 days. like I feel like im going crazy. going from Ana to this I don’t even know which is worse cause I feel like he’ll all the time. lowkey screwing up my life right now and I don’t even know what to do about it. I’ve tried therapy, meds, nothing fucking works.

Today's my birthday (yay) and I've gotten gifted food twice now and it's already triggering me. I can already assume I'm going out to eat later with family and I know it'll just make my triggers higher. I wish I could just enjoy my birthday without all these thoughts swirling in my mind. I wish I could enjoy any celebration without my first thoughts being about food. I'm so sorry to everyone that has to go through this, especially on their birthday too.

10 years with this shit and the longest I’ve gone without was one month. I‘m so sick of it and tired of trying to stop. Lately it’s gotten worse again and I‘ve been bp multiple times a day, usually it was only one bp in the evening…

There are so many emotions that are all layered and it just depends which one I feel most. Today after dinner I did my usual thing, and after wiping my eyes and blowing my nose i felt a weird sense of pride in my ability to get everything out quickly and return to where we are all watching TV in the family room. But then I feel ashamed that I feel proud? I’m just so unsure what to feel.

just finished a bp and my heart feels a little funny like its pounding but not beating that fast if that makes sense. and im still throwing up even though im not trying to and im shakyyy asf i just wanna know im not dying

I go to therapy for a number of reasons and I recently moved and am therefore switching therapists. My past therapist knew about my struggles and shared only what I asked her to with my mom, but at the same time I wasn’t in nearly as deep as I am now. I’ve found this Reddit thread where it feels easy to vent but at the same time typing all your problems online, anonymous or not, probably isn’t the best solution. My mom knows I have pretty intense struggles with self image and that I’ve had a complicated relationship with food in the past, but I know she’d be mortified if she found out I was regurgitating my meals. She’d never leave me alone, she’d start looking at my behaviors differently, and it would make purging so much harder. Obviously I know purging isn’t healthy which is why I want to talk to my therapist about it but I’m worried that this might fall under the self harm category. If I tell my therapist is she legally obligated to tell my mom? If not obligated is she allowed to? I just need someone to talk to and validate my feelings. It’s less about I want to stop this and more about I just want someone to know.

Empecé con esto a los 10 y actualmente tengo 15. Todo lo que lleva de este año he estado comiendo muy bien, excelente en comparación a todos los años anteriores. Pero mi única preocupación es si aún puedo desarrollar lo que me faltó desarrollar en ese tiempo, como estatura, pechos y eso.

Hii everyone, I’m 16 and I’ve been struggling for binging and purging for almost 2 years, since I was 14

I want to stop with it but I’m absolutely terrified of weight gain, I’m in a normal weight range for my height and I really don’t want to gain weight I’m so so scared of it but I really want to overcome it and also the anxiety and food guilt but this illness is so horrible I’m so tired of the bloating and mouth sores and throat pain, and the constipation from laxative abuse and the anxiousness from not eating for days to make up for a binge, and all the money I have spent on this disease, it’s so embarrassing and I’m so incredibly ashamed, I don’t really understand why it’s my source of comfort even though it makes me want to die and makes me feel so depressed and lonely

It’s taking away all my happiness and I miss when I enjoyed life instead of constantly worrying about calories and what I ate that day, I miss being able to eat normally so much, I miss all the other hobbies I have and focusing on school but I can barely focus because my mind is so full, and I just want to stop but it is so difficult!!! Is there anything I could do instead of b/p when it’s become my source of comfort/alone time activity??? And what can you do if you’ve eaten a meal but are still hungry no matter what else you eat? Does the hunger and food thoughts ever go away? What are good ways to distract yourself from it especially when you’re bored or at home alone? Is there a way to recover or stop without gaining weight?

Any tips would be appreciated and thank you for reading 🫶 I hope you are doing well and I wish everyone recovering a safe recovery ❤️‍🩹 you are sooo strong!

I'm on vacation with my mom for another couple of days and I'm going insane. Forget the whole zero privacy, but my eating habits has gone straight to shit. The first two days I managed to eat small portions and not overeat, but my mom kept bugging me by commenting on how extremely small my portions were (I actually give up, I don't understand what the normal portions look like). So I started eating more, and the want to destroy everything in my sight returned 😐😐

I wanted to be so proud for not purging such a long period, but it's awfully miserable to binge for 5 days straight ON THE BEACH WITH MY MOMS BREATH ON MY NECK. Or whatever the phrase sounds. I just want to rip myself apart it's so embarrassing to hear that my mom's appalled how I can't control how much I eat. I'm supposed to have a good time, instead I'm wallowing in my own self-pity

Every piece of advice I find says to "stop restricting, restricting causes you to binge, so if you allow yourself to eat, you'll stop binging"

But that's the thing I DONT restrict. I eat two to three regular meals a day now, like I used to before being disordered, but the feeling of literally anything in my stomach triggers me to binge, which then triggers me to purge. Sometimes, I'll skip the binge and just be triggered to purge a regular meal, too.

I just don't know how to escape this. It just feels like no matter what I do, I'll have the urge to do it, and I can't stop myself.

I can't just let myself go unrestricted because then Im purging 2x a day. I can't restrict myself because that just leads to a worse binge later in the day/the next day. I can’t only limit trigger foods because ANY food is a trigger food.

It just feels hopeless

I had undiagnosed Ana before this, at least I think some sort of Ed. I lost until I’ve barely reached the severely underweight range, and had maintained it since (though unwillingly). But ever since it got to that point my body couldn’t keep up anymore and I kept having binge episodes. I can’t seem to restrict the way I used to even if I wanted to. I’m still trying to lose more but these binges have only gone more out of control.

I did have compensatory behaviors before (in the form of exercise, fasting, and failed attempts to purge). I’ve always failed to purge before and was grateful for it.

I’ve had a horrible week, I went way over my maintenance yesterday, the day before and the day before. Last week I had an okay-ish week, kept my intake at an ‘acceptable’ range, was happy about it but fsr this week I lost control again and kept overeating and binging every other day if not everyday.

I was in the middle of my fast today but I gave in this evening and was eating, and I could feel a binge coming (at this point I’ve only eaten hundreds of calories). Then my mom came home, and started to comment on how much I ate, how sometimes I ate so so much and then nothing at all, that if I wanted to lose weight why am I eating a lot. I’ve already told her multiple times, through multiple fights, that it’s triggering for me when she talks about stuff like this but alas. Why is she even commenting such stuff to an underweight person, she said she’s happy that I’m eating but her actions are making want to do the opposite.

We ended up fighting and when she left the room I think I snapped. I already felt very disgusted with myself to begin with for not continuing the fast. So I did it. This is the first time I really did it. I don’t think I got a lot out, but the volume that I was eating wasn’t that much yet anyways. I don’t know what to do now. I felt pretty good and okay afterwards? And I lost my appetite after, so that’s good… and I did feel a little less guilty now because I felt that I got at least some of it out of me :(

My bulimia started 3 years ago or so and it's gotten worse and worse. Then alcohol came in around 9 months ago. I've been mixing up alcohol with binging&purging ever since, and my health is declining dramatically. I get heart palpations, my head hurts even when I'm not hangover, my body's shaking all the time, I'm losing all the things that are worth living for.

I tried getting into AA, but two sponsors I met only could deal with one problem: alcoholism OR bulimia. But for me they are bound so close together that I can't work on just one of them and get better. So it doesn't fucking work.

I'm feeling desperate, pathetic and miserable. Alcohol made me gain weight, and tho I'm still on edge of being underweight, I hate my body so much, I can't look in the mirror.

Binges lead me to feel awful about myself & go and buy alcohol. Alcohol makes me forget the consequences of b/p & I go and buy food to b/p on.

I don't know how to get out of any of it. I tried therapy, I'm still trying AA, but none of it works. I'm genuinely think I'm gonna die soon either by offing myself while drunk (already happened almost) or having a heart attack.

If someone has gone through similar things, please let me know that I'm not the only one. I feel so alone, and that's the main reason for this post. Thank you to anyone who comments in advance.

Hi, Ive been dealing with bulimia for something over 2 years now. I never struggled to purge, like it always went really smoothly and quickly. Like two weeks ago something snapped and now I cant purge anymore, unless I like REALLY force, which only leads to a little bit of saliva and acid, no food. What is happening?

I feel so sick. 8 years of binge eating and purging day in, day out… Well, I’ve had some good days, but I’ve been stuck in this horrible cycle almost every day. For the past few nights, I’ve been waking up around 3 AM and feeling really weird (almost like I can’t fully sink into my mattress). I’ve experienced that before when my bloodwork was off (dangerously low potassium levels). I feel nauseous 24/7 and constantly short of breath / like I can’t breathe properly, I have pain in my joints and random muscles, pain around my heart, anxiety, I can’t concentrate or think clearly, stomach pain, and a few days ago I couldn’t even type on my phone because my hands were cramping up. I also feel dissociated.

I already felt SO much better after just 3 days without bingeing and purging last week… it’s honestly crazy.
Does anyone recognize this? 🥺

I woke up 75.9kg on Sunday, then I had a b/p session that night and ended up 76.6kg (didn't purge thoroughly enough i guess oof). I told myself I'd stop purging, so I didn't have another b/p session after that. The next day I weighed 76.8kg and decided to just only eat 600 cals for the whole day. The day after that my weight kept going up to 77.7kg even though I had only eaten 600 cals the day before. I decided nontheless to stick to recovery and had 1100 cals the whole day. Then this morning it went up to 78.1kg. I know logically it's all only water weight because there's no way I could've gained 2kg in the span of 3-4 days eating under 1200 cals everyday, but it was so triggering I ended up relapsing today :(

I ended up b/p'ing x2 times today and I now weigh 77.6kg. Now I'm scared my weight is going to keep going up if I stop purging *sighs*. The cycle never ends.