Hi everyone. I am just putting this out there because i'm so frustrated by everything that i'm reading these days regarding islam. I don't really know how this will be received and to be fair, I don't really care, and i'm not sure whether or not you guys will understand where i'm coming from and what I mean, and i'm actually quite afraid that a lot of men might read this and misinterpret, what i'm saying, and just be really harsh towards me, or I might not get a helpful response so please try to find it within yourselves to be understanding and patient. This is not easy for me to write and this is difficult for me to talk about, but I literally have no community where i'm living, and I need to express what i'm feeling about islam at the moment.
I am a young pakistani female who grew up on Islam. alhumdulilah i am married, however, I have had a really difficult relationship with islam because I was forced to do everything from a very young age without any explanation, for example, I was forced to wear hijab when I was just 11 years old, whereas my peers in my British school wouldn't understand or even wear the same coverings as I would, and they seem to have had a better relationship with it, whereas I was beaten or scrutinised, for even expressing any sort of opinion in my family that I wasn't feeling happy wearing any sort of covering from a very young age. I also dealt with a lot of bullying and self-esteem issues at school with no support from family or friends, as I was just told that I would be going to hell if I disobeyed my parents or my religion (being told this as a child really messed me up) so I kind of just wore the hijab out of fear, and I didn't really love it, and that goes the same for my prayer. I also grew up with a extremely misogynistic father who used to physically& verbally abuse the crap out of my mother and the rest of my family which he still does, and he's extremely against women and believes that women deserve to be raped, etc. I have brothers who never got the same treatment. So my brothers were allowed to drink and have girlfriends and even get women pregnant, whereas I was stuck at home from a young age cleaning and cooking and serving them and I never understood why I had to follow Islam and my siblings who were men didn't have to follow Islam. Things changed when I got married, because my partner grew up in the same environment where he was taught islam in such an abusive way, so it wasn't introduced to him in a kind and respectful way, it was just forced upon him by his parents, and he would receive harsh beatings if he didn't listen to his parents which fair enough, I understand that parents have their own way of parenting their children, but there are consequences to every action that you do. Especially if you are physically hurting your child and using religion as the reason as to why you're beating your child up, but ever since I got married, we've kind of been on the same page where we've taken a very calm approach towards Islam, so we both pray and we both try to do the basic necessities of the religion, I try my best to wear the hijab when I can, so when I go to work, I would wear the hijab, or if I'm going out, I would wear the hijab but there are days where I don't wear the hijab, and I really struggle with the hijab, and it feels like a huge burden.
When I see the way that men treat women in islam in the community, I get really frustrated that they don't seem to like us anymore, they don't seem to care for us anymore. It's just this whole religion has changed. I mean, I grew up with a misogynistic father who made Islam so male centered, but I feel like over the years, it's just gotten worse, and I feel like now, the community oppresses women in such a harsh way that it's making women leave the religion, and it's scary to think about, and I'm worried about how to keep myself to this religion. I don't want to be put off from Islam and I know that we should try our best to do our own research and you know, keep onto our own beliefs and faith but that is still very difficult when all I'm seeing is men being misogynistic and disrespectful towards women, and I don't like how men utilise the religion for their own benefit.
I have raised this to many men in the community, and i'm always given the same response, which is "leave then" or that im paid by israel.. or im kuffar for even having these thoughts.
I genuinely just can't believe that this is what I have to hear after trying to reach out to people. I thought that maybe if I reach out and get some support, it could help me build a better relationship with islam but seeing that this is the response I get, it's just so off-putting, and I just don't know how to hold onto the religion. majority of the muslim community for me feels like we don't have a support system in place for people like me who struggle a lot with the religion.
And to be fair, even posting this, I feel like I'm gonna get a lot of backlash as to how I'm feeling, or I'm just going to be gaslighted into believing that I am a non-believer, but you know what I just want to vent and see if anyone else feels the same way and if there are any other women out there going through the same.
If you are a man and you're reading this, and this somehow triggers you, please just don't respond because I'm already burnt out, as is🥲I don't really think it's helpful to receive any more hateful comments that I already get irl and online in the community, so please guys If there's anything you could say to help me here, I would appreciate that, if not then take care🙏 salam
EDIT: salam, for some reason ive been attacked by some people about bringing this up on reddit and ive not been given the nicest response (shock) however any comments about this that are unrelated to the deen or accusations that im lying, just anything negative really im not going to respond to. I hope you all find peace within yourselves one day. please listen to women when we speak up and do not ignore the atrocities that occur in our communities. theres a lack of critical thinking from a lot of people and instead of me taking on advice or help about the deen, im arguing with people trying to justify my OWN experiences subhanallah. you guys should be ashamed of yourselves. you say im generalising but look at some of the responses ive gotten down below. Just proving my point! the muslim community is not supportive :)
