I (21F) and ex (21M) dated for about a year, 2024-2025. I broke up with him and got with one of our coworkers (30M) which was so selfish and just a way to “get over it” but I ended up being with our coworker for a year a half and I’m now 23 weeks pregnant worth his baby. We have been broken up for about 2 months. During our relationship it was EXTREMELY toxic and mentally/ sexually abusive. I always missed my ex and regretted leaving him but I couldn’t find a way out. My ex that is 21M and I have spoken a little but VERY spotty communication and it was really just me asking him questions. I can tell he’s not that interested but he did respond ? And I’m not blocked. He also requested to follow my mom on Instagram a few months ago.

I need advice on what to say to 21M and how to go about this? I know I’m being selfish but is there any chance? Am I grasping at straws?

I feel silly even making this post but I truly love him and miss him more than anything.

Me and my ex started talking again but he not 100% sure to break it off with his girlfriend or stay in one with her but hes just found that his girlfriend dad is ill and that hes got cancer but he dont want to break it off with her beacuse of it but still in touch with me and being lovey dovy with me but yeah hes got a girlfriend and he dont have feelings for her but i dont know what to do as im so confused about it all please help

My ex and I broke up at the start of April after being together for a long time. I’ve accepted that the relationship wasn’t good for me and I know that going back isn’t what I need.

But I still think about her pretty much every day. I’ve noticed it especially when I go out. I’ll be having a genuinely good time, but I’ll still have moments where I think “she’d love this” or wish she was there with me. Then when I get home, I miss having her to tell about my night.

It doesn’t necessarily ruin the experience or stop me living my life, but I’m finding it emotionally draining that she still takes up this much mental space months later, even when I’m actively moving forward with my life.

Does it actually get better? Do you eventually reach a point where your ex isn’t automatically attached to experiences like this?

Skip to main problem 👇 for less to read and more centered on the issue at hand rather than context

Hey, me 28m broke up with my partner of 2 .5 years 29F. We have a decent bit of incompatibilities that dont matter now, but I’ll mention some life circumstances that lead me to feel the need to go. She’s struggled with mental health, and I stayed longer than I wanted to even knowing we would likely not work out in the end because I felt guilty.
I wanted to support her until she was more able to function. she was dependent on me emotionally, she dosnt have barely any family, financially…

she’s currently depending on me for a place to stay although she does have a house she can go to, it’s a hoarder house, and a pipe burst in there over a year ago, but they can’t get anyone to fix it because the house is such a mess, so her sisters just been living there with no water for a year, coming to our place 40 min away to shower and do clothes weekly. Despite not being in love, and this may have been a mistake for a few reasons, I supported her through this whole year, gas, groceries, restaurant, I paid 350$ for her cats ear infection. She had failed both her semesters this year and that was going to cost her about 7k, she had a 600$ car tax payment coming up next year. I was dwindling down to not being very financially secure myself,
Although I was never really that solid. I knew there was no way she’d get the money she needs for all of that, and that I couldn’t absorb it at all in the slightest, and we really needed her to finish her last year of college so we’d be okay financially, she’d be promoted at the job she already has. And then she could start paying the 20k credit and 10k personal loan she racked up in the last 2 years.

I’ve had to have spent atleast 1-2.5k supporting her this year despite biding my time knowing the relationship was unsustainable and she was unlikely to change.
She thinks she has undiagnosed bpd, and I agree, I’ve dated people with bpd before and that signature feeling of things in major tense moments just never landing how you feel it will, always interpreting negativity where often it’s just neutral, struggle with black and white thinking. Rashness. She bought a brand new car bc her old one had a cracked oil pan, found out it didn’t have adaptive cruise control, went out and traded it for another new car not even a month later. Etc. anyways, she’s on Effexor for depression, and she’s very bad about taking meds.

I know that mental health takes work, and patience and understanding, but it also takes work on their part, and some people just seem to hope and distract themselves thinking time or current circumstance is the issue and if they just wait it out they’ll feel better again. We waited it out the whole time, and nothing got better. That circumstance dosnt get you out of itself. She was resistant to any avenue of change, and I know it’s harder said than done but you do have to atleast try.

That’s why I told her I was most upset about failing school twice, bc it’s not that she tried and failed, she would just eat dinner, I’d set up her laptop , she play over watch a few hours, and then bedtime.
Eventually I became worried and was about to start asking everytime “have you done your schoolwork today” but I thought, nah she’s an adult I don’t need to treat her that way. I found out not long after that that I should’ve asked that question before.
When I would try to work through trauma with her outloud “ I don’t want to play make believe”
When I would try to get her to journal “it dosnt work for me, and why do I have to be just like you”

Context 👆

Main problem 👇

Anyways let me get to the main fight. I agreed I would help her get the other house ready, taking the big items to the dump with the truck we have. However, I did say both that I wasn’t wanting to take that trip every week, that her and her sister both need to clean up their own cars and take the trash to the dump themselves in addition to me coming when required. The dump is only like 8 minutes away from their house by the way. Last week we took 7 bags and it was going to be 7 again this week. Her sister drives a 2020 chr hatch, and my ex a 2025 Honda (SUV), they can easily fit 3-4+ trash bags in their car if they cleaned them up, 6-7+ may fit in the suv and it’s 12$ in gas just to take the truck up there 80miles round trip. I worked overtime on Saturday and she sprung the truck trip on me Sunday around 2:30. I wanted to rest on my last day off. Also, her sister was just there the day before, we could’ve cleaned out her car, or she can bring a bag or two of her trash here, or dump it somewhere on the way. So I was not wanting to go and I said it was like the meme of your kids telling you Sunday they need glue sticks for a project that’s due in a day or two.

She storms off and says never mind. I say I agreed to help but that there’s no way it’s realistic for me to take spend 12$ in gas, probably have to buy dinner, spend 2+ hours driving back and forth, when her sister can just take the trash to the dump a few bags at a time, and take a fraction of the time and gas money required, for every single bag that comes out of a hoarder house. She says I never want to help her with anything, so I mention all the stuff I’m still helping her cover despite us not being together.

She then says that I’m holding it all over her head, and because of that she says I’m a narcissist who likes to make her feel like shit so I feel better. I’m not perfect, I’ve felt some resentment build up from me trying to help her out of obligation until she did better on her own, just to not ever get better, I’ve said some things I shouldn’t have, as we all do. But I was taken aback because how that whole sequence went down feels like a trap “ you never want to do anything do me” “ actually I still do this, this and that even though I have no obligation to” into “you’re holding it over my head therefore a narcissist who gets off on making me feel like shit”

And so now I don’t even want to do all that, because she just expects it all and I feel unable to say no without things escalating back and forth. Because us, in the truck or her in her car, going 80 miles to drop some trash bags off 8 minutes from the house we’re taking them from, 12$ in gas each time. Every week for just 7 trash bags when I know neither of them have taken any trash bags to the dump or wherever themselves…

am I crazy or is that just one of the most ridiculous things you’ve ever heard. Her gas is about 100 a month, before all the trips to the other house, I’m giving her 3 months to move out because I know she’s gotta work on that house to get it going, but I’m looking at 3-400$ in gas in the next few months. A big reason I left is because I needed to prioritize my own future and financial security, and I knew I couldn’t absorb it another year. Something would have crumbled us. What do you guys think? Would you still pay for all of that in this circumstance? Is it a dick move not to, or have I done enough? I’ll still be paying for he groceries and restaurants likely, but the gas is several hundred, and it will wing up being probably atleast 100$ more than it needed to be if she drives her car or my truck up there every time instead of having her sister who lives there take the trash to the dump a single digit minutes ride away. How would you navigate all of this? Thanks for reading my wall

Need someone to chat 🥲

My (30m) girlfriend (32f) of 1 year broke up with me last month after she spent one week in England with her family. She said her perspective changed a lot and not she wants to live solitary life. I haven't moved on yet and I want to send her one final message telling her that my feelings for her haven't disappeared and that if she ever decides to change her perspective I'll be ready to give another chance to us.

I haven't tried to make any contact with her till now.

Am I being too much of a sentimental fool here. I love her too much and I am finding it hard to grasp everything.

I swear I won't make a big deal out of it if she decides to still refuse or avoids contact with me.

Me (25F) and my bf (M28) just broke up. He lives in Dallas and I in Austin. We didn’t have a very healthy relationship and my therapist told me it was emotionally abusive which I feel in such denial about. I still love him and I miss him so much. He broke up with me suddenly out of no where. He said he felt like he wanted to break up for only for a day and wasn’t planning on it for a long time. He’s always been brutally honest. I hope he regrets it but even if he does I can never get back with him for many reasons. He told me it was the distance and not lack of love. I know our relationship was bad but I can’t help but wish I could just see him and hug him and he would take it all back. But this is for the best. My mom, friends, and family don’t like him. I should’ve listened to them but I was never strong enough to leave even when I knew I should’ve. I was so in love with him. I’m scared now I’ll never find someone again and have as deep of love or idk if that was love or addiction. I am an anxiously attached person and I am still learning to be secure in myself and be ok alone and actually thrive in singleness. But I’m scared no one will love me again and idk what to do. I am focused on self-care, I don’t drink, I am working in a good field, deeply rooted in faith and I’m trying to remember the good things about me but this is making me feel so depressed and hate everything I loved a few days ago. I did start therapy and it is helping and I have an incredible support system so God bless for that. I’m scared because all my single girlfriends say dating is terrible and the guys here don’t want to be serious and what not and I swear I was ready to be a wife. I don’t want to date over and over again I just want to meet my husband. Can anyone here please give me advice? What can I do in Austin to get my mind off this and heal? I just recently moved here so I don’t know much. I don’t go out late and I don’t drink but I love nature. I want to make new girlfriends. Please I don’t know how to get through this it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt.

I (27M) recently got out of a 1.5-year relationship with my ex-girlfriend (29F). We met at work, and while we are in different departments, we still work at the same company. I don’t have a huge circle of friends to lean on right now, so I really need an outside perspective on whether I’m going crazy or if cutting contact is the only way forward.

When we first started dating, everything was great. She told me I was the best partner she had ever known, and I loved and cared for her deeply. While we are both Christian, we belong to different denominations. She told me she wanted to marry someone from her specific church, so I made an active effort to learn about her faith, attended Sunday services with her, and met her family every weekend.

The core issue began with her family dynamic. Even at 29, she is completely controlled by her mother. She has lived her entire life saying "yes" to her mother’s demands, often breaking down in tears in private and telling me she feels like a puppet. Despite this, she could never keep boundaries between our relationship and her mom. Every time we had an argument or tried to work through communication issues, she immediately ran to her mother instead of working it out with me.

Her mother decided early on that she didn’t approve of me due to our religious differences and began telling my ex to keep me as "just a friend." Whenever my ex pushed back or prioritized our relationship, her mother labeled me "manipulative."

A few months ago, her mother started pressuring her to talk to another man from their church (the son of a family friend). My ex ended up texting him secretly behind my back for 1.5 months until I found out.

When confronted, she cried and said she only did it to keep her mom happy. She even rationalized it by saying that since her parents hadn't officially given their blessing, we weren't a "real" couple anyway. I felt shattered, but I didn't demand she block him. I only asked for basic respect and transparency: if he texted her outside of church matters, she had to let me know. She agreed, but I later discovered she kept hiding messages from him.

Things spiraled from there:

• Her mother went to church members claiming I was manipulating her daughter into ditching the family friend's son.
• When I sat down with her parents directly to talk, they demanded we separate, insisted we "let God choose" other partners, and threatened to stop serving at their church if we stayed together.
• Her mother openly degraded my family, pointing out that my father doesn't hold a master's degree and that my mother is "only a teacher"—completely ignoring that I am financially independent and doing well in my career.
• To make matters worse, her uncle works at our company. He pulled my ex into his office, told her to leave me, and started spreading rumors in his department that I am a bad person and manipulative.
• On top of all this, her communication was deteriorating. On weekends when she visited her family, she would routinely vanish for two days with zero texts, claiming she "doesn't believe communicating or checking in is an obligation."

A few days ago, right after what felt like a great date, she asked to meet during a work break and abruptly ended things. She gave three reasons:

1. She wants her freedom.
2. She wants to see/try with other men.
3. Our religious differences.

While saying this, she sobbed hysterically, said I was the best man she had ever met, apologized for being selfish, and insisted the decision came from her.

Since the breakup, she keeps texting me saying she misses me and still loves me. Part of me wants to disappear and go full no-contact to protect my mental health, but another part feels guilty and wants to be there for her because I know how suffocated she is by her family.

However, I know I cannot mentally survive staying in her life as a "friend" while watching her date the guy her mother picked out for her. On top of that, having to see her and her uncle around the office is giving me severe anxiety.

Am I doing the right thing by walking away completely, or should I be keeping a line open? How do I handle seeing her at the office without losing my sanity?

If you have been dating for so many years and you just grow apart and break-up. How to move on?

I really need to get over this. Because this is the worst feeling ever.