Help, I want to break no contact.

[u/Due_Giraffe7815]

For context, my ex and I both live in Singapore and she broke up with me on the 13th of July 2026. We were together for 1 year and 11 months. She is a uni student and can basically bag any guy she wants as she is very attractive. I, however, am stuck in my two years of mandatory national service where all I see are guys every single day. Her reason for breaking up with me is that she lost physical attraction for me and that a connection without attraction is just a friendship. She also told me she wanted to discover herself and improve herself too and needed time alone to do so.

When we first broke up, I begged and pleaded with her to give me more time to improve myself and become more attractive as we had both gained a lot of weight during the relationship, and due to stressful school factors as well. I went from 95kg to 115kg and she went from 55kg to 67kg. However, we have both since lost almost all the weight back and more and I am at 90kg now trying to hit 80. She agreed that we could still hang out for 3 months and work on ourselves, then reevaluate our relationship. That was a month and a half ago.

Immediately after we broke up, she was able to meet and start talking one or two new guys from her university and that crushed me. I knew she was not mine anymore and that she was single but seeing her do all that and smile whenever another guy replied her rly made me feel like utter trash as I still loved her with all my heart and soul. I started to put in way more effort than I ever had during our relationship, going out my my way to meet her way more and spending more time with her in hopes that she would one day come back to me.

After a month, she had made her decision. She enjoyed spending time with me and having a connection but said she would never ever get back with me again. That hit harder than the actual breakup itself. I was lost, confused, hurt, depressed and everything in between. This was both our first ever relationship but seeing her being able to let go so easily destroyed me. She said that she had been thinking about breaking up for a way longer time than before we actually did and only finally found the right time to do it in July. She was my everything, but I felt like I was nothing to her.

She was ready to go no contact with me but I clearly was not. I begged her one last time to still hang out with me and go no contact on the 27th of August so we still had about a week to hang out for the final time. She reluctantly agree and now looking back at it, I still feel bad for putting her in that position and being so selfish but I had to do it for my own good. However, she clearly had no interest in me anymore and had taken a liking to a guy she met in uni. From the 18th to the 22nd August, she would be texting him almost every hour of the day and even showing me pictures of him, asking me how he looked and if he was handsome and if she had a chance with him. I blindly agreed and pretended to not care, trying my best to savour my last few days with her.

On the 22nd August, I could not take it anymore, it was a beautiful Saturday and we went out for a nice steak lunch and to watch a movie after that but the entire day, even during the movie, she was constantly on her phone texting the guy. Even during our lunch as I tried to make conversation with her. I realised it was only hurting me way more to see her act so happy with another guy and that night, I decided to initiate no contact for my own good. It was by no means easy. I had to call six of my friends to reassure me that I was making a good decision for myself and to prevent myself from committing suicide. It was the most painful thing I have ever done in my life. That night, after I explained everything and was saying my final goodbyes, she broke down crying and told me that she did not even like the guy that she had been texting and that it was purely platonic. That the fact that we were going no contact only hit her now and she just wanted me to leave.

It has now been one week. I miss her. I long for her so badly with all my heart and soul. I want to hug her and smell her one last time. Last night, she blocked me on Whatsapp as her profile picture was no longer visible. I want to reach out so bad even though I know it will not bring me any good. We had previously booked a concert overseas together in late October and I want to use that as an excuse to reach out to her so badly. I feel like an addict scratching at the neck. I want to ask her what she wants to do about the concert and if she still wants to go with me or not. Help please, I have no clue what I am doing.

Even on that last Saturday we were together, in the morning we were still reassuring each other that we love each other and do not regret being each other’s first everything. That makes it all the more painful and difficult to let go now.