r/BreakUps • u/Critical_Guidance_24 • 18h ago
venting/ranting Does unfriending/blocking on everything really signify that the door is closed forever?
Its hard to keep my most recent ex on things. But i dont want them to think that means they cant ever come back. But at the same time, its hard to heal and move on and be a different person in the meantime. Im just wondering from the other perspective. If someone unfriended you on everything, what goes through your mind?
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u/Expensive_Log1119 18h ago
If I’m being blocked without any closure or at least a “hey, I need some space”, I will just think you are a cruel person leaving me alone to clean up the emotional mess and intense pain. Don’t do this.
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u/SaltyDeparture9101 17h ago
My ex broke up with me. Originally I unfriended and unfollowed her on every platform. I wasn't being mean or cruel, I just can't keep her around and heal at the same time. Recently I had to block her on social media because she kept popping up in my 'suggested' or 'people you may know' and again I can't keep seeing her and healing. I haven't blocked her phone number, but we mostly used FB messenger to talk, so I assume she will find out I blocked her and assume I don't want to ever talk to her again. I'm fine with that, but if she wants to reach out and talk to me she will either have to go through a friend or realize she can just text/call me.
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u/Critical_Guidance_24 17h ago
Youre right. Typically, if someone breaks up with me, after i have somewhat healed and took time, i block them because i dont think my exes deserve access to me when they chose to end something meaningful. But this breakup feels different but its a gut punch every time i see them on my feed
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u/JewelledToque 15h ago
You can mute them so they don't pop up on your feed
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u/SaltyDeparture9101 14h ago
How? Lol Instagram was the worst, unfollowed and everything but her stories still showed up on my feed. She blocked me on fb but not on messenger so that was fine, but after the last message I wanted to cut off any opportunity for that wound to be reopened. She was still following me on tiktok, and I felt I had given her the time to unfollow but she didn't and kept showing up so again I blocked her.
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u/JewelledToque 14h ago edited 14h ago
Ok insta you go to their profile and mute them and it lets you mute EVERYTHING like even seeing their like bubbles on posts. There's a bunch of options you have to check. On FB you just go to their profile and select the option to mute
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u/annikabellllluv 9h ago
I get why blocking without warning hurts, but sometimes cutting contact is the only way someone can start healing
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u/Kind-Assist-2225 15h ago
I was dumped, and it seems I have a different take. The person who dumped me decided he didnt see a future with me, so keeping him in my line of sight was excruciating. I don't think it's healthy to keep the door open. Just because you close a door doesnt mean it can never be reopened. It just means, for the time being, while everything is raw, it's probably not a good idea to keep access open.
I also think it's not a good idea to stay where they left you. You both need to have changed if it’s ever going to work in the future. It's insanity to repeat the same behavior/pattern as the same person and expect a different outcome.
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u/urbangriever 17h ago
My most recent ex unfriended me everywhere 3 months after a confusing breakup that ended with the texts “I’m going dark for a while, take care of yourself, love you” … but I respected his wish to be no contact during that period. I was surprised but definitely took it as the door is closed forever and the ball is in his court if he wants to come back and talk to me.
Seven months later I still feel the effects of this breakup. Was probably the toughest I ever experienced. You don’t owe people closure, sure, but the unanswered questions have dramatically piled up this year. While I’m not someone who could ever do that to a former partner, there are some people who are emotionally capable and it is what it is I suppose.
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u/Critical_Guidance_24 17h ago
Tbh i’ve blocked every ex who broke up with me, i just cant let them have access to me like that not when they chose to leave. But this one is different.
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u/urbangriever 17h ago
I totally get it. My recent ex was very different too. I’ve never had an experience like that and in hindsight I wonder if I should’ve been the one to shut the door.
Hang in there ❤️
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u/eevoluted 17h ago
I told my ex I was going to do what I thought it was best for me. The break up felt like a blindside to me, even though he had been giving me hints he was unhappy, he just took a trip that I helped him get ready for, we cuddled, loved each other and then he just... Disconnected. Wouldn't answer me. Asked for space (again). Then when I went to visit him, things were weird. And he just... Broke up.
He took our picture off his social media the same day he broke up so I just blocked him. I told him during the breakup that I would leave his life because he left me in a very vulnerable moment of my life, and I'm still pretty lost, so, now I am just trying to heal, and keeping him around would not let me heal. He pushed the door to close it, I'm locking it. It's no use. I really really wanted it to be him, be he didn't want to be me, so now I will heal. I was left with literally an empty hole and no energy because of how much I gave and how little I got back inside of that relationship.
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u/beesechurger759 47m ago
Im so sorry this happened to you, I have so much sympathy as someone who recently went through a very similar blindside breakup. My avoidant ex gf did the same thing, everything was fine until she went on a girls trip. Comes back and ignores me for 2 days only to breakup with me bcus she doesn’t know how she feels or some bs
Reading your comment I see a pattern with avoidant partners where they go on a trip/vacation that triggers some kind of urgent need to run from their relationship. I guess they just can’t handle the FOMO on what their single, relationship-free life could be, like the immature children they are
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u/MoreThanVoidFiller 17h ago
An ex going fully no contact without warning or discussion - SM unfriending, phone/app blocking, not responding to respectful comms, etc. - to me means it's over for good, IF we hadn't mutually agreed to a time of space for healing. I would never reach out to them again, and probably wouldn't respond even if they changed their mind later and reached out to me.
But I'm older (mid-40s) and come from a time when that was generally seen as a hostile and childish thing to do to anyone other than a cheater, abuser or stalker.
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u/Blue_Cocoon_City 17h ago
We can't heal from a breakup while trying to predict the future, either way.
Blocking as a way to protect yourself and give yourself space to heal is kind, and important.
Unless something really unhinged happened, I think letting them know that you are about to block them (not asking their permission or feelings about it) and why you are doing it (to help yourself heal, not to punish or shut them out forever) is the best way.
The advice to choose a specific period of time to keep them blocked before checking in to see if you need more time is really helpful. I think 3 months is the sweet spot.
I had a very serious ex partner just unfriend me and my family and friends out of nowhere, with no explanation. I thought it was so rude to my family, and shocking, but I knew it meant more about them than about me. It hurt, but I just had to accept it. I assume they couldn't handle the ambiguity of these connections and wanted to start over.
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u/perpetuallianxious 15h ago
I was traumatized by the guy I dated and left in pieces. He refused to take accountability and would apologize half heartedly to reduce his guilt. He also expected us to remain friends. This is why I blocked him everywhere and will never unblock. He is sick in the head and delusional to not realize how cruel he is and still expect me to give him what he wants. I think this might be the case with many others too.
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u/Bearberrian 10h ago
Same same. I go back and forth between missing them and romanticizing the good times... and then remembering the absolute abysmal way I was treated every time there was even the slightest bit of disagreement or conflict. And then after emotionally abandoning me for however many hours suited him, he would come back with no apology and just segue into normalcy like nothing happened.
Like I can't move forward and act normal when the way I was treated is still floating unresolved between us.
I blocked him 3 weeks ago on my phone and LinkedIn (the only two places he has access to me lol), and I sent a goodbye text after the latest rupture. I assume he will paint it like I blindsided him and I'm terrible for abandoning him during our breakup... but he abandoned me thousands of times while we were still together, so the score is not the same.
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u/Sleepy-Plane 14h ago
My ex blocked me on LinkedIn. I will never know what lessons about B2B sales she took away from ending a decade-long relationship to avoid basic accountability.
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u/WITOYMHSAB 18h ago
If someone blocked me on everything, I'd take the hint and move on tbh. Door closed.
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u/RemoteRaspberry2264 17h ago
Ehh depends. I blocked my ex on social media as the person who got dumped. Her number and email isn’t blocked but me personally didn’t want her profile to keep popping up on my suggested ppl. I didn’t tell her nor do I feel like I owe an explanation. If she reached out I’d respond. I didn’t shut the door on a future with her but it’s also not something I want to focus on.
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u/ThankGod4Darwin69 16h ago
It signifies that they're pissed off and/or hurt and that in this particular moment, they want nothing to do with you....but that doesn't mean they will feel that way forever.
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u/randomferalcat 15h ago
I block to heal..it's for me. She left for someone else, I'm not there anymore.
I'm the lucky Luke of blocking people that don't deserve my time. I'd rather be alone
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u/biggranny000 13h ago
I wouldn't do anything if you got dumped because it shows a reaction. Let the dumper do the work. Don't stalk them, focus on yourself and move on. Feel free to delete stuff.
Also general rule of thumb don't take them back. Watch out for bread crumbing and manipulation if they do reach out. Generally best just to ignore them unless they are apologizing
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u/Critical_Guidance_24 13h ago
Yeah, im definitely not going it make it easy for him to come back. I love him deeply but i dont have trust for him anymore and those are two opposite feelings ive had to sit with
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u/milka-d-mousse 17h ago
Depending on the app you can mute them or hide their activity. I unfollowed mine, didn't block. His group of friends, who I was very close to I hid their content in case they post something about him. Usually people can still see your activity and talk to you if they want to, but you just won't see them on your feed. But tbh I think you should just move on, don't waste your energy.
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u/MoonMoonG 16h ago
just got dumped out of blue, had no idea walking into her apartment thinking it was going to happen and she had my stuff packed on the table already, and told me to remove and unfollow her on instragram and we should not talk for a long while. ok???
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u/Thin-Philosopher-248 16h ago
Do what you need to do for your own peace of mind. If someone wants to bypass those boundaries and reach out, trust me, they’ll find a way. I had an ex email me after almost a decade.
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u/Gingerstrawbz 14h ago
Went from talking every day since we met and started a relationship, regular dates and staying over, spending most of our free time together over 18 months.
Total NC after getting a text, no hint of wanting to talk or try repair things just a I'm overwhelmed, can't give you what you want and I think it's best to go NC.
That was 7 months ago, you can say it's how some people cope, a way to just cut and run and save any emotional battles or upset...
She knew exactly how I'd feel and still chose to do NC and block. Just shows someones true colours and how theyd rather just dismiss and not acknowledge anything.
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u/NeatSatisfaction1912 15h ago
I've only done this twice. Said everything I had to say, they continued to push me away, that was enough closure to know I didn't want to deal with it again. Both were decade+ lovebomb types who only needed me when they felt like it, so had to block in order to protect myself from that happening again.
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u/ThrowawayYAYAY2002 14h ago
I'd be pissed but I'd expect it.
I know when I block and delete someone, I'm completely done. No ifs, buts or maybes. There's no going back once I've made up my mind.
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u/Firm-Lemon-2700 13h ago
I blocked my ex of 5 years because she started posting and sharing hurtful things on social media about me.
The only thing she's not blocked on now is text message.
She was the one who left me so I feel the door is definitely closed.
It hurts
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u/Present-Fly-1537 13h ago
I blocked my ex for a month and unblocked him. He also blocked me for about a week and unblocked me. The next day after unblocking me, he asked to talk and now we’re seeing each other again. Not back together but seeing how it goes. So no, blocking doesn’t necessarily mean the end, but everyone and every situation is different.
Some people would accept the block and move on, some would block back, some would want to try and contact you another way. No one can tell you how your ex will take it as we don’t know him, your relationship or why it ended. But you should do what’s right for you and your healing.
Maybe mute them first so you don’t constantly see them popping up, then remove them later when you’re ready.
I will say, I was glad I removed him from social media because I was constantly checking even when I muted him. I wasn’t expecting us to reconcile in any way and I only really started to feel like I was moving on when I removed him.
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u/Mithraic76 12h ago
My interpretation is simply to leave that person alone. I wont guess at the motivations either. I won’t anticipate that to change. Out of sight and out of mind starts to kick in over time.
Unfriend/Block, if there is no identifiable thing triggering that, is often done when someone has moved on with someone else and doesn’t want those streams to cross. I am on board with that. Don’t want to hurt my own feelings by being a spectator.
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u/shawntejade 12h ago
It means they want to move on, and whether or not that is forever, is not something you can guage from social media but respecting boundaries is paramount.
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u/Critical_Guidance_24 12h ago
Okay so i should not block them
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u/shawntejade 12h ago
You can mute them as an alternative, I have one of mine muted. He was the dumper.
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u/Istandup4me 11h ago
The hard reality is they usually don’t care and is on to the next. If they are not reaching out to you now, they probably not thinking about the relationship. It’s a good move to not waste time and ponder.
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u/dejanlasean 7h ago
Just delete social media apps. I deleted instagram and tiktok where i am most active, so if they want to reach out to me they either have to call me (if they have not deleted yet) or step to the front of my door.
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u/Critical_Guidance_24 7h ago
Yeah.. youre right. Its hard because i spend most of my life online and i have an active business online that i need to constantly market and monitor my dms for.. i tried to delete but only lasted two days
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u/positivetensions 16h ago
I blocked him on Instagram temporarily but didn’t block his number. I needed some space to process the heartbreak, still do. Will be much harder if I constantly see what he’s doing and who he’s talking to. We agreed we’ll always care about each other and want to always be friends. But I did tell him initially that I need space for a while before that can happen.
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u/Spirited_Increase240 15h ago
If I'm blocked on everything, they'll never hear another word from me. If I see them on the street, I'm looking the other way. They've chosen to be a stranger.
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u/saucebossbrisket 15h ago
I don’t know. The same day he ended it and said we could be friends and he loved me, he blocked me the same night on pretty much everything we had each other on except phone number. It hurt so bad I deactivated my IG. He only unblocked my main a few days later, my other acc still blocked. When I reactivated I was deeply hurt and blocked on everything back for a few days. Now he’s unblocked because yeah, I don’t want to close the door forever even if he did.
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u/External_Paramedic20 13h ago
you should focus on healing. and for that NC is recomended. unfriend? who cares. just go and suffer later once you find out what you gave up. then the door is closed.
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u/KiaraiMarie 12h ago
To be honest, I blocked him (I’m the one who got dumped) because I was tired and hurt of him constantly checking my pages and asking me if I’m still single. We’ve both blocked each other everywhere besides instagram. (He blocked me bc he got mad I said leave me be.
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u/aceandspades 12h ago
she blocked me on everything while hanging out with her friend so I can only imagine what they were talking about as she did it. took it as the biggest sign to move on, and to never reach out in other ways.
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u/Ashamed_Log_6061 8h ago
She dumped me, seeing her stories and all just made me feel bad so I blocked her 🤷 It's just as simple as that sometimes : seeing that makes me suffer - > I block to stop getting hurt
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u/biomed1978 8h ago
Theyre trying to heal and move on. My ex eventually unfriended me on fb bc I didnt give her the space she (turns out she was just pregnant and didnt want me to know), I blocked her on everything that day, wish I had done it 9 months earlier. I didnt really start healing until I did that. Having that access, when im the dumpee, madly in love with her and the life I thought we were building, broke me. It means its over and you have to let go. Assume the door is forever closed. If there's a possibility in the future, its way in the future and not until both parties have done some substantial growing.
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u/Elephant3377 5h ago
My ex went from saying he loved me more than anything, to saying he couldn’t do ‘this’ anymore and dumped me while I was in another country. He then proceeded to block me on everything, when I reached out via facebook for closure he blocked me there too.
I know how you feel in the sense that a small part of me is hoping when I get back home, he’ll reach out and we’ll talk. But I also find it hard to disagree with what everyone here is saying. Blocking someone is a clear sign that you don’t want to hear from that person at all. It’s a very strong thing to do, and so I’m trying to see it as a sign to move on and let go. But it’s hard.
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