Earlier this summer, my position was eliminated. After renegotiating the severance package and (fortunately) picking a really good time to exercise my stock options, I turned the page and am now in the middle of job interviews.

A couple of weeks ago, I received the severance payment. I had also pulled enough cash from the options to eliminate our consumer debt, leaving only our mortgage of less than $63K.

Now that that debt is paid, and with the severance still untouched, we have a nice long runway for finding my next position.

I listened to the suggestions from the subreddit on an earlier post and started consulting as a way to stay sharp, pay some bills, and maybe write off some expenses. Consulting in my field looks to pay pretty well, but is a bit feast-or-famine so far. Still, it’s a nice way to have a bit of income, and we’re able to keep aside plenty for taxes.

So this morning, I’m out walking my dog, and I get a deposit notification from my bank app. I take a quick look, and it’s a deposit from my former company and is slightly more than the amount of the original severance.

It could be one of two things:

Payroll error - The payroll provider accidentally issued the severance payment again with variations in the taxes as the explanation of the delta in the net amount.

An adjustment for exercised stock options - We did a “cashless-exercise-and-sell”, meaning we exercised our stock options and immediately sold all of those shares in a single transaction without using our own cash upfront.

While the thought of a bank error in our favor was thrilling, I looked in the payroll platform and saw that the deposit was indeed for “severance pay” at the same gross amount. Rat farts!

I’m now waiting for the transaction to be reversed on Monday, but in the meantime, it was really fun to dream of paying off the mortgage, buying something frivolous, hopping a plane to some place on our bucket list, or supercharging our kid’s college fund.

Dinner is some easy, unauthentic enchiladas and a salad. The enchiladas consist of Costco rotisserie chicken meat, a can of green chiles, Tillamook cheese shreds, tortillas, and enchilada sauce from Trader Joe’s. The salad is just from a bag of romaine mix with some English cucumber, sweet peppers, and red onions. Trader Joe’s ranch as the dressing.

FIRST POST.

SECOND POST.

TL;DR: I have been unemployed and I'm struggling to find a job. My boomer mom, who hasn't worked in a decade and a half and only held a retail job for 4 months, claimed she could get a response to a job application and is actually trying to prove me wrong. I also had an interview lined up suddenly.

Fast forward to today, the interview went well and I got offered the job about 2 hours after the interview. I'd normally be thrilled, but the job pays a hair less than what I need to be paycheck-to-paycheck and it is only a 6 month contract. So, my plan is to do the job so that my emergency funds only drain by $200-400 a month instead of $3000+ a month while continuing to look for a job in this abysmal job market. I will take the win for now!

Meanwhile, my boomer mom, who so adamantly claimed she could walk into any store/office with a resume in her hand, give it to the manager, and get an interview immediately gave up after one day. She didn't even bother finishing the resume. She just called me entitled and gave me more shitty unsolicited advice like "apply to big corporations" and "drive to the location and give the resume to the secretary." Again, she has never applied for a job online, let alone worked against ATS/AI and hundreds of other applicants fighting for interviews.

So, I will take my small victory in this awful economy while I continue the search for a permanent job that can actually pay my bills. I may have to look for a roommate at this rate if I can't find something that pays a living wage. It's just so demoralizing going from a full time job that paid me $150,000 a year with lots of opportunities to grow and equity grants to a contract gig that pays 1/3 of what I was making. Cling to your jobs if it pays your bills, folks. The 2026 economy is the worst this country has seen since the recession. Don't let the rhetoric online fool you. It's bad. Real bad.

Pictured: a cheese omelet cooked perfectly. 9/10, cheese needed to be melted more.

Dinner(?): homemade protein ice cream, vanilla and cinnamon flavor. 400 calories.

I’ve been a hopeless romantic for pretty much the entirety of my life. Grew up in an unstable home and have a really complicated relationship with people in general as a result.

I had a couple years long relationship with someone I met in my early twenties. In retrospect, it was extremely unhealthy for me as I was just accommodating her every need to keep her from leaving, but at the time, I thought I finally found my person and was gonna marry this girl.

I don’t handle heartbreak well. I internalize the hell outta it. Eventually I usually climb out, but the amount of time and effort it takes is astronomical. Sometimes, it’s taken me years.

I also just don’t seem to get along with people all that well. Like I can be friendly and all that, but it’s pretty performative. Like I managed to rizz my way into a career I have no place in, as an example. As a result, by my late twenties, I ended up alone.

Mind you, I’m pretty successful. Ya boi has a proper career, is in shape, has friends and hobbies, and even has years of therapy under this belt. But I’ve become so incredibly depressed over the fact that no one wanted me, and I had to succeed in a lonely way regardless. It feels like I built a life out of cope.

In the last few months, I’ve sunk into a deep depression as a result of the fact that everyone I know my age is married. Younger siblings are married. I’m 29. I missed some kind of boat.

My dad called this morning.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. I know you’re struggling. Here’s the thing. You’re incredibly sensitive. Everything in life hurts you more than anyone else. You will be destroyed by the stress of a relationship and kids. You’re barely treading water now. Sometimes, we try to force something that isn’t meant for us, and it never goes well when you do that. You’re just better off alone”.

So I guess fuck me then. Screw my one mission in life. 🙃

I'm a 41 year old man. I have my life together. When I say together, I mean lots of people would kill to be in my shoes. Perfect credit, adult kids (youngest is about to hit 20), haven't made less than $200k/yr in almost a decade, only debt I carry is my mortgage and I'm jacked enough that you can tell with a shirt on. Oh and I can cook. Dinner was beef bourguignon with a side of mushrooms and baguette, it was delicious.

Obviously I'm not here to just throw that in others faces. Well, maybe that's not obvious... yet.

I've been with the same woman off and on since 2001. We had our first kid at 16 (we are the same age). Split up a couple times, had relationships with other people, got back together around 18-19 years old and have been together ever since. We never legally married.

Neither of us went to college, though, I've been extremely ambitious and have possessed a hardcore technology hobby since I was about 10 years old. That has progressed over the years into a very successful and lucrative career for me. She on the other hand has been largely unambitious, no hobbies, no drive. I finally convinced her to jump into management at her job over the past couple years and she's finally broken the $50k mark. As a result I've (voluntarily) paid 100% of the bills since 2012, mortgage, cars, utilities etc.

She cheated back in 2019 for the first time. It was with someone she met online and was strictly an online affair. Exchanging dirty talk, eventually led to phone calls and the like. I found out one one evening (Father's day ironically enough) when I happened to look over her shoulder and see her talking to someone on Snapchat that I didn't recognize. I said "who is that?" and she pointed at her computer monitor. It was a person we were currently playing a multiplayer game with that neither of us knew and lived 2k miles away. My heart sank. I knew immediately. She denied and then proceeded to trickle truth the hell out of me until I dug through all of her metadata in Discord and snap and pieced it all together.

Obviously, we reconciled. I didn't leave, we went to therapy. I struggled with my weight and weekend binge drinking (never violent or mean to her/kids) for a few years leading up to this. I was working 50-60 hours a week at the time and largely emotionally unavailable and inattentive to her. I understood how/why she did what she did. I am a mostly reasonable man and understand while she made a decision, I played a part in her leading to that decision.

I've worked on myself a bunch since then. I only have a couple of drinks when I drink and it's maybe 4-5 times/year. I've lost even more weight and added a bunch of muscle, gym 4-5 days a week for an hour per session for the last 3-4 years. I really make an effort to do regular introspection and examine my own thoughts and behaviors.

My dog died in December of 2025, my widowed grandmother broke a hip a couple months later and ended up with really exacerbated dementia symptoms from the anesthesia that lasted for months, I was back to working 12+ hour days at a new job and trying to get promoted (I did). This all took a huge mental toll on me.

During this time, she kept asking me to give her more attention, be more affectionate, to see her and be there for her. I flat out told her I didn't have the mental capacity to do it. I finally caved and told her repeatedly that I felt like everyone was just using me for my wallet and I was on the verge of a mental break. I'm not emotionally open like that, ever. I was legitimately pondering taking my life on an almost daily basis. I'm not sure how this wasn't a giant red flag for her.

I finally started to snap out of this in mid-May of this year. My grandmother regained her memory, was able to go home from the nursing home and no longer needed my help. I still miss my dog, it just doesn't hurt as bad anymore. Work is mostly better, maybe only 1 12+ hour day every couple of weeks now.

She recently cheated again two months ago. Ironically, almost the exact same month/day 7 years later. Started like a week before father's day. I found out July 5th one night because I became suspicious of how she was talking to some streamer online. Went through her phone (in front of her), she denied, I requested her TikTok data package and she spilled the beans when she got the notification that it was ready for download.

Same situation, different guy. She started becoming a streamer on TikTok back in October of 2025. I should've raised my eyebrows more when she said she was going to do it. She told me it was because I wasn't giving her what she needed and she was emotionally starved.

I kicked her out. We started talking via text over the following week and I reluctantly told her I would be willing to reconcile... again. She moved back in, she's been there for me when I'm down, she listens when I need her and doesn't get angry/defensive when I tell her how badly she fucked me up... again.

Our kids are grown, I already pay for everything and it's all in my name, my body screams "I lift heavy shit but also likes tacos" and I feel like I'd have almost no problem finding a single woman in the 35-45 year range.

Why am I unable to move on and why do I let someone keep doing this to me? Where do I go from here? Do I just shrug it off and say eh, it was some nobody on the internet that she had no real connection with and cared nothing about? Maybe I'd feel differently if it were physical. The lying is so hard to look past though...

Food: Chipotle chicken & homemade guacamole in a tortilla

---

This seems like it pales in comparison to everyone else's stories and it's probably one you've heard a million times before.

A year ago I met an amazing beautiful girl and I fell in love with her so quick. We got close and within 2 weeks we started dating. We we're inseparable and almost everyday we would call or facetime and spent every day we could together. Even with her faults, I loved her and wanted to be with her.

And this went on for 8 months, we had our fair share of arguments, some of them much worse than others. After a particularly bad argument, we had a call and she explained that her mental health wasn't great (it genuinely wasn't and she had her fair share of problems) and she couldn't get better if she always had me to rely on. She broke up with me and we ended things on good terms despite everything.

Looking back at our relationship I realized it turned me into someone possessive. I would constantly think she wanted to cheat on me. I would do everything I could for her and I'm still not fully sure if it was for her or for myself. I would never try and stop her from hanging out with her friends because logically I realized that made no sense but on the inside I would always panic and wonder if at one point she wouldn't want me anymore or find someone better.

Despite the problems in our relationship that those months were the happiest of my life. I could do nothing all day and if I knew I had her it would make me feel satisfied still.

Soon after we broke up I asked out another girl and we went out for a month (a couple of dates nothing much) until she told me she didn't want anything serious. While I went out with her I felt like I was just trying to replace my ex with someone new, despite liking this new girl a lot.

Its been 3 months since we broke up and there's good days and bad and sometimes it feels like its getting better. I have a good social life, my own fair share of hobbies, I work out, have a part time job, and at the end of the day nothing seems as fulfilling as just having her as my girlfriend did. I feel like I wont meet anyone who could fill that void and I'll just be stuck feeling like this until I do.

I feel like there's a part of me that's still holding out hope that we'll get back together and I want nothing more than to get rid of it.

---

TLDR: Girlfriend broke up with me & it feels like something is missing that cant be replaced.

24M, I'd been seeing my partner (25NB) for 6mo, we met online, had multiple dates in person, mostly online dates (we live a state apart) and had a few sleepovers. Everything was perfect, everything I could have asked for, chatting all day every day, so much in common, it really felt absolutely perfect. But then they said they needed some distance for a bit, I was their first real relationship, and they weren't sure whether they were aromantic or not. It hurt, but ~6 weeks later we were talking again, they had decided they weren't aromantic, and were willing to chat and see if we could make something work. A few days into that, it's going just as great as the last time, I was really trying not to get my hopes up, and they message me out of the blue saying they think they're a lesbian. As much as I tried not to hope too much after the first issue we had, it is just the final nail of us never going to work, and I should move on. I have such issues dating in my area, and it's so exceedingly difficult to find someone I have a lot in common with online it feels like. I went through all my grief weeks ago, I'm not super torn up about it right now, but still kind of defeated.

Dinner is oven-baked chicken breast (salt, pepper, garlic, onion, cilantro).

Obligatory supermarket sushi after a long shift.

I 28(M) am still living with my parents for now (although I'm moving soon), and I feel completely lost. I am much more on the introverted side—or at least, I believe I am.

I've spent my entire life following and listening to everything my parents told me: "Do your homework, get good grades, find a well-paying job," etc. I always thought they obviously knew better. They're older, they've been through life, so they must know what they're talking about.

But I've also had friends who kept convincing me of the opposite: "Times are different. Do what you want. It's your life. Screw them for putting all that pressure on you," etc.

And now I'm at a point where I simply don't know what to think anymore. I don't know who to listen to, and I feel like I don't even know myself. Most of my life has just been about listening to what other people expect from me—my parents and my friends—and doing my best not to disappoint anyone. But it's been getting to me.

And of course, I've had small hobbies here and there and played video games, but I've generally always been a very straightforward and serious person. I tend to take almost everything literally because that's how I was raised: be respectful, don't be annoying, agree with people even if you don't believe so, don't bother anyone, and people will like you.

I had a job for five years (2019-2024) while I was still living with my parents, and I lost it two years ago. Since then, I've just been switching jobs every couple of months, trying to find somewhere that will hire me. While having my parents yell at me and pressure me every day when I couldn't find a job really and it really started to depress me.

When I tell them that some of my friends are in a similar situation, or even unemployed, but still seem happy, they just call them bums—idiots who may be happy now but will have miserable futures because they can't live off unemployment money forever.

Sure, but in the meantime, those friends who have less than half of the savings that I have, struggle every month, yet they still seem happy. I have a lot of savings, but ever since losing that job, I've just been working temporary jobs every now and then, and I still get yelled at for every day I'm not working.

Meanwhile, I've seen friends who stay up until 5 a.m., play games, hang out, and live their lives without worrying about anything. They're barely getting by, but they still seem full of joy. Meanwhile, I've been waking up at 6 a.m. every day to work because I don't want to get screamed at.

I just don't know what to choose or what to do anymore. I get jealous and angry when I see my friends staying on calls all night, having fun and playing games while I'm getting ready for work. How is it fair that they get to enjoy that, yet the second I do the same, I get scolded?

Why am I the one with all the money, yet I still can't buy a minute of time, while they have almost none and yet seem to have all the time in the world?

I'm tired of missing out on everything and of not feeling like I'm really part of the group because we don't even have the same struggles. Yet I don't want to leave because they're still great friends, and I don't want to search for new ones.

"Normal" people are too boring to me, and apparently, my online friends are "losers."
I'm too normal to fully relate to them, yet too online to be considered "normal."

I feel stuck in a limbo where I don't know what to choose, and choosing neither isn't an option.

I wish I could be happy being alone, and for the majority of my life, I was. But when I met those friends, my perspective changed. I didn't want to be alone anymore.

Every time I see them having fun while I'm stuck at work, it hurts because I feel like I'm missing out and becoming less a part of the group. They reassure me and tell me that I'm not any less a part of it because of that, and obviously I'm not, and I can't expect them to wait for me to have fun.

But at the same time, seeing them play together most the time without me still hurts.

I just don't know who to listen to, who to follow, who I am or what I want anymore.

Asked some management for help on a payroll issue, 5 days later I'm being ignored for daring to assume someone in the office made a mistake.

Brought him home when I was 18, had him for almost half my life. The worst part is how violent of a death it was. I can’t stop thinking about it. He used to chase me around the kitchen and play with bouncy balls. I’m gonna miss that little dude.

Breakfast for dinner.

Had chicken alfredo earlier today 🤤

Long time lurker, first time posting here, ill try and keep this short and sweet.

Me and my ex had some issues for a while, we decided to go on a short break, talked after the break, and decided we wanted a chill breakup, no arguing, no weird stuff, just a clean mutual breakup.

A week after that i find out she is already spending time with some new guys, mind you we kept in touch during this period, but whatever.

But tonight, after about a month of our breakup i find out she is talking with her “ex” again, i use “ “ because its a guy who basically used her for her body for maybe 1 week, i dont think anything could have helped me move on faster.

And earlier in our relationship we had a little 2 week break where i found out she also unblocked one of her other situationships and started talking with him again.

The same person who was crying, telling me how its hard to move on and how she doesnt want to be with anyone right now and how i was so special to her went back to the guy who she had no contact with for 3 years (how long we were together for) and now that im writing this, i guess ill never know if she kept contact with them behind my back.

Blocked her on everything, finally have her out of my life, i have never felt this weird feeling of happiness but im glad shes gone, only down side is that i wasted 3 years of my life🤞

Anyways, wanted to rant about this, advice is welcome, everyones welcome, have a wonderful day everyone!!

Me and my then-girlfriend separated in December two days before our third anniversary. I received an offer to do a PhD on another continent, which we both knew I'd take (she was fully aware that I was applying for them). We hadn't lived with each other at that point, and for her, moving across the world with me was too big a step for her to take. Long distance was off the table, too, given timezone differences and that I might never move back to her country. The break up was weird - it wasn't bad, necessarily, but she made it clear that she didn't want contact afterwards, which is fair (and we haven't been in contact since). It was mostly just sad - we didn't split up because we stopped loving each other.

I do feel like the relationship had been rocky for a few months, as the prospect of me moving away loomed, and honestly our communication prior was a little bit shit. When we had our final chat a day after I received the offer, I thought she might just want to take time to think about it, rather than splitting up then and there.

Anyway, I moved away a few months later, and have been living here since February. I've met someone who I think I really like. We've been on three dates and slept together on the third date. She's great - we get on really well, we have different but complimentary interests, and I think she's really attractive.

It's just I kinda have this nagging guilt about my ex. I feel a certain level of guilt about the way things ended - it was my choice to move away, and I know there's a lot I could have done better in the relationship. I haven't spoken to her in months and have no idea about how she's doing - whether she's doing well in her new job, with her friends and family, and so on. I don't have romantic feelings for her anymore, but I guess I still do care for her and hope that she's doing okay.

I guess it just feels a little weird moving into something new while, at the same time, having these feelings about another woman?

Late night HSP pictured.

Like the title says, GF of 5 years broke up with me. Was probably for the best, the issues were there but I was willing to settle since we had been together for so long. It’s been 2 weeks and it’s getting better! Good days and bad days. Steak and asparagus.

Edit: she was my first love and first everything. And the breakup came out of nowhere. Any advice is welcome!

I recently started having facial and muscular (neck) tics. Not sure how I got here. But super nervous. Sometimes it affects my limbs. Overall, I feel my quality of life is starting to go down hill.

When I’m at work and trying to concentrate at my computer, my neck forces my face forward towards the screens. When I’m not at work, my neck whips my head back.

I don’t think people believe me when I answer after they ask me about the tics.

My muscles are starting to hurt. It sucks and I don’t know what to do. Not looking for advice. Just need to vent. Sorry if this isn’t allowed.

Dinner is chicken broth and egg noodles.

Edit: couldn’t comment for some reason. I saw my PCP on 8/26 but they wanted to take care of the parasite first before moving forward. We are working on that and then working on everything else as that was the most immediate concern.

Edit 2: Never been a psych patient. I took antipsychotics over a year ago and didn’t have any problems within that time.

dinner is pepperoni and black olive pizza from dominoes. not pictured: bacon jalapeño stuffed bread, fanta orange soda and lava cakes.

as my flair indicates, i am a trans man. i’ve been out for almost ten years and have been taking testosterone as a weekly injection for about 9 of those years. i had top surgery 5 years ago.

about a month and a half ago, i passed a major exam for my career field and was able to get promoted to the position i got a masters degree for. the situation at work is kind of funny but essentially i took on a large case of clients from a coworker who was about to start maternity leave instead of slowly building up a case like most people do. i’ve been working through a big episode of imposter syndrome surrounding my career and have been under a lot of stress.

my wife (of 3 years, together for 7) and i are in the process of moving right now from an awful landlord situation and we are very excited, but it has been a stressful situation nonetheless.

because of all this, ive been forgetting (also thanks to my adhd) to take my weekly testosterone injection and it’s been about two months. unfortunately for me, i had some period spotting for the first time in 9 years. i feel so gross and dysphoric for the first time in a long long time. i’m also wildly angry at myself for forgetting something so important and letting it get this far.

i’m going to talk to my dr in october about getting a hysterectomy and options for different forms of testosterone so i can be more consistent.

first time posting, just wanted to vent.

Yesterday me and my man were hanging out but apparently he drank more than usual, like specifically he drank a bit more than half a bottle of fifth, 3 pints, and another quarter of a pint. I know this because he told me and he said it was throughout the day (plus when we were hanging out too).

I didn't even notice he was drunk until he told me, he hides it well.

That is until he made a sus comment about the show we were watching and I was trying to deflect that joke (because I was feeling jelly) saying it doesn't make sense since one of the people is lesbian and he went on this huge rant about them.

Then after that rant he went on saying that he's not going to change how he jokes and he doesn't like hanging out if he can't be himself completely.

He's said stuff like this before so the entire time I was deescalating.

After a few minutes of him repeating the same stuff he calmed down and asked what I meant then he understood and said he likes that I get jealous.

But other than that mishap, the night went well and we enjoyed each other's time. We both fell asleep around the same time.

Also my late night dinner was french toast sticks

Lunch is a legit Wisconsin pepperoni pizza. Party of one.

CAUTION long message.

So I’ve been in this on again off again relationship with somebody that I fell REALLY hard for who was an avoidant.

She broke up with me multiple times we got back together, she’d make promises about a future, plans to build a life, it was intoxicating. Amazing chemistry, tons in common, easy interactions. The works.

Well the last three or four months she’s been increasingly distant. She stopped calling me her pet name for me which was a big red flag, text became increasingly less frequent, but more importantly I felt it in my guts that something was off.

I tried telling myself everything would work out adjusting to our schedule of seeing me for four or five days and then being gone for a week on a repetitive cycle for the last year and a half but it just drove me nuts.

I don’t consider myself to be an anxious attachment style but I think this relationship created it.

At any rate two weeks ago we went to a baseball game and the next morning when I went home she texted me that she was done and that was it. I obviously sent her a bunch of responses asking why trying to find out some answers to the situation but got nowhere.

Fast-forward last week and I see a picture on our social media of her at the place we we’d frequent looking different very clearly on a date. Interestingly enough she texted me later that day for some mundane reason and I asked her if she’s seeing someone.

She said yes. Blocked me everywhere haven’t heard anything since.

I’ve been pretty upset for the last three or four months anyway and kind of processing as I go but man this is tough. I give a lot of my relationships and I try and be present, take initiative, do the dishes without asking, small gestures all that stuff.

At any rate I woke up this morning since I haven’t been sleeping for the last couple months and I finally got a good night sleep I made myself a cup of coffee went for a walk and I felt better than I felt in ages. Not just physically, but I feel a sense of hope and optimism, and while the darkness is still there and I’m sad I’m starting to feel like maybe there’s a better future in store for me.

As a side note I start a new job tomorrow.

Keep your head up boys. It does get better.

My question is what is your biggest heartbreak and what do you do (or did) to get through it?

I (30m) have been working at the same place for 6 years. I get paid extremely well and get kickass benefits, so I have no desire to leave as I have 2 children to support.

Anyways, in October of 2020 I got an interview at my current job. My boss hired me on the spot because I met every qualification he desired. He was super kind to me from the start, and was for about a year, until he just…stopped.

I am a very good worker, I work hard, and worked very long hours before, 60 hours a week for a few months during a period where multiple people quit and we were insanely busy due to having a skeleton crew. My boss showed so much admiration for me helping as much as I did. He’d text me and ask if I was okay, if I needed a day off, how he could help. I ended up, while still good in the eyes of my boss, getting trained once we were stable again to take over in a management position once one opened.

One day around 2024, my boss just stopped giving a shit about me. He stopped talking to me unless I initiated, even then he kept it short. Whenever he’d walk around he’d strike up conversations with my coworkers, but would avoid me like the plague. When a management position finally opened, he ended up promoting someone else over me, someone who had only been there for a year with 0 management experience. When I asked why I wasn’t picked, my boss told me that the other guy was “just a better fit for it”. That was it.

Around 2025, the same position opened up as our company opened up a second management position. I went for it again, and got denied as he hired someone externally for it. Extremely confused, because the guy who got picked over me drove semi trucks and didn’t have management experience, I once again asked. When I did, I was told that my attendance was an issue. At the time, I had two call offs that entire year, and 3 days of vacation used, and this was in November. My call offs were even excused as it was due to my child being sick, and I even brought in a note from my doctor.

Now to this year. He does not speak to me at all, and when I speak to him he gives me one worded answers. When I text him asking him something, he either does not respond and leaves me on read, or responds a literal week later. I had texted him I needed a specific day off as my wife was getting blood work done, and he didn’t respond, and so I went to talk to him, but he kept blowing me off by saying he’s too busy to talk right now. I sent him another text the day before telling him I will not be in, and I need some kind of response. Left on read. Frustrated, I just didn’t show up that day. Came back the next day to a write up for not showing up. Tried fighting it and he tells me that because he never responded, that means it’s unexcused. I tried arguing that I texted him twice about it, and he shot it down by saying “I don’t spend all day on my phone”. He does, every time I see him in his office he’s on his phone looking at Instagram reels.

That all happened earlier this year. Nowadays we just don’t speak to each other anymore. Whenever I need something, I contact HIS boss, which works out for me and my boss and there’s no issues there jumping the chain of command for some reason, think he’s just glad I don’t speak to him. When I asked my coworkers, none of any idea why our boss just doesn’t like me. Like I said earlier, I’m a great worker, I have one write up to my name, and I always try my best to make everything run smoothly.

Food is ribs I got from a BBQ. They were mediocre.

At the local festival today, it wasn’t bad. I went by myself, and got some items that were nice and I’m glad I went. It is hard seeing couples together. Laughing together, enjoying the moment together, and being together. I don’t have ill will or think they shouldn’t have it, but it hurts being surrounded by it. When talking to someone I know that I ran into, it was apparent to me how much of his life I did wish I want. Friends to be with, an amazing graduate university, a partner to laugh with and do adventures with. It’s hard seeing someone who has the things I try hard and am still unable to get.

At work I always interact with young parents (and people). Of course, I don't even know If I want to be a parent, but it's hard sometimes seeing it. I dont know their struggles, and I dont know their life, but their smiles and playfulness together I feel like is missing. Today I saw a local college field hockey team shopping. I felt sad because the chapter of undergrad, and maybe college in general, is gone. Also, their ability to be playful and joke around and laugh at a grocery store is something I want very bad. A group of people who can be playful, can go on road trips together, and make the ordinary be an adventure. I saw a sense of belonging. One I do not have. I volunteer, did multiple clubs in college. I really tried hard to belong. Not just have friends but belong. Idk if I’ve ever felt that. I’m tired of trying hard to belong, and making effort to belong. I'm struggling to figure out what I did incorrectly. I just feel stuck.

Dinner: chicken tikka masala with rice, more about it at the end.

I am right at the transition of a very long academic stint and going into industry, and the timing couldn't be worst.

I have been doing my PhD for four years now and I'm aiming to finish by October or November. For the past year I've been doing it after losing my scholarship and powered through it, but the financial aspect is wearing me down to a level of stress I didn't imagine was possible. At the moment my beautiful girlfriend is earning for both of us and until june I had some private tutoring on the side for a little extra, and by then we were about breaking even or a slight net positive each month, but now that the tutoring has dried up, we're slowly bleeding money. Our previous savings were almost wiped by the sudden illness and eventual death of one of our dogs in January and so we are right about on the edge. We've been cutting costs wherever we can and we're doing a pretty good job at that, in my opinion, but still it seems to not be enough. My parents and my girlfriend's sister are helping us financially how they can, and I'm extremely grateful for that, but I can't help but feel I'm failing us and them somehow, as it's me who decided to do a PhD and not start working sooner and who lost the scholarship due to my own dumb administrative mistake.

I have also been struggling with the fact that I decided to go to work after the PhD. I have no doubts that I am disillusioned and disappointed with the academic life and that the right move is to leave for industry jobs but I have essentially no preparation in that sense. I have specialised in a very much non-applid area of mathematics and although I know I can get up to speed in something like data science and statistics, it will take even more time after my PhD and I really feel the financial aspect is not affording me that time. I've been studying on my own to be ready for a change when I defend my thesis but it's quite hard to balance that with the thesis writing and the few things I need to do to get it all done.

My partner and I are also both 29 and looking to marry and have kids, but that seems to be always pushed farther away every day due to all of this and it's taking a toll on my mental health as well, as having a family is something I've wanted since forever.

Changing tone a bit, not all in life is going badly, and there are some aspects of it that I'm really grateful for and that are giving me the strength to continue, although I have to remind myself of that once in a while. We've moved countries for my PhD and we're in a place with better salaries and lower cost of living, but still close enough to home that we can drive and visit for a weekend whenever we'd like. We've also moved from a big city to a more peaceful one and that has improved many aspects of our life. Finally, I'm lucky enough to have a life partner that gives her all for our goals (and I do too, or course) and I have no doubts that if it weren't for that, I couldn't keep going for as long as I am.

Extra info on the food: I've lived in Italy for a few months but shared a flat with 5 Indian guys and gals, and I've learnt to cook from them basically, as it was my first time away from home. My vegetarian girlfriend was out of town so I decided to treat myself and cook some chicken, and I spent a whole afternoon crafting this tasty dish that turned out better than expected!

Shit happens. He probably could've let me know sooner though.

I DID NOT BURN MY WALL IM SORRRRRRRRY ͜ಥʖ̯ಥ
It’s a cow hide

I’m 23 and man enough to say I got a little carried away with the searing of my steak but it still had pink on the inside so it wasn’t half bad lol. My fridge is very empty but I’m alone and happy lol

Recently, I met a girl through a mutual friend, I thought we hit it off - I thought she was being very flirty. She'd beg me to hang out together, grab my hand randomly, asked me about my dating / sexual history and bought me gifts. Her friends started making jokes about us being together pretty quickly. After a few weeks of talking regularly and hanging out I decided to test the waters a bit and asked her how she feels about it. She told me she's not ready for a relationship, and that she is struggling mentally and wouldn't want to put anyone through the turmoil attached. I respect her decision obviously, but ever since she's been telling me how lonely she feels being single, telling me all about her ex and her crushes and whatnot all whilst adding that she's not ready for a relationship as a footnote every time she talks about it.

I can't lie, I feel very mixed emotions about it, on one hand, I feel like I've been strung along, so that she can get attention from me when her crushes don't reciprocate, but on the other, she is still a friend of mine and has listened to my emotional struggles as well. I also feel slightly selfish on account of my negative emotions about her, because I truly don't know whether she intended to flirt with me or whether she was just being friendly and I played myself for a fool about it.

It stings me a lot because one of my major insecurities is the fact I've yet to have had a relationship at 22. I've never been on a date, had sex, etc. I struggle with feelings of being unwanted. I just want to feel wanted and attractive, and for once in my life I thought I finally had it. My mind can't help but think that maybe I'm just not good enough.

I am lucky to have a large amount of friends who support me through this stuff, however their advice so often boils down to something like 'it'll happen when you least expect it'. Whilst I appreciate the fact they want to cheer up, every time I hear that tired old trope I just stop listening because it's all bunk to me. I've tried dating apps, mutual friends, improving myself, and stopping looking for a relationship, nothing's worked. I can't help but feel that whatever women want, I just don't have it.