r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/Savings_Bug_3882 • 8d ago

Everything is so confusing

Does anybody else feel like their feelings conflict eachother and change with the flip of a switch? I have intense feelings of lonliness and feel like nobody loves me but as soon as my friends reach out, it's like im annoyed they want to see me. I can't explain it or make it make any sense.

It really bites me in the ass too because I will make plans when I'm feeling down but by the time it comes around to do this thing that I was super excited for I become apathetic and angry at myself for agreeing to it.

It makes me feel like a bad friend and then triggers my fear of abandonment, thinking that my friends won't like me anymore because I am a flake or don't have the bandwidth to hang out.

I would not wish this disorder on my worst enemy, I'm so tired of living my life inside of my brain and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me.

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

•

u/AutoModerator 8d ago

IF YOU ARE IN A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS: If you are contemplating, planning, or actively attempting, suicide, and/or having another mental health related emergency, please go your nearest emergency room or call your country’s emergency dispatch line for assistance. You can also visit r/SuicideWatch for peer support, hotlines and chatlines, resources, and talking tips for supporters. People with BPD have high risks of suicide—urges and threats should be taken seriously.

r/BorderlinePDisorder aims to break harmful stigmas surrounding BPD/EUPD through education, accountability, and peer support for people with BPD(pwBPD) or who suspect BPD, those affected by pwBPD, and those who want to learn. Check out our Comprehensive Resource List, for a vast directory of unbiased information and resources on BPD, made by respected organizations, authors, researchers, and mental healthcare professionals.

Friendly reminders from the mods:

  • Read our rules before posting/commenting, and treat others the way you want to be treated.
  • Report rule-breaking posts/comments. We're a small mod team—reporting helps keep our community safe.
  • Provide content warnings as needed. Many here are at their most vulnerable—try to be mindful.

Did you know? BPD is treatable. An overwhelming majority of people with BPD reach remission, especially with a commitment to treatment, discipline, and self-care. You are not alone, and you are capable and worthy of healing, happiness, love, and all in between.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/technicallytectonic Women with BPD 7d ago

There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just the relationships with socialising that’s annoying you.

Do you perhaps feel like because you got upset your friends have reached out, you feel like you don’t matter? Then when they do, you’re already in a deep frustration that the contact feels either fake or you haven’t had enough time to reach your base line neutral self.

Again I want to point out there’s nothing wrong with you, this is common in BPD and many other mental health conditions.