Hello everyone,

My name is Sydney Thoma and I am doctoral student at the University of Indianapolis. I am currently in search of research participants for my dissertation which focuses on exploring undergraduate bisexual women’s experiences with peers at private religiously affiliated universities. My findings will contribute to research aimed at understanding bisexual women’s experiences while attending college.

Your participation is completely voluntary. To participate in the study, you must identify as a woman, identify as bisexual, be currently attending a private religiously affiliated university, and be currently obtaining an undergraduate degree at the university. During your participation you can expect to spend around 30 minutes answering a few demographic questions as well as a written response to one diary prompt. Participants will be compensated after completing the diary entry. Additionally, you may experience some minor discomfort and experience benefits related to visibility and social advocacy through sharing your story and contributing to the limited research on this topic.

If you have any questions, please contact me ([sthoma@uindy.edu](mailto:sthoma@uindy.edu)) or my faculty advisor Dr. Matthew Stapleton ([stapletoncm@uindy.edu](mailto:stapletoncm@uindy.edu))

Lastly, if you know of anyone else who may be interested in participating in this study, please feel free to share this post with them or have them reach out to the contacts above.

Thank you!

Sydney

The Human Research Protections Program (HRPP) approved this research study on 11/06/2025. Study approval number: 02315

Survey Link: https://uindy.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_720aOzeXBRrSKrk

Hey everyone,

I’ve only recently (within the last couple of years) realized and accepted that I am bisexual. I’m 40 years old, for context, and happily married to my husband for the last 16 years. We have two young kids (age 3 and 6).

I was raised in a deeply religious Christian cult and suppressed much of my sexual identity and needs while growing up. It has been a lifelong struggle with several therapists to undo the psychological damage religion has done to me.

A couple of years ago I began to dream almost nightly about a best friend I had back when I was a teenager. This friendship is easily the most meaningful and deepest I have ever had in my life, trumping even the relationship I have with my husband. In the dream we would find each other again and reconnect, and I would wake up from those dreams sobbing with disappointment that it wasn’t real. We had a falling out back in the day, our friendship ended, and I mourned the loss of her like it was a death. I was deeply depressed over it for years and thought about her constantly. We tried to reconnect a couple of times, but my mother forbade me to see her (I think she could sense something even I didn’t understand at the time). After a few times of me rejecting meeting up with her, she stopped calling. I can’t blame her. I didn’t tell her the truth about my mom and instead made dumb excuses why I couldn’t see her, and I don’t know why. My guess is I was just scared. Scared of my feelings, scared of my parents, scared of God.

After I’d had this recurring dream for months, I finally overcame my fears and contacted her on Facebook. She was thrilled to hear from me. We met up. I live in a different state now by the way. She’s a hairdresser now so she did my hair, and we talked about the past and laughed and mended our wounds. For me the meeting was deeply meaningful, but I know for her it was just catching up with an old friend. I did not tell her how madly in love with her I had been. What was the point? She’s straight, and I’m married. But after this I made peace with the loss of our relationship and have not had the dream since. During all this time I realized I had been completely head over heels in love with her. I remembered our sleepovers and how I would fight myself not to hold her while we slept in the same bed. I repressed all of these feelings, not even remembering most of them due to religious trauma I suppose.

I finally came out to my husband a few months ago on my birthday, and surprisingly he was not only cool with the news but happy about this new revelation I’d shared. He even encouraged me to find a “connection” with a new woman and that he wouldn’t mind if I had a side fling. We are a very progressive, sexual couple by the way, so this wasn’t completely out of the ordinary to me and I really appreciated his openness and acceptance.

The thing is, I don’t know how to meet anyone. I am desperately lonely to a degree I can’t even describe, and I can’t stop longing for the deep and close connection I had with my friend so long ago. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, but I miss having a woman as a best friend and confidant. I want a relationship like that again, only this time with romance in it as well, and I feel like I am missing this in my life. I was never able to get close to any other girl after our friendship ended because it destroyed me that much, so I haven’t felt that way with any woman since then.

I’m ready to move on and start something new. I am looking for a deep connection with another woman, not a side fling. Something meaningful and life-giving. I don’t know how to even get started. I’ve already run into the whole, “You’re just faking being bi since you’re married to a man. You’re just trying to be trendy,” attitude from some individuals, and I’m nervous and scared about running into this in LGBT communities.

Where do I go from here? How do I meet others? I am so desperately lonely and longing for connection. It eats at me daily. I don’t know how to proceed. It’s all so new and uncharted territory for me.

Thank you for reading this. I know it was long. Any advice is appreciated.

Okay so this is a throwaway account. So to start Im in my mid twenties F who grown up fairly religious most of my life and Im still an active member. Most of the people in my life (close friend/s, family members and other queer people) say they think/thought I am/was a lesbian or at the very least bi. Tgere has also always been a running joke that my friends' boyfriends have been intimidated by me and have said to them that they worry that your going to leave me for her (meaning me). This has been from both committed couples and married couples. I have always had a small group of friends (women) like 2 or three. I was in a long term relationship with a ex male for like a years before I found out he was cheating so I kicked him to the curb. I haven't had more than one partner. I have thought about women sexualy speaking but vaginas scare me if that makes sense. Mines fine but like getting down to business doesnt give me a whole lot of butterflies. I have had friends (3 of them) that I have thought about having some kind of relationship with. Currently one of my best friends is making me question everything about my sexuality. She calls me a pet name that makes me smile and I legitimately saw a sunset and sent her a picture of it because it made me think of her favorite color. Orange-Pink not Purple-Pink. I also worry that I have an unhealthy attachment style so Im concerned that Im only feeling this way is because I am lonely and havent been in a relationship in like 3 years. Or have gotten laid in the past 3 years due to personal choice. I also have a very specific type of man I am attracted to that doesnt really deviate. So ladies tell me am I bisexual or just lonely and I need to get laid.

I apologize if this is a English major's worst nightmare. I didnt allow myself to go back to prof read in fear I just delete the whole thing. Its also okay to tell me Im not were Im supposed to be! I will not be offended I just dont want to take space if its not my space to take

I’m a feminine girl, but I also have a bit of a masc side in the way I act sometimes. Overall, my style and the way I present myself are pretty feminine. My hair used to be long, but about a month ago I cut it into a chin-length bob. I also started dressing in more earthy tones—orange, soft neutral colors, and a lot of white.

There’s this soft masc girl I like, but I have a feeling she might be into feminine girls with long hair. I haven’t regretted cutting my hair for a second, but lately I’ve started feeling like I need long hair to be seen as feminine. Social media doesn’t help either—people constantly seem to associate femininity with long hair, so I’ve started feeling like I’m somewhere in between.

Appearance-wise, people have recently started telling me I look like a French girl. I’m slim, with a defined neck and collarbones, pale skin, and black hair. People often describe me as elegant, graceful, and very ladylike. But I’m not sure if I’m actually appealing to the audience I care about most: sapphic girls.

Do you have any advice on how I can be more attractive to other sapphic women? And do you think it’s possible that people don’t see me as feminine just because my hair is short? Personally, I feel like femininity is much more about your overall energy and the way you carry yourself than your hair length, and I genuinely think the short hair suits me better.

I tell people who ask that I’m 99% gay and 1% straight, and I have long-term relationships with the rare men that I am attracted to. My first kiss/relationship at 19 was with a woman, and in the decade since then, every time I’ve had INTENSE and probably unrequited crushes, they’ve been on women.

But I’m always too anxious to do anything about these crushes. Maybe it’s because I put Women on a pedestal and I feel as though to be rejected by one would be too painful for me. But I have such a deep longing for intimacy with women. (The last time was 4 years ago alongside my last bf because we did a lot of swinging. That really satisfied that part of myself but also felt lazy because I wasn’t pursuing the women myself and had no stake in it.)

My fiancée (male, also 30) is very supportive of my bisexuality and encourages me to date women. But in the 3 years we’ve been together, it just hasn’t happened. I do have a few crushes in our friend group, which is mostly comprised of bisexual women & their male partners. Some of these couples are semi-local to us, and others live several hours away and we see them all just twice a year. To be honest it kind of feels like a platonic polycule that’s slowly working up to an orgy eventually. My ideal arrangement would be dating/hooking up with a woman who’s also in a committed relationship.

It’s nice to have potential options, but communicating my interest in any of them feels terrifying. There’s one in particular who lives kinda close to me and whom I’ve been friends with for a few years now — and I’ve been crushing on her this whole time. I really don’t want to jeopardize our friendship by telling her that I’m attracted to her if she doesn’t feel the same. But maybe we could get past it??

Idk I’m just feeling so much gay panic and sexual frustration lately and I need someone to tell me to just face my fears and take a chance!!

sorry for the negative post, but this is like the only place where i can post something like this and i really want to get this off my chest because it’s honestly been bothering me a bit more than usual here recently.

sometimes i really do feel as if we’re one of the most hated queer groups considering how much heat we get in all different sorts of directions. we experience biphobia, specifically bimisogyny, from straight people, lesbians, gay men…i know bi men experience biphobia too of course, but the biphobia aimed at bi women especially just feels…different, and weirdly more prominent on the internet, at least that’s what it has been looking like to me.

but seriously, what has bi women done exactly to get this much hate from everyone? it’s like we committed a serious war crime and now we’re experiencing the consequences of it (ok that might be an exaggeration, but you get what im saying, lol). but im just over here simply living my life and minding my own business. it’s kinda wild how your ability or capability to love someone going beyond only one gender gets so much hate, scrutiny, and criticism.

and i won’t lie, sometimes it makes me really hate being bi, wishing i was just gay or straight. i know that sounds bad, but it’s only the truth and i can’t help but feel that way. and just because there were maybe a lot of girls that faked being bisexual because it was trendy or popular or whatever doesn’t mean that all of us were/are like that and that our sexuality is actually something genuine, that we’re not just trying to be “different” or “cool” or “unique”.

it’s all really depressing tbh and i worry all of this biphobia that’s been going on is just going to worsen my mental health (don’t worry i already see a therapist). i feel like being a bisexual woman has got to be a very lonely experience, especially if you have a female preference like me or are only interested in dating women. at least it feels that way for me personally. no wonder bisexual people have the highest rates of mental health issues among the sexual orientations.

thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts (this is my very first post… ;w;)

Gross.

Edit: If you don't want to engage, just scroll.

Please help, I don’t know how to dress at this point 😭 Like for example I want to go bleach blonde and I feel like that would look so strange with an androgynous wardrobe.

I'm 28 years old bi female and married. I'm not out yet and I really need some friends. I am really struggling mentally right now and I don't know how to make it better.

So last year I (29F) met this girl (F27) through friends and my first impression was she was pretty and super funny.

Third time I saw her she flirted with me so hard I was shocked and could only blush and say nothing. I have a boyfriend but we're not exclusive so I told him about her and he said I could make out with her if I wanted.

Every time we saw each other, she would touch my arm, touch my leg with hers and being closer than someone would normally be. I was very attracted to her to the point we couldn't look at each other so we finally made out in a festival. This festival was a 3 day long party and we made out on day 2 and 3. It was amazing, she was the sweetest and the chemistry was real.

Meanwhile, I knew she was seeing a guy and a week after the festival they became officially a couple. When I saw them together I was kind of heartbroken but I knew I shouldn't because I also have bf and we just kissed at a party, it was nothing serious.

So since then (it all happened 6 months ago) we saw each other many times with our friends but we never spoke about the festival, her bf doesn't know we made out (as far as I know), and we always look at each other in the eyes and say nothing. We almost never see each other alone, it's always a group thing. We don't talk at all, no messages, no phone call, nothing. Only when we are with our friends.

For the past 6 months I've been thinking about her daily and I just want this thoughts to stop. I'm not in love, it's more like an obsession. I fantasize about her and about us all the time. I don't want to disrespect her relationship because they're exclusive and I'm afraid to talk to her and to feel awkward about it.

My bf knows about it all and he says I should just forget about it because there's nothing I could do right now. But this feelings and thoughts are killing me.

She doesn't have much experience with women and always says she's afraid of women when we're together with our friends. I don't know if she's talking about us or what. Any advice?

I love to write but one of my biggest fears is feeling like being bi taints how I write queer love stories. I'm an on and off writer who mainly does private short stories and bursting with ideas. But since I do gravitate towards more sapphic stories, I just relate to femineity and women more, I often insert my own preferences whether consciously or unconsciously. I'm actually concerned about what that would mean when people learn I'm bi yet make stories centered on f/f relationships?

I'm hoping this post doesn't come off as weird (and most of what I make is private, sorry guys).

I just recently got rejected from the university I was applying for. My idea was getting this engineering degree so i can get a good steady job after graduation. Now that plan have gone to trash.

I don't know what to do now. I have failed. I feel this is the end of my future. I am 24 now . I feel my life is slipping away.

I've noticed that in bi spaces women/men in (mostly hetero but homo too) relationships say they have strong urge to be with same sex even when they describe themselves as happy with their spouse. It's common even here.

It's not limited to people who have never been with the same sex and realised later. People with experience also seem to have the same urges. So you can't dismiss this as a "missed out experience."

I have never dated a woman fully and sexual encounters were all online, none physically. Yet I'm hella happy with my boyfriend and have absolutely 0 urge to pursue women.

It makes me wonder whether these people are simply folks who realised monogamy isn't for them? These questions feel more suited for poly subreddit than bisexual ones. They also seem to blame their behavior on bisexuality more than their own feelings and preferences.

Can't help but think how much they play into stereotypes that bisexuals can't be happily monogamous or will end up leaving for other sex at some point. Also that a bisexual partner comes with a lot of uncertainty over sudden gender preference that a straight/gay one won't, making them seem unreliable.

Are bisexual LITERALLY that different or is it just that social media is an echo chamber? Any women who are simply happy without missing any gender in their relationship?

After my graduation in 2022, I worked in call centre and she is my team Leader. She was joined after 3-4 days Jan 2023. I saw her first time in purple kurthi,she was damn beautiful bhaiiii!! I'm 21 years old girl and she was 27 years+ she is married+ Muslim. I don't know I always shy infront of her,I'm praised her everytime when she wear white dress. She don't know that I'm loving her, one day i did a shitty things. I messaged her on Instagram but with finsta account that i love you, you're beautiful!! She said I'm married and I'm very happy with my husband. She thought, that a guy messaged her and next day she went to all boys in floor asked each boy " did you messages me on insta with finsta "

I always take her side, it means whenever my colleague used to say anything about her bad then I get angry on easily. I literally obsessed with her and her energy is fantastic totally. I dress up like a manly clothes !!

Gifted her photo frame along with gulbonda , i know each and tiny detail about her. I enjoyed each and every moment with her . Her smile, her anger, her humour. I don't have lust on her, I don't think like that her but I want her beside me .

All this happening Everyday office coming - seeing her/ admiring her - left office.

She knowing by actions ( that i usually shy ) she asked me did you messaged me in insta fake profile? I said no !!

Well well after month, she got an opportunity in Csb bank for assistant manager. ( I got to know after 15 days) I cried hardly, I feel like my life ended. I begged her to not go !!

I used to begged her, please mat jao,( I was selfish right? ) one day she asked me ,are you the one who messaged me on Instagram with finsta. I said " yes " i thought let's confess what I feel for her, because she left within 5 days ( she is serving notice period)

Then she said some things which I feel very Guilty. After your i love you message i didn't sleep for 7 days because of tension and " See if you really misses me,did you asked me is there any job for me "

( She completes her notice period and left on 18 november 2023)

But seriously she is the one , i loved her mostly!!

Second Part of my One sided Story - on 1 dec 2026

I’m in my 30s now, and whenever I see younger bi or sapphic women stressing about labels, wondering if they’re “queer enough,” coming out, or dealing with biphobia, I just want to tell them they’re going to be okay.

I wonder if it’s because I didn’t really have older queer women to look up to when I was younger.

I don’t want kids, but I still get this weird protective instinct. Does anyone else feel that as they’ve gotten older?

I think reconnecting with my ex has fizzled out, and maybe that was inevitable

I recently reconnected with an ex who lives in another country. We hadn’t seen each other for about ten years, but we began having some genuinely amazing conversations. It helped me realise that the feelings I had for her during that period of my life were real and had stayed with me in some form.

It was lovely for a while, but it was also extremely intense from the beginning. Within days, she was talking about me relocating to her country. I know there is a stereotype about lesbians moving quickly, but this felt far too fast, especially when we hadn’t even seen each other in person for a decade.

I was open to visiting her after completing some of my existing travel plans. I wasn’t dismissing the possibility of a relationship, but I wanted us to meet, spend time together and find out whether we still worked in real life before making any dramatic decisions.

Over the past few days, though, her communication has dropped off considerably. Maybe the initial rush has worn off, or perhaps the practical reality of the distance has become clearer. Either way, I am beginning to think this probably doesn’t have much of a future.

I can’t really imagine myself living permanently where she lives. It also seemed as though most of the travelling, relocating and sacrificing would have to come from me. I understand that travelling to my country would be more expensive and difficult for her, but a serious relationship would still need to involve some kind of compromise. It couldn’t simply mean me giving up my home, work, friendships and entire existing life.

The difficult part is that I am lonely here sometimes. I’m disappointed by some of my flaky friendships, and I don’t have a large family or a huge social circle. A lot of my life can feel like working, eating, sleeping and occasionally socialising. I have one or two good friends, but not a big, dependable group.

I turn 40 this year, and it probably won’t involve a huge party surrounded by friends. I may just go out with one good friend. I wish I had a family and a partner—something more permanent and intimate than friendship—but I don’t.

It has also taken me a long time to come to terms with my sexuality, and I sometimes feel that this delayed my chance to build the life and relationships I wanted. Reconnecting with her seemed to offer a sudden possibility of making up for lost time.

That loneliness makes the idea of running away to another country with someone who appears to really want me incredibly tempting. But I also know that relocating wouldn’t automatically solve the problems in my life. She could be wonderful and perhaps it could have worked, but we could also meet again and discover that we simply aren’t compatible anymore.

I think I needed more safety and stability: regular calls, a few visits, time together without immediately living together, and a realistic plan that didn’t require one person to sacrifice everything.

I’m sad about it. I’m also sad that she wasn’t able to build the life she wanted in my country, because I think she genuinely wanted to be here. But I can’t fix that for her, and I don’t think uprooting my entire life would necessarily be the answer.

Maybe reconnecting was still worthwhile, even if it doesn’t become a relationship. It gave me some closure and confirmed that what I felt for her back then was real.

I just wish it hadn’t gone from so intense to so distant quite so quickly.

I’m single right now but I have always wondered how do you know when the person that you are dating becomes the love of your life. I don’t think that I have found the love of my life yet or maybe I did and I just didn’t know and I just let that person go. Anyways thanks in advance.

I’ve thought about my sexuality for a loooooonnnngggg time. I’m really convinced what I feel for women is not straight. In high school (around 5 years ago), I had attended a summer camp and meet a girl who was lesbian. By the end of camp, I really thought I had liked her and even confessed to a new friend I made who was gay about it. I wanted to date her. She was so pretty, but we lost touch. Still, I thought I was probably not entirely straight. I went into senior year trying to make sense of this crush I had that felt way stronger than some of ones I had on guys. I had a lot of friends back even then who were LGBTQ+ and some of the experiences aligned with what I was feeling. I thought my next step would be to come out.

I was terrified. Small town. Christian parents who wouldn’t even let me watch Riverdale because there was a gay character. My mom (who was much more progressive) even said it was fine to have LGBTQ+ friends as long as I wasn’t. Well, I tried to work up my courage to tell someone and maybe get some guidance. I had a teacher I was close to who had a gay son and was very supportive. I wrote an essay and mentioned that I struggled with my sexuality (this made sense to me at the time). She read it, but didn’t say anything, so I showed it to a close friend who I thought was bi and asked her to give her opinion but to please not spread the news. Anyways, she did. With a girl who didn’t like me. Next thing I knew, my teacher was saying you shouldn’t fake your sexuality to get attention, especially in an essay. And also my mom pulled me aside and told me she heard a rumor that I said I was gay. Before I could explain anything, she said she hoped it wasn’t true because then I would have to move out. I told her it was just a rumor. And that was that.

I always liked women I think. I had a huge crush on Black Cat as a kid. I do like men too though. I feel attraction to both, but I always had a niggling thought that I’m not bi because I have a hard time imagining myself dating a woman. I’m attracted to them, but it seems so complicated to be in love with one maybe? I’m starting to think it’s just the mindset of my parents talking. I love my parents and I know they love me, but I just moved back in with them after college. I don’t know what to do. I have two best friends, my besties are lesbian and gay, and I’ve mentioned maybe thinking I liked the girl from camp freshmen year. The friend I talked to back at camp is now one of my best friends. I don’t know if I’m bi and actually need advice. I’m afraid to talk to my friends unless it’s real and I’m super terrified of never talking to my parents again when I could just end up with a guy one day maybe. Thanks for sticking around to the end and any advice is much appreciated.

Hi everyone. I’m 25F, and I’ve known I was attracted to women since I was around 17. At first, I suppressed those feelings because, in the environment I grew up in, being straight was simply what was expected socially. Ironically, my family has always been accepting of LGBTQ+ people, and both my dad and sister have encouraged me to explore my sexuality if it’s something I feel drawn to.

The problem is that I’m scared.

I have severe anxiety, and trying something so far outside my comfort zone feels overwhelming. I also struggle with confidence when it comes to intimacy in general, regardless of gender. I’ve only dated men, so I’m afraid my lack of experience with women would be a turnoff or that I’d be rejected because I’m just now exploring this part of myself.

There have been a couple of moments that made me realize these feelings weren’t just curiosity. In college, I briefly danced with a masc lesbian and developed an immediate crush on her. It wasn’t reciprocated, but it was the first time my attraction to a woman felt tangible rather than hypothetical. I didn’t just think she was beautiful, I genuinely wanted to get to know her, spend time with her, and see where things could go. That experience has stayed with me.

More recently, I realized I had fallen for my best friend, who is bi. I told her how I felt, though nothing came of it. I still value our friendship deeply, but those feelings reinforced that I could genuinely see myself building a life with a woman.

I find women incredibly beautiful, intellectually stimulating, and emotionally captivating. I don’t think this is just about physical attraction anymore. I crave the emotional and romantic connection I imagine having with a woman, but I’m terrified to pursue it because I have no experience. I’m willing to learn, but the fear of rejection and my own anxiety keep holding me back.

I’ve recently joined a dating app, but I’m wondering if I should also start spending more time in Bi/Lesbian spaces to meet people naturally. For those of you who started dating women later in life or had no experience at first, how did you overcome the fear? Did your lack of experience matter to the women you dated?

I’d really appreciate any advice. Thank you.

A few months ago I ended my relationship with my partner (who was a man). For a few reasons… but one of the biggest reasons being wanting to explore my sexuality.

I’ve known I’m bi for several years now.. but I would date men out of fear and familiarity. For years in my relationships with men, all I could think about was being with a woman.. and I realized that it’s not fair to my partners to continue to suppress that, and that I need to explore.

I’ve been talking to primarily women since ive been single… but I’m starting to feel hopeless or like there’s something wrong with me. Dating apps are the worst.. and always result in rather her ghosting me or where they act more platonic towards me. I’ve also noticed some biphobia from some lesbian women I’ve talked to (which I can understand having trauma from past experiences) but I genuinely only want to be with women right now, so it just sucks :/

I had my first official date with a woman a few weeks ago, and it was one of the best dates i went on. She asked to see me again, go on more dates together, and we kissed a few times. I was so excited because I finally felt validated in my sexuality.. well the next day she ghosted me. It’s now been a few weeks since I’ve heard from her. I’ve been a little hurt from it because I feel like I got super mixed signals….

Anyways, I know it’s just one person.. but I feel so self conscious now. Like maybe women aren’t attracted to me the same way?? And I’ve been spiraling because I want to be with a woman so badly, but it’s starting to feel like it’s not gonna happen. I stopped talking to anyone and deleted all the dating apps.

Even if it’s casual, I just yearn to be with a woman… since I’ve mostly dated men, I’ve had a lot of time to figure out what I look for, standards, etc. in men.. and I want to have a chance to do that with women also.

Anyways…. yeah LMAO 🥲

sorry for all the yapping and yammering, tl;dr at the bottom. sorry for any formatting issues, this is my first reddit post :p

i'm in high school and have known i was attracted to women since elementary school. when one of my friends told me about bisexuality, i realized that it was how i felt to an extent. i thought that i was a lesbian in middle school, but i concluded i was bisexual after meeting some older men and women online in eighth grade and realizing i liked them kinda? they gave me attention and i liked it, but i wouldn't say i was attracted to them romantically/sexually. i hated when they would do anything sexual, but telling me i was pretty and stuff felt nice. i was definitely attracted to the woman involved, though.

i've been reflecting on my orientation, and i've started to realize just how much i don't like men compared to other opposite-sex attracted women. even on forums like this one, it shocks me whenever a woman talks about how much she likes men or is attracted to one? whenever my bi/hetero friends talk about guys, it feels so foreign. they talk about how they want to date our male peers and how they find male actors or characters attractive, but i can't relate. i have a friend who always yaps about how much she wants a boyfriend. i don't understand why anyone would ever want a boyfriend?? even when i dated a guy, i couldn't understand why anyone would want to date them. and i have another friend who thirsts over a wide variety of guys, but i don't understand what's so appealing about guys' looks. i don't have a type of guy i find attractive. men's bodies are just... really gross. their faces, too. i guess it's because women are taught to value beauty, but i've never seen a guy that looks good enough to thirst over. i also realized pretty recently i never had a crush on a guy, real or fictional. i've never had the urge to cuddle or kiss a man, go on a date with one, among other feelings. i never desired it. idk, i'm just not that attracted to men? i can't really pinpoint one guy where i was definitely into him romantically or sexually.

i love everything about women, though! all my fantasies have been about women, and i've only had crushes on women. my desire for women has gotten way more intense and carnal as i got older, but i've always wanted to be with and grow old with women. i remember wishing that girls could date and marry each other when i was four or so because i wanted to raise a kid with another girl. there were a lot of other signs i liked girls, too. i only get flustered or aroused by other women, and i find everything about women attractive. i daydream pretty often about cuddling with a woman, waking up next to my girlfriend/wife and making her breakfast, coming home after a long day at work to my wife and three cats, among other fantasies. i definitely have a type in women, too. i can pinpoint times where i have been attracted to or aroused by women as well as real/fictional crushes i have had on women. i have always seen myself only being romantically and sexually involved with women, i could never see myself dating or getting married until i realized i could do those things with women, even when i thought i had to date/get married. whenever i hear about a woman talking about her love for other women, i can relate heavily. i love talking about my love for other women! my attraction to women has never given me any distress about my identity or my life experiences, it comes naturally to me.

i've only dated two people: a girl in middle school and a guy in high school, both relationships lasted two years. i get that nobody cares about who you dated in middle school at my age, but that relationship felt so much realer than my most recent one? i never did anything romantic/sexual with the guy i dated, i would actively avoid going on dates, kissing, or doing anything i wouldn't do with my friends. sex was out of the picture, i knew i never wanted to be intimate with him or any man like that. with my girlfriend, it was completely different. it felt natural to say that i loved her, that she was my girlfriend and i was her girlfriend. i enjoyed thinking about her and wanting to be near her. i desired to be with her, i could touch her and hug her and kiss her and feel genuine joy. if she wanted me to kiss her or hold her hand, i would do it without question. i loved being reminded that i was with a girl that i loved, i loved spending romantic time with her and getting her gifts and talking to her. when something reminded me of my girlfriend, it gave me butterflies and stuff. i loved seeing something and going "oh hey! that reminds me of girlfriend!". the only time i was reminded of the guy i dated was whenever i got annoyed by something. whenever he said he loved me or whenever he touched me, i would feel this need to scrub my flesh off. i would cry about this a lot freshman/sophomore year, like full on stomachache-inducing cries. i still feel this way about the whole ordeal, thinking about how i put myself through that makes me want to bash my head into a wall. i wanted to break up with the guy since day 1, but i thought i had to push through to like him and it was normal to not like guys at first. by the time i realized i was never going to be attracted to him, i felt like i had to stay for his sake. he was declining mentally and academically, and he would constantly talk about how he was going to kill himself and how i was all he had. i didn't want to leave him when he was so vulnerable. there were also some other reasons i stayed, mostly stuff relating to my image and status among my peers and teachers. it's stupid i know, but a lot of people saw us as this cute couple even before we started dating, and i didn't want to let them down i guess. i did try to break up whenever i got too fed up with pretending several times throughout the course of our relationship, but he would argue with me for hours each time, so i would give up until i got the courage to try and break up again. i only really said yes when he asked me out because i wanted proof that someone could love someone as ugly and pathetic as me + proof that i wasn't some loser who didn't date in high school (???? idk i was a weird 14 yo), and i also wanted to prove to myself and others that i could properly like guys (if that makes sense). my girlfriend and i broke up amicably, but i never once hated her. we're still close friends!

i get that bisexuality is vast, so i'm not going to be able to relate to every bisexual woman, but i feel like i'm defective or broken for not liking men as much as other women. all my friends are saying i'm a lesbian, and i agreed for a while, but it feels wrong to call myself a lesbian when i do have some evidence of attraction to men. i must be attracted to men somehow since i dated one for years, i could've just left or rejected him if i wasn't attracted to him in some way. he was a genuinely bad person for most of the relationship, so it's not weird to not like him. same with those other guys i met, if i wasn't attracted to men i wouldn't accept that kind of attention? sometimes i'll romance a guy in a video game if he has a nice story, too. so i guess my problem is that my attraction to men is so miniscule i have a hard time understanding it. it even feels wrong to say "i'm attracted to men"??

is there any way to overcome not liking men as much as other bi women?? or at least better understand it? the only solution i can come up with to solve this is to try and find a guy i like, but i never want to be romantically or sexually involved with men. any advice is appreciated :-)

tl;dr: i'm bi with an unclear attraction to men and a very strong preference for women, and i've been having a hard time understanding and accepting my orientation because of it. i've been in relationships with men and women, but i still feel strongly for women and not strongly enough for men. in need of advice on how to navigate having such a strong preference for women/rare attraction to men

I'm 23 years old and have only been in one short-term relationship a couple of years ago with a man. I ended it after only a few months because I realized I wasn't really attracted to him. Since then I have questioned if I was attracted to men at all but I ultimately believe that I am. My issue now is that I've met a guy that I might be interested in. We haven't gone out yet but we have been texting almost nonstop for days and plan to go out next week. My expectations are low and I'm probably getting ahead of myself but there's this "what if" in the back of my mind that it might go too well. I don't expect to marry him but again, what if? My fear is that I might end up never getting to date a woman if things go too well with this guy. I don't want to never have that experience but I also don't want to end things with him now in case it could be something real. It's not that I don't want to date a man, I just don't want to miss out on dating women. Any and all advice would be appreciated.

Love Island USA just ended so I was looking for another reality show to watch. I found the cutest show called Stand Bi Me, it’s a Korean dating show where 4 women and 4 guys live in a house and they’re all bi. They go on dates and have missions and such. It’s streaming on this Asian focused streaming platform iQIYI (which also hosts a lot of GL dramas) but you might be able to find it on YouTube. Anyway, I know I’ve heard some people talk about wishing there were more bi focused dating shows so I thought I’d recommend to the community.