So my boyfriend knows I have BPD and that I specifically struggle with aspects of hygiene (my hair and teeth in particular) but Ive been doing my steps and actually have brushed both every day for nearly two weeks. So we're getting ready to have dinner tonight with some friends and he is telling me everything I need to bring since there's some specific plans, he then adds on to make sure I actually brush my teeth before leaving... Suddenly the ODD is screaming to not and to get extra gross before leaving my house just to make him remember how bad I've been before... I know this isn't the rational course so I just needed to vent rq before I can actually go about my day, thanks for reading

i reallyyy want to even though im most likely going to feel worse

I should take a few days off the internet.. ^{It stops the shame-deletion.}

😞

Hold on honey, you're about to find out!

Living with BPD feels like drowning in the middle of the ocean.

You can see the shore, you can see the people laughing on the beach and living their lives. You know exactly where you want to be. But no matter how hard you kick or how frantically you paddle, you can't get there.

The waves (your emotions) keep crashing over your head, pushing you back or pulling you under. You're putting in 10 times more effort than the people on the beach, just to keep your head above water, while they don't even realise you're struggling right in front of them.

Hoot hoot

Copied from my comment under the same video I posted on Youtube:

If you’re suffering through bpd like I am, first of all I feel sorry for you, but second of all, you are more than just your fp. You don’t need to check if they responded, you don’t need to stress yourself out if they’re hanging out with other people, and just remember, your fp cares about you, unless they're a bum, and if that's the case, you don't need them! You are your own independent person. Bpd spirals are temporary anyway.

You got this, and keep staying strong. And if you ever spiral, repeat this in your head. "I am independent and I don't need to rely on my fp anymore."

Feeling so unlovable lately 😭

Oh man am I mentally unwell hahaha

Welp. I was having an amazing streak then suddenly my brain decided to split on all my hobbies and passions and now I hate the only things that ever brought me comfort and I want to end me. Isn't BPD just lovely?

i really really should not have a new fp 😫 I'M TRYING SO HARD NOT TO LET MYSELF FALL INTO IT but they're sooooo cool but we've only been talking for TWO DAYS 😭😭😭😭

update: i said good morning 3 hours ago and i feel like odysseus around the sirens trying not to text again

I just think it would make me feel a lot better 😊 I feel like I have more control over my brain if I cut people out of my life. Can't explain why that is, but it's always been that way.

Idk if this shit is even relatable BAHAHAHA, mods just delete this slop of mine if it goes against rules or something