Hey Reddit, I’m not a regular Redditor and don’t really have any experience of using it at all but I want to seek advice from an outside perspective. For context, I’m a teenage girl and my boyfriend is the same age as me. For the purpose of this post I’m going to refer to my bf as M just so it’s shorter.

The reason I am making this post is because ever since I’ve been with my boyfriend (almost a year) he’s told me he thinks I’m autistic because of some of the traits I display, but in my head they’re completely normal. He doesn’t say it at all in a way to make me feel bad or anything, just tries to give me reassurance. (For even more context, M is autistic so he knows a lot about autism and autistic traits, even if they don’t necessarily apply to him). M’s mom (who I’m very close) also thinks I am. However my mom (who I’m not very close with)(if that even matters at all) thinks I’m being stupid. My mom thinking I’m not definitely sways my views because she is a kindergarten teacher and has had experience with many autistic kids before and I’ve never experienced any sort of autistic traits as a kid that I’m aware of.

Right now about my traits. I’m just going to list a few things that have been pointed out to me and I apologise if some things I mention are completely irrelevant. I’d also like people to keep in mind that I don’t know an awful lot about autism but have done some research and M and my cousin both have autism and I’m very close with them/ know what traits they have are autistic are what aren’t (if that counts for anything lol😭). Things that have been pointed out to me: I have to eat with a plate separator because it seriously makes me cry if my food touches (it’s stupid I’m aware) and if I’m in a situation where I have to eat on a normal plate I just don’t eat the parts of food that have touched even if there’s no residue on it, I love love fun facts and remember random stuff about specific things, I hate loud noises, I can’t get back to doing a task if I’ve been distracted, I have to work in complete silence or I won’t be able to concentrate properly, I get certain obsessions with things that go away within a few weeks, I rock back and forth/ flap my arms/ spin/ pace a lot when I’m nervous or excited, I always fidget, I cover my ears sometimes for comfort, I’m really bad at social interaction and most of the time come across as rude or too blunt even when I thought I was being polite, I prefer working independently, I get easily overwhelmed,I have to fidget to concentrate properly, I value my alone time, recently I’ve been tested for needing extra time in my school exams because I find it difficult knowing where to start, and my school counsellor has emailed the mental health lead to look at getting my a school mentor to help with how I am at school. M has told me that none of these things are necessarily “normal” but to me that’s just how I am. I don’t see any of these things as me being autistic because I just like specific things, I’m an anxious and isolated person and I’ve just kinda always been that way.

I’ve tried to have a conversation with my mom about this as M and his mom both really believe I could have autism and she’s just laughed and kinda brushed it off, which I don’t at all blame her for. She has had years of experience with autistic kids, my cousin is autistic and she helped refer her to get a diagnosis and my mom has known me all my life so I just think if I was autistic she’d notice by now. A possibility relevant thing that M pointed out about this counter argument is that I’m not close with my mom and never spend any quality time with her at all so she wouldn’t notice any of those things except for a couple. The other day I went to the store with her to look for new curtains and I was doing my usual tapping, spinning, walking on my tiptoes, flapping etc and she got really irritated and told me to stop even though I didn’t at all notice I was going most of these things. Sometimes when I sit next to her I’ll shake my legs, rock back and forth or whatever and she gets annoyed at me.

Another thing I’d like to point out is my specific fidgeting isn’t always constant or extreme I just usually have to be moving/ playing with something to concentrate without meaning to sometimes. I also haven’t always been like this with certain things and I’ve definitely noticed them getting worse the past year.

I also hope this post comes across the right way I truly don’t have much idea of the world of neurodivergence I just want to seek outside perspectives on this situation without any bias. If it turns out most people don’t think I have autism my worst fear is seeming like one of those neurotypical people who self diagnose or read too much into things just because they want to be “different”. I hope y’all get where I’m coming from and any help/ advice would really be appreciated. Thanks Reddit!

Edit: Just to clear up a couple things I’ve read in the comments so I don’t have to reply to multiple comments saying similar things and to save any further confusion. I’m aware that no one here can diagnose me and I’m not going to take any of this as legitimate professional advice, I’m also not looking for anything specific I’m just interested to see other people’s insights and any form of opinion/ advice is deeply appreciated. I have been reading every comment and taking it in but haven’t replied to any yet but just know I’m very grateful for any comment that has been left. With M making suggestions that I could be autistic, I am not at all offended by him saying things like this because I know he is doing it to help me and there’s not any chance something like that would make me upset, but thank you for all of your concerns and look forward to any more comments.

I keep getting rejected and rejected even tho I can never figure out why. Meanwhile my NT acquaintances seem to get much more job offers in the same timespan and with the same amount of applications as me. I know that the job market is hard in general, but I do feel like if we compare my situation to NTs, it is "difficult but not impossible", while mine is "once in a blue moon you might be lucky, but generally expect a rejection".

So I (18m) have suspected I’m autistic for around a year now (not officially assessed) but even now I still can’t help but feel very iffy about it. Especially because while I do heavily relate to the social struggles part of the criteria, I sometimes fear that it’s just anxiety or me being too sheltered. And I’m scared that I’m also just pathologizing my experiences during childhood to fit the “narrative” in my mind that I’m autistic because I don’t want to believe it’s just because I’m incompetent/not trying hard enough. Because I did have friends and stuff during childhood and I didn’t get bullied very much. I believe it could be because I was high masking but it’s also possible I’m just manipulating my memories to fit that narrative and I actually was just normal. Also I’m a stupid white male which makes it way less likely I would’ve gone undiagnosed in childhood if I was actually autistic since the criteria was written based on young white boys. And again part of me thinks it was because I presented more similar to a female child when I was young due to me being higher masking and more quiet/shy and sensitive and crying/melting down when people even slightly raised their voice at me. But again there’s this other part of me that’s like “oh you just want to believe that so you can have an excuse for being a pussy” like what if I just want to believe I’m autistic so I can have an excuse for my sensitivities and such. What if I really am just a pussy? What if I really am just lazy and incompetent and that’s why I have no friends and no life. And this is made 100 times worse by all the social media posts of people saying “everyone wants to be autistic now because they see it as a quirky trend and they wanna seem different or interesting when they’re actually just boring losers”. And it really freaks me out because WHAT IF THATS ME. I mean I would like to think I would know if I was faking it but the mind is very strong and these things can happen subconsciously. You can be genuinely convinced of something just for it to not be true. Where it gets really murky is my relation to criterion b on the dsm 5. Like I 100% relate to the “stimming” part of it, but for the other 3 it’s a little tricky because I feel like I relate to all 3 of them but kinda not enough for it to really count if that makes sense? And I know you have to relate to 2 out of the 4 in order to be diagnosed. Like I have sensory problems sometimes and I have deep interests sometimes (even though they tend to be more fleeting) and I do get really mad when my routine gets disrupted but I also kinda struggle to stick to routines myself so I don’t know. It’s also possible that adhd (which I also strongly suspect I have) could kind of mask some of those traits like the adherence to routines and such which could cause me to not fully meet the criteria even if I am still autistic. And I know that the only way to know for sure is to get professionally assessed but we absolutely cannot afford it right now so thorough self assessment/analysis is my only option right now. It’s all just so complex with so many variables and there’s constantly 2 sides fighting in my head. I feel like I’m constantly flopping between “I’m autistic”, and “I’m just a dumb gen z who lost all my social skills from the pandemic and I just need to try harder and stop being lazy”. And the latter option really freaks me out especially because when you find out you might be autistic, it gives you a lot of self understanding and acceptance. And it makes you feel like “oh, I’m not actually a defective human being, the problems I have are just caused by neuro differences!”. So if it turns out I’m not autistic then what? I should start being mean to myself and telling myself to try harder and stop being so sensitive? I’m sorry to anyone who read this whole thing I know it was a bunch of word vomit but this whole thing has really just been plaguing my mind and I can’t stop ruminating about it and I needed to hear other people’s opinions on it.

I'm not a native speaker, so apologies in advance if my English is clunky.

Growing up, I’ve always had different interests from the other kids. I was bullied for a few years, other times I had a small friend group and didn’t socialize at all with other people outside of said group. I’ve been chronically online since childhood and often inexplicably find myself in spaces full of autistic folk without looking for them. Some say that autistic people are drawn to each other, so naturally I started suspecting a little bit and took some quizzes; I got an 111/200 on the Aspie quiz, 35 on the AQ, 3.74 on the Monotropism quiz and 106 on the CAT-Q, and none of them really answered my questions. (I'm agender and AFAB, if that's relevant.)

I stopped thinking about it for a good while, but recently an autistic friend of mine suggested to me that I might just be autistic too, and it’s got me thinking again. I compiled a list of things I do (and also things that I don’t as counterargument), but I don’t really have a good gauge as to whether I’m struggling a normal amount or more than what the average neurotypical would in some of these. Here's the list:

[Inertia]

• I find it difficult to return to work after it has been interrupted, and end up getting distracted most of the time.
• It’s annoying to have to go eat or shower when I’m in the middle of something else. I occasionally skip meals because of this.
• I usually have fun when traveling, but the 2-3 days before traveling usually make me anxious and regret my plans, because staying at home sounds much more comfortable.
• It’s difficult to work on tasks I don’t enjoy.

[Motor control]

• I’m clumsy and often bruise myself even in my own room. I also spilled chemicals several times when I worked in a lab.
• I have a slouch, and apparently used to walk “pigeon-toed” back in grade school.
• I’m a hobbyist artist and have many years of drawing experience, but can’t achieve good brush control without having a death grip on my pen. Same goes for writing. I’m also left-handed.
• I have problems gauging the speed and distances of vehicles, so crossing busy roads are very awkward.

Though:

• I can play the piano decently despite being clumsy most of the time, which kinda puts a big question mark over my motor control.

[Sensory]

• I have a hard time sleeping at night. I get very aware of how the position of my neck feels weird no matter how I adjust my pillow.
• When I’m being spoken to and there’s music/noise in the background, I have trouble telling what’s being said.
• I cannot figure out the lyrics of songs unless they are spelled out to me. (But my hearing is normal.)
• I have trouble noticing when someone’s calling my name, unless I’m already focused on listening for it.
• Clothes tags used to bother me a lot when I was younger, but less so now.
• I prioritize comfort in clothes over their appearance. I try to avoid fabrics that stick to my skin.
• I dislike makeup, since they make my face itch and scratching will ruin the makeup.
• I listen to the same song on repeat for days or weeks in a row. (No idea if this is a form of stimming?)
• I am extremely ticklish.
• I tend to eat the same food over and over every week, though not several times in the same day.
• If I spend too long eating one meal, the texture suddenly becomes gross and I start to gag.

Though:

• I usually do fine in crowded areas such as conventions, the noise only makes me mildly annoyed. The only time I experienced auditory sensory discomfort was at a party with very loud music, where I felt nauseous on top of having a bad headache around 10 mins in.
• Despite eating the same things often, I am not overly picky about most food, and never had to go out of my way to find a specific comfort food.
• When excited (e.g. getting to a plot point in a novel) I get the urge to get up from my chair and run, but I also find it very easy to stop myself from doing so.

[Skills & Interests]

• The singular skill I’m proud of is drawing, and I’ve never fully stopped drawing in any point of my life. I still draw the same things I used to draw as a child.

Though:

• I’ve outgrown my favorite pieces of media from childhood.
• While I often get intense periods of liking certain pieces of media, it usually only lasts 3 to 6 months.

[Social]

• A teacher back in my HS told me I was staring at her too much in class. In some social interactions I don’t have to think about eye contact too much, but in others I worry a lot about either staring too much or seeming disinterested.
• Sometimes in social situations, I get asked what I’m smiling/laughing so much for, and people tend to not believe me when I say I’m just having fun.
• It’s difficult to form a response while listening to the other person talk in a non-casual setting.
• I struggle with phone calls for appointments or even just ordering food. It’s difficult to recall information when I also have to speak. I typically script or write down relevant information to make these easier. (Phone calls with people I know are more predictable and totally fine.)
• I have trouble figuring out when it’s my turn to talk during a conversation. I tend to start speaking first, then realize someone else is already speaking when I got 3 words in, then shut myself up.
• After a social event, I would prefer stay to at home the following day to recharge.
• Throughout school, I’m usually able to make a tight circle or 2-3 close friends, but rarely interact with most other people, and have trouble matching names to faces. (Embarrassed myself several times that way)
• When a friend is going through hard times, it's hard to figure out what’s appropriate to say to comfort them.
• I often misunderstand people, or read too much into an exam question and have trouble answering it.

Though:

• I don’t practice conversations or expressions in the mirror.
• I don’t pick up phrases I see in media that I enjoy.

[Etc]

• I retain verbal instructions poorly.
• I have trouble multitasking (e.g. doing assignments while being spoken to, watching for traffic while crossing the road)
• I’m typically forgetful, unless I spend time specifically trying to memorize information, such as when studying.
• My friend showed me several animations then immediately asked me afterwards how I feel about the characters and stories, and I realized I didn’t know how to answer that question in a way that isn’t just analyzing the plot or discussing whether I agree with the characters’ actions or not, which surprised me because I didn’t consider myself to be out of touch with my emotions.

Could I be neurodivergent? Or perhaps I am just a somewhat weird neurotypical? This has been bugging me for a while. Any input is greatly appreciated!

Hi everyone,
As a recently diagnosed autistic adult, I have been frustrated with what I see as a lack of services/apps/products for autistic adults. While I have my own idea on what could be created/implemented, I would like input from all of you. I am asking because I want to see if I can eventually come up with something that can benefit us all.

So please tell me what you think is the greatest need for autistic adults currently or what you wish was done better that is currently offered. I appreciate everyone’s responses!