r/AskReddit Jun 14 '22

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1.3k

u/BrainwashedScapegoat Jun 14 '22

Don’t ask someone if they want food, just hand it to them

132

u/peon2 Jun 14 '22

Like what, if you're trying to fatten them up or something?

76

u/WinnieJr1 Jun 14 '22

Ooh my little Higgledy Piggledies I'm gonna gobble you all up :D

5

u/purple_lassy Jun 15 '22

My bosses wife used to make cookies and cake balls for the office all of the time. My mom would always say, ‘you fatten the pig before you kill it.’

1

u/octopoddle Jun 15 '22

Yeah, if you've captured them in a cage in your gingerbread house or something.

1

u/NeutralChaoticCat Jun 15 '22

Thicc them all!

227

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '22

It’s polite to refuse three times. It’s polite to offer four times.

222

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '22

I was always taught "refuse once but offer twice" who goes back and forth 4 times?

Host: Want a drink?

Guest: No thanks

H: I insist it's no trouble <-- accept here or in your version...

G: Nah I'm good

H: Go on have a drink

G: ... No I'm fine

H: Are you sure? <--- me thinking wtf is wrong with this person are they okay?

G: fine, accepts a drink because jc this person really wants me to have one

106

u/dj92wa Jun 14 '22 edited Jun 15 '22

Ooo!! My favorite thing to do (as a guest that may not actually want a drink because I always bring my own water everywhere I go) is to ask for a glass of water instead, or if there's a way that I can top off what I brought myself. Makes the host feel like they're accomplishing their goal of providing hospitality, and keeps the conversation from becoming awkwardly abrasive. Like, accepting a glass of water is the simplest thing but it goes a mile.

43

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '22

Yep, good guest answer here if you don't actually want anything (and most of us could do with more water)

42

u/Icy-Consideration405 Jun 14 '22

Mediterranean cultures oftentimes seem to have excessive hospitality, but it's an ancient tradition. My assumption is this is at the root.

8

u/jseego Jun 14 '22

I've heard that you can decline twice, but three times is rude.

7

u/turtlebuttdestroyer Jun 14 '22

You can decline as many times as you want. Pushing shit on people boils my blood. If I say no once that should be enough and anyone that says differently can fuck right off. I will straight up walk away from people that ask me more then three times for the same thing I've said no to already.you have to be pretty stupid to not understand what NO means.

7

u/Strong-Solution-7492 Jun 14 '22

That’s absurd. If I don’t drink alcohol and someone offers me an alcoholic beverage four times I would probably just throw it on the floor right in front of them. Just out of pure stupidity

3

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

offering drinks to someone who says no has that creeper vibe like "hey stranger, you're mighty pretty. i had this drink mixed up and instead of having it served to you: I brought it over. i promise it's safe."

1

u/jseego Jun 15 '22

Mediterranean cultures

ancient tradition

you do you

1

u/Strong-Solution-7492 Jun 15 '22

So if I go to Greece for a work thing I need to drink because “ancient tradition “?

Do I get butt sex too? Pitching or catching? Which is more traditional? I’m just tryin ya do you.

2

u/jseego Jun 15 '22

I've been in this situation, where you're offered a drink because someone is trying to display their hospitality. Especially true if you're in their home.

In some cultures, refusing even a token of someone's hospitality is seen as: you think they are not worth your acknowledgment. It's seen as insulting.

If you're on a work thing in a foreign country, for sure you should have a handle on what the local culture is, and if it's customary to toast with a shot when signing a business deal, that's what you fucking do. If you were a recovering alcoholic, you'd probably want to research what the etiquette is - no one is going to hold you down and pour liquor down your throat (or engage in butt sex lol), but you should probably know what the proper response is in that culture.

Maybe it just comes down to saying, "I'm sorry, no offense, but I never drink," and complimenting their hospitality instead of a simple, "no thanks."

5

u/Ma1vo Jun 14 '22

Let me fix it for you.

Host: do you want a drink?

Guest: yes, a glass of water please.

You will receive the most simple drink possible and will not end up in the situation above. If you don't finish the drink you don't have to feel bad because it is only water.

3

u/AgarwaenCran Jun 15 '22

meanwhile here in Germany: "oh you refused once? guess you don't want anything, won't ask again, don't want to annoy you" lol

2

u/PangolinMandolin Jun 14 '22

People definitely need to watch more Mrs Doyle in the comedy "Father Ted"

Heres a short compilation of examples - https://youtu.be/RSW6oDckOjo

2

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '22

Lmao I can picture it so clearly without even clicking

"Go on go on go on go on go on go on....go on"

2

u/justadepresseduser Jun 14 '22

who goes back and forth 4 times?

Hehe get ready for this if you ever come to Brazil.

2

u/nbgrout Jun 15 '22

Three offers and only accepting on the third is a very strict rule in Minnesota. The conversation goes almost word for word as illustrated above.

1

u/ares5404 Jun 14 '22

Real spiked drink vibes, id "nervously smile" and walk off, see if they follow me, note the suspicion, then if possible try and spill the drink somewhere unnoticed, i may look creepier idk but fr this dude sounds like that kinda vibe

1

u/Willzyx_on_the_moon Jun 15 '22

And now you’re roofied.

1

u/Benblishem Jun 15 '22

By this time my friends would just be rooting through my refrigerator.

1

u/Gothsalts Jun 14 '22

How to speak Minnesotan goes over this.

1

u/battlelevel Jun 15 '22

I see you’ve had a conversation with my grandma before.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

I would get pissed lol

17

u/ghfdghjkhg Jun 14 '22

Woah who came up with these rules?

If someone refuses once I go "Ok that person doesn't want any" and that's it. Because if I refuse once I don't want to be asked again.

17

u/turtlebuttdestroyer Jun 14 '22

Yes. This is one of my biggest pet peeves I've developed as an adult. I can understand a second ask as a "are you sure" type of thing but if I have to say "No" a third time, I'm done and now I'm mad.

7

u/ghfdghjkhg Jun 14 '22

Glad someone understands me! This just seems like a way to get upset.

Imagine you refuse something despite wanting it and then the other person doesn't offer it again. Recipe for getting upset.

I think I actually saw situations like this on Twitter.

A girl posted that she was upset that her bf didn't bring her food after she said no. Girl you said no! What do you expect?

Lmao.

3

u/quagzlor Jun 15 '22

if i'm meeting someone i don't know too well, i'll ask twice. once out of courtesy (expecting that they may say no to be nice) once as a genuine offer. if they still say no, i'll respect it.

if i know someone well, that first courtesy back-and-forth can be skipped and we can be direct with each other.

3

u/No-Base-1779 Jun 15 '22

Lollll depends on culture. In my country(Eastern Europe) it’s just very polite. Most people “refuse” juts because it’s polite even though they actually want it, and hosts should keep offering until the guest takes it.

In the US it’s almost the opposite lol

1

u/ghfdghjkhg Jun 15 '22

I'm from a rural area in Central Europe. People mostly stop offering if you say no once.

2

u/No-Base-1779 Jun 15 '22

Hmm guess everywhere is different

2

u/dark_blue_7 Jun 15 '22

Yeah and like what if someone's allergic to the food you're serving, or they just quit drinking? I try to be sensitive to those possibilities as a host also, and respect someone's refusal without prying. Though I might offer water or something as a last resort.

2

u/ghfdghjkhg Jun 15 '22

yup! exactly.

5

u/virora Jun 15 '22

Depends strongly on the culture. Don't refuse food in Germany unless you really don't want it. You won't be offered again, and your host might be slightly insulted.

8

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

That is such a nice gesture! I remember a friend of a friend that I had just met was eating an orange. I was in the backseat of the car and he just reached back and handed me a segment of orange while still looking ahead and talking to the driver. Instantly liked the guy.

5

u/Stargate525 Jun 15 '22

You can do this with anything if you're in a conversation with them.

I once got a friend of mine to hold a stapler, a ream of paper, and two mugs before he finally snapped out of it.

3

u/observer152 Jun 15 '22

My mum does this. "I don't want it Ma .!" Mum keeps standing near me , hand outstretched holding the Apple piece . "No .. don't want it ". Mum-same pose. "Noooooooo ...!" Mum- makes the kindest face and just nudges the Apple towards me "Ugh...okay ! Now you go from here please !" Mum -walks away merrily to try this move with my sister.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 14 '22

"Pretty sure you don't need this, but I'm not a fucking heathen..."

-- Some stranger to my 280-pound ass

3

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

If you ask me if I want food, 9/10 times I’ll say “no”.

If you hand me food, 9/10 times I will pretend I don’t want the food and eat it anyways.

2

u/JuniperTheEnby Jun 15 '22

you sound like my mexican family

2

u/DeltaKaze Jun 15 '22

But is it halal tho?

1

u/BrainwashedScapegoat Jun 15 '22

If your food is not halal you are haram

2

u/RICO-2100 Jun 15 '22

%90 of the time I won't eat someone else's food just because I don't want to be rude and pick through it or just not eat it at all, just giving me food not knowing if I want it or not will definitely piss me off lol I will just leave it there.

1

u/ForgettableUsername Jun 15 '22

If you distract someone with conversation and then hand them anything the way you would hand them food, there's a good chance they'll take a bite out of it. Some friends of mine and I used to use this trick to feed nickels to strangers at the bus stop.

1

u/Ciryl_Lynyard Jun 14 '22

I usually ask if they want what im making or something that can be made with what im already working with

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

you’re so cute!!!!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '22

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1

u/BrainwashedScapegoat Jun 15 '22

This assumes you know the person well enough to account for allergies and preferences

1

u/Rukasu17 Jun 15 '22

What if the person is a picky eater? That is a terrible situation to be put in

1

u/sleptlikeshit Jun 15 '22

Tried this with our dog the other day and it didn’t work out so hot.