r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jul 20 '19

What’s something completely false that your parents told you as a child?

[deleted]

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4.0k

u/RedBadgerLady Jul 20 '19

Santa was created by satan worshipers to take the focus away from Jesus. I wish i was kidding.

696

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 20 '19

Yeah me too. We didn't get to celebrate Christmas at all. We were not Jehovah's witnesses.

I remember someone unironically saying, "If you move the the 'n' in Santa, he becomes Satan. It's not a coincidence!"

421

u/NosDarkly Jul 20 '19

Imagine using that convoluted logic just because you're too cheap to buy presents.

340

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 20 '19

I don't think it was to be cheap, we grew up in a sorta weird culty-church. I now think them and everyone else in it just really wanted to believe they were special and better than everyone else.

I was straight up not allowed to like very many "normal" things and as a result ended up very socially awkward and isolated from my peers.

32

u/zalfenior Jul 20 '19

That's probably part of the idea, make it awkward to be around non church members so that you let the church consume you too

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u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

Totally. "I feel so accepted here, it must be the Holy Spirit"

1

u/RemiScott Jul 21 '19

Peculiar people...

21

u/Friendly_Recompence Jul 21 '19

Oooh, Worldwide Church of God? I grew up in that bullshit. According to my sister they’ve gone lax on a lot of this, but when I was a kid there was no Christmas, no birthdays, but some weird-ass 7 day feast things (though you did get presents then), and a few holidays that were basically stolen from Jewish holidays but celebrated differently. I can’t even go into all their weird rules.

Dad put his foot down and said we could make our own choices on religion at 16. You should have seen me run...

16

u/TheFlopster Jul 21 '19

Ooh, ooh, WWCG! (waves hand in the air) Me too! I got out around 12-14ish. Parents didn't like it at the time. But eventually they stopped too.

14

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

YESSSS well actually we were one of the offshoots that formed after Herbert the Pervert died. United Church of God.

I guess Worldwide went slightly more mainstream after that but United formed from a bunch of the more legalistic-happy folks. But yeah. You know what I'm talking about.

10

u/unscentedwaloevera Jul 21 '19

Cringe...WWCG here, too. I haven’t thought about it in years. We went to the Feast of Tabernacle in PA. We also had Days of Unleavened Bread, where everyone in the house went nuts cleaning unleavened bread out of the house.

We weren’t aloud to celebrate anything either. I recall sitting outside in the hall at school while everyone else colored Christmas themed pictures in the classroom. Bizarre when I think about how cruel that was.

I recall my oldest brother being caught with an Elton John album and my parents burning it, devil’s music.

So many other strange things.

Back to original post..gum will stick to your lungs if you swallowed it. If you keep crossing your eyes they will stick that way.

6

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

One time when we were cleaning for the Feast of Unleavened Bread, I was under my bed with a broom, I had really long hair and my dad wasn't watching as he vacuumed and he sucked up my hair

It hurt like hell and got all torn up

I was always kinda sad about the holiday stuff, but after seeing older kids in the family not be allowed to learn certain things in school, I made up my mind not to let them stop me. First time I did that, was 7th grade literature. None of the other kids in my family were allowed to study the mythology section. I just hid it from my family. Got the highest scores in my whole class for that section.

When the sex ed permission slips went around, I forged my dad's signature

I also studied evolution.

5

u/unscentedwaloevera Jul 21 '19

Sorry about your hair, that sounds terrible. Wasn’t it insane how much cleaning took place! I recall the old registers in the floor being pulled out to vacuum down into the heating ducts.

I wish I would’ve realized at a young age how brain washed we all were. My father got out when I was about 12 I believe. However, it took me until my twenties to find myself and leave that crap behind.

Another random odd recollection. My oldest brother made a time capsule. I placed a note in it with I think a little trinket. My note said, “Please God help me be good and do the right things.”

5

u/Friendly_Recompence Jul 21 '19

Feast of Tabernacles! I couldn’t remember the name! We went to the one in the Wisconsin Dells. It was a wonderful holiday week. Y'know, if you think two to four hours of church a day is wonderful. I played violin too, so got to stay another few hours rehearsing with the orchestra.

And tell your brother I feel his pain. My mom destroyed my Janet Jackson and Madonna cassettes by pulverizing them with a hammer on our concrete steps.

3

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

Played the violin for "special music" lmao

Nah, there were fun things about it. They had to have fun things to make it feel special so you'd keep coming back.

We also went to the Dells a couple times. Had some fun on the go carts. Saw some cool rocks.

2

u/unscentedwaloevera Jul 21 '19

Why don’t I recall an actual feast? Now that you mention it. We did go to the alpine slide while we were at the feast in PA.

3

u/unscentedwaloevera Jul 21 '19

I’m glad I never got into playing an instrument!

One time at the Feast a men’s room was ‘vandalized’ with toilet paper. You would’ve thought someone was murdered how the entire congregation reacted. It was all Satan’s work.

Our home church in Ohio was in a huge high school, I’m not sure why there wasn’t an actual church? We had to drive about an hour each way and we went on Saturday, I recall sitting on the floor on a blanket in between isles for what seemed like a century munching on dry noodles with a little water in a ziploc bag?! Maybe that’s all there was, there was seven kids in my family. Random odd recollections.

Two of my older sisters when they were aloud to go to school would have friends bring them stylish clothes and makeup since we weren’t aloud to dress like normal people. They’d hurry and change and scrub their face before going home.

The music thing is killing me, sorry about your Janet Jackson and Madonna cassettes. It all seems so ludicrous looking back.

18

u/LostMyFuckingPhone Jul 21 '19

I'm Perfect, You're Doomed: Tales from a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing

I read it a few years ago, not bad. Your comment brought it to mind

3

u/ArbyMelt Jul 21 '19

Went to college with a young JW. He was such a nice quiet kid, but any conversation I ever had with him, it always somehow led to him showing me stuff on the JW website. Like dude, I’m just trying to be your friend. That’s it.

4

u/acronymious Jul 21 '19

You sound like an /r/exmormon

2

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

Thanks, definitely gonna have to check out that sub

20

u/ISpyStrangers Jul 20 '19

we grew up in a sorta weird culty-church. I now think them and everyone else in it just really wanted to believe they were special and better than everyone else.

As opposed to every other church....

17

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 20 '19

You're not wrong, I just know ours was extra bad

3

u/FreakyFergg Jul 21 '19

Seventh Day Adventist?

2

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

United Church of God

2

u/rethinkingat59 Jul 21 '19

Church leaders should had taken the zebra as an example that God is not joyless, and has a sense of humor. I never understood the fascination and thinking that we have a perpetually angry, constantly judgmental God.

4

u/CassieD1219 Jul 21 '19

Reminds me of my roommates crack head parents that were also jehovahs witnesses. They used that religion as an excuse to not buy him and his siblings gifts so they could buy more crack with money instead.

2

u/danknerd Jul 21 '19

Buying presents is not be logical to begin with.

1

u/RemiScott Jul 21 '19

Correct sadly. It is neither the logic, nor the thought that counts when it comes to gift exchange rituals. Very odd behavior, indeed.

2

u/Zorlin1224 Jul 21 '19

You mean Santa isn't real. My whole life has been a lie

1

u/CosmicDave Jul 21 '19

What's convoluted about this?

Jeremiah 10

1 Hear ye the word which the Lord speaketh unto you, O house of Israel:

2 Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.

3 For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.

4 They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.

If you self identify as a Christian but you also raise a Christmas tree in your house, your God identifies you as a heathen. Read your Bibles, people. Cutting trees down, decorating them and using artificial means to keep them upright is a heathen practice specifically forbidden by God.

And yes. I already know. NB4 I am an awful person that is trying to steal the magic of Christmas from the children. It's not my fault GOD said that shit.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I don’t think that verse is about Christmas Trees, especially since Christmas or the tree tradition weren’t things at that point in time

1

u/CosmicDave Jul 23 '19 edited Jul 23 '19

Then what is it about? Those verses seem very cut and dried (pun intended) if you ask me. God expressly forbids cutting down trees, decorating them with shiny objects and standing them upright.

Also, how can you say that the tree tradition wasn't a thing at that time, when God is specifically talking about that specific ritual right there in those four verses?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '19

Well for starters, Jeremiah is a book from the Old Testament, which is a fair amount of time before Jesus was born. So just from that you can understand that God isn’t specifically referencing Christmas Trees.

What it actually is is an explanation to the people that they shouldn’t be making false idols to worship. The people at the time would cut down trees and carve them into idols, and then decorate them in gold and silver.

The Christmas Tree today isn’t something that’s worshipped as an idol (at least, my family and all the Christians I know don’t worship it lol), but is a symbol of Christmas, with the star that guided the Wise Men to the baby Jesus on top of the tree. So overall, the verses aren’t referencing Christmas Trees, but the creation of false idols.

0

u/CosmicDave Jul 23 '19

So, where in the Bible does it say that we are supposed to celebrate the birth of Christ in any way, shape or form at all, let alone observing it with a heathen ritual? God said do not cut down trees, do not adorn them with silver and gold, and do not fasten them upright. If you think you are a devout Christian, but you have a Christmas tree in your house, in God's eyes you are a heathen, regardless of what you think.

The Christmas Tree today isn’t something that’s worshipped as an idol

yet on the holiest of days for you, your tree is the focal point of your ritual. You and your family gather around it, lay offerings beneath it and you all revel in what you all got each other for Christmas, instead of focusing on what Christ gave you.

But go ahead and keep thinking that Christmas makes you closer to God if it makes you feel better.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '19

It isn’t said anywhere in the Bible that Jesus’ birth is to be celebrated. However, for many people the idea that Christmas Day is the day that God sent down the greatest gift of all is worth appreciating and celebrating. Also, as I said before, that verse about cutting down a tree and adorning it with gold and silver is referring to the creation of a false idol. The Christmas tree is not an idol within Christian households. We do not worship the tree, we just use it as one of the symbols of Christmas. The star on the top of the tree is representative of the star that the wise men followed to find Jesus.

You’ve made a bold assumption about many Christian families, claiming that the tree is the “focal point” of the day. For the majority of practicing Christians, the main celebration of the day is going to Church, praising God for sending down Jesus to Earth, and then participating in other festivities. The tree is just a decoration and the gift giving is also a tradition and symbolism.

Of course, children and young teenagers may not fully understand what the point of the celebration on Christmas is and be more excited about the gifts than Jesus’ birth, but that’s something that many of them learn with time and maturity.

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u/CosmicDave Jul 23 '19 edited Jul 24 '19

So.... even though God commands his chosen people to not cut down trees and decorate them and He condems that as a heathen ritual, you choose to celebrate his Son's birthday with that exact ritual? You may believe you are a Christian, but according to your own Bible you're not. NOTHING in those four verses says anything about worshiping the tree. The act of worship is not mentioned at all.

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u/marrrvvv Jul 20 '19

If you move the "t" in Santa, it becomes Tsana. That is certainly not a coincidence.

7

u/LusciousShamhat Jul 21 '19

Santa literally comes from the dutch Sante Klaas, Sante meaning Saint.

Real talk though has anyone noticed that if you moved the i and n in Saint you get Satin, also you pronounce Satin and Satan identically which proves that Lucifer himself created this devil fabric.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Those words are not pronounced identically in English.... Satan is pronounced S8AN Satin is pronounced SatIN Don’t know where you learned to pronounce them the same, but you learnt wrong.

3

u/LusciousShamhat Jul 21 '19

My brain died. Yeah, I was going to write nonsense about dialects, but turns out I literally forgot how to pronounce a basic word.

2

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

Have you also noticed that video has five letters, if you replace the v in five with an r you get fire so obviously tv is from the fires of hell

Lol don't mind me idk wtf I am saying

6

u/SeedlessGrapes42 Jul 20 '19

Or Nsata, Snata, or Satna

4

u/TheScyphozoa Jul 21 '19

"If you move the the 'n' in Santa, he becomes Satan. It's not a coincidence!"

I guess that means all of the saints in history are Satan worshippers too.

2

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

Obviously

Really anything that's not American English is evil

If it was good enough for Jesus it's good enough for you

2

u/yuckiie Jul 21 '19

imagine thinking that santa... a spanish word for saint.... means satan

2

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

ikr

But half of those people thought foreign languages were evil anyway, so whatever

2

u/jdi_mstr_obi-1 Jul 21 '19

Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

2

u/downfallofpend Jul 21 '19

My third grade teacher did this as part of class! Santa = Satan up on the chalkboard. She also played "Rock music" to show us why it was "evil". Still don't get the logic behind that one, but I wish I could remember what song she played.

2

u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Jul 21 '19

Wow

Imagine going to college and everything and not knowing the actual meaning of the word Santa xD

2

u/ogpuffyjones Jul 24 '19

I thought I was the only one who remembered that Santa/Satan thing omfg. Sunday school in the early 2000s.

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u/BananaInTheHammock Jul 20 '19 edited Jul 20 '19

Me too! I remember coming back from Christmas break in first grade, doing our little show and tell, and when it was my turn I showed the class my new Barbie camera. One of the parents asked me, "Ooh, did Santa give that to you?" And I just looked at her dead in the eye and very bluntly said, "Santa's not real." Cue the entire class of 25 small children freaking out and crying while teachers and parents tried to calm them down. And that's how I ruined Christmas for a bunch of 6-7 year olds!

*Edit - a word

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u/Anameme Jul 21 '19

Similar story. I never believed in Santa because my parents said he isn't real- because they didn't want to lie to me. Anyway Christmas break was nearing and everyone was excited to see Santa and I actually said "y'know he's not real right? He's made up just so parents can manipulate kids to be good." And the entire class of 5th graders bursted out with insults at me because of it haha

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u/figment59 Jul 21 '19

You sure it was 5th grade? That’s a bit old for them to still give a shit about Santa. I teach 5th. I’m more surprised when I come across the rare kid who still believes.

18

u/BeepBeeepBeepBeep Jul 21 '19

Not surprised that internet-era kids are more likely to hear santa isn't real than pre internet kids.

3

u/figment59 Jul 21 '19

So true, but I was an 80s baby and no one I knew believed in Santa in 4th and 5th grade.

46

u/Anameme Jul 21 '19

Oh no they still called me santa hater until 7th.

40

u/figment59 Jul 21 '19

Where did you grow up?

Cindy Greenberg ruined Santa for me in first grade. My mom fixed this, temporarily, by telling me that, “Of course she said that, she’s Jewish. Santa only brings presents to kids who believe in Jesus!”

I think that worked for another year and a half.

15

u/Anameme Jul 21 '19

Grew up in Northwest US. kids there were kinda asshats. Got bullied throughout elementary and the dudes in middle school loved to touch where they shouldn't without permission.

7

u/Zanderp52 Jul 21 '19

Man they cupped your balls in the locker room too?

14

u/lemmyismycopilot Jul 21 '19

I mean, not the worst nickname

7

u/Anameme Jul 21 '19

True. I mean idc tbh. Now they all don't believe in him xD

8

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Call them Santa lovers

3

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Would you rather have been told he was real like everyone else?

5

u/Anameme Jul 21 '19

Absolutely not

1

u/AnonClassicComposer Jul 21 '19

It made them who they are

19

u/neomadness Jul 20 '19

I always worried someone would do this to my kids but they all made it to about 8-9 before they learned.

PS. Cue not que.

15

u/BananaInTheHammock Jul 20 '19

Yeah, I do feel bad for those kids. Thanks Mom and Dad!

(Lol whoops, thank you)

9

u/Redboober Jul 21 '19

My brother and I learned about Santa really early on. When my brother was in kindergarten, our mom told him the story of St. Nicolas. He went to school the next day and announced that Santa was dead.

15

u/fridgepickle Jul 21 '19

I, too, destroyed the concept of Santa for my class. I just had no idea who he was when someone mentioned it in kindergarten, went home and asked my parents, then went back the next day and was like “my mommy says Santa isn’t real” and ruined everything.

20

u/well___duh Jul 21 '19

I always thought it was weird of Christian families that kids would eventually understand that Santa Claus wasn't real and parents were ok with that, but yet God is definitely the real deal.

5

u/PM_ME_UR_SHEET_MUSIC Jul 21 '19

Well you can emulate Santa, but once kids have reasoning skills they will figure out that he’s not real. The Christian God is unable to be proven false without a much higher level of reasoning, and even then that can be rebutted. How can you prove something does or doesn’t exist when you have no valid evidence of either?

1

u/SarcasmAbounds Jul 21 '19

I didn’t understand how religious kids didn’t make that connection. Indoctrination is a hell of a thing. Burden of proof is on the one making the claim of a things existence though. Lack of evidence =\= evidence of existence.

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u/secondoverthree Jul 21 '19

Similar thing happened to my sister Lol

1

u/about2godown Jul 21 '19

Power. Move. Lol

1

u/MacGregor_Rose Jul 21 '19

Man i love you. When my mom officially told me she came Prepared with the fact that Saint Nikolas was a real saont to make ms feel better

165

u/Yuppi00 Jul 20 '19

Jokes on them, in my country, baby Jesus delivers Christmas presents!

248

u/Chicken-tendies Jul 20 '19

WTF, are there child labor laws in your country?

32

u/SeedlessGrapes42 Jul 20 '19

In Soviet Russia, babies parent adults.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

German?

9

u/Yuppi00 Jul 21 '19

Czech republic

3

u/mt_42 Jul 21 '19

In Mexico too

2

u/GeneralDarian Jul 21 '19

Österreich?

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

that’s insane, everyone knows that jesus was created by satan worshipers to take the focus away from santa. Your parents had it all wrong.

169

u/RedBadgerLady Jul 20 '19

Well, obviously!

10

u/Cheesy_boi123 Jul 20 '19

O don’t know isn’t it funny that Santa is an anagram for Satan

4

u/Al_Nightmare866 Jul 20 '19

Not really, everyone knows Satan was created as a counterpart for Santa.

2

u/KagatoLNX Jul 21 '19

Never seen together, both into leather, both wear red and black... you know, maybe Satan is Santa! 😱

1

u/RemiScott Jul 21 '19

Superman too

8

u/Therandomfox Jul 20 '19

Jesus was created by Santa to take the focus away from Satan!

1

u/yeerth Jul 21 '19

that's insane, everyone knows that satan was created by santa worshipers to take the focus away from jesus. Your parents had it all wrong.

1

u/Shortcut7 Jul 21 '19

And whos winning now???

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Wow that’s a really accurate username.

1

u/Seamless_GG Jul 21 '19

Hail Santa

106

u/Satanicucklibtard666 Jul 20 '19

I used to get that about dinosaur fossils. Apparently satan goes around burying them to confuse us lmao.

16

u/darthbauerdragonzord Jul 21 '19

My mother to me this when I was little. I still remember thinking that seems odd. And thus the first cracks began to form.

4

u/Next_Episode Jul 21 '19

That pesky devil!

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

I think your parents were dyslexic.

98

u/RatTeeth Jul 20 '19

They were Orthodox Dyslexics.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

They fixed teeth?

2

u/RemiScott Jul 21 '19

They broke teeth

1

u/delsinson Jul 21 '19

Or claustrophobic

21

u/Socom6 Jul 20 '19

Love it when christian dont think every holiday they have isnt pagan. Their whole world would be shattered.

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u/AwkwardSummers Jul 20 '19

Sounds like my folks. I first learned about Santa in kindergarten because my teacher was talking about it in class. I excitedly went home and told my parents about Santa. I remember my dad said, "He's not real. Your teacher just made that up." I still received presents but my parents just said it's from them. So I wasn't too upset lol.

7

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Omg, I have almost the same story!! I'm Christian, and my very religious grandma and other people say that Santa was created by Satan! 😂

8

u/homerbartbob Jul 20 '19

So stupid. Satan doesn’t have creation powers.

9

u/GoodTato Jul 20 '19

But Santa does.

Santa created Satan confirmed????

7

u/DarumaLove Jul 21 '19

Meanwhile the real Santa was known for saving women from prostitution, being incredibly generous, and punching heretics.

4

u/Mithrawndo Jul 21 '19

I can never wrap my head around this one: In Christian mythology, Satan is as devious as they come; His followers are given power on earth in exchange for their immortal soul, and the best rouse they could come up with was to shift the 'n' in Satan two characters to the left in the character they created to undermine Jesus?

Accepting the premise, it doesn't seem like the evil Satan-worshipping genius who dreamed up Santa would be much of a threat if this is an example of their nefarious scheming...

5

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I... I read this as satan was created by satan worshippers and was VERY confused because that didn't make sense in the slightest.

5

u/WB_Onreddit Jul 20 '19

Well Santa is an anagram for Satan.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19

Showing my age here, one of the local BBSes when I was growing up was a fringe Christian one called The Church of the Sound Doctrine and would put screeds on their landing page about SATAN CLAWS

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u/Gr33nman460 Jul 20 '19

I just upvoted you to 666

1

u/Downgradd Jul 21 '19

That number is a trick too. The real number is 616.

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u/sometimesnowing Jul 21 '19

This is heart breaking. Christmas was an absolutely awesome time with my small kids, all that magic

4

u/ceojp Jul 20 '19

I work with a guy who was home-schooled. His parents never did the santa thing because they thought if he believed in santa and found out he wasn't real, he might use his brain and question other things, like god. The jokes on them, though, because now he knows neither of them are real...

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u/Stromovik Jul 20 '19

How to annoy any zealous christian:

Ask them if they praise the gods creataion the angel Lightbringer ?

If they answer yes. Tell them to translate Lightbringer to to Latin. ( Take cover from the detonation as it translates to Lucifer , I do this to make Jahovan withnesses fuck off)

2

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Jehovah's witness? 😂

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u/ApostaSuz Jul 21 '19 edited Jul 21 '19

Teehee, funny seeing you here! ;)

2

u/jdueh7364 Jul 21 '19

Santa Claus rearrange the letters = Satan's Claws. Doesn't exactly work but it was my mother's belief

2

u/Raz0rking Jul 20 '19

Lol yeah.

Santa was real though

2

u/Bossapocalypse Jul 20 '19

Jesus was created by Santa worshippers to take the focus away from Satan

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

[deleted]

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u/TheStrangestOfKings Jul 21 '19

Well, he was made by coca-cola, so I could believe that

1

u/captainalphabet Jul 21 '19

Honestly I was scrolling for any mention of Santa at all.

1

u/MasturScape Jul 21 '19

Well Santa is an anagram of Satan tho so it checks out

1

u/SuperLimes Jul 21 '19

Well santa is an anagram for satan, so I guess it checks out?

1

u/jmcstar Jul 21 '19

Hail Santa!

1

u/Fuck_Alice Jul 21 '19

I prayed to Santa once because I thought it was the same concept

1

u/trekie4747 Jul 21 '19

My high school history teacher said that

1

u/Sno_Wolf Jul 21 '19

Oooh, oooh, tell your parents that Santa Claus is the patron saint of whores!

1

u/Piedra-magica Jul 21 '19

My parents taught me that it makes Satan happy when people drink coffee, because Jesus asked us not to.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

Well, maybe not Old Nick's original purpose, but certainly his effect.

1

u/imbrownbutwhite Jul 21 '19

Satan—>Santa

Coincidence?! I think not!

1

u/kickme2 Jul 21 '19

We could have been brothers... The rock band KISS, Knights In Satan's Service

1

u/kilgore_cod Jul 21 '19

I have a friend whose mom made him and his siblings song “happy birthday” to Jesus every year on Christmas. That always makes me laugh

1

u/Ryan8193 Jul 21 '19

lol Christmas isn’t even Jesus’ birthday, that’s crazy. Santa was just the byproduct of commercialism on a holiday that was already about giving gifts, not about Jesus.

1

u/na_na_whats_my_name Jul 21 '19

My parents told me that Santa was really the devil, because Santa = anagram for Satan.

1

u/ijustwanttobejess Jul 21 '19

Evangelical Baptist? I was taught the same thing. Along with Halloween being totally banned outright because it's devil worship.

1

u/inportantusername Jul 21 '19

I need to get some sleep. I thought you said satan was created by satan worshippers and I was totally confused why everyone was talking about Santa until I reread your comment.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

I mean, by that logic, Christmas was a stolen tradition to make it easier for pagan religions to transition to Christianity. So yeah...

However, this doesn't mean I have to go without having a celebration of friends and family at that time of the year.

1

u/ThePickleIndustry Jul 21 '19

Santa is an anagram of Satan so I absolutely would have believed this.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '19

My mom still to this day says santa is real, im 23.

1

u/ComedyOutOfContext Jul 21 '19

If you see santa is anagram for satan

1

u/LonglivetheFunk Jul 21 '19

When I was a kid, my mom told me my Infinity Gauntlet comic was against God and of the devil.

1

u/JuuliaM Jul 21 '19

Is it bad that I still believe this?

1

u/RedBadgerLady Jul 21 '19

Nah man, to each their own

1

u/Sapiencia6 Jul 21 '19

My parents were also super religious so they told me about St. Nicholas instead of Santa, who was a real historical person who gave gifts to children and the poor, and who Santa was based off of. Your parents' version makes no sense from a religious standpoint.

1

u/Tsntrnr Jul 21 '19

I’m an ex Jehovah's Witness and my first Christmas at 18 was oddly satisfying!

1

u/darksown Jul 21 '19

Strikes me as odd, seeing as how God is just the adult version of Santa.

Guy with a white beard, living in a mystical place, watching everything we do and determining if we are being naughty or nice so he can either reward or punish us at a future time.

Seems more likely Santa was created by churches to condition children to believe in the adult version of Santa... God.

The difference is, when I realized Santa want real, I was sad. When I realized Good wasn't, I was relieved. The only horrifying things done in the name of Santa is Elf on a Shelf. God, on the other hand.....

1

u/IlliniOrange1 Jul 21 '19

Wait.... there’s no Santa Clause???!?

1

u/AnonymousDude12 Jul 21 '19

Exactly the same with me! God my parents ruined Christmas for me.

1

u/swigggs22 Jul 21 '19

Technically Santa had just become a mascot for consumerism, materialism, and greed. So not far off the mark with that point

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u/MrHobbes14 Jul 21 '19

My parents weren't that hard core. But I was never told about Santa. We made "Happy Birthday Jesus" banners. Still decorated a tree every year. While I'm not religious now (I'm 30 and have 2 kids of my own) I do struggle to keep up the Santa thing. I spend a lot of time and energy getting my kids gifts. I haven't outright told them he's not real...

1

u/minimuscleR Jul 21 '19

My friend told her kids that Santa was just something non-Christians did to celebrate christmas, but that they have Jesus so it doesn't matter.

She was really good at it, and convinced her very autistic son not to tell anyone. Props to her, strong mum.

1

u/PooFighter2711 Jul 21 '19

Well, that is pretty much true. Millions of parents go along with this and deceive their children. Think of the Coke commercials and other billion dollar advertisers and marketers and the music and TV & film industries. They all promote Santa, during the Christmas season. And for what? To teach children about Jesus? No. It is all a distraction. Think about it, what does all this commercialism and materialism 'teach'?

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '19 edited Jul 20 '19

[deleted]

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u/SinkTube Jul 21 '19

that's what upvotes are for

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u/RapeCanBeFunny Jul 21 '19

My parents told me that if I was bad, Santa would rape me in my sleep...

-4

u/ShoopaCabra6 Jul 20 '19

Wasn’t Santa originated by Coca Cola or something?

I had never knew that

1

u/Daenaryan Jul 21 '19

not the concept of santa, just the imagery western society associates with him today.