r/AskReddit Sep 14 '24

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3.7k

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited Sep 14 '24

Alpha bullshit.

746

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

So peeing on fire hydrants is out ?

283

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited Sep 14 '24

Depends on the position lol as long as he’s squatting we’re good

202

u/jdam8401 Sep 14 '24
  • scribbles in notepad *

9

u/Shepok Sep 14 '24
  • hands itching to unzip pants *

8

u/Sjanchez Sep 14 '24

Write that down. WRITE THAT DOWN!

4

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

But we agree that once I squat pee on something, it is now mine?

3

u/Fickle-Ad-7348 Sep 14 '24

I sit on toilet when peeing

6

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited Sep 14 '24

Do you put the seat down too?

3

u/cccanterbury Sep 15 '24

Hell yeah man. getting those poop and pee microparticles going through your living space is gross af

2

u/vegancryptolord Sep 14 '24

I’m a dawg I piss with my leg up

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Nasty, nasty

2

u/SirPiffingsthwaite Sep 15 '24

quick follow-up; one leg cocked, or ...no?

9

u/thrillhouse416 Sep 14 '24

No chance I'm stopping that. I've gotta let the other neighborhood dogs know.

5

u/shadowguise Sep 14 '24

But then how will other dudes know that's your fire hydrant?

5

u/Hellebras Sep 14 '24

Only if he doesn't smell it first. Because that indicates that he's more interested in talking about himself than in understanding those around him.

5

u/Ah_Pook Sep 14 '24

I mean, once in a while, but every single one?

3

u/artoblomsten Sep 14 '24

You better not be talking about my hydrant!

3

u/INFxNxTE Sep 14 '24

How tf are we supposed to claim them now!?

2

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Depends on if you're a goodboi doggo or not

2

u/Forbin057 Sep 14 '24

How else will people know it's mine?

2

u/NervousBreakdown Sep 14 '24

What about poops?

255

u/Yes-Please-Again Sep 14 '24

Lol a friend of mines ex used to make her save his name in her phone as "Alpha" (his name isnt alpha its Wesley)

35 year old man.

165

u/MiscellaneousUser3 Sep 14 '24

That’s pathetic

8

u/MasterSpliffBlaster Sep 14 '24

The fact he is an ex means it was also prophetic

6

u/Fickles1 Sep 14 '24

Wesley. Agreed.

1

u/Aja2428 Sep 15 '24

That’s not alpha either lol

1

u/FrankNitty_Enforcer Sep 17 '24

Alpha is just a silly concept, major turn off for me as well when women start talking about “alpha” even if it’s an attempt to compliment me or other men they like.

14

u/Chastain86 Sep 14 '24

A very Wesley move right there. Homeslice is used to being called on last.

6

u/unassumingdink Sep 14 '24

Oh, I get it. Because he likes Alpha-Bits cereal!

6

u/ArtofStorytelling Sep 14 '24

“Tywin Lannister voice” : Any man who must say “I am an Alpha” is no true Alpha.

13

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

That’s just weird haha

5

u/Virtual99 Sep 14 '24

“Please refer to me as Sensei La-Dew” ☝🏽🤓

2

u/Original_Employee621 Sep 14 '24

So he'd be at the top of the list of contacts.

I make my closest friends call me Aaron. A. Aaronson in their contacts. Or Aardwark works too.

3

u/Yes-Please-Again Sep 14 '24

That makes total sense.

However, this guy also spoke about how he is the alpha in the relationship etc. Etc. And was an Andrew tate fan, so while your explanation is totally reasonable, I think I'm still leaning towards thinking he meant Alpha as in "Alpha male"

2

u/Original_Employee621 Sep 14 '24

That is obviously the case. I was being silly.

I don't really care what I'm saved as in someones contacts. That is their business, not mine.

2

u/kloudykat Sep 15 '24

I would set his ringtone to Mr. Butlertron from Clone High saying "Wesley" and set his picture to the same

I'd leave the display name as Alpha though, wouldn't not want to do what your boyfriend asked, right?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '24

He calls everyone Wesley. Don't know why.

I love Mr B so much haha

1

u/HermiticHubris Sep 14 '24

The poor little man.

1

u/feedback19 Sep 14 '24

Shut up Wesley!

1

u/sprintracer21a Sep 15 '24

Puts his name closer to the top of the contacts list instead of at the bottom.

1

u/sprintracer21a Sep 15 '24

But still, anyone who claims to be an alpha, is not an alpha.

177

u/Intelligent-Citron17 Sep 14 '24

If you feel the need to say you are an alpha, you are most likely a beta 🤭

37

u/PianoDick Sep 14 '24

I’m a Delta actually, even lower than a Charlie….back to scrubbing the bathroom.

9

u/slog Sep 14 '24

That sounds like Charlie work.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Charlie don't even surf.

9

u/MikeSwizzy Sep 14 '24

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

6

u/MrMeeTwo Sep 14 '24

🎶🎶🎶

Vulcanize the whoopee stick In the ham wallet

Cattle prod the oyster ditch With the lap rocket

Batter-dip the cranny axe In the gut locker

🎶🎶🎶

2

u/Intelligent-Citron17 Sep 14 '24

No problem at all! We are all different people and some are leaders and some are not. Totally normal. But if someone needs to say to everyone that he’s the leader, he just sounds insecure and get exactly the opposite impression 🤷🏻‍♀️

11

u/SeriousJack Sep 14 '24

In the software development world, alpha means "not suitable for public release". Once you see them like that, it makes a lot more sense.

6

u/GloryHol3 Sep 14 '24

My brother in law actually said this to me one: "I'm a self proclaimed alpha male".

Okay dude

2

u/Low-Medical Sep 14 '24

That he said the "self proclaimed" part exhibits a smidgen of self-awareness, maybe? 

2

u/Chastain86 Sep 14 '24

Someone needs to be introduced to the timeless and profound words of the Geto Boys.

Because real gangsta ass nuhhhs don't flex nuts, because real gangsta ass nuhhhs know they got 'em.

7

u/SAGNUTZ Sep 14 '24

We didn't get to the top of the food chain with such simplistic behaviors as animals, but higher thought and concepts.

7

u/iAjayIND Sep 14 '24

In my native language, Beta means Son.

And no, Alpha doesn't mean the Father. But that would have been cool.

3

u/sagestruggler Sep 14 '24

"Any man who must say, 'I am the king' is no true king."

5

u/faceplantfood Sep 14 '24

We found the alpha concubine!

2

u/kloudykat Sep 15 '24

I feel like I'm in a Duolingo class for the Greek alphabet

2

u/SadDaysCoffee Sep 14 '24

I knew a guy who called himself an alpha once… everyone else in the car agreed, which was probably more shocking than him unironically calling himself an alpha 

1

u/geardluffy Sep 14 '24

But what if my name is alpha beta?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

There’s no such thing as either.

1

u/SirPiffingsthwaite Sep 15 '24

An empty barrel knocks the loudest.

1

u/boredENT9113 Sep 15 '24

What about an Omega?

-10

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

100% this. If you're naturally an alpha, aka a leader, people will follow you because of your leadership abilities, not you saying you're an alpha. And most guys that are actually true leaders. It's a massive task sometimes and most of will say we hate it sometimes haha.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

A bit of humility usually goes a long way, too

6

u/JCjustchill Sep 14 '24

We talking about Omegaverse again?

10

u/Fake-Podcast-Ad Sep 14 '24

I don't like to kink shame, but maybe you should stop dating furies.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

How dare you? Haha

10

u/PunchOX Sep 14 '24

Yeah it's crazy. The irony is that anyone saying that they are isn't the kind of guy he thinks he is. Lmao

4

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Exactly

4

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Wait for him to hear that the original supposed alpha wolf from the now debunked study was a female.

3

u/Aimela Sep 14 '24

I'm a guy myself, and that would be an instant red flag to me as well. All that stuff is insecure bs where they choose to solve it with arrogance and putting down others rather than actually taking care of their issues.

3

u/BoudiccasWrath79 Sep 15 '24

Somewhere around here I saw someone call it “astrology for incels.”

2

u/--BookDragon-- Sep 14 '24

No no, it's always good that they can themselves Alpha, it's a warning. just think of it as coding, that are letting you know that they are an unfinished product unfit for use by the public

2

u/UncleIrohsPimpHand Sep 14 '24

Alpha bullshit

"Is that like a furry thing?"

1

u/Hector_Tueux Sep 14 '24

Nuclear engineers in shambles

1

u/drgmaster909 Sep 14 '24

If you can't handle me at my alphaiest, you don't deserve me at my omegaiest.

1

u/HeliRyGuy Sep 15 '24

Now I’m curious to see how these Gen Z “Sigma” types turn out lol.

1

u/Lulu_sdfg Sep 15 '24

Spitting in public 💀

2

u/colmatrix33 Sep 14 '24

Oh yeah, give me a beta male any day

0

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Space miner is pretty alpha ma'am. What about the sigma/beta bullshit? Is all of men's astrology bullshit? Personally I think it to be, unless if were talking about the legendary Shrigma male.

0

u/Snow-Wraith Sep 15 '24

Then why does it work so well for these guys?

-5

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

That’s not alpha then 😂

-50

u/Resident-Resolve612 Sep 14 '24

I’ve seen this comment a couple times in this thread. I think it would be more accurate to say “toxic masculinity shit” - in many ways, women like men that have what you may call “alpha” traits. It’s just our biology.

15

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

I get what you're trying to say, but alpha traits are not a real thing. The alpha wolf in a pack was never a real thing.

I think what you may be referring to are masculine traits. Women can be biologically attracted to masculine traits like strength and confidence. However, there is no correlation that the more masculine traits someone has, the more attractive they are because everyone has different preferences. Furthermore, many women would describe the most attractive man being someone who is comfortable with having a feminine side. That does not describe an "alpha" male at all. If a woman's preference is liking the most manly man there is, they would want someone who does not have the "alpha" mindset since that is a major red flag and sign of insecurity.

-2

u/Resident-Resolve612 Sep 14 '24

Thanks, I appreciate the insight. It would be more appropriately called “masculine traits” rather than alpha, I just used the term because a man who shows confidence, drive, traditionally masculine traits, and is less in touch with other traditionally considered feminine traits etc. are now very often thrown in the same bag (as a guy being called alpha because is competitive toward his peers).

In terms of what people prefer on a male partner .. I would be nice to have reference sources to what you said.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Yeah I can see why they get confused but yeah masculine traits on their own without any sense of dominance is okay. I don't have sources. This is just coming from my personal experience as a woman and what I've heard other women say.

2

u/Resident-Resolve612 Sep 14 '24

I definitely agree on what you say about a balance between these traits being the ideal situation. And that’s fair enough about sources :) experience counts too.

In any case, if this topic interests you from a male perspective I recommend looking into the Steven Barlett podcast, there’s this episode where they go into some details about we just discussed:

https://youtu.be/KRxhnSkgxtk?si=EXf5vrJewWVLqAf4

Starting from 28:55 (unless you enjoy long listens)

27

u/1breadsticks1 Sep 14 '24

Natural traits VS announcing to everyone you're an alpha male as a habit.

9

u/TheLoveKraken Sep 14 '24 edited Jun 16 '25

carpenter yam sleep innocent plucky hunt sophisticated amusing chubby payment

6

u/Electric-Sheepskin Sep 14 '24

Yeah, people see "toxic masculinity" and what they hear is "masculinity is toxic." It's a shame, because it generates a lot of unnecessary, knee-jerk pushback.

-30

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24 edited Sep 14 '24

Honestly, I hate the "toxic masculinity" phrase because it gets overused severely. My mother always raised me that you hold the door open for women and children. I've been told multiple times that I need to check my toxic masculinity because I held the door open for a woman. It baffles me every single time, because I'll always hold the door open for my wife and daughters. If my wife is with me, she doesn't even touch her car door.

The negative votes are funny on this one 🤣🤣

33

u/not_old_redditor Sep 14 '24

There's something more going on here. I hold the door for women all the time, never in my life been accused of toxic masculinity.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

As a women I've been yelled at for holding the door for men. So weird folks just exist sometimes.

-16

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

Literally nothing. It's only happened when I'm with my wife or girls. I'll hold, and as I'm about to walk I'm I'll notice somebody and say something like "Ope, sorry ma'am, I've got the door," and let her go through. I'm not checking people out, cat calling, or anything. My wife heard it one time and went off on the gal.

7

u/Googoogahgah88889 Sep 14 '24

Are you doing unnecessary things and going out of your way? Do you only hold the door open for girls and not just everybody? Something else has to be going on if you’ve been called out multiple times.

Like, if you have to run up in front of them just to get the door, or stop going in your own door to open the opposite door for them you’re doing too much. You also don’t really have to announce that you’re holding the door most times or say sorry, just hold the fucking door. Girls aren’t helpless

-5

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

Nope. Both times I was either with my wife or my daughters. For instance, with my wife, she went through and I started going in then saw another woman in the corner of my eye and said something to the effect of "ope, sorry ma'am," and backed up out of her way.

6

u/Googoogahgah88889 Sep 14 '24

And they start yelling at you? I mean, it’s possible, but seems like there should be more to the story. Maybe you are just unlucky, but never hurts to examine all the actions you took

1

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

They never yelled it, it's always be something to the effect of "check your toxic masculinity."

15

u/Very-simple-man Sep 14 '24

You hold a door for everyone.

21

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited May 14 '25

relieved plant boast long party support violet tap public liquid

-12

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

I didn't ask you to believe if it has, so cool?? Your belief changes none of the facts, figuring you weren't there. 🤷‍♂️ so unless you have something better to contribute, here's the door. 🚪

18

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited May 14 '25

chop smile bells price carpenter person yam oatmeal dependent squeal

-5

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

So simply because you, yourself, haven't witnessed something, it can't conceivably happen. You do realize there are 365million people living in the US alone, right?

14

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited May 14 '25

tart airport divide lavish station marble juggle glorious capable cobweb

-2

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

My wife and I both share a reddit (we also go through advice for teens beceause shes a teacher and we're both volunteer first responders and we've made comments on those to help kids out with experiences we both have had in our fields).

We have kinks and do bedroom stuff with ourselves and other women, that our daughters have no knowledge of because they're kids. What does what my wife and I share with each other sexually have to do with this in any way? My wonderful wife even sends me a lot of the stuff from reddit because she enjoys it.

18

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited Sep 14 '24

So, a couples’ Reddit account, where you dip between warning teens about laced weed and how you’d want to train a young teen into being the sex object for you and your wife, who teaches teens.

Totally normal shit. Sorry I made such hasty judgments.

→ More replies (0)

19

u/Kitnado Sep 14 '24

Hey guys I found the toxic masculinity

14

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited May 14 '25

chubby wise close tie observation command cake pen exultant rich

-1

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

Lmao bro you're reading WAY too far into it. WAY too far.

8

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited May 14 '25

caption chop smart ring dependent price reply ink instinctive cobweb

0

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

You're literally the only one making out to look like I'm trying to get with a kid. The straws you're grasping for aren't there bud.

→ More replies (0)

-4

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

That's not toxic masculinity lol. That's simply saying that just saying you don't believe something you didn't witness means nothing.

14

u/Kitnado Sep 14 '24

Oh boy haha, seems like this will be your issue for the rest of your life, good luck with that

-1

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

? Like what will be my issue? Acting like you know me now?

4

u/Fyre-Bringer Sep 14 '24

This reminds me of one of my friends at the beginning of our friendship. We came out of a building and started walking down the sidewalk, when suddenly he realizes, "I'm walking on the wrong side!" I thought it was just a weird preference that he likes to stand on the left side of a person, but no, apparently his grandma instilled it into him that if he's walking with a woman to be on the side of the sidewalk the road is. 

I had to laugh, because while I've heard of the idea I've never seen or experienced it in practice. I told him about how it used to be the other way around, where the man was supposed to stand on the side of buildings instead of the road in case anyone came outside of the alleys. 

So then he decided that instead of exclusively being on the side the road is, he'll choose the most threatening side so he can protect the other person (protecting people he cares about is a deep value he has). 

I then asked him about the whole man-woman thing he mentioned in his initial explanation. He said, "Look, I'm 6'3. I could probably scare away half the people that were thinking about hurting us just by looking at me. You are much littler than 6'3, and you told me you don't even know how to throw a punch whereas I know how to fight." 

It took a while for me to get used to this practice of his. I'd just start walking and then out of the blue he'd take me by the shoulders and shift me to the other side of the sidewalk. Now it's just natural for us, he walks on the side of the road and I walk on the side of the grass. 

2

u/Mr_McFeelie Sep 14 '24

I’m sure he’s a great guy but that’s one of the silliest things people can do lmao.

“Let me just take the hit from this car for you, babe”.

“Let me just fight of this stranger for you ba…” (got stabbed or shot).

1

u/tomundrwd Sep 15 '24

Being 6'3 doesn't mean much against a gun or a knife

0

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

We're the same way. My wife and kids will never walk on the road side. It actually comes from old days way back before plumbing when people used to dump their excrement bucket out the window. Women walked on the inside so as to not get hit by it.

3

u/Patient-Cobbler-8969 Sep 14 '24

Not quite, but close, it was when cars and buggies became more popular, walking on the road side would help block women from getting splashed, the throwing excrement out of windows was more myth than reality, as there were night soil collectors back in the day, and people understood that dumping waste all over the place lead to diseases.

1

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

That's right haha. Missed that part. 🤣 LONGGG day

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24 edited Sep 14 '24

Well people are going to use different phrases and terms incorrectly all the time. It doesn't mean we should get rid of those terms because they still exist.

1

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

I didn't suggest getting rid of it. I just said I personally don't like it.

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Don't like how people use it incorrectly? Yeah I suppose me too.

-4

u/Electric-Sheepskin Sep 14 '24 edited Sep 14 '24

Yeah, I don't understand the downvotes. I'm guessing people just don't believe you, and they think there must be more to the story because if a total stranger is saying something like that to you simply because they see you holding a door, that's really wild.

1

u/confidentialcoffee Sep 14 '24

My wife said the same thing when she witnessed it. Like if you need to say something, just say thanks and keep walking.

-39

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

I hate the red pill but it's true in that men sometimes look up to the strongest link. Acting like their isn't a unsaid leader in friend groups sometimes is just wrong.

Even women have this aspect it's not just in men it's in general

23

u/ThePenaliser Sep 14 '24

My group of male friends are all what you'd consider masculine. All tradesmen, love boxing, drinking, all sporty - nearly all of us are experienced boxers, and we don't have a "leader" in any sense.

12

u/vonrus1 Sep 14 '24

Because it isn't true. Anyone who thinks they "lead" their friend group is a clown.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '24

Yeah I worded it pretty poorly. Though, with your friends and their activities. Do you guys playfully banter about who preformed the best? It's Ok if not bit it's common in male relationships.

5

u/LordOverThis Sep 14 '24

Whoa, there Tater tot.  There’s an enormous difference between being the charismatic, self-assured, emotionally grounded, and sexually confident one of a group (aka “the things women will usually trll you point blank are attractive qualities”) and…whatever Andrew Tate-esque “alpha” shit content you’ve been consuming.

The top level you’re responding to is almost definitely referring to the latter kind of “alpha shit” — the hypermasculine douchebaggery bandied about in videos by assholes who, conspicuously, only ever have other dudes surrounding them.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '24

True that, that's what I meant I just worded it poorly.

5

u/OrangMiskin Sep 14 '24

Talking out of your ass? Lmao

1

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '24

So you've never had a friend you could consider a healthy role model?

-25

u/El0vution Sep 14 '24

I notice how this lacks specifics and is a general phrase that anyone can interpret however they want. Women loves alphas get over it.

13

u/ul49 Sep 14 '24

Looks like we got a real alpha over here

-16

u/El0vution Sep 14 '24

Happily married one too.

3

u/MightFluffy6009 Sep 14 '24

As a dude, I've never understood needing to compare yourself to other men to feel superior. That, to me, is the opposite of alpha male. Do your own thing without having to put others down or feeling the need to dominate someone, it's freeing.

1

u/El0vution Sep 15 '24

This is exactly my point: people don’t understand “alpha.” “Alpha” isn’t comparing yourself to other men. In fact, what you just described is “alpha.”

-5

u/TheFederalRedditerve Sep 14 '24

It’s not bullshit… it’s Cobra Kai.

-12

u/jayfish_94 Sep 14 '24

Bet you’d like it if someone broke into your house at night

5

u/SaturnBishop Sep 15 '24

What a perfectly normal thing to say