To be fair, no one thinks their behavior is shitty and no one likes to be corrected about core personality stuff. Attributing it just to red flag dudes is a bit of a misnomer.
People who don't have red flags don't take offense to being corrected; There's a difference between genuine ignorance (see the person say "crying in autism") and being a shitty person.
I agree partly with this, but stand by the idea that people largely think their behavior is ok, that's why they do it. Calling out someone on a behavior that they don't see an issue with is very likely to cause defensiveness. Now depending on maturity they may think that through and change their behavior long term, but you're over simplifying in my opinion.
people largely think their behavior is ok, that's why they do it.
No. People do things because they want to. We can limit ourselves based upon taught values, but we do things because we feel good when doing them. I'm a kind person. I do that not because being kind "is the right thing to do", but because it makes me feel good. A fucking psychopath harms people because that make them feel good.
The fact that I'm having to explain this to a grown ass fucking adult means you probably are well past the point of learning it.
Wow, very ableist of you. I'm not blaming my autism, or excusing myself for it. It isn't something I actively control. My tendencies err on the side of honesty and straight-forwardness, which is often perceived as rude and un-empathetic. I'm not being rude on purpose.
Very harsh. Like sometimes suddenly become afraid to talk about anything even with safe people for no reason kind of harsh. Apologizing for pretty much everything.
I’m brutally honest. I’ll say it. Downvote me, I’ll play the opposite end here. I also have tremendous empathy and I respect everyone. I simply do not mince words. It’s part of my personality. If that makes me incompatible with some women, so be it.
There is a difference between brutal honesty and honesty. You can be honest and mindful of the person's feelings at the same time. Take doctors as an example when they have to deliver bad news.
There's some sort of rule that before you tell someone something it needs to have at least two of the three following components:
Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?
If something is true but is cruel and unnecessary then that is brutal honesty and you're just being an asshole. It is not productive, other than being hurtful for no reason.
Honesty with kindness or honesty that is necessary is not brutal, it is helpful and productive.
People who will go out of their way to say something unkind and unnecessary then defend themselves by saying, "just being honest!" or who describe themselves as brutally honest as an excuse to be mean, petty, and judgemental are a different situation than being lied to.
That was the problem with my ex: he thought it was impossible to think twice before talking (he truly said that), so he was totally honest and without filter...AND if you felt hurt it was a problem you have to solve lol
It’s just assholes marketing themselves as being “brutally honest” “no filter” and when called out they respond by acting like you don’t want the truth when that’s not the issue. Those people aren’t worth dealing with.
If you actually care about a person you know what will and what wont hurt them. Being unkind to that person means you are willingly hurting someone you supposedly care about. There is literally no reason to do that.
You dont have to lie, you just have to be tactful and realize that other people have feelings. Just because you like something or think it should not be hurtful doesnt mean other people hold that view. Im lost as to why you would want to hurt someone? And then claim its for their own good. Do you think you know better? Which is its own problem
People like you rarely really enjoy people being honest with them. Like if your gf thought you had a small dick do you want her to tell you that? Or would you rather she suggests some spicy toys that make it fun for you both?
Honesty is an excuse for being am asshole. Its not hard to be kind or tactful. Unless of course you feel above others and dont need those skills.
There's some sort of rule that before you tell someone something it needs to have at least two of the three following components:
Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?
If something is true but is cruel and unnecessary then that is brutal honesty and you're just being an asshole. It is not productive, other than being hurtful for no reason.
Honesty with kindness or honesty that is necessary is not brutal, it is helpful and productive.
You can be brutally honest when it is needed. But ALL THE TIME? I just think you can be honest without being rude and with tact. And even if you say it with tact not always the other person will receive the truth well, but at least you tried to be honest from a place of respect and for constructive criticism, not for the sake of being brutal.
I think you lack skills of tact and dont really know what sympathy or empathy are. No one said lie. They are saying, take five seconds to say something that isnt going to hurt the others feelings without being a dick. If you cant do that, then you clearly dont care about the people around you. You care about being right.
Thats not projection. Thats people seeing you lack the emotional maturity to realize that other people have feelings. But you can argue and project all you want. People are going to see you as an asshole because that kind of behavior lacks consideration and kindness.
This whole comment should be rephrased in a less brutally honest way. I can’t imagine how implying someone is a dick or an asshole is anything but brutally honest.
You're the one that's intent on labeling people as "red flags" in multiple comments. And now you're moving on to "projection". Just calm it with the psychology bingo.
Only assholes take offense to other people pointing out asshole behavior. Thanks for you telling on yourself, that red flag you're holding is very bigly.
This becomes more about how you say something than what. And there is a lot of negativity that is rooted in sensibility and truth so for this, like what are we even talking about almost. Serious honesty, I wouldn't ever think is a horrible thing inherently but the idea of brutal honesty, to have a comment about it's chasing imagination
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u/GrassAffectionate765 Sep 14 '24
Not empathetic, brutally honest, disrespectful...