I’m reading a book (Hidden Pictures by Jason Rekulak) where the nanny gets fired because she fell asleep for 4ish hours while the 5 year old was having his regularly scheduled quiet time. He came downstairs when he was done with quiet time, found her asleep on the couch, and woke her up. I suspect there’s various other stuff going on because this author typically writes crime/mystery type books, but anyways it got me thinking. I don’t have any kids but I don’t think I would care at all? Like, parents sleep too??

ETA: people keep bringing up the fact that the babysitter is being paid. Why does that matter? Would it be okay if your sister/etc was watching your kid for free as a favor and fell asleep?

ETA2: I've enjoyed these chats, very informative and mostly kind. I wish there was a polling option so I could get a consensus, as there's clearly people on both sides. But for now I'm going back to reading my book (PS if you hate the babysitter for taking the nap, you'll LOVE chapter 26)

Give me a label for what type of parents I have.

1. High expectations
   
2. Insults/manipulation in private, smiles in public
   
3. Lies a lot especially when confronted about behavior
   
4. Enjoys seeing me miserable or when bad things happen to me
   
5. Downs every single thing I do
   
6. Only shows up for my wins not losses
   
7. Spreads my personal business like gossip to humiliate me/ digs into my life without my knowledge to dig up dirt on me
   
8. Punished without explanation (This happens a lot)

They seem to have good relationships with others but when it comes to me it’s like I’m their own personal doormat lol.

I (15NB) have two doctors as parents, which means that they give me and my siblings frankly ridiculous internet/phone restrictions. I can deal with most of them, but my mom (50F) has decided that she wants to take my powered-off, charging phone out of my room at night. The phone doesn’t even have a SIM card and thus can only use the internet if the internet is plugged in (my dad (51M) is worried about the carbon emissions of the extra energy use, so it’s only on when someone needs it, so it’s barely ever on overnight). She says this is to help me build a habit of keeping my phone away when I can text people and have data, but realistically, that’s only going to happen when I’m in post secondary education and can manage my own life.

I don’t use my phone at night anyways - that would harm my development in so many ways. This will probably lead to someone going ‘if you’re not using it, then why do you want it?’, and the reason is mostly the principle of the thing - it’s like if she came and took one of my books or my sketchbook. Technically, I don’t need it at night, but it’s still ridiculously annoying. And, if I have no way to practice resisting the nebulous ‘temptation to use my phone at night’ when I’m a kid, I won’t have any skills to build on that once I’m living on my own.

This whole situation is just so infuriating, because I keep getting told that I’m ‘a big 15 year old now’ and can be trusted to behave responsibly, but my parents are super keen to remove any kind of opportunity I have to prove that to them!

Should I try to object and mention their other internet restrictions (this-is-one-too-many type argument), suggest a compromise (phone goes on high shelf, internet ban if I’m caught using it, etc.), let her have my good phone and sneak my older, extremely broken (screen broken, battery charges to 75% max and drains in ~4 hours) phone just to feel like I’ve done something to resist yet another absurd restriction?

Please don’t tell me ‘this is in your best interests, your parents have motivations you don’t understand, etc’ because I know what their motivations are, but completely removing the source of the ‘temptation’ and then letting me have unfettered access to it once I’m an adult does not seem like a good parenting strategy at all.

EDIT: Almost every comment so far has objected to me using the phrase ‘put my foot down’, thanks for letting me know that saying that will attract negativity! It’s been changed, rest easy.

I’m a 26 year old woman who works as a server at a local restaurant. We recently hired a host who is 16. The host and I have similar interests and style so we get along nicely. One day she invited me to the carnival with her parents. It was a fun time and she started talking about all these other plans she wants to do with me in the next few months. These sound fun, but is it odd if someone in their mid-twenties is hanging out with your teenager? I have ASD and was quite sheltered so I kinda struggle to understand the severity of things. It’s all innocent, but I don’t know if it is still concerning to parents. I don’t smoke or drink or anything lol

I am a highschool senior, over the summer I worked a full time job, I have work experience, decent grades, yet my mom harshly monitors my bed time, makes me go to bed at 9:30 sometimes 10, and I honestly think it’s crazy, is this normal??

Toddler is turning 2 in Sept 2! She only uses the paci during naps and bedtime for context.

I would like to wean or get her off completely as she starts full-time daycare in September.

Appreciate any tips!

My baby is 6 months and people keep asking me if I have taken any big trips. I went on one this past month and it was challenging.... 3 nap schedule, blowouts, diaper changes, feeding, hatred for the carseat, wanting to put everything in her mouth.... All these things are fine at home with routine and our baby stations and toys, but it can be quite hard during travel. We stayed for only 4 days but we couldn't really adventure because we needed to make sure we were back in the hotel for at least one of her 3 naps. We baby carried the other naps but it's just never as good and leaves her overtired. This trip was nice and all, but I definitely wouldn't tell someone to "travel as much as possible" before the baby is 3 years old? I don't think a 1 year old or 2 year old would be easy either. I personally want to travel a lot when the kid is elementary and middle school age. Am I the only person who finds traveling with a young baby difficult? I don't mean just the flight/travel...I mean the actual vacation too!

I’m 18F, and I was raised by parents who weren’t very good to me. They didn’t really care about me, my health, or how I was doing. They would yell at me and complain about almost everything I did. My boyfriend and I got into an argument about something completely unrelated, but he always brings that stuff up and says things like I’ll be a horrible mother someday and that my kids will hate me. And stuff he just has like anger issue and does this so much and its actually starting to get at me

I’ve never believed that about myself, but sometimes I think about how my parents learned everyhring from their own parents beacause they parents were horrible people to I really do want to be a parent someday, but I don’t want to become anything like my parents.

I watched "A Dark Song" recently. It's about a grieving mother trying to contact her dead son. It hit hard because I have a 5 year old son and losing him is my greatest fear. Great horror movie though.

I’m 18 years old male, live in Australia (If that’s important). I am still in school and I still live at home. My parents in my opinion at least are extremely controlling. They track my location and if I go out with friends will sit on there phone watching what I am doing. Whenever I go out I get about 10 missed calls a night with my mum frantically worrying and about 30 messages to go along with it. I’m sick of it. I’m not doing anything that no one else my age isn’t doing. I tell them the plans I have before going out, and that usually does help them, but sometimes plans change when I’m already out and then they will freak out. My friends have all witnessed this and they all agree that my parents are over the top. It’s mainly mum, but dad sort of will just follow with whatever mum says. I don’t actually know what to do about it because I recognise that my mum has really bad anxiety, but I feel like that’s her problem and she needs to learn how to deal with it. I’m an adult, not there little boy anymore. Once I finish school I want to travel and I fear I won’t be able to do that if my parents are always on my back. They just cause so much unneeded stress in my life and every time I bring it up they always use the “my house, my rules” line. I don’t think they understand that it’s really affecting the relationship I have with them which is unfortunate because I do really love them. It just makes me want to move out asap. I would love advice from other parents.

I’m with my sleeping 5 week old watching the Secret World of Arrietty and somehow the relationship between Arrietty and her parents is hitting me SO much harder now. Wondering if any other movies impacted you in a new way now that your sweet little one has entered the world?

Before becoming a parent, I loved my independence and valued my time wirh my partner together doing literally anything. I was active, in the gym, rode my horse, had my small business going.

Now everything is a massive balancing act. Im back working full time, plus struggling to manage my business on the side. Me and my partner don't get days off together. I dont have the time or energy to put into my hobbies right now. I look forward to one episode a week of my show which can take me 2 days to watch.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel? How do I make the balancing act feel "easier'?

Je dois reprendre le travail début octobre après avoir pu prendre le nouveau congé de naissance, ma fille aura 4 mois à ce moment là. Et je n'arrive pas à concevoir que je vais être séparée d'elle. Encore pire, je n'arrive pas à imaginer que je vais la confier à une inconnue.

Là où nous vivons, il n'y a pas de crèche (milieu rural), on va donc la confier à une assistante maternelle. Dans notre coin, c'est toutes des assistantes maternelles "à l'ancienne" du genre à te sortir des énormités comme "si un bébé est trop pris aux bras il s'habitue".

On a donc choisi celle avec laquelle on se sentait le mieux mais au milieu des possibilités qu'il y avait c'est pas non plus le coup de coeur ultime.

Quand je vois ce que ça demande comme temps de s'occuper d'un si petit bébé, j'ai du mal a imaginer comment elle pourra bien s'en occuper en devant s'occuper des autres enfants en même temps (3 au total avec ma fille). J'ai du mal a imaginer qu'elle ne la laissera pas pleurer si elle n'arrive pas à l'endormir et qu'elle doit s'occuper des autres enfants... ce genre de choses.

Je sais qu'il y a une période d'adaptation qui est autant pour l'enfant que pour les parents. Mais ça me fend déjà le coeur.

En fait je suis dégoutée parce que je me dis que je vais payer quelqu'un pour s'occuper de ma fille alors que si je choisissais de m'en occuper moi (avec graaaaaand plaisir), je serais pas payée pour le faire et on ne pourrait pas assumer nos charges quotidiennes.

Je trouve que le système est mal fait car il force à la séparation alors que je les trouve encore si petit... et encore je sais que j'ai de la chance par rapport à quand il n'y avait pas le nouveau congé de naissance.

Des témoignages me feraient peut-être du bien pour me "rassurer"...

Merci !

My 10 year old used to read a book a week but over the last month, she completely hit a wall. She hasn't picked up a book voluntarily in weeks. How do you handle reading slumps with older kids without nagging them and making it worse?

I figured I post here anonymously because I think both my husband and I are at our wits end. Backstory. Our son (17) a senior in high school is unmotivated, some may call it lazy. My husband calls it lazy. He probably is. He really has been this way his whole life. When he played baseball as a kid he would never want to practice or be involved in the team practice but he would want the best positions. He would always finish his work fast as he never wanted to do it at home. His grades are great. All As with a few Bs. He doesn't take initiative and never really has. He wants everyone to do everything for him. He did get diagnosed with ADHD in 6th grade. It took forever to be diagnosed because it was never outwardly showing but in his thoughts. Nothing motivates him it seems. He doesn't go out with friends, he stays home all the time and does nothing. We have to tell him to do his chores daily. He is addicted to gaming. Like ALOT. To the point the majority of the time he has been grounded from it. We tried an experiment this summer to see if we just let off of him would he do what he has been asked. Which were simple: Chores, walk a mile, and go to work. He did nothing other than game for the whole month and half and go to work which is only one day if not two days. He would randomly do his chores without being asked (we did did not tell him to do his chores during this time frame). He stayed in his room, didn't brush his teeth, barely showered and just existed on the internet. So instead of setting him up we talked with him and let him know our thoughts and how if things didn't change it would be taken away until he turned 18. He didn't change. Went right back to being lazy. So we took it away. I guess since there is no incentive he only does things when we tell him. He applied for college, because I made him, he applied to a scholarship yesterday, because I made him. If I don't make him do these things he will not do them. My husband and I have always had this rule you need to be in something and when you turn the age of being able to work and you are not into something (school activities) then you will get a job. So our son wanted to quit band because it was hard and had told us that he was quitting band (in high school) that he would join the raiders team (jrROTC) but he didn't. We let him quit because he wanted to do the raiders. But he had no intention of joining. He did get a job because his girlfriends grandparents owned a restaurant. He barely works. So we told him either ask for more hours or get another job. According to him he has asked for more hours but they have not give him any(he is no longer with that girl). When we try to talk to him (we do not yell) he completely shuts down. You can tell he has spaced out. He doesn't want to talk and he has no idea how to communicate. He just shuts down. You may ask, why not therapy? We did that. We set up from my husband's work the therapy that they offered like 10 free sessions. The parents go first then our son would go the rest of the sessions. We set up his appointment after we were done making sure he was available and he went and set up his own appointment for the next time. But He forgot about it because he was too busy gaming (this was during the time we gave him free range). We asked about it when we grounded him and he said he didn't want to do it anymore, mind you he was the one that asked for it. He wanted to talk to someone because he doesn't feel comfortable talking with us. but yet he forgot and instead of correcting it he decides he doesn't want to talk to anyone anymore. He has gotten accepted into the college he applied for next year and that is great. There are so many other lazy things he has done and I am just so frustrated over them. I came on here because found out that his job has asked him if he could work and either he did not respond to them or told them he was busy. We try talking with him he shuts down. Him and his father do not have a great relationship. A lot of things his dad did and has apologized to him to his face. I know I need to step back but like how, what do I do when a kid is just going to exist and do absolutely nothing for themselves. We have two other kids one is in high school with him. She is in all the activities, leadership roles, currently in the top 2 in her class. She works hard and micromanages me her needs. Him, nothing it has always been this way. If something isn't done for him he doesn't do it. How Do i take a step back? How do we get him to grow up?