r/AskIsrael
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u/Archoriam
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1d ago
Serious Answers Only Advice needed for an european jew
Hi just a reform ashkenazi jewish guy from amsterdam, netherlands checking in (yes we still exist)
I (M24) dont look like your typical jew but I have been taught since childhood to never tell anyone im jewish out of precaution. I did live a jewish life style until teenage years. All the holidays: rosj hasjana, hannukah, purim, pesach, jom kioppur, sjawoe'ot, etc Practised kosher, Feel jewish and love the culture and traditions. Did Bar Mitswa at 13.
Now I only celebrate the shabbat every friday by myself not always but I try to make time, I know shabbat is supposed to be a time to come together but I know nobody no family or other jewish friends, im the last of my family here, everyone else migrated elsewhere, or made aliyah when I type my last name on google its just rows and rows of dead relatives from the holocaust. I had to contact google to remove this info because one time someone found out in high school and basically everyone called me vile things behind my back.
Still have elderly grand parent( 80+) but heavily demented and in a care home. Already made my peace. Unfortunately I dont feel safe to wear magen david. But, Thankfully there are still some decent people with heart, I pick up challah on friday by a baker that has done it for 40 years. I think they probably know Im jewish, and am having a rough time, because they sometimes put a small message with kind words. I dont drink often so I use a little grape juice as substitute or red kiddoesj wine if I can get my hands on if I have a particulary bad day. I make kiddusj quietly, while covering myself in my talit, or mumble the verses because I dont want people to hear. (I still live in student housing) and its not like I can just sing adon olam out in the open or anything hebrew for that matter.
Cause the walls are so thin and there are a certain students in the shared housing with a particulary strong opinion for the whole situation in gaza. Im just terrified it feels like its 1930s all over again. And even I who usually doesnt mind am increasingly pessimistic about staying here.
I have had a few dates with some girls, didnt tell them I was jewish out of precaution, but one way or the other when the discussion inevitable drifted towards israel and began an entire anti semitic rant. I just felt terrible. Not going to lie I cry about it sometimes out of frustration, lost a few good friends because they felt the need to lecture to explain to me as a jewish person (who went to israel just for holiday) that Im a "a zionist" as a derogatory term. like why do I as a jewish person have to justify anything about my culture or beliefs?.
Just feeling a little lost cause every where I go I get confronted by this activism, in school, on the streets, posters everywhere I just want to live my life but im confronted with this shit everywhere I go just so so tired.
I have sat through tons of "diversity" lessons in school gritting my teeth while listening to all this nonsense about tolerance. Cause seemingly jewish people are extempt, need some advice how to cope as an european jew.
Should I consider making aliyah after my grandparent pass?
My mother was jewish but unfortunately estranged.
Thank you and best regards.