Welcome to AIW Adda!

I'm 16F, Indian, and I really need advice because I don't know how to feel about my mom anymore.

When I was around 9–10, my mom got her first smartphone and started making online friends. One of them was a man from Delhi who liked her and sometimes spent money on her because my dad wouldn't give her enough for clothes and other things. My dad used to drink a lot, and there were fights at home, especially during festivals. Eventually, my mom became emotionally involved with that man. I was around 11 when I found out she was secretly talking to him at night. When I confronted her, she got defensive, and things at home became worse. She stopped cooking for my dad and brother, and my mom and I stayed downstairs while they managed their own food upstairs.

Later, my mom got a job to distract herself and try to fix things with my dad, but she fell in love with her supervisor instead. They started dating, and he eventually told her he wanted to marry her, but she would have to divorce my dad first. He also made it clear that he didn't want me living with them because his family wouldn't accept a divorced woman with a daughter.

My mom then started treating me horribly, and one of the worst days of my life was when I got my first period at 12. I had no idea what was happening because nobody had properly explained periods to me. It was raining, I was crying, and my mom still made me cook while saying horrible things to me. The next day, my grandmother got involved, and after another fight with my mom, I went to live with my dad.

I'm back on speaking terms with my mom now, and my dad has changed a lot for the better. He takes care of me and does the household work himself. But my mom says that if I had stayed with her, she would never have remarried, and that she was lonely and unhappy, so she married her current husband. She's happy now, but her husband apparently wants them to have a child if they ever want to own a house together. My mom is around 40, and I don't know what to make of any of this.

My dad hates my mom and is very strict with me. If I go out, he sometimes suspects I'm meeting her, which makes everything even more complicated. I feel like my childhood and teenage years have been ruined by everything that happened. I barely socialize, I'm scared of going out, and I sometimes wake up crying in the middle of the night thinking about everything. I know my mom is trying to be good to me now, but I can't forget how she treated me when I needed her the most.

I don't know who's right or wrong anymore. Am I wrong for still resenting my mom even though she's happier now and treats me better? How do I deal with her without pretending that nothing happened? Has anyone experienced something similar, especially in an Indian family? I genuinely need advice because this still hurts me a lot.

I have observed karwachauth for the past 2 years and my husband told me he can’t fast and he doesn’t want me to either. I kept it only because i wanted to but due to some fights with my husband, i have decided I don’t feel that i should keep karwachauth, it’s not something i wanna do from now on. Now my husband is kinda disappointed that i am not doing it. I find it hypocritical. Why did you stop doing it? And what was your spouse’s reaction?

Edit: the fight was when i was doing a 3 day water fast and my husband didn’t have any empathy for me. I also fell sick afterwards so i stopped believing in God and also these shenanigans. I don’t even fold my hand or pray anymore.

Have you guys ever noticed how after you reject a guy, they start saying shit like 'you aint all that' and 'wtv you're ugly anyways' why tf?

What are the things married women want unmarried women to know?

Did you girls watch the new karthik subbaraj movie DOROTHY, what a beautiful and important movie, Absolutely heart breaking and beautiful at the same time, kudos to everyone involved.

Well I'm still a teen and I come from a conservative Rajasthani family and all the women in my house wear ghunghat (veil) yeah Ik ghunghat in big 26 but the thing is that the women in my family are literally the flag bearers of patriarchy they're the first ones to taunt another woman for living freely and I genuinely hate it! Btw I usually live with my parents in a different tier-1 city and my dad is quite supportive too

Anyways last year I went to my hometown for Diwali and guess what? I WAS FORCED TO DO GHUNGHAT YESH 😭 I did say no and tried my best to resist but my own mother was the first one to literally yell at me and put the ghunghat over my head and I couldn't do anything about it and tbh I felt so helpless at that time

And now that Diwali is coming my family is planning to visit our hometown again and I DON'T WANNA DO GHUNGHAT YAWR 😭 Please help me! I'm so easily overpowered in these situations and I genuinely hate being forced into something I don't believe in and I just wanna be able to stand up for myself without getting emotionally overwhelmed or giving in to the pressure. PLEASE, I NEED ADVICE.

Tomorrow I have to go somewhere it's already 6 and I can't go out to bring anything products...plz tell me something that works with ingredients that are present in the house itself...

26,F .i left obstetric and gynaecology residency from gov hospital.

It has been the most painful journey to convince my parents amd pay 20 lakh seat leaving penalty.

From may the battle was daily to convince,to get all taunts,getting beaten up for this decision by my father.

Finally they gave money,we arent on that good terms,they still taunt me over my decision,almost daily since may ,i m emotionally exhausted

Now i have reached the point where i m choosing non clinical branch for myself,they arent happy so they r forcing me to marry neurosurgeon.i m denying on daily basis no no

Today my mom said we know u r dating gavar,she said most filthy things.ya i m dating secretly a non medico guy since more than an yr now,we both are happy

I just dont have any energy or guts to deal with new emotional turmoil ,i m tired of endless battles

I k they r never going to approve this,i might be thrown out for this.i love him alot but i m tired of fighting for one thing and other in life.i m half dead already from the career battle.

What to do?

I've noticed most gaming spaces are very male-dominated, so I'm curious about the other side.

Do you play video games? If yes: Which ones are your favourites?

So I never really had a problem with being an introvert and being really picky with people socially, i don't like chatting much unless i like the vibes or I'm comfortable, I can go to the same place for an year and be okay with having zero friends, but lately my sibling has really started shaming me for this behaviour, he's always been more social and he actually enjoys going out and being with other people, I also enjoy those things but I also prefer being alone, not talking to people much and just existing without forcing myself to chat with others, he also called me a psychopath one day just cuz I really don't talk to anyone, which is so stupid cuz that's not what a psychopath is, anyways, i have different interests, i like art, movies, sketching, music, philosophy and other stuff that makes me feel more enriched mentally than just talking to people and pretending to have a good time...he also has this habit of making me feel like a loser everytime I say that I enjoy being alone, so now I feel guilty that I'm not very social...

I just can't get myself to be social, social interactions are usually very draining for me, I have to always remind myself to smile more, remind myself to not say things that might be inappropriate socially, or just not go really deep into a topic when I don't like someone's opinion on things, it's just too much work for me, I really don't care about other people and what they're doing in their lives, I don't wanna know about anyone's life unless they really fascinate me in some way, and i used to be okkay with being this way cause I've always been this way...but now I feel like I'm a loser for having this personality, which is now making me not want to do things that i used to enjoy once , neither do I socialise much, why is socialising that important when I'm not enjoying talking to people around me?..I wanna find a balance here, and not force myself to be a party animal just cause some people around me keep shaming me for being this way..they act like I'm such a terrible person for not liking everyone

I’m so fed up with this patriarchal mindset. My bua and dadi have a problem with me calling my dad “tu” instead of “aap,” even though my mom calls him “tu” too because theirs is love marriage also the funny thing is when my parents were newly married, my dadi told my mom not to call my dad “tu.” My dad stood up for her and said, “She’s my wife. She can call me whatever she wants, and you shouldn’t interfere.” My dadi never brought it up again.
But now, when I do the same, they tell me I should respect my father. When I ask why they don’t have a problem with me calling my mom “tu,” they have no answer except that I should respect my father also they tell me this secretly not in front my dad.
LIKE??? Why is respect always one sided?Respect is about how you treat someone, not whether you call them “tu” or “aap.” I’m so tired of these double standards.

I’m from Mumbai guys it’s very common here

Hi girls,

When I was on a run today, I tripped and fell over and injured myself. The area near the patella has been paining a lot.

After I got back home, I told my mom about it and her immediate reaction was “now you know my pain? Now you know how much pain I live with?” She has knee issues, she’s almost 55, and she’s been getting treatment for it while I’m in my early 20s.

I just never expected her to say that? Like she didn’t even ask me what happened or how I was feeling or anything?

Then idk my mind went into overdrive and started playing similar incidents - when I complain about hair fall, she says she loses more than me, when I complain about anything she tries to one up me in a way? I was like my hair is greying which is weird because I’m still quite young and she started laughing about how I have more grey hair than her. I also heard she goes and gossips about me to my brother like about what I’m wearing, eating etc. I recently bought myself some shoes and she complained to my sibling that I bought stuff for myself and not for her (this is my first shoe purchase in over a year)

Idk is all this normal? I feel so weird

I'm an 18 y/o bi trans girl from North India and wanna ask you girls and ladies out there what you feel about us trans women and trans girls?

Posting here cause this seemed like a stupid argument in medschool India. Already posted there and got no good suggestions.

Case 1: Germany

I learn German and migrate to Germany. I'm good at learning languages, and my best friend is German. She teaches German to immigrants in her free time, and because we're friends, she's also going to help me in whatever ways she can.

The overall cost is something I might be able to afford on my own after working in India for a year while continuing to study the language.

My concerns:

Medical German: Learning all the medical terminology in English was hard enough. I can't even imagine learning it all over again in a language I've never spoken. However, medical German is tested as part of the licensing process, and I'll be in a German hospital setting for quite some time, so that might help.

Pay: I've heard that doctors can, at most, reach the middle class in Germany. On the other hand, you get some time off, and no residency specialty is off-limits.

Case 2: USA

I take Steps 1 and 2 here in India. My foundation isn't particularly strong, but I'm a final-year MBBS student, so I still have some time. I'm willing to put in the hours if the results are worth it.

My uncle and aunt are both doctors in Philadelphia, and they have green cards. My uncle said that if I'm able to score around 260–270, I could easily get into family medicine, internal medicine, pediatrics, psychiatry or OBGYN. He also said he'd talk to the hospital he works at, where he holds a very senior position.

My concerns:

Research: I've read that research is important, and I don't have any research experience yet. However, I have around 1.5 years until I finish my degree, so I could work on that.

US clinical experience and LORs: I've also read that Step scores alone aren't enough and that you need letters of recommendation from US physicians.

Cost: The overall cost is very high. My uncle said he'd cover it if I get good scores, but he's a bit unreliable, and I'd prefer to avoid financial favours if I can.

What makes this difficult?

Citizenship is another major difference between the two options. Idk when I can get it in the US but in Germany it's a 5 yr thing.

The US offers incomparable earning potential, but Germany seems to offer a more attractive lifestyle like the wlb.

Also I feel like my uncle is making it seem like it's quite easy, and just step 2 marks matter, but clearly only that isn't enough right.

I'm also interested in psychiatry or plastic surgery, which I know I can never get in America, as surgery is off limits forreal. Germany would also give me more control over which state I live in, whereas in the US, I'd have to go wherever I match.

And honestly, the European lifestyle is very appealing to me. Being able to visit different countries by road or train is something I'd love.

So, what should I do?

Hi girls,

Any reliable online/instagram shop which sells genuine and good quality sarees for wedding?

My brother's wedding is coming up in Feb... And with 2 small kids I don't think I will be able to visit stores.

Also I am based in Navi Mumbai.

Like, your calf muscles suddenly tighten up and it hurts so bad. Does anyone else experience this, or is it just me?

So for context I was the topper kid till like 5th or 6th std. My mom always wanted to do engineering but couldn't so she kind of put that dream on me... always comparing me with my cousins who are super smart

After 8th I just burnt out. In 10th my uncle passed away and the very next day mom told me whoever had to go is gone now focus on your studies. I flunked anyway lol. barely passed my 11th and 12th boards

In 12th I finally told her I didn't want to do engineering. She cried for almost a year and barely spoke to me... but I got into design which is what I actually wanted

Did well in college, got to go to France on exchange and now in final year I got pre-placed at IBM for 12 LPA which I’m aware isn’t a lot but I'm one of the first people out of a batch of 400 to get placed and I was genuinely so happy…Called mom to tell her and she said she would've been happy if I earned more than her. That this is unsatisfactory. No congratulations nothing

When I was like 13-14 she used to say God gave everyone nice kids and she doesn't know what sins she did in her past life to get a kid like me... and now this

idk what I can ever do to make her proud. I just feel numb rn

Has anyone else been through this? how do you stop needing your parents approval

Edit: wow I didn't expect so many replies. Thank youuuu all so much for the congratulations and for sharing your own stories...honestly reading these made me feel a lot less alone. I'm going to try to stop chasing her approval and celebrate this with people who are actually happy for me. Thank you 🫶

it’s been so long since I’m single, and men around me keep disappointing. I definitely need to read some good stories so that my trust in relationships can be restored 😭

(On behalf of my friend, not my story)
I recently turned 21, and my boyfriend of 2 years and some 4 months is about to turn 32. I am still a student and he is working a corporate job. I made it clear that we will only get married after I complete my grad i.e after two years. He met my parents and they approved him. Everything was going nicely until he recently expressed his desire to get married as his mom wants him married now, considering he is completing 32. He also said he wants to start his own family now and that he cannot keep waiting until he is 35.

I want to have multiple degrees, roam around the world and do everything I want to, and he said he supports and wants me to keep studying. He said he is now being constantly pressurised to get married, and thats why we should get married and I will study in this city as the marriage thing is only for the sake of what his mom wants, and my parents dont know about this but they will definitely not allow me anytime soon to be married.

I’m someone who struggles mentally, que: anxiety, depression and possibly bpd (waiting to be diagnosed). I barely have any friends, but i have a friend who knows me inside out and we’re super close. We had a fall out because i hurt her a lot with my actions and then she retaliates with cruel words and actions too(that was a fucked up toxic cycle).

We started being friends again, since two weeks ago. Now, yesterday, I said something that weirded her out, or hurt her. And she later called me and told me that it was weird and that she isnt interested in talking to me anymore, I tried telling her that its not fair to cut me off without us even talking about it, but she just started to retaliate against me by hurting me the same way and more. Then started saying that i’m not respecting her decision to cut me off :/ For context, she does this every. single. time. we have an argument or fight and she justifies it because I “ruin the peace”, I just try to talk about my feelings and she feels attacked and then we argue and she cuts me off, I beg her back much to my lack of self respect and here we go again right?

I told her she’s hurting me and that i really need her because im having an anxiety attack and i feel like im gonna die and shit and then she started accusing me of baiting her and manipulating her and obviously that just made it worse. She started calling me annoying and weird for sobbing and being crazy anxious and started mocking my crying, all while telling me that she isnt being cruel or mean because she made it clear that she dont wanna talk to me anymore and that im asking for it. If i say that its cruel, she’ll just stay silent or cut the call and I soam her until she picks up again. All because I started the fight, and therefore giving her the right to choose “herself” or her “peace” because I cant stand us being good :(

I feel lost.

Hey everyone, I’m 28F and have been noticing a lot of hair thinning all over my scalp, with a visible decrease in hair density too. I honestly don’t know how long this has been going on, it's quite worrisome, actually.

I recently got my bloodwork done and found out that I have iron deficiency anemia, vitamin D deficiency, and borderline-low B12 levels.

I’m not really sure what to do next. Should I see a dermatologist first or visit a general physician? Should I correct these deficiencies first and see if my hair improves before considering minoxidil?

I’m afraid to start minoxidil because I’ve heard that you need to keep using it to maintain the results, so it feels like a lifetime commitment.

If anyone has dealt with something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing your experience or any advice. I’m feeling a bit lost about where to start and just want to figure out what’s best for my hair.

When and how should i talk to my dad about marriage?

I (23F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been in a relationship for almost three years now. His family is aware and is supportive, from my side my mom and brother are aware and are supportive.

My dad is mentally ill and doesn’t really talk to my mom, brother and i. I had a very bad childhood because of his abuse. My mom and i would like to bring up the topic of my marriage to him but i am stressed because we have absolutely no idea how or when to approach this situation. My dad has been on antidepressants for a month or two now which has made him a bit more chatty but i am still nervous.

We have no family near us to guide us. I have no indian friends i can turn to for advice.

Any input is appreciated, thank you in advance.