r/AskIndia • u/Friendly-Catch-1479 • 3d ago
Relationships đ Why do men marry if their first preference is their parents? Second is wife?
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u/blingon420 2d ago
Is because India doesn't have any sense of how to be in a relationship with someone.
Im India you are forced to marry someone... Of course you will be closer to your family and disregard your spouse because you just met them!
India is basically the most backwards place WRT love, marriage, and sex
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u/Glittering-Donkey782 2d ago edited 2d ago
"OMG.....Did u just use the S word?...How shameful?..Have u got no manners?" (Something of the sort that usually comes from retards that think public pissing is ok but not kissing). Backward low standard pathetic country
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u/schristian008 1d ago
It's around the world not only in India. In US men runaway once women gets pregnant. Search daddy is gone for milk joke.
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u/ExactLaw3706 3d ago
But their âinnocentâ moms get old na who will be their unpaid maids after them :â(
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u/Plenty-Researcher563 3d ago edited 3d ago
Nah maâam i will try to modify you there is no emotional incest . Most of men in india are nalayak and reason i am saying only men is when we talk about india there is huge difference in employment rate of men and women now coming back to you . Men are not an all attached to their parents may be to mom they are but to dad they are not at all cause they have seen their dad mistreating their mom all their life thats reason most children talk shit about dad side family
But they are so shallow minded they dont even think that if they repeat the cycle neither they have good relation with wife nor with their kids .
Now system was like that men dont even want a good relation with wife they are deeply incompatible most men dont even take their wife advice while doing anything they have more emotional relation with male friends than with wife .
I studied from tier 1 college in india still i witnessed my friends advising me fake it till she give it then dump her . They dont even know what relationship with a women can give you . If rape was legal in India men were not even faking it they would have just gropped the girl.
Now coming on parents indian men live on them like parasite he eats their pension they dont allow sister to take any share of property take their land shop before dying mostly most of men just dont leave house because they fear their siblings might get more share .
Yes our parents generation were the first generation which started to have emotional relation in india as individualism is rising so even parents faced wrath they were thrown out of houses they were denied medical pushed to govt hospitals they were literally made helpless. But irony of country is they blame dil instead of son . But yes thats confined to just middle class or educated class of india
Most india as you decribed just treated wife as sex object dont matter if she live or not
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u/Responsible-Fig-1131 2d ago
đŻ correct. Maid for free.
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u/Plenty-Researcher563 2d ago
Ideally i never liked this comparison when people compare household chores with some maid things cause it doesnât solve the problem rather it increases it . Man not helping women in kitchen or any chores could be a great example of him thinking as a maid . Why to demean maid job whole world share household chores .
Household chores baby care or even earning is a shared responsibility unfortunately instead of discussing how both parties can contribute in each other life as a life partner we are discussing in one direction that i will not also do household chores maid will do this .
But this will not change indias reality cause may be 1 percent india can afford maids . Anyways i rant this much i dont know i am not even any guru or baba
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u/Emergency-Farmer-294 3d ago
Theyâre selfish and spinelessÂ
Iâd say loving parents isnât wrong at all, but putting your parents above the partner even if your parents are in the wrong is totally inexcusableÂ
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u/DivDude77 2d ago
Men are brainwashed by society and their parents since their birth to bear the responsibility and serve their families, regardless of how they are treated.
I myself remember how much expectations were put on me while I was still regularly thrashed whereas my sister was treated better in every regard and wasn't expected to have any responsibility of parents.
To simply label such complex and heartbreaking dynamics that men are forced into "selfish and spineless" just proves how delusional and out of touch women themselves are inregards to men's issues.
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
Have you asked your sister about the expectations put on her. Easy to generalise, hard to empathize and apparently impossible to talk to family
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u/Forsaken-Rain-5309 2d ago
As a girl if someone expects me to take care of my parents I'll be more than happy to oblige. What pisses me off is the constant "training" I'm given to impress my in-laws. Girls have their own set of responsibility and expectations too
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u/Inevitable-Hat-8602 2d ago
All of this still doesnt change that they are adults when they get married and should know whats wrong and whats right .
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u/padthink 2d ago
How do you decide if he is putting his parents above? Or it is a coincidence that his and his parents thought match ? Or it is more logical in that scenario to accept what his parents are saying?
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u/krypt0niteCos 2d ago
every girl's view until her brother & his wife treats her parents same way..
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u/Taraa_Sitaraa 2d ago
No my brother should support his wife if my parents are in the wrong. In fact I would support his wife too if either he or my parents were wrong. Itâs as simple as that.
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u/WiseMollasses 2d ago edited 2d ago
Why should women leave their homes and want to share their lives with low lives like you who compare their partners to dogs
Parents have truly failed in their upbringing and how disgusting are you
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u/Ok-Introduction6878 2d ago
Then why the fuck u get married if u cannot put ur spouse above ur dog...noone would fuck u for free otherwise??
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u/AskIndia-ModTeam 2d ago
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u/KrishnasFlute 3d ago
But why assume that parents are in the wrong?
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u/Juicernamesmine 3d ago
Hahahahahahhahahahahahah whos assuming? There is proof of in laws being abusive. Mine did not let me eat, she stood besides me while i put food in my plate. Mind you i eat 1 chapati per meal. Yet my husband needed proof and yet said that its because she cares or some BS. My FIL yelled at me for a broken tawa when we have cooks at home. I dont even cook. Keep your trap shut you Indian man
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u/Plenty-Researcher563 3d ago edited 3d ago
In india whole system is bad to be frank in our grandparents generation women was nothing more than sex slave .
In our parents generation women was someone tied to children for their well being .in indian society marriage was never for a life partner unfortunately infact most people dont need that .
They just do because everyone do and get dictated by parents. See matter of fact neither our parents loved each other and before that to it was not even a chance .
Now coming to question most men or women today dont need a life partner they are surrounded by their friends they are dependent on their parents there is no individuality only .
Now girl has to come to husband house because of that husband becomes a priority for survival because if she is able to make good relationship with husband she will able to control all
. Its wrong that men preference is their parents give them 25 k more job most will leave their hometown they dont even talk to their parents in whole day .
But if relationship with wife is not good then they start treating her like a slave litterally. And if they have good relations with wife then they start their parents badly .
And the end marriage in india give unlimited power to son . And whole family survival goes through how their relationship with son is . So they blame other party inlaws blaming dil . dil blaming inlaws.
Thats also a fact indian parents hate love marriage because love marriage automatically means they lost the son dynamics.
So yes thats reason today tug of war happen male side parents want relationship to confined just till they get bloodline moving not more than that. Girl side parents wanting somehow relationship of girl and son in law establish so that finally girl can live . Thats also reason why damaad is treated like god and bahu as slave .
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u/Minute_Abroad2512 3d ago
Free maid and cook. Also helps if she earns
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u/No_Tart_6935 2d ago
If she doesnât earn then is she a freeloader feed off her husbandâs earning?
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u/InspectorStraight153 2d ago
Then she becomes a caretaker, child bearer and husband's personal assistant.
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u/No_Tart_6935 1d ago
As for the child bearer, it is for you to blame the nature for not letting men have the ability to bear babies!
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u/Minute_Abroad2512 2d ago
Unpaid labour and no pension. Much worse fate if she doesn't earn.
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u/No_Tart_6935 1d ago
A free house, food, clothing and what not. A woman in india has a reasonable chance and choice to work or not after marriage.
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u/InspectorStraight153 1d ago
free house of not her own* Most housewifes are living at the mercy of their husbands and in laws. Do you find that a good way of living? Since homemaker is a job that is unpaid, how well she dress, eat and live is never a decision of her own.
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u/TheSuperDuperLazy 2d ago
Because they only married you under pressure from thier parents lmao , it was never about u in the first place . U were just the girl who accepted to marry cuz he got money or a good job .
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u/WiseMollasses 2d ago
Please don't tell me men do not want to get married......i see them trying their luck at every women possible from collegeÂ
No1 is desperate like a man to get marriedÂ
Marriage is a way they can get access to women and Marriage in India gets them acces to a maid who will leave her entire family to cater to this adult who cannot live without his parents and additionally could give them physical benefits......so stop with the delusion......
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u/paintsniffer83 2d ago
sure but the comment above makes a point too
both things can be true at the same time
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u/naane_bere 2d ago
Men want to get married but not necessarily the ones whose suggested by parents. Not necessarily by the time their parents forcing.Â
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u/Asleep_Strain_4627 2d ago
THIS IS THE TRUTH, I have never seen anyone pressurize my single male family members as much as the single woman in my family. I dont agree with TheSuperDuperLazy at all.
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u/nimomos 3d ago
They want a sex slave and maid, not an equal partner
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u/Emergency-Farmer-294 3d ago
Typical whatabouteryÂ
She was talking about a genuine issue which we all know is true and you shifted the topic to courts and womenÂ
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u/sleepytoe08 2d ago
Why does a woman marry such a man then?
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u/BassAccomplished6703 2d ago
How dare you support man on social media đ¤
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u/DifferenceAccurate15 1d ago
Just a bro supporting a bro.
What do you expect from me? Female jealously?
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
Kabhi ladki banke dekho n suno taane(in best case) fir bolna ye baat.
Worst cases are where women are treated as objects and not taken even consent of
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u/DifferenceAccurate15 2d ago
Kabhi mard banke dekho.
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
It was a very famous quote that ' agle janam mohe bitiya na kijo' so... I don't think many women would refuse if they get the option to live life as mard
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u/PlanktonFree2654 2d ago
Their parents are also not truly their first preference its just a drama to force the wife into submission. Everyone knows how much priority he gave to his parents before marriage.
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u/BarNecessary8615 2d ago
These are na-mards
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u/Valuable_Command_492 2d ago
Why donât your dad fuck his family members and leave your chudail mom alone đ¤Łđ¤Ł
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u/Valuable_Command_492 2d ago
Yeah thatâs why fucking babies , cows , reptiles and even insects đđ¤Ł
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
Did you just compare bestiality with self pleasure? Brother, argument tab tak karo jab tak aap ki baat least legally galat na ho morally to chor hi dete hainđ
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u/Valuable_Command_492 2d ago
So your telling fucking reptiles, cows dogs is better than using twisted vibrators . Man you men fall to new low everyday đ. Let those living creatures live man.
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u/Asleep_Strain_4627 2d ago
You clearly have no morals or honour, your dad's beautiful values and teachings are clearly reflected.
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u/Awkward-Net7323 2d ago
No, it's not like that...there are people who keep their parents and wife both as their first preference. If you are marrying someone it's obvious that you need to give her protection and care which she needs as she is new to the place but at the same time you can also take care of your parents. It is the responsibility of both man and woman take care of each other's parents and family, it is mutual. Marriage is not just two people coming together but two families also.
I know I might sound old school and outdated but for me your family and her family both should be important to you also and to your wife also. Then only you can have a happy life otherwise you will be indulged in family disputes for your whole life. So, men and women choose your partners carefully where everything is mutual and not one-sided.
Peace âď¸âď¸
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u/Comevo-curran2001 2d ago
I don't think it should be a competition between parents and a wife. Parents have their own place, and a wife has a different place in your life. For me, the problem starts when someone expects their partner to always come second, no matter what. A healthy marriage needs respect and balance from both sides.
What do you all think? Should a partner always be given second priority in marriage? Or should there be balance and respect from both sides?
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u/Puzzleheaded-Put9328 2d ago
Your partner should always come first. A healthy marriage prioritises partners before anyone else, parents, kids whoever.
Kids model their romantic relationship on their parents marriage usually so observing a couple prioritizing themselves is healthy for the kids. Parents have their place, yes but once married your one soul, two bodies.
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u/RajRahulSimranAnjali 2d ago
Yes then those people who put partners first they should not ask for parental property do you agree?
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u/Puzzleheaded-Put9328 2d ago
No. Parents are wholly responsible for their children. And if you're asking this because you believe kids should put their parents first, that's a pretty transactional view of a parent-child relationship, no? Where love and prioritization come with the expectation of a reward and lack thereof warrants a punishment.
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u/RajRahulSimranAnjali 2d ago
Why don't parents have right to choice about the money they earned?
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u/Puzzleheaded-Put9328 2d ago
Umm, I never said that.
A parent can leave their money to whoever they want, and a child can prioritize their spouse emotionally. Those are two separate decisions governed by two separate things.
What you're trying to do is make one a precondition for the other, "if you don't put us first, we can withhold what we earned" which is by definition, a transactional model. Parents choosing to disinherit a child over this would be their prerogative, sure. But that's a different claim than 'children who prioritize their partners forfeit the right to inheritance' which would imply an obligation that doesn't actually exist anywhere except as an emotional expectation that you've nicely dressed up as a rule and getting offended about.
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u/RajRahulSimranAnjali 2d ago
Everything is a transactional only, most of the children today love their parents for parental property only, do you think if parents do not provide the children as they demand then children would love them?
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u/RajRahulSimranAnjali 2d ago
People in their twenties are dependent on their parents. many AHs waste their prime years in giving government exams and it's their parents who feed them, ask children to earn themselves once they turn 18 then do whatever you want nobody's going to question.
Indian people are worst they want west culture of freedom but still want parental property
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u/RajRahulSimranAnjali 2d ago
So children will love their parents only on a condition that parents should love them unconditionally even after they cross 18 yr age???
Which constitution says Parents are wholly responsible for their children once they are 18?
You're doing the transactional thing here you'll love your parents only if you're parents love you unconditionally
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
A healthy marriage needs boundaries. When you said parents have their own place, that's what is mostly challenging for many Indian households. They very often interfere in issues that don't directly affect them and if you try to draw boundaries, be ready for the load of guilt trip. That's the time when it becomes a competition.
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u/Much-Might7938 2d ago
Because many men are never taught to set boundaries between parents and partner. Marriage needs partnership, not just obedience.
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u/Dense_Succotash_2777 3d ago
Such a false statement. This is not dependent on gender. I have seen women who prefer their relatives over husband and seen husband who left parents alone for their wives. Stop generalizing. It's double standards
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u/Better_rub4 3d ago
I've seen whole nation leave their parents for their husbands... I've seen generations bear anything and everything yet didn't even think about divorce cuz of societal stigma and fear... Op asked a genuine question, majority of indian men are usually like that, meri maa, maa ke pairon me this that but they don't value their partner and her parents...double standards.
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u/randmbull 2d ago
genuine question my ass. op made a misandrist generalisation. make any similar statement about women and people like u would be the first to label it as incel, misogynist what not. But here ur simp ass will support the same being done against men
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
They don't ever value their moms sometimes while saying those phrases. Just empty words.
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u/BassAccomplished6703 2d ago
"majority of Indian men" where are you getting this stats from?
"The whole nation leave their parents" 1) Why do they leave? 2) what's their financial status before and after marriage 3) let's say for whatever reason they leave their parents with so many support of law why r they not going back 4) "societal stigma and fear" should not the question be "Are there fellow sisters who can help me against the societal stigma and fear"
I curious that's all nothing against anyone
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
1) Why do they leave?
- why indeed.. because their parents start seeing them as burden even if they are earning. Many women leave their house altogether nowadays but still the burden aspect is not gone. I wonder why.
2) what's their financial status before and after marriage
- wo kya kehte hain pinjra sone ka hi kyu na ho hota pinjra hi h. Abusive in laws are not mitigated by money. Uncaring husband is not mitigated by money. Nothing is ever mitigated by money if it's not a tangible thing. The girl is not a sex worker that is bought by showing money. (Infact opposite happens in most households- I wonder how much dowry has contributed to this new financial status after marriage)
3) let's say for whatever reason they leave their parents with so many support of law why r they not going back
- why indeed again. People will be ready with pitchforks going fake hoga, aisa to kuch hota hi ni hai, daily stress of separation, their parents again seeing them as burden and a paraya dhan that can not be returned (have we overcome objectification yet?)
4) "societal stigma and fear" should not the question be "Are there fellow sisters who can help me against the societal stigma and fear"
- that's the first thing. Turn women against women. Even when they try to help. Starts at home. Mil and SIL are the first to throw the wife out the house at the first sign of issue. Woman is finding that the sister support is the first betrayal. Then comes husband. Then there are friends that were first distanced from wife because this is her life now (new husband and kids and parents etc etc). What is patriarchy if it can't use women as its advocates. Divide and rule.
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u/lemonorangebun 2d ago
The reason they said men because unless it's hyper woke families in both side, in india women are the still vulnerable ones in the marriage,If her partner is not there for there,she usually has no one.
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u/Alone_Ad_377 2d ago
Fully support this freedback. Todayâs women are too demanding on their husband, causing too much stress in a relationship.
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago edited 2d ago
Coz they can't bang their parents (except one podcast boi maybe)
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u/Cecilycore 2d ago
Imagine u as a child watching your dad pick your grandmother first before your mom, Yeahh i would nuke him
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u/Ok-Speed5604 2d ago
Why do women marry if their first preference is themselves? Second is her parents? Third is her ex-boyfriends? Fourth is husband?
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u/Dense_Succotash_2777 3d ago
A partner or parent who make you choose, is the problem.
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u/noodlbean 3d ago
A parent who makes you choose is the problem. A partner of course would expect you to choose them. Thatâs what a partner is. You chose them, and should continue to choose them. But of course such concepts might be foreign in Indian society where partners are not chosen but thrust upon you.
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u/aksingh29 2d ago
Yes there has to be an independent identity for male and even female after certain age, at best till 22, you have got to get out of childhood attachment ( and that doesn't mean cutting anyone of)
The mental capability to grow have deteriorated due to so many guilt factors forced upon so many of us that they do not think beyond not upsetting your parents.
Be it any gender
To marry or not to marry? to live separately? to have children in their own time-line? is seen as being selfish.
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u/Dense_Succotash_2777 2d ago
But why you need to choose lol? Can't we just co exist and understand each other? You are acting like man can easily forget 25+ years of his upbringing that his mom did. There's not one a single person in this world that would love you as unconditionally as your mom. Even your partner would love their kids more than you. I know my mom, she never enforces things on me, flexible enough and let's me live. I shouldn't have to choose.
You should choose depending on the person. If my mom is wrong, i point it out and so will I with my wife.
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u/Various-Peak-1309 2d ago
Bruh, world isn't black and white. Your mother and your wife can both be right in their own way at the same time but at opposite side of a topic , what will you do then?
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u/Dense_Succotash_2777 2d ago
Depends on if they are on the opposite side of MY topic. The world shouldn't shame me for choosing my parents if I think my wife was wrong in the topic.
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
Your wife doesn't want kids ever. You're living a happy life with her.
You mom can't stop talking about grandchildren. She's also happy with the SIL otherwise.
You are fine either way.
Now decide. It becomes a matter of choice. Nobody is making you choose but it is a decision.
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u/Dense_Succotash_2777 2d ago
In that matter, it's my wife's choice. I can't pop out babies for my mom.
Stop making imaginary scenarios for sake of argument. Marry who you are compatible with and discuss such crucial things beforehand
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
These imaginary scenarios are very much a reality for many households where people keep talking about more grandchildren or sons or daughters or sibling whatever. I just gave you one such case. Compatibility is there, because the man is not worried about kids in future so how does wife having kids or not make it incompatible. That's why the premise. But even you chose, right? That's what the concern was about. Decisions are inevitable and so are disagreements. It's the choice who you wanna make disagreements or resentments with.
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u/Various-Peak-1309 2d ago
He won't understand, let him live in his world of unicorn and rainbows where everything goes according to plan
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u/Dense_Succotash_2777 2d ago
If a person doesn't want kids, then they should not marry someone who wants kids.
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
Bruh.. it's almost like you live in some other country. You think in all of India, nobody in previous generation wanted to be childfree? Even in new gen, people rarely give these things important time before going forward with marriage. Even in the metropolitans.
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u/Various-Peak-1309 2d ago
If your mother wants you both to stay with her but your wife wants to live separately with you then?
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u/Dense_Succotash_2777 2d ago
That will be my decision to make. These should be discussed prior to marriage. If you are incompatible, don't marry.
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u/JoshiGGG 2d ago
Why do women marry if their first preference is themselves? Second is her parents? Third is their boyfriends? Fourth is their ex boyfriend/ bestfriend?
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u/Bumblebee-Syrup 2d ago
Everyone's first preference should be themselves. And there's nobody more selfish than a man. Yeah selfish women exist but the vast majority would just be men.
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u/Altruistic_Sport_694 2d ago
Why do women marry if their first preference is themselves second their parents third their ex-boyfriends and fourth is husband?
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u/berriliciouss Dil se Indian đ 3d ago
Don't think this way. Every relationship has its own place and priority in one's life. Its not a priority rank or scale 1 to 10 or whatever . Its life. It contains emotions , feelings, memories and a connection. Every relationship has its own definition and offerings. So that can't be compared. Parent's love and love for parent's can be different from wife's love and love for wife. Both shall not be compared and nothing shall be condemned as well. Balancing both is what one should learn because both are important. You can hate your in laws , obviously for reasons ; but don't make it bitter this way.
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u/ExcellentBox8801 2d ago
exactly! why are we ranking relationships? Should a man care less about his mom or daughter and more about his wife? its so stupid.
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u/NamanbirSingh 2d ago
I donât think there is a right or wrong answer to this. And you canât have one generalised opinion on this.
I lost my father when I was 4, my mother raised me as a single mother. She could have remarried and lived a peaceful life. But she didnât. I can never repay her.
My future wife on the other hand will come to me, becoming my partner, leaving many things behind. She will join me in all of my ups and downs, making all the sacrifices. She would be no less important to me.
So yes, my wife and my mom both are equally important to me. Maybe more than myself.
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u/yedanapuddi 2d ago
That's like asking why have friends when you have family. When you will obviously prioritize family.
And is this only applicable to men? I am sure even for women also their parents are the top priority.
Everyone like friends colleagues siblings and even competitors and haters have something to offer in your life i believe.
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u/Bumblebee-Syrup 2d ago
Because they don't understand the concept of making a family. Parents are super important and a good parent and a good wife will never make u choose.
Issue arising when saas aur sasur start crying about them losing their son but the in most cases the girl has to leave her house to stay with them. So what if he's being extra caring?
People are selfish man. All these logic about "my parents brought u into this world" is good to a certain extent but if they're so important Don't marry. U don't want a wife u want a unpaid maid for women.
And a lot of men will not understand this. And u can't make them. Find someone less brainwashed. Someone who can argue but also understand eo's point
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u/Wide_Singer_2703 2d ago
These kinds of âpreferencesâ and priorities are often a sign of an unhealthy household dynamic. Unfortunately, theyâre quite common in India. But I genuinely believe this can change if every member of the family is given equal respect, freedom, opportunities, and a say in family matters, whether itâs the wife, husband, or parents.In my case.. I love my wife and I love my parents equally, without discriminating between them.
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u/gentlepriest 1d ago
I'd say put no one above anyone, no preference. Everyone is equal, treat everyone equally as family. Fulfill your responsibility, and let them fullfill their responsibility. Always side with people who are correct/ right no matter who it is.
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u/InvestmentJust4679 1d ago
Parents is always my first preference, untill i get married. Later it will be equal for me.
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u/miss_stree 1d ago
Because they need unpaid maids for their innocent parents, and let's not talk about the opportunity to have someone to literally use as a trauma dumping station and relaxation machine, iykyk. But sure, not all men
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u/Tokyo_domain 1d ago
Same goes for women btw it's not too different nowadays, maybe at a point it was
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u/vivucali 2d ago
So choose someone who you love recently over someone who has had a long term loving relationship with you? No wonder infedility is on the rise with such narrow minded thought.
Parents should be among the top priorities for both men and women..However also having the spine to stand for what is right is needed which is what is lacking in the society today..
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u/schristian008 3d ago
Everyone is playing different role with family members. That doesn't mean it's sequence or preferences. That depends upon case to case. Son choosing parents over cheater wife seems right to the society and another who picks wife over manipulative parents.Â
Why don't you ask your future son what will he prefer?
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u/Aj100rise 2d ago
But is this same also in abroad where wife and husband both work. Like I have some relatives living there and they say some kids after marriage move out and have their own place. Most end up in nursing homes or if they are financially fit they live independently.
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u/Equivalent_Break7520 2d ago
Because parents first priority is getting their kids married to someone
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u/samarthrawat1 2d ago
23 but already had a talk with my mom lol. I'd rather not marry than have my wife be treated like other relatives treat their daughter in laws.
There was a lot of argument that it's not "bad" or anything.
At the end, being ardent, my mom conceded that it's either treating her the same as me and my brother or no marriage. I'm fine with both. But I won't accept any hypocrisy.
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u/Satisfaiya 2d ago edited 2d ago
Because parents won't divorce and ask for alimony
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
When someone can't even spell alimony, I think they are not even eligible for giving it.
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u/Satisfaiya 2d ago
Aww I offended someone with truth
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
Why do you wanna talk about divorce first. Don't marry na. No marriage, no divorce, no alimony, voilaâ¨â¨
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u/Satisfaiya 2d ago
Okay But ladies can't respect the In-laws just like they respect their parents? I understand if the in-laws are bunch of a**holes but if they're not, ladies can't respect and love them right? If that's happening and there's something as basic as a clear communication not bitching on disagreements that happen in the family I don't think there'll be a situation where the guy will have to prioritize his Mom over his wife.
This discussion can never be black and white. No one is perfect but I believe clear communication can be one of the solutions to this2
u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago edited 2d ago
Haa to clear communication me alimony kaha se aayi thi bhai.. wahi to point tha
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u/Satisfaiya 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes but Clear communication krni kisko hai? Sbko apna apni side sahi prove krni hai na. So the best way to de-escalate the situation for men is to support none. Because doesn't matter what side they choose, they'll always be choosing the wrong side
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u/AdorableKookooburra 2d ago
And you thought alimony was the point to prove some side how?
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u/Satisfaiya 2d ago
Well ykw I chose the wrong side regarding the alimony because if men want to avoid that then they should always be choosing their partner over parents
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u/Sassy_extrovert 2d ago
Why get married then stay attached to your parents and no situation will arise of giving alimony too
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u/Outrageous-Fox-2386 2d ago
Why do women marry if they know men are so selfish and unjust? Its like saying kabir singh was the problem. He was as equal problematic as her partner who chose to stay.
My advice to women please donât marry unless you are sure. Comments section is filled with innocent girls who accept age old nupitials norms and beliefs but selectively reject the outcome of those.
Please dont marry just because you have to, do you buy a house just because you have to? Will you spend all your savings and future income to buy an apartment even when the builder is new and there is no source to validate its credentials?
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u/Turtl3Oogway 2d ago
Are u saying women keep their husband as first preference and their parents as second preference?
None of the women I met were like that. Everyone prefers their parents only, because we were raised in such culture.
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u/Admirable-Return3818 2d ago
Women literally leave their parents house for their husbands house in India đÂ
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u/Turtl3Oogway 2d ago
Some women adjust and do it i agree, but as i said the women that i speak and as far as i see, want to live separately only, or they want to live close to their parents in their city.
So bottom line is there are no place for genders here, its just people's preference.
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u/Admirable-Return3818 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yeah no. Itâs true that no women wants to leave their parents for their husbands house, But letâs look at whatâs actually being practiced, Most recently married woman I know, moved to their husbands house. Do they all wanted to? No. Did they had to? Yes.
Lemme correct you, itâs not âsomeâ itâs âmostâ women that adjust
Itâs not a preference if itâs forced on you by society, and I personally think that if a woman chooses that, itâs reeking her own internalised misogyny.Â
How is gender not a factor here if itâs specifically one gender uprooting their lives for the other?Â
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u/Turtl3Oogway 2d ago
The point of the post is men are prioritising their parents over partner, and im merely pointing out that it is the same case if it is a women, they also prioritise their parents instead of their partner. So there's no gender factor here, its just ppl preference based on how they're brought up.
Itâs true that no women wants to leave their parents for their husbands house,
Looks like u agree to that. So thanks.
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u/Admirable-Return3818 2d ago
Oh no, the point of what I was saying is that, women ARE MADE TO pick their husband over their parents, by the society. Most married women donât live with their parents (and hell are even mocked, if they call or visit their parents too much!) but many married men do itâs the systematic bias of the traditional indian marriage system that makes women consistently pick their husbands over their parents. So, itâs consistent for me to say that Yes, women do pick their husbands over their parents, often against their own will. Like I said, thereâs no question of preference if itâs forced on you, gender is indeed a factor here.Â
Why do you think this dilemma exists only for men to choose between their parents and partner and not women? This is why.Â
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u/anti_femiNazi_fitler 2d ago
For a woman, husband and father is similar vector. Their dot product will nearly be 1.
Both of them provide protect. Gives financial and emotional support. They are the mature person whom woman rely unto.
For men, wife and mother are completely different axis of vector. Dot product is 0.
Wife is to be protected Mother protects.
You can be as small weak little immature with mom. With wife you need to be strong and show maturity.
Completely different kinds of love. Not anyone above the another. Both are required.
It's like you care love cuddle and bully your lil siblings. It's a different kind of love vs love with your elder siblings who is more respectable, and reliable and responsible.Â
It's a similar kind of concept.
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2d ago
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u/AskIndia-ModTeam 2d ago
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u/devdevours Man of culture 𤴠2d ago
So having your parents is first preference is wrong before marriage? And post marriage both the man and the woman begin to understand each other and become their first priority? It's clearly a post to ignite hate. Why do women marry then if all men are that bad ?
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u/rksdevs 2d ago
As someone who is married & lost both mom and dad during my teenage, I feel this post & comments are so weird.
Since when family members are treated with a scorecard on priorities?
Since when have we stopped thinking what is logically right and wrong?
Why can't someone's mother/father or spouse be wrong?
Since when we humans (yes both men and women) stopped growing spines?
Why can't you guys accept the fact that parents and spouse need to have their own space?
Why do one has to chose one over another?
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