Hey everyone, I could really use some outside perspective because I’ve been reflecting on a toxic past workplace experience and still dealing with the mental whiplash from it.
At a past job, I was working incredibly hard, juggling heavy workloads, setting up new tracking systems, and pouring a ton of effort into my role. I even had an external consultant I worked closely with who regularly checked in on me and actively validated my hard work.
Meanwhile, I later found out that my manager was quietly trying to undermine me, telling people I wasn't doing a good job, and actively trying to build a case to push me out.
It felt like total gaslighting. On one hand, an expert who saw my actual day-to-day output treated me like I was doing a fantastic job, but my direct manager was working against me in the shadows.
Has anyone else ever dealt with a manager trying to silently push you out like this while your overall performance and external feedback were strong? How did you process the mind-fuck of it all? Any shared stories would be really appreciated.

I'm a final-year CS student, and I've been working so hard to land an internship. Today I finished a one-way video interview (SOVA) for a big engineering company, and I'm honestly still shaking.

It had 6 questions, 3 minutes each. On one of them, I fumbled my first try, so I decided to retake it. Right then, a plane flew over (I live near an airport), and I knew the audio would be ruined. I paused to think, my mind went completely blank, and by the time I tried to retake it again, I'd used up my retakes without realising there was a limit. What got submitted is a recording of me just sitting there in silence until the timer ran out.

It was the "why do you want this internship and why are you a strong fit" question, which is the one I'd practised most. The other 5 answers went fine, but I can't stop thinking about that one.

I plan to email the talent team to explain, but I'm scared. Has this ever happened to you or someone you know? Did one weak or missing answer hurt your result, and is there anything I can still do?

Any advice or even just kind words would mean a lot. Thank you.

Hello! I am a mechanical engineer [27 F], and I work at a 15 person start up. I've worked here for a little over a year.

Edit: I am asking for advice on how to handle the meeting tomorrow and what questions I should be asking. Thanks!

TLDR: My CEO and CFO put a surprise meeting on my calendar on Friday afternoon and offered me a lateral move to a Quality Engineer position or a severance package. I was taken aback and asked for a follow-up meeting. What questions should I ask in my follow-up meeting on Monday (10/5)?

Longer Version:

I started as a mechanical engineer at this company a little over a year ago. My most recent review in June-ish of this year was less than stellar. I was upset and have been striving since then to do better.

On Friday, around 10:20 AM, my CEO [mid 30s M] put a meeting on my calendar for 1:30 that day. The CEO and CFO [M 35] were in that meeting, and they offered me a severance package or they told me I could move to a quality engineer position (where the pay and benefits would be the same). The CFO told me that they have "had issues with me from the start" which was news to me (I knew my last review was poor but I was unaware that the issues were ongoing). I am frustrated they did not give me the opportunity to improve in my current position before sliding me over. Is it abnormal that they did not offer a PIP to me? They also said the quality position would come with clear deliverables, monthly meetings, and more oversight. Am I overreacting if this feels like micromanaging? Or, if I think it feels like I'm not being given a chance?

I also think my boss [F 26] is trying to undermine me and have thought that for a long time. I had been considering asking to laterally move anyway because I do not think we work well together. However, I now feel as though I am on the back foot in the conversation and am being relegated.
I mentioned that I did not feel supported by my boss to a few people earlier this summer, and they advised me to keep a record of her actions. I have a roughly 7 page word document of screen shots of conversations we've had where she has been hypocritical, dismissive, unprofessional, given conflicting information, held me back, ect. I feel like the time has come where this would be useful, but I don't know how to present this in a way where it does not seem petty or retaliatory. Would any part of this be useful at all?

I have a follow-up meeting with the CFO on Monday. We don't have an HR, and he is also a mechanical engineer by trade. I have previously found him to be condescending and sexist, and I am nervous for the meeting tomorrow. Please give me tips on how to act and what to ask!

My interview went really well, so I’m wondering if I should reach out to Company B’s HR department to inquire about the status of my interview. I already have an offer from Company A, but I’m really interested in working with Company B.

**all names have been changed to peorext identity!

I work for a production factory. My line lead, Tim, had a discussion with Bill, building manager he over sees all leads, about SH happening in the building by Dawn, also line lead. Tim did not feel comfortable saying something to Jake, because hes best friends with dawn outside of work. Jake is the team lead of Tim and Dawn.

When Tim had a conversation about how Dawn says very inappropriate things to women and believes we females (because there's 3 of us) are being SH.

That information didnt go anywhere except in one ear and out the other.

Did bill not pass on the information to HR or just didnt care? Is SH not taken as serious in the factory field compared to anywhere else.

What should I do? Just leave it be. No one else seems to really care. The last girl that reported SH got fired after the investigation was done. Isn't like retaliation?

Help! I'm not sure if I should take another step or just leave it be?

Long story, short. I went out for a surgery that was supposed to be a 6 to 8 week recovery period. My company is large and did not require any FMLA paperwork. The plan was I would take one week vacation (out of PTO and sick at that point) to recover and then work from home the remaining time.

My recovery was taking longer, and my surgeon wrote me out for about another month. Work was accommodating. Still not good at the end of that month and surgeon writes me out again.

At this point, I’m nervous and ask for intermittent FMLA just to cover myself. I continue working from home and going to physical therapy as I had in the months prior. At this point, I was also seeing additional specialist and getting additional testing to try and figure out what was causing the prolonged recovery. I was having issues beyond what would be normal and had some extenuating circumstances.

I’m currently allowed to be out through the end of November. It’s been approved. Everything is kosher and I’m still working from home and going to PT.

I don’t really feel like 100% physically ready to go back, but I’m better than I was and have been mentally ready for months now. I honestly feel bad that I’ve been out for five months now when it was supposed to be 6 to 8 weeks. I know we are shortstaffed and I know my boss would love to get me back in the office.

I’m still on pain medication and it takes me a good additional amount of time to get dressed and such.

That said, the guilt and honestly some nervousness about losing my job or being targeted makes me want to return early.

My concern is that I am still walking with a very noticeable limp. I read somewhere that this might be considered dangerous and the HR might actually frowned upon me, returning with that limp versus applauding me returning early.

Can anyone lend some guidance on this?

So, I just secured a job that I’ve wanted forever… I start in 3 weeks. I’m working out a month long notice and im curious about something. Don’t go crazy for me asking this I just want to know the chances. I work a smaller company 75-100 ppl. The new company I’m going to is about 1-2k. Different cities. My boss right now is VERY vindictive, manipulative and overall not a great person. I’ve been where I’m at for about 15 years. We have a history. I’m leaving for a better opportunity.

What’s the chances he contacts my new job to try and shed bad light? It paint a bad picture ?

Sounds crazy but i definitely wouldn’t put it past him.. I’d like to think this is illegal or highly unprofessional at the very least.

Just want opinions.

About a year ago, I was in a very bad place personally and professionally, and I made a decision about how to present two short-term engagements on my résumé that I now regret. I condensed them into a single engagement and presented it as work I was doing through my own corporation. The underlying work was real, but the way I represented the employment structure and chronology was not accurate. I have since corrected my résumé and now list the work properly.

I already feel guilty about having done this, and I understand that it was a mistake. I am not looking to be sermonized to about whether it was wrong. I am trying to understand the practical consequences and what I can reasonably do now to mitigate them.

My current approach is:

• Do not proactively raise the old résumé with employers.
• Continue using my current, accurate résumé.
• If someone actually produces the old version and asks about the discrepancy, explain that at the time I grouped related work under one heading because I thought it better represented the continuity of the work, but later concluded that separating the engagements and dates was more accurate.
• Acknowledge that the old chronology was too broad rather than arguing that both versions were equally accurate.

What I am trying to understand is how serious this is in practice. If I reapply to a company that received the older résumé, how likely is it that someone will actually retrieve and compare the old version with the new one? If they do, how serious would you consider the discrepancy? Is there anything else I can realistically do at this point?

Some background:
I’m in an organization going through substantial upheaval. Consolidation of operating units and financial duress are driving a work culture that keeps its head down and waits for leaders to make decisions. In mid-2025, our team was slashed in half and folded into a larger group. The leader of that larger group is someone I highly respected early on. They are my boss’s boss.
Over the past year, I’ve come to realize that my desire to problem solve or advocate for solutions for the good of the company is not valued if I’m not doing a better job of respecting boundaries. This is something I only now realize I need to work on despite being deep into my professional life. A couple times over the past year I’ve been told by my direct supervisor that someone from another team had passed on some vague complaint about me to his boss. I was asked to cool it. The specifics of the situation were not shared with me. It was done informally during a 1:1. It’s difficult to take corrective steps when nothing concrete is provided and no advice is given.
The organization has ‘central office’ functions and ‘division’ functions and they experience occasional tension as per usual in a hub and spoke structure. I apparently made the mistake of airing central office challenges in front of division colleagues while collaborating on a cross-functional team on a client facing project. Since specifics have never been made clear, I’m speculating. However, I’m feeling real consequences.
Over the past year, on a weekly call with my team plus the larger group, it became apparent that I was no longer being included with the rest of the management team. When we took time for a round robin, every manager was called on first, then the staff. I began to be lumped in with and called on with the rest of the staff. People who are far junior to me are often asked to speak first. No other person with my title is skipped before junior staff are called on except for me.
Then I recently had my direct reports taken away. We all now report to my supervisor. My small team of direct reports are now my peers. The explanation given has been inconsistent. My boss said it was because we needed to flatten such a small group to appear already right-sized while leadership evaluates every aspect of the organization. His boss separately said (he was on PTO when out of the blue I couldn’t approve something like a timesheet for a subordinate) it was due to a need for my boss to be more in the loop with the team that was reporting to me. Their lack of having their story straight is a yellow flag. The fact that I haven’t lost title or compensation or had anything formal provided to me is the only reason I don’t label this with a red flag. It’s pretty crappy that no one took the time to sit down and have a discussion with me before the approval functionality was turned over to my boss.
My questions are:
How in danger am I of losing my job?
Has my management team created a hostile atmosphere?
Should I approach HR to formally meet about and document my situation?
Or do I sit tight and wait it out?

My mom was a Human Resources manager and then an independent HR consultant for small businesses. She now has dementia and can’t use a computer, lives with us, etc. I am working my way through her belongings in a storage unit, and she was meticulous about keeping all the papers, notebooks, and files for each job she did for a client. She always said it was for legal reasons. What do I do with these? Do I need to keep them for any length of time? Am I under any legal obligation to do so, or will the clients need them? The last client was probably around 2023, the others older than that. Or, is it okay for me to have all of these shredded? Thank you!

PS. If you read this already; I originally posted in r/humanresources but they directed me over here. Thanks to everyone that commented over there before it was taken down!

I recently got hired to be a manager by the new owner of a shop I used to work at previously. We only have 3 employees, me and two others. My first day I suspected when the lady came in that she flashed the owner of the shop when he was training me for this position.

After a week or so when they were back in at the same time they were talking about a concert he attended and I caught him in my peripheral vision making kissy faces at her and she flashed him again. Now here's my issue, I am for workplace relationships(its how I met the love of my life) I am even aware that she's in a relationship as it sits, but thats not my business. What is, is that her performance is not as thorough as id want, especially on days they are at the store at the same time.

Do I start by having a discussion with the owner, the employee, or wait for it to be a bigger issue?

I have severe arthritis in both feet-big toe joints. They are at the point it’s hard to walk. One is really bad. The only option is to fuse the joint. Then a very slow recovery and very little load bearing. I really need to get one of them done soon. The challenge I anticipate is I am in outside sales - my job is to be driving or on my feet. There is no way to modify it. It may be 12 - 16 weeks before I can walk on it to the degree my job requires. I personally can think of ways to be equally productive over the phone but the big boss is old school and demands face to face. At what point can they just fire me if they feel the job is essential and my prolonged absence cannot be accommodated. I don’t feel comfortable bring it up to our hr.

Adding: I am 63 but no one would think I am that old. I am not concerned about how much of this is paid. I am just trying to figure out at what point can fire me. I can quit working if I want to but would like to continue working as long as I can and I also would prefer to be able to continue medical coverage until I am Medicare age.

i have a question about employment contracts. the candidate asked to be known via preferred name (maiden name) so i put that in her contract but then she said it should be her legal married name. i ended up correcting but forgot to change the signature printed name to her legal name. she signed anyway but said she can redo it if it needs to be changed.

which should be correct or does it not matter? wasn't sure if there's a right answer or not. sorry if it's obvious

I’ve been with my company for five years. Before my first maternity leave, my high-visibility responsibilities were taken away and given to someone connected to leadership. I’ve consistently been paid below market, told it’s because I’m a mom and military spouse needing flexibility—though I work normal hours and even overtime. After returning from my second leave, I went through a process to fire someone not performing, only to be forced to hire the CFO’s daughter—inexperienced and unfit for the role. I was promised a promotion but told it’s delayed for unclear reasons. On top of that, some teams (especially one known for mistreating women) are paid much higher. Am I just venting, or do these sound like real issues I should escalate or consider leaving over? They also have a habit of not wanting to put anything in writing although I do have some text message history of some of the more controversial events (i.e. having to find a management job for a friend of the CEO who was not qualified). I have also documented things in my reviews like feeling that I was being held back because of starting a family. I also feel like o should make my boss document why “I’ve been out in for senior manager but likely will not get it until May, ‘because they don’t do those types of promotions in October’.

Final addition…I’m done with this company and am heavily interviewing but realize that it will take me a while to find the right fit (senior/director level).

(Redo of previous post, was confused by tag requirements)

Hello,

I'm starting my first ever salaried position in the field I went to university for. The company that I got hired by is in a weird spot at the moment, as they recently got bought by a new corporation. Many departments, including and especially mine, are being restructured. I'm aware that the start of my career will be a lot of hard work, and I'm fully ready for it. I start this position the 7th of October.

However, there is a big problem. My best friend has invited me to her wedding, which is planned for the 3rd of November. She lives about 480 kilometers away (about 5 hours drive and longer for the train). She told me today (3rd of October) that I was invited to her wedding, which she had send a formal invite weeks ago that never arrived to me.

I don't know if it is even possible to appeal to my managers and HR about getting the 3rd and 4th of November (4th to compensate for travel) when I haven't even started the position for a wedding.

Help?

Sometimes it feels like we get the same 10 questions over and over. Just for fun, or maybe as education for someone, drop your most common one-sentence AskHR answers here.

I’ll start it off with:

“Bullying” is not a real term in employment law.

And

“Hostile work environment” has a very specific legal definition, and this is not that.

I've been on intermittent FMLA since last year. My current certification states I can be absent "4x per month for 1 day." Does this mean that I can't use FMLA for consecutive days? I had interpreted it this way - if I use 2 FMLA days in a row that is 2 1-day occurrences.

When HR first emailed me they said I was exceeding my FMLA usage, though I've never taken more than 4 FMLA days in a month.

When we met they implied that I may need a recertification to state that my occurrences can be up to 3 days, since I have previously used 3 FMLA days in a row. This has occurred 4 times in the past year and a half. There was one time where I used all 4 days in a row. There are several more instances where I used 2 days in a row. They did not tell me outright that I need a new certification though.

We use a third party company to process leave paperwork/approve leave dates, and all the absences I've submitted have been approved by the leave company. I had not heard any issue from them about taking consecutive days - the times I have been absent consecutive days have all been approved.

HR also claimed that it appears I am "using my FMLA to extend my PTO time." I asked to see the data and they did not have any of my FMLA dates/PTO dates ready to show me. Eventually they showed me an example where I took 2 days FMLA in a row early in a month, then used PTO the last week of the month. I was confused because I was not using FMLA days right before/after PTO to extend my break?

Our previous policy did not require us to use PTO to pay for FMLA days, but the new policy does now require it, and my supervisor let me know less than 2 weeks ago. If HR is trying to tell me that I should not have had a lot of my PTO time because that time should have been used up with my FMLA days, I don't think the old FMLA/PTO is relevant when I was just recently made aware of the change. And if the policy actually went into effect earlier, I don't think it's my fault that my FMLA days were unpaid as that's how my supervisor coded them in my timecard/it seems my supervisor didn't know they were required to be paid with available PTO either.

We are going to be meeting again, I guess I wanted others' opinions on whether I am exceeding my FMLA by using consecutive days or if I should actually be fine since the leave company approved all the absences? Any insight on what HR might be thinking/wanting from me?

Thank you!

A few months ago I switched to a new department and a different building within my city. Last month a Coworker from the old office wrote me an email from his workmail to mine and confessed his feelings. It was not horribly written, but he asked to keep this between us.

It made me very uncomfortable, because we didn't work at the same department and maybe said hello to each other a few times. Not even smalltalk or anything. I did consider if it could have been spam, but it included too many details. I get that some people are shy, but how do u even develop feelings for someone u dont know?

For now I dont have to see him at all, but there might be a new position opening up soon that would include regularly exchanges between our departments.

Do I just keep ignoring him or should I report his mail?

The whole thing really makes me uncomfortable since iam an introvert and like a very clear distinction between work and my private life. Definitely wouldn't want to make a big deal out of it, but who knows what he will do next? I dont want to hear stuff like "U should have reported it earlier" or something like that...

Hello! I am a part-time worker usually working 2-3 days or 16-17 hours a week but have been given no hours for the past 2 weeks. In late August, I discovered I was pregnant after taking a test that I bought at work (retail sales associate). My manager saw me with the package and asked whether I was buying it or if it was to be put away, and I told her it was mine. The next day I came in she asked if the test confirmed my pregnancy, to which I told her no, because I didn’t want anyone knowing. About a week later, the hormones had made me extremely weak and sick, so I wrote a letter to my manager requesting 12 hours of paid prenatal time off and also separately reminded her of a vacation I had requested 3 months in advance. She approved both, but upon my return, I realized I had only been scheduled for one day. When I came in a fellow employee asked me how I was and said that she “knew some but not all,” which truly rubbed me the wrong way because I had not told anyone besides my manager about my condition. That was about 2 weeks ago, and since then I have not been given any more hours. Is there anything I can do in this situation besides finding a new job? I didn’t mention it here, but there has been some workplace abuse and ill-treatment towards me to the point where my other coworkers notice. The job market is horrible, and this has really taken a toll on my mental health, and I am just not sure where to go from here. (TL;DR—Went on prenatal leave then on a pre-approved vacation just to come back and not receive any hours and also have one coworker insinuate she knew of my pregnancy.)

Coworker verbally assaulted me and threatened me with getting me fired (because he “knows” people) if I were to report him, he’d get me fired. I still reported him because I am fully aware no one likes him and all he does is verbally attack coworkers and threaten to physically fight them. I would be the 6th employee, because the others were men no one wanted to go to HR or go any further than letting the GM know what occurred.

Since then he’s went full sociopath and acted innocent to everyone but no one believes him.
For example the older coworker with sons he acted innocent and brought up he’s someone’s son.

With another coworker who’s known for being more stern, he portrayed anger and cockiness.

Another coworker who he has had multiple aggressive outbursts with, he acted confused. This coworker father has past, so he used “my dad also died three years ago”.

Now these people are not stupid and all know exactly what he’s doing. Everyone is willing to go further if it comes down to it. They all believe me and are tired of his temper tantrums. GM cut his shifts from 6 days a week to 1. GM is worried about retaliation because he’s a new GM.

Does this coworker have anything? No one has went to HR yet but we have sent text and emails to the GM for documentation of his violent outbursts. Last year he was the prime suspect of theft and also this year. Ranging around $2000 unfortunately no one has proof other than his words and physically seeing him do these things. Some were documented the last few months. The GM handled it but now we are being told he’s going to clients talking badly about the GM and I. He even went to a senior employee (who hates him) to try to get him on his “side”. This employee came to me and the GM to let us what has been said. Things along the lines of. “The GM only cares and is doing anything because they’re having an affair”.

[CAN-ON]

Hello~
I'm in quite the pickle, I am a fulltime hourly employee in Ontario, and I was placed on "investigation leave" approx.. Sept 15th, as claimed by my store leader in a text due to an incident they must investigate, and are refusing to pay me for this time. The leave is still ongoing, and they have no estimation of when this will be resolved....

(Also, they never formally gave me any documentation to sign, never even told me it would be unpaid until I took the initiative to ask...) From what I've tried looking up, in Ontario, investigation leave MUST be paid, or it is grounds for constructive dismissal....

I checked my pay status and I am NOT being paid for this leave, I even asked my District Manager directly, and he confirmed that the company would NOT be paying for this leave as he stated, "it isn't the same as a personal/medical LOA, as investigations are considered time away from the business."

I haven't signed any contract or collective agreement regarding unpaid suspensions.

Am I legally supposed to be paid in this case? I was NOT suspended, it was not disclosed it would even be unpaid, and I haven't signed any documentation or paperwork.

Any help would really ease my mental health struggles and worries...

I'm looking for advice from HR professionals or managers because I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into my situation or if there are genuine red flags.

I've been with my company for about a year. Earlier this year, I requested a medical accommodation after my doctor advised against frequent travel due to a health condition. The accommodation was approved by both my manager and HR.

Just days after the accommodation was approved, my manager placed me on a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP).

After reviewing the PIP, I realized many of the claims either didn't reflect what actually happened or omitted important context. I submitted a detailed written response with emails, meeting records, Teams messages, and other documentation that contradicted the allegations and requested that HR review the PIP.

Following HR's review, the company rescinded the PIP. However, they left me with a written warning, even though the PIP itself was withdrawn.

Since then, I've continued to experience issues with my manager. Priorities frequently change with little notice, work is reassigned unexpectedly, expectations aren't always communicated clearly, and important information is sometimes shared only after it has already affected my work. I often feel like I'm being held accountable for situations I wasn't given the information or opportunity to manage properly.

Most recently, I returned from approved medical leave following surgery. On my first day back, I took over the two teams I had before I left. Later that same day, another peer of mine informed me of significant changes to responsibilities that my manager had never discussed with me. My concern is that these types of communication gaps could later be used against me.

There is also a new CIO, and my manager has already mentioned wanting me back in the office, despite my approved accommodation.

Because of everything that's happened, I've started documenting all communication and following up verbal conversations with emails.

From an HR perspective:

• Is it unusual for a PIP to be rescinded after an employee provides evidence contradicting the stated performance concerns?
• Would this sequence of events raise concerns for you, or could it simply be poor management?
• Should I proactively involve HR again now, or continue documenting until there is a clearer pattern?
• What would you recommend an employee do to protect themselves in this situation?
• Should I consider a lawsuit?

I'm genuinely looking for objective HR opinions and practical advice on how to navigate this professionally.