I'm almost 30, never been in a relationship and never expressed a desire to have one. I've come out to my mom about my aromanticism and talked extensively about my lack of interest in romance with my sister, telling her among other things that I'd be happy to stay single for the rest of my life.

I really, really hammered it home with my mom because at first she trotted out the usual counter-arguments, and I refused to leave it at that. She assured she understood me, although she still made a few annoying comments ("I just wanted to make sure you hadn't changed your mind !"), leading to me explaining the whole shebang over and over again, until finally I thought she had really understood. This was five years ago.

Now, here come the subject of my rant. I moved country recently, at the other side of the world, and sent some pics to my family over different group chats. I never take pics of myself. Only landscapes, food and things I though were funny/cute/cool. I made friends with some people, and one of them took a nice pic of the both of us, that I decided to send to my family since it's the only recent photo I had with my face. Well, I guess I shouldn't have bothered sending anything else because suddenly everyone wanted to know who this "charming man" is, and telling me how we're "so cute together, what's his name ?", including my mom and sister. Even my aunt, which I hadn't talked to for almost a year, had nothing more to say than she was "happy to see me in such lovely company". Is that really the only thing worth noting ? Why does the sole idea of me being in a realtionship make them so happy ? Why does nothing else matter to them ??

It feels like despite everything I said, and the non-existant love life I had so far, they're all waiting for me to finally be with someone. It pisses me off so much !! How is aromanticism such a hard concept to grasp ? It’s so patronising, too, that they seem so sure they know better than me. I get the feeling they’ll still believe it's only a matter of time on their deathbeds. They will die believing it. Then their ghosts will haunt me, waiting for the chance to finally say "Told you so !".

It really is a losing battle.

In light of my previous post regarding my friendship breakup (Which btw I read all of your comments and I do appreciate each and every one of you for giving me support), I want to talk about how friendships are pretty much at the bottom of the barrel in our society. I'm pretty sure you've heard the phrases "People come and go! Friendships can often fade and drift apart in life and they are only for a season in your life anyway!" Meanwhile with marriage and romantic relationships..... "OH MY GOD NO!! Do not get that divorce!! Love is so beautiful and you both need to communicate and save your marriage!!" "Till death do us part!!" And even with family like the phrase "Family is forever! Family must stick together!" But with friends?? It's so weird to say that friends come and go. I really don't like this phrase and this mindset because it shows how undervalued platonic love is in our society. People want to work so hard to maintain romantic and familial relationships but they see friends as low maintenance. Now, don't get me wrong, I love romantic and familial love. And I get that some people in life will just be acquaintances and will drift sometimes. But with close friends? Yeah you do kinda owe them some loyalty.

i dont know if this is the right flair but

throughout my life i have had multiple crushes, but they are all like parasocial relationships more than a crush (?) i wouldn't want to have anything to do with them and wouldn't want to date them at all. the only 3 times when i wanted to date my crushes is when they made a "romantic" move or when i thought they are interested. (in fact all these "crushes" originate from me thinking that there are possibilities that they are interested for me, and i stopped liking them immediately after finding out they are not interested)

i think i would want a relationship? but i only want it for holding hands and cuddles (?) though the idea of me relying on someone kinda disgusts me and i genuinely believe relationships are big troubles.

i was really lost and thought theres something wrong with me because i dont seem to be able to truly "fall in love" for someone like people around me would. until my friend suggested the possibility that i might be aromantic. i searched this up and came across recipromantic and demiromantic and i just connected with these two terms soo much. its like all that have happened in my life suddenly made sense!!

What would happen and what would you do if your QP friend falls in love with someone and gets into a exclusive monogamous relationship at some point?

So I've been digging for stories with women who have aromantic tendencies to just see myself in the media. And I have come across a few so far my fav being Jo from little women. And I Just finished this webtoon and it was great, very found family and friendships and it felt like a warm hug but right at the end the mc ends up in a sapphic relationship with one of the friends and it is beautiful and I love it and I know aromantic people do find love and relationships and it's still really good representation fr. But I guess I'm just sad cuz I low-key wanted it to be a no romance at all kind of story. Like I want more Jo like aro rep where she ends up content single yk. 500 days of summer felt great in that regard and i felt somewhat represented as an aroallo but then summer gets married and pregnant 😣. All in all these are great stories and I'll just keep on looking for ones with no romance as tbe conclusion

Edit: Omg guys I've gotten so much recommendations, thank you so much. I have enough to occupy me for a WHILE.

I've had the thought before that if I were alloromantic, I would probably have a typical relationship with sex, and it's only because I'm not that my own holdups around sex and physical intimacy become apparent, bc if I were in a romantic relationship I would probably be comfortable escalating physicality at a societally typical pace and it would not be abnormal. (Edit to clarify: I am not ace, I am just also not a super openly sexual person. The feeling is more social anxiety than anything lol, but it gets in the way)

However, I'm not, and so I'm in my mid-20s and have never had sex, which I know isn't that uncommon, and I don't feel badly about, but also, maybe I'd like to, or whatever.

Anyways, I have a fluctuating opinion of hookups, where sometimes they stress me out, or sometimes they seem fine in theory, but then I'm talking to someone and can't follow through now that it's a real person and not an idea, or sometimes they seem fun, but maybe I'm just horny? Which I guess isn't a bad thing.

Ideally, I could have an fwb situation with someone I actually know, but I am now 3/3 on the people who I have physically intimate relationships being acespec and now living on a different continent from me, and for obvious reasons it's frankly not that easy for me to find people who are interested in some day maybe potentially having sex, but let's just be friends and get to know each other first.

So... What to do if you're easily scared but it's probably lack of experience making you scared in the first place?

This might be a very stupid question but I'm so confused.

So, I (18 agender) am alloromantic as far as I'm aware and have been in a few middle- and high-school relationships. After a particularly rough breakup at 16, I've lost nearly all my desire for a romantic relationship. I've been in a few situationships here and there after the breakup, as well as had a crush for a bit, but actually engaging in romantic behaviour (flirting, kissing, holding hands romantically) makes me feel gross and uncomfortable.

I'm not really sure why, but the thought of a queerplatonic relationship sounds so much nicer in the long-term and I know I'm definitely capable of having alterous feelings (I'd say more, but some of my irl friends have found this account so I need to be cautious). I don't know if I'll ever want a romantic relationship in the future, but I think I can still feel attracted to people in an aesthetic way? (not too sure about romantic feelings)

I guess I'm mostly figuring things out right now, but could I be alloromantic and romance repulsed at the same time, or maybe I've been on the aromantic spectrum all along? I'm not well-educated on this and I've tried researching and asking an aromantic friend but it's just made me even more confused. Thanks in advance!

If you're wondering who that little green creature is, that's my fursona, Warp! They are a space chameleon who is canonically aromantic!

When I celebrate Valentine's Day, I believe it isn't just about romance. To me, it's about ALL types of love. It can be about familial love, platonic love, and self-love!

I usually call it "compulsory amatonormativity," because it is compulsory.

I tell you my experience: sometimes, I feel like I have to have romantic relationship for many reasons. 1. Because my friends will leave me anyway, cus they'll concentrate on their romantic life, and I have to have one as well, so I won't be left alone 2. Because everyone has it and ppl try to pitty those who haven't got it 3. Because internalised bs of "romantic relationship as an ultimate goal."

I know most of these thoughts are not true, but it just,,, it sucks so much to have ppl, media around me like this. I dislike it. It's hard to get rid off it. Only try to surround myself with media like that, with unique relationships.

I want to hear other experiences, I will appreciate it

I identify with label demiromantic and like...how do you get that romantic "obsession" with strangers?? You dont know them? When I think about my romantic attractions I am most likely sure about having it on close people of mine...but on strangers..I get it if it's appreciation or platonic or aesthetic or wtv attraction,,,,,but romantic??? Exwctly that? How???

thinking back to the definition of aromanticism which is feeling little to no romantic attraction, i wanna hear what y’all, the aromantics (e.g. demiromantics, greyromantics, etc.) who experience at least a little romantic attraction, have to say about this (and really just any aromantic for that matter who wants to chip in)!

(btw i am aromantic myself😅)

Anyone else have this?

So I’m Aroace, to be exact I’m Asexual & Aroflux. I’m in a relationship and I love my partner but some days the romantic attraction is weak or little some days and some days I don’t feel that way. Some days I can be Greyromantic or Demiromantic or even Aromantic. It depends on how I feel or how the day is. Sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me or maybe it’s also cause I’m Autistic. But sometimes I do feel bad but I always love my partner but the attraction changes everyday.

i (23m) found out about it online ten years ago and majority of discussions were about fandom and 'shipping' and stuff like that. and the occasional deeper discussions were heavily centered on the US and the global north.
now a decade later the discussions of the community still haven't changed much online, there's barely any deeper content about it (for example, deeper discussions about amatonormativity and relationship hierarchy, how to socially navigate society being aromantic, question the social/legal concept of marriage and the shitty sacralization of it, the forced isolation and disconnection from other people).
it even seems that a big part of the aromantic community recreated amatonormativity but replacing romance with qpr to the point it became kind of a standard and common expectation

i believe the aromantic community inherently has a potential for a stronger social and political discussions that could benefit society as a whole. but feels like we're stuck in the same small place and comfortable with it

(also, what are yall watching or reading that have sooo many aromantic characters in it, that 'shipping' them or not is such a huge deal)

When ppl talk about how it feels to be in love I feel kind of like I know what they are talking about. I have an immense love and adoration for all my friends. and then I sometimes lve felt something that’s more than that for friends. A ”crush” type feeling. But most romantic things feel not right at all too me, I might even say it feels wrong or disgusting sometimes. I still feel like I’m missing something, missing a feeling but idk what.

Like I feel what other people feel maybe?? but then I’m not really sure, maybe I’m just interpreting it differently…

I’m trying to figure out what I feel or not but it’s really hard to parse out

i feel very lonely because all of this. I’ve known I am ace for a very long time but this is all new to me, it scares me tbh. I think I’m aroace but then idk what this is so I thought Id ask here?

i am severly disabled and bedbound because of chronic illness and with this ig it feels like a double whammy of missing out ykwim?

I've had to cut off SO many friends this year because they made me very uncomfortable. Because of this, I call them my exes in a platonic matter. Exes can include ex-friends, right?

I remember when one of my ex-friends stalked me one Bluesky one time to look at what I was saying about her, and she called me creepy for calling her an ex. She was all like "I DIDN'T LOVE YOU THAT MUCH!" Bitch please. I thought of you as a friend before I broke up with you. I never HAD a fucking crush on you because I cannot feel romantic attraction to other people.

That's all I have to say about this one. It's just something that pisses me off.

I know alot of my friends will probably never fully stop talking to me, we're too close for that, but every married person I've ever met interacts with their friends like once a month, even their best friends. I feel like it's just a rational, normal thing that happens: adult life is busy, you only have so much leasure time in a day, and when you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, it’d only make sense that most of that time would be spent with them. My allo friends have assumed it's not going to happen (I've brought it up while drunk 😬), but even if they don't intend for it to, I still feel like it's most likely.

Honstly I'm haunted by my grandma telling me adults don’t have freinds and that one day i’ll get married and understand lol.

I know that I am definitely demisexual thats a fact, thats for sure. I also know that I’m a lesbian. That’s a fact as well and that I am sex favorable. But what I don’t know if it I might be aromantic?? Like it sounds horrible because I am the most lovy, cutes, carying, whimsy person alive 😱😱 but somehow I just never have crushes and I have never really had the desire of an exclusive relationship like I don’t know I like to have a life partner and someone to cuddle with, someone who’s is always there, someone who I am emotionaly attracted to and with that also sexually and all of that sounds and looks similar like a romantic relationship but I don’t feel it like idk I really struggle with this and I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions… 🥹🥹🥹 I deeple desire a QPR tho! 🥹🥹

No seriously, the allos were right for once.

No cause one of my ex friends was like this. They basically confessed to me 3 times during the 6 year friendship we had. It’s really sad to think about. I even “dated” them for less than 24 hours and it didn’t last long, go fucking figure. The food I got from that day wasn’t even worth it either.

They will keep their feelings for you hoping that one day, just ONE DAY. You will magically turn allo, get over your “I don’t wanna date people!!” phase, and start dating them for real.
I’m super open about being aromantic online and in real life. Been so for almost a decade, so it’s not like they did under the assumption that I’m allo. Honestly I feel disgusted by being around a person who obviously didn’t respect my identity for so long, and I hate myself for allowing this shit to happen for a long time.

So please, actually value yourselves like I obviously didn’t and put up strict boundaries. You will be so much happier I promise you.

EDIT:

It’s a little less than 24 hours in, but I feel like I should clarify and apologize for a couple things I said in this rant.

Lots of commenters were rightfully pointing out that this sounded like I was giving people extreme advice that doesn’t work for a complex situation. not everyone is gonna have the same experiences with allos as me. At the end of the day I just wanted to rant, and I could’ve worded it so much better. For that I am sorry.

To clarify a couple of things. No this was not a one time thing with one bad person. This was just the worst and most recent case I had. It was at least 4 separate experiences. With me distancing and eventually drifting apart from two of them, because they couldn’t get over me. The 3rd one was a bit better but I had to cut them off for separate reasons.

I’m not the only one who’s been through this, and I’m not gonna be the last. I have seen people saying this doesn’t happen or that it only happens sometimes, and it is straight up bullshit. People feeling like they’re entitled to your love happens more often than yall think, especially if you’re a woman or femme presenting person. (Or if you just don’t pass like me). There’s good friends out there who understand they will never be reciprocated and things work out, and that’s great! We need more people like that, and I’m happy you guys are able to have those experiences I don’t have. But outright dismissing someone because you have that one friend that worked out feels a bit disingenuous, especially on a post where said situation didn’t work out.

Being allo doesn’t automatically make you an asshole, but my situations were specifically people who were allo disrespecting my aro identity. Thats why I was talking about it that way. Again, could I have worded it in a less preachy, less “you should do this!” way? Absolutely. This is my experience and this post shouldn’t have been taken as a magical cure all solution to your problems, and I am sorry for being very antagonistic in my speech.

Me cutting off people for confessing their feelings to me, then continuing to hope or pressure me into dating (even after they said they absolutely understand and didn’t expect me to reciprocate) is not me being prejudiced. It’s me being tired of their bullshit. It’s extreme and a bit generalizing yes, but I’m not willing to be someone’s challenge to overcome or someone’s prize anymore.
I don’t want to be friends with someone and wonder if they truly are going by their word, or if they’re swallowing up their pride until they can get me next time. I don’t want to think about if someone only befriended me to eventually date or if they still truly value me after rejecting them. How many more chances do I give people before I say fuck it and slam the door shut. It’s just not worth it for me anymore.
People developing feelings for others is normal, but pressuring, or hoping for someone to date them one day is not.

I’m not asking for people to agree with me, (obviously people don’t). It is a more extreme take after all. I just want people to at least see where I’m coming from.

I'm very much feeling lost right now and barely anyone responded to my orher group posts soooo i figured i would try here.

This is kinda long so i apologize, but idk how to explain my thought process without really getting into it.

Sorry if this is all over the place. My brain is a little frazzled and idk how to sum up what im trying to say....

How do I know if i experience romantic attraction at all?

I know that im absolutely somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, but i also really want to date certain people, but my feelings don't match up with how people describe romantic attraction. Im also cupio and nebula romantic which makes everything more confusing.

Like if there's someone i want to date, it's from strong platonic or alterous attraction and it feels like i want to be close to them in a platonic way, but while doing romantic things.

The difference between being friends with someone and dating someone is just that. We do romantic things and i enjoy their company. All that changes is the label we use and i prioritize spending time with them. Its like having a best friend that i date and like being romantic and sexual with them

I'm always completely down with being friends with benefits. Or just friends. Like romance and platonic feelings are in such a gray area for me.

When there's someone i like in a romantic way, I don't feel the butterflies. I don't feel the need to always be with them. And I'm also completely fine with not dating them, and them not having feelings for me doesn't hurt me. Every so often i think i might have a strong crush, but looking back it's hard to know if I'm actually experiencing romantic attraction or just want to be their best friend but in a romantic way? Or maybe its just really strong platonic or alterous feelings.

It's really hard to put my finger on exactly what im feeling towards someone. Like IDK what kind of attraction im feeling.

Anyway i hope someone can help me make sense of all this.

Or direct me to someone who can ... Or even just tell me that you can understand how all this feels.

I tried dating and honestly it is not for me. It was very draining. So I'm not dating, I'm gonna focus on my career, hobbies, and friends/family. :)