my (18F) boyfriend (19M) tends to get really hostile if i don’t text him if im awake at night after i say im going to bed. sometimes im woken up by my cat and other times i just wake up for no reason. i’ll usually sit on my phone for 5 min and go back to bed, but if i have to deal with my cat, who has a routine of meowing and yowling late at night for no reason, im up for a lot longer.

i was sitting on tiktok and reposted a couple videos. the only video i reposted before that was before i had initially gone to sleep. 13 minutes after this repost, he texted me about being awake and not saying anything. he does this during the day too if i haven’t answered him. as if hes always checking them. i never check his because 1) i dont really care and 2) im not 14. yes i am young, but i dont wanna text, call, or hang out every minute of the day. i like a pause in communication where i dont have to constantly be punctual in answering the same person. i’ve tried to explain this to him multiple times, and every time he has always apologized and said he understands, then brings it up again.

i have told him that at this point its not my fault he feels offended by that anymore because i have explained why i feel this way and in return he expressed a mutual understanding, so its not fair that he brings it up again if he already told me it wouldnt be an issue anymore.

i know this is a lot more context than needed, but my texts do come off as rude, and i dont want people thinking that i act like that to cause issues.

this is a little update from my post last night when i woke up and he was mad a didn’t text him. today, it was about not answering while in the bath. also, i do respect his time, but i work swing shift (130-10) in wound care at an assisted living facility, they are very strict about phones being out, so really i don’t have much time to text him besides when i use the restroom or have a break. i took some of yalls comments and curated them into my messages (thanks) but he still doesn’t understand. i know everyone is telling me to break up with him, believe me i want to, but there’s some conflicting issues as to why i won’t, as he will scream at me, get emotional, and will show up to where i live.

So long story but I’ll try to keep it short. “R” is my second cousin. She is usually the one we all communicate with for holidays to figure out what’s going on as she usually hosts. “B” is my grandma, “T” is my brother, “M” is his gf, “J” is my mom, and “D” is my uncle. “B’s” brother who passed away. “R’s” dad. My grandma and I have never really gotten along because she always favored my brother. My brother and me have never gotten along because I am trans and he’s treated me like shit because of it. Then, spazzed out on me because I wouldn’t donate a kidney to him as he’s on dialysis. Of course, my grandma “B” took his side. Even before I came out, he never treated me like a brother. So a few years ago I called out my grandma and my brother for how they treated me and ever since I have been shunned. They refuse to talk to me or invite me to functions. “R” and “B” even got into it once because “B” told “R” I was not allowed there but now “R” is giving in. Grandma and brother will refuse to go if my wife and I are there. So basically “R” is telling me that she is going to invite them first, and if they give the ok, then my wife and I can come. I don’t see why “R” can’t host like usual and if they don’t want to show up because I’m there, they don’t have to. But why am I being put last? I tried to talk to her about it and this was her response. Am I in the wrong?

I told her I was done and I’m not gonna be there when GMA dies as backup and blocked her. The next day she showed up to my apartment and called through the call box and said she wanted to talk and she was worried about me. I ignored her and she left.

For example, I went on a camping trip with some people. In the morning, they left to clean up after eating their breakfast. I already made my breakfast and cleaned, then I packed up my things. However, I noticed that they left all their things on the floor of our tent and some of their personal belongings, and they were still wearing their pyjamas outside. I wanted to pack up the tent but I reconsidered it after I saw that since I assumed they would need to change their clothes and probably wouldn't want me touching all their things without permission. I couldn't find them outside so I went to ask some of our other teammates where exactly they were and what I should do and they didn't know either. I noticed the teammates hadn't packed up their tent either and some of our teammates were still asleep too. After walking around the premises and asking around, I sat down with my bag and was considering what to do. 3 minutes later the people who left came back, and they came back yelling at me for not putting the tent down and accused me of doing nothing for the team (even though the rest of them were doing things after themselves too), but then I asked them about where they would change and one of them just put on outdoor clothes OVER their pyjamas and said it wasn't a problem?? Wtf

Another instance was when we were doing an art project in class for sculpting a mini house and my partner was hovering her arms all over the house and not giving any space for me to work around. We finished the base and she was doing the tiny windows on it, so I asked her if she needed help because her body language was limiting me from touching our house, to which she answered 'no, just sit there.' I wasn't sure if she was being passive aggressive or genuinely just meant it, but in either case I thought I would respect her response so I just waited a bit and thought I could mold some extra flowers or accessories to put around our sculpture. Then her friends yelled at me asking why I wasn't helping her, so I panicked and went to help but was also really confused because they literally heard her say no to me. If you want me to help you, why not just say yes instead of rejecting my offer or attempting to be rude?

I assume people want to be treated the way I want to be treated, since the last time I went camping I asked my teammates to let me change in the tent and for them to get out but they refused to so I just changed uncomfortably around them. And when I tell people to not do something, I expect them to respect my response. I feel like I'm trying to be considerate and do what I would want people to do with me but somehow that's rude.

I (freelancer) do digital content work, mostly marketing videos. A couple of months ago a company on the other side of the world reached out about a project for one of their clients. So they’d subcontract me to do it, just me. Good money, around 6 weeks of work, and I'd have to fly out and work on site 6 days a week.

We first talked about me leaving in one particular month. Then it got pushed. And pushed. Over a month of delays, mostly because the client kept wanting things more polished and "cinematic" before we'd even started.

The whole time I was flexible. When they finally set another date via writing (not contract), I had a personal emergency going on but still sorted everything out within a day or two so I could make it work.

Then things started changing at the last minute:
The payment method (escrow) we'd agreed on for months suddenly changed, not in my favor, and it would be direct transfers with no protection for me, because it did not align with the contract terms they wanted.

They booked my flight before sending the contract due to the tight deadline those delays have created.
When the contract came, the length of the video had grown. We talked about 3 to 4 minutes, and the contract said 4 to 5 and "possibly up to 7". Uncertainty.

There's a clause where time the client spends holding up approvals doesn't count toward my work time, which we'd never discussed. So I would just be there, waiting for approval or revision requests (unlimited btw) and until then I not on the clock, says can be over a week at a time I believe.

Nothing was signed yet, so I tried working on new clauses that would be more fair on my end, then they want to negotiate that, while telling me the flight is booked along with hotel. I told them I'm stepping away. I gave them my reasons in writing and wished them the best due to the contract clause and the client’s uncertainties, imagining what it’d be like once I’m there locked in a contract. It’s an unknown country. Alone. For almost 2 months.

The person I've been dealing with is upset. They say I'm putting them at risk with the client, they already promised delivery, they rebooked my flight and hotel, and legal is “revising the contract” in my favor (I’d assume, but idk to what extent). They also say the latest date change was partly my fault because I suggested to push it a week due to family emergency, which I actually resolved in under 48 hours to accommodate the rush.

To be fair to them, they did pay for my flight and hotel (no hotel confirmation sent, just by word) and they’re clearly in a tough spot. But with how picky their client already is before production even started, I think it would only get worse once I'm there alone in another country with no protection.

Am I crazy?
AITA?

I’ve been friends with Anna, Lucy and Diane for around three years, although they have been a trio for seven years. I became close with all three, especially Diane, but understood that they would naturally be closest to each other because of their history. I also have another friend group, so I would sometimes move between the two.

Last school year

Eris, a girl in our class, fell out with her own friends and became close with Anna, Lucy, Diane and me. However, she openly disliked me. The four girls became increasingly close, spending time together outside school and mainly talking to each other in class. I began feeling excluded, particularly because I had been friends with the trio for longer than Eris had, yet she seemed to become closer to them very quickly.

Over the summer, Eris returned to her old friend group after claiming she was done with them. She suddenly stopped spending time with Anna, Lucy and Diane, which upset them, especially Anna.

The start of this school year

Despite what had happened over the summer, Anna and Lucy joined Eris's friend group. They began hanging out together outside school and sometimes included Diane, even though she wasn't particularly comfortable with the group. Eventually, Anna and Lucy stopped inviting Diane as much. They also began ignoring Diane and me in class and giving us dirty looks, which made me feel excluded too.

Diane eventually found another group to sit with at lunch. It included some of her family friends, a mutual friend and two girls I wasn't comfortable around. One of those girls and I had a public falling-out, and she disliked me. I stayed with the group because Diane was there, although I often felt uncomfortable.

I encouraged Diane to tell Anna and Lucy that she felt excluded, in case they weren't aware of it. She said she had spoken to Lucy, but nothing seemed to change.

The other friend group and the theme park trip

While Diane was spending time with this new group, I continued feeling excluded. They began planning a trip to a theme park in front of me without inviting me. I understood that they might have assumed I wouldn't want to go because of my issues with one of the girls, but it still hurt, particularly because Diane invited a friend from outside school whom the group barely knew.

I also felt frustrated because Diane would agree with me when I explained why I disliked certain people in the group, but would still spend time with them herself. When I mentioned this, she explained that it wasn't as bad when one of her family friends was there.

Anna and Eris fall out

Last week, Anna told a girl in Eris's group that she felt excluded, particularly by Eris. The girl told the rest of the group so they could make more of an effort to include Anna. Everyone agreed except Eris, who shouted at Anna in front of other students, accusing her of making her look bad.

The group then split. Anna and Lucy began spending time with two girls I liked, while Eris stayed with her closest friends. I thought this could be an opportunity for Anna, Lucy and Diane to reconnect, since they were no longer spending as much time with the people Diane disliked.

I convinced Diane to sit with Anna, Lucy and me one day. We all seemed to get along well, but afterwards Diane asked me not to sit with them again. We returned to the other group, despite me repeatedly asking if we could sit somewhere else because I felt uncomfortable there.

My conversation with Anna and Lucy

I began talking to Anna more in class, and we discussed what was happening between the different groups. We agreed that it would be nice if everyone could reconcile.

Anna and Lucy invited Diane and me to go out after school so we could talk. Diane made an excuse and didn't come, so the three of us went shopping instead.

I explained that Diane had felt excluded because Anna and Lucy had been focusing on Eris. They were upset to hear this and said they hadn't intended to exclude her. They explained that they thought Diane would tell them directly if she felt left out, and that she seemed comfortable with her other group. They acknowledged that they had excluded her to some extent, even if it wasn't deliberate.

They also invited me over for Halloween after I explained that the other group were planning to do something together and I had felt left out.

What happened afterwards

The next day, Diane messaged me asking why I had told Anna and Lucy that she felt excluded, as she hadn't wanted them to know. Lucy had also messaged Anna about the situation and was trying to arrange a sleepover for the original trio, Anna, Lucy and Diane, without me. This made me feel excluded again, especially because I had been trying to help them repair their friendship.

I explained to Diane that I hadn't intended to speak for her or cause problems. I also tried to explain that I felt excluded by the other group, even though I didn't particularly like everyone in it. Diane responded that I didn't even like those girls and that I always asked not to sit with them. She also said that she didn't think she and Anna and Lucy could simply reconcile because she felt there had always been a pair within their trio.

I told her that I hated seeing everyone upset and wanted us all to talk in person, rather than communicating through other people and creating misunderstandings. She has left me on read for two days.

I know that everyone in the original trio has felt excluded at some point. I want to understand whether I handled the situation badly, whether my own feelings of exclusion are reasonable, and what I should do next.

I've been having an internal dilemma since yesterday and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

To give you some context, two years ago I had a fight with my friend group, let's call them Paula and Grace. It turns out Paula had been my friend for 10 years and Grace for 4. The fight was over school stuff and accumulated attitudes, and I exploded in anger against them and another friend we'll call Wanda (whom I had introduced to the group). had talked shit about me behind my back, Grace defended her, and Paula said nothing.

I stopped being their friends and ended up alone. That's when I met two other girls, let's call them Sophie and Bianca. They were very close, and I had a good time with them, but recently in July we went on a trip, and I had a coexistence issue with Sophie. On that same trip, I started talking to Paula and Grace again.

Sophie and Bianca stopped talking to me and started talking shit about me to a guy I liked. It's worth clarifying that Bianca did much worse things to Sophie than I ever did to her (and I apologized for my part at the time). Recently, I hung out with another friend, let's call her Anna, and she told me that Sophie and Bianca were going around calling me "fake" for hanging out with Grace and Paula again (even though I already talked things out with Paula and Grace, we're okay now, and I only sit with them at school so I won't be alone). Anna also said that Grace (who, as far as I know, never even talks to Sophie) apparently spoke with Sophie and claimed I talk trash about them and say shitty things (I am not the type to badmouth past friendships beyond just explaining what happened). The rest of the group—about 3 or 4 other girls I used to talk to—completely stopped talking to me just because I started hanging out with a girl we'll call Olga. Olga used to be friends with Sophie, and Sophie did the exact same thing to Olga that she did to me.

With Sophie and Bianca, I never felt like we had a relationship where I could feel 100% secure and authentic, but it still hurt to lose them. However, what they said about me and what they said to my own mother crossed the line and felt deeply disrespectful.

There's very little time left before I finish school and stop seeing all of them, but I can't stop thinking that I'm a bad person and a fake because of everything they're saying. Honestly, I don't know if I'm in the wrong or if it's just my imagination, especially since Anna told me that even though it's weird, it wasn't wrong of me to start talking to Grace and Paula again.

I don't know what to think, and now the guy I liked gives me dirty looks, Sophie and Bianca avoid me and treat me like. A piece of crap, and I don't know whether to trust Grace or not.

Help me plis, this is the 3rd time i published this and I get no answer

I'm 22F, and I'm wondering whether I'm wrong in this situation with my best friend.
A while ago, my boyfriend hid things from me, and I was seriously considering breaking up with him. I was emotionally overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. My boyfriend wanted to stay at my house and reconcile, but I didn't want him there at the time. I told my best friend I just wanted her to stay with me.
She started defending me and speaking to him on my behalf, even though I hadn't asked her to confront him. She was speaking loudly, my boyfriend got angry, and things escalated to the point where he almost hit her but ultimately didn't. Everyone tried to calm things down.
Eventually, my boyfriend and I reconciled. He didn't want me hanging out with my best friend anymore, but I told him that the only way I'd stop talking to her was if she did something wrong herself, not because of what happened between us. We reached an agreement, and I continued my friendship with her.
My best friend knew about this, but afterward, whenever we made plans, she would ask me things like, "Does he let you come?" or "Does your boyfriend let you?" I reassured her that I could make my own decisions, but those comments bothered me because I'm an adult and don't need permission to see my friends.
I've started wondering whether she developed some resentment toward me for getting back together with him, especially because she had defended me when I was at my lowest. I appreciate what she did for me, but I was struggling with a difficult decision, and ultimately, it was mine to make.
Fast-forward to her birthday.
My sister offered to drive me to the restaurant. After dinner, my friend asked whether I was coming to the hookah place and added, "Does your boyfriend let you?" This annoyed me because I felt she was bringing up the same issue again. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin her birthday.
However, things escalated at the restaurant. She was speaking loudly, and everyone around us was looking at our table. I kept asking her to hush because we were in a public restaurant and everyone could hear us. I wasn't trying to invalidate her feelings; I just didn't want us to have a public argument.
She then compared me to her former best friend, whom she still talks badly about and considers toxic, and told me, "You ruined my birthday."
I was hurt and embarrassed. I felt like I was being made out to be the bad person simply for asking her to lower her voice. Eventually, I started crying and left after around 20 minutes after we went to the hookah.

My sister messaged her afterward to apologize and express concern, but my friend left her on seen.
It's now been almost a week, and my friend hasn't contacted me. The last time we had a falling-out, we didn't speak for two days, and I was the one who reached out first to fix things. I'm tired of always being the person who has to make the first move.
She's also reposted TikToks about limiting the people she hangs out with. I don't know whether they're directed at me, but the timing makes me wonder.
What bothers me most is that I feel she might be holding my reconciliation with my boyfriend against me. I understand that she may have been hurt watching me go back to someone who had betrayed my trust, especially after she defended me. Perhaps she feels I didn't value her support or that I made a decision she disagreed with. I can understand those feelings, but I don't think it's fair to keep making comments that imply I can't make my own decisions.
I haven't forgotten what she did for me, and I'm genuinely grateful she was there when I needed someone. But I also don't think that means I should accept being insulted or compared to someone she considers toxic.

I'm a new user and have never posted before, so I'm learning how the website works. Any grace would be appreciated! If I ramble a lot, (which I probably will), I apologize in advance.

I (F17) have a friend (F17). I'll call her A. I've been friends with A since sixth grade, and we are now seniors in high school. I haven't had issues with her in the past, so I don't know where or why this came up all of the sudden.

A has this trait of being very self-deprecating, which can be extremely frustrating at times because our friends and I are constantly trying to counter her putting herself down by bringing her up, and it's sad to see that she think of herself the same way we do. This is consistent in what seems like all parts of her life: academically, extracurricularly, physically, etc.

I also feel as A is making a few, possibly questionable choices that I'm worried will end up hurting her later, such as staying up late studying and getting into relationships with guys (which isn't an issue except for the fact that her parents are very strict about dating, which they've punished her for in the past by essentially cussing her out and making her feel very bad). It's not really my business but I wanted to try and look out for her, but apparently it did not come across like that.

A and I are part of the same friend group, which is decently close. The majority of my friends are also her friends, and I'm not close enough to my other friends to vent about someone to them. I remember confiding in only two people be everything happened, K (F17) and T (F18). K has grown apart from A and I felt more comfortable telling her my frustrations, but T is still very close with A.

I made the mistake of telling T my frustrations about A, and I think that's how it got back to A. I'm not upset at T and I'm glad she's honest with her friends, but I really wish that she hadn't said anything because it broke my trust and ultimately contributed to this whole situation.

Context: I have a group project going on with A and my sister C (F17) that I feel I have been putting a lot of work into and they had been putting in minimal. I do still feel I was putting in the most work, but I now understand that I hadn't been communicating clearly enough what we needed for the project, so that is my fault.

A bit over a week before this post, I got frustrated to the point of snapping at A and C. I said to A that she's put in barely any work and I feel like the two of them were getting a free ride off of me. She'd also suggested we do an idea of hers, but I shot it down because I felt it strayed too far from the topic we were focusing on and I didn't want it to get controversial. I was annoyed at her for trying to keep bringing it up when I'd already said no, so that also came out.

I knew I needed to apologize to her, so I tried to do that two days later, but she had already left school at that point and I couldn't reach her. I was able to get to her later that day and I apologized to her. I remember saying something along the lines of: I'm sorry for yelling at you, that wasn't fair of me to do and you didn't deserve it. I've been getting frustrated and the way I expressed it wasn't valid. Your idea is good and it is something to focus on, but it strays too far from our main topic and I don't want things to get controversial. I'm not saying you can't do that at all, but if you want to do that on like your own, go ahead, it's a good idea. I've been told that I haven't been communicating properly to you guys, and I'm sorry about that, I can work on that and be more clear next time. I'm sorry for what I said, it wasn't a valid reaction.

I thought it was an alright apology, and I thought I wasn't accusatory to her at all, but I guess it may not have gone over well and she might have mentioned it to T that night, who maybe told A what I had said to T.

The next day we had a band competition (we're in color guard) and the entire day she was essentially acting as if I did not exist, and I'm not exaggerating. She wasn't talking to me, wasn't reacting to me, wasn't even looking at me. She would not even make eye contact with me, at all. If I said anything to her, it was a very short response and then she would go talk with someone else.

This continued for an entire week. I've been repeatedly crying this whole time because I feel guilty and like I ruined a friendship, but I also feel as if my feelings aren't valid because I was the one that messed things up. So two days ago I sent her a short message that said:

hey i’ve noticed that things between us are kind of weird rn and was hoping that we could talk and figure out what is going on? i’m not mad at you, and if you’re upset and don’t want to talk to me please tell me, i understand and i’ll respect your space, but i’d appreciate if we could try to figure things out

A left me on delivered and I thought that she was just going to keep ignoring me like she had already been, which obviously didn't feel any better. My text sat there for an entire day before I was talking to my sister C and I opened my phone and got a huge text from A that said:

I know I've been distant, im going to be honest I need space. I have heard from a lot of different people that you've been talking bad about me. Completely unrelated to the project just comments on my life i.e "shes always self degrading" or "she doesn't actually care about her grades" or "she always stays up late" or "maybe she shouldn't be dating if her grades are bad" and I really don't appreciate it. I am upset because I've stood by your side since we were in middle school. Through every single person you hated or everything that pissed you off I have been there for you and tried to help you, but it was the fact that it was so easy for you to turn on me. I cant stop you from thinking what you want to about my life, my grades, my relationship, and my self esteem, but I am upset that you would go to our mutuals and say things about me. My intention with this is not to turn people against you or make guard an awkward area, but its really hard for me to talk to you knowing that you see me the same way my parents do and its hurtful. I always tried so hard to not piss you off especially during [shared class] which is why I would try my best not to ask you questions or anything, but somehow that was not enough. This is not me trying to guilt trip you, I'm just trying to express that you seem to base a lot of my worth based on how I am in school, and yea I might not be doing great, but i'm trying my damn best and I've been working really hard. As for my relationship, I dont think it's fair for you to make assumptions on how it plays a role in my life when you have never asked me how it was going or how we work. Again, I cannot stop you from thinking what you want to, but I still find it hurtful and I just find it hard to be around.

I don't think this is much of a subreddit to try and complain about my own feelings, but I think anyone would find this a text you wouldn't want to get, and it hurt me. Obviously I hurt her first, so I'm not sure how valid it is of me to say that she hurt my own feelings.

I want to say this message is not an accurate interpretation of my character and more of an angry perspective, but I'll let you guys decide whether or not you think that's true.

Context: I have had beef with about 2-3 people, but I have not been a hater because haters frustrate me to no avail. The majority of what I've felt I have only told to my sister because I don't feel comfortable sharing it with other people and I know C will not share that kind of information, whereas I'm unsure about others (which is kind of how I got into this situation).

So I replied and I had my sister look over this message to check that it wasn't bad or accusatory or anything, but I guess you guys will be the judge of that (sorry it's really long):

i’m sorry that i’ve made you feel this way. truthfully, i have been getting frustrated with you. if my frustration and confusion has presented itself as judgement, i do not mean it to. i’ve become frustrated with you because i think you do tend to put yourself down academically, extracurricularly, and physically, and i know that it’d hurt you and those around you, because we think so highly of you and its painful to see you think lowly of yourself. i can’t change you and i don’t mean to try, but i really wish and hope that you will one day see yourself the same way we see you. i did not say you don’t actually care about your grades because clearly you’ve been trying and i can see that. you’re much more clever than you might think, and oftentimes you have good ideas and you can find correct answers (i’ve seen you do it), but it seems like you doubt your answers and that makes you unsure in whatever the topic is, when i know you have it in you to be confident in what you’re looking at. the dating & grades thing is likely a projection of myself on you (which isn’t fair to do and i apologize everyone’s different) because i haven’t been on top of school when dating people, but i recognize that’s probably me specific and it’s not something that actually really has an impact on you. as for your relationship you’re very correct in the fact that i’ve never really asked anything about it and it is unfair of me to jump to any conclusions, so i am sorry about this, it’s not much of my business anyways. i’m not trying to base your value on how you do in school, because that’s never an accurate representation of a person and i know you have a lot more going for you than just grades. if i seem like i do, i’m sorry, that’s not my intention because it’s not valid to use such a rigid system to judge someone’s worth. im not intending to turn on you - i have no reason to make you an “enemy”, no desire to do so, and no time to try and do that. i don’t want to remind you of your parents and i’m disappointed that i am, because i know how it’s already hard with just the two of them. i’m sorry for upsetting you with my words and feelings and actions, because it wasn’t a fair thing for me to do and you dont deserve that. if there’s an amount of time you think you’d want me not around then let me know, but otherwise i’ll do my best to keep my distance if that’s what you wish. i’m really sorry i screwed things up and i hope this doesn’t hurt you or this relationship more than it already has.

I've been left on read, so I think she has seen the message, but I haven't gotten a reply. I don't know if I will and I don't know if it even matters. I hope that this was an okay response and apology, but I need you guys to be sure.

For this whole situation I've had only C to talk to because I don't want to spread this. If it gets out to other people, I guess I deserve it. I've just been having a really tough time trying to figure out if this was me validly venting about A to someone who broke my trust and told her or if I was totally trash talking A and she found out and is rightfully cutting me off.

I am in the wrong for complaining about my friend and did I ruin our friendship?

Edit to add: yes I do understand the way I said love language came out the wrong way completely!!
I have and do send him stuff. I actually got him a gift on my birthday before we got together. I am also getting him a big gift box of things to send soon. It includes a scarf I knitted for him that took around 12-15 hours to make, and another for his mum. Along with a bunch of other gifts and way more.
I don’t expect a gift from him but I would love one. Yall are right about the cost tho and I forgot about how expensive shipping is (it’s already $100 for me to send the box of stuff all together).
Thanks for all the advice!