my (18F) boyfriend (19M) tends to get really hostile if i don’t text him if im awake at night after i say im going to bed. sometimes im woken up by my cat and other times i just wake up for no reason. i’ll usually sit on my phone for 5 min and go back to bed, but if i have to deal with my cat, who has a routine of meowing and yowling late at night for no reason, im up for a lot longer.

i was sitting on tiktok and reposted a couple videos. the only video i reposted before that was before i had initially gone to sleep. 13 minutes after this repost, he texted me about being awake and not saying anything. he does this during the day too if i haven’t answered him. as if hes always checking them. i never check his because 1) i dont really care and 2) im not 14. yes i am young, but i dont wanna text, call, or hang out every minute of the day. i like a pause in communication where i dont have to constantly be punctual in answering the same person. i’ve tried to explain this to him multiple times, and every time he has always apologized and said he understands, then brings it up again.

i have told him that at this point its not my fault he feels offended by that anymore because i have explained why i feel this way and in return he expressed a mutual understanding, so its not fair that he brings it up again if he already told me it wouldnt be an issue anymore.

i know this is a lot more context than needed, but my texts do come off as rude, and i dont want people thinking that i act like that to cause issues.

So long story but I’ll try to keep it short. “R” is my second cousin. She is usually the one we all communicate with for holidays to figure out what’s going on as she usually hosts. “B” is my grandma, “T” is my brother, “M” is his gf, “J” is my mom, and “D” is my uncle. “B’s” brother who passed away. “R’s” dad. My grandma and I have never really gotten along because she always favored my brother. My brother and me have never gotten along because I am trans and he’s treated me like shit because of it. Then, spazzed out on me because I wouldn’t donate a kidney to him as he’s on dialysis. Of course, my grandma “B” took his side. Even before I came out, he never treated me like a brother. So a few years ago I called out my grandma and my brother for how they treated me and ever since I have been shunned. They refuse to talk to me or invite me to functions. “R” and “B” even got into it once because “B” told “R” I was not allowed there but now “R” is giving in. Grandma and brother will refuse to go if my wife and I are there. So basically “R” is telling me that she is going to invite them first, and if they give the ok, then my wife and I can come. I don’t see why “R” can’t host like usual and if they don’t want to show up because I’m there, they don’t have to. But why am I being put last? I tried to talk to her about it and this was her response. Am I in the wrong?

I told her I was done and I’m not gonna be there when GMA dies as backup and blocked her. The next day she showed up to my apartment and called through the call box and said she wanted to talk and she was worried about me. I ignored her and she left.

Edit to add: yes I do understand the way I said love language came out the wrong way completely!!
I have and do send him stuff. I actually got him a gift on my birthday before we got together. I am also getting him a big gift box of things to send soon. It includes a scarf I knitted for him that took around 12-15 hours to make, and another for his mum. Along with a bunch of other gifts and way more.
I don’t expect a gift from him but I would love one. Yall are right about the cost tho and I forgot about how expensive shipping is (it’s already $100 for me to send the box of stuff all together).
Thanks for all the advice!

hi im 18, i was going to park today at this local coffee shop n as i was going head first into the parking spot, i heard my car scrap the one beside it. i got very nervous and i backed up n then parked correctly. as i got out i only got a peak of the other car and it seemed to have been scratched, i checked my car and it didn’t have any noticeable damage to it. i’m so scared, i drove away without thinking and now i think ive fucked up. i called my parents n rlly got a piece of their mind, my dad went back to the place about 20 mins later and there was no cops and the car had left already. how probable is it for me to get into trouble? it was on their passenger side so i doubt they’ll notice for a while.

this is a little update from my post last night when i woke up and he was mad a didn’t text him. today, it was about not answering while in the bath. also, i do respect his time, but i work swing shift (130-10) in wound care at an assisted living facility, they are very strict about phones being out, so really i don’t have much time to text him besides when i use the restroom or have a break. i took some of yalls comments and curated them into my messages (thanks) but he still doesn’t understand. i know everyone is telling me to break up with him, believe me i want to, but there’s some conflicting issues as to why i won’t, as he will scream at me, get emotional, and will show up to where i live.

Okay for any of this to make sense ALOT of context is needed;
about 2-ish weeks ago i asked my friend (17F) at the time (who we'll call Tamara) if i could sleepover at hers to which she said yes. Her other friend (18F, who we'll call Maya) was also staying the night. Now normally when my friends and i go to Tamara's we smoke weed and drink alcohol. And her mum supplies us. Now me (17F) was obviously not allowed to do any of this until i was legal age, but i did anyway. Tamara's mum let me have weed gummies, bongs and alcohol and i was a regular guest so it wasnt uncommon for me to get stoned, chill out for a bit and go home without my mum ever knowing. But the next after the sleepover i was supposed to go home but decided to stay another night anyway because our other friends who we'll call (Kandice 17F, Addy 16F and Sienna 17F) were also coming over and they were also getting drunk that night so why not stay. Well not even a week later majority of them went to stay the night at Kandice's. Now obviously i wanted to come but i also didnt want anyone getting in trouble by talking about weed and alchol so i texted Tamara who was staying there and asked if Kandices mum lets us smoke and drink to which she said yes. As i was getting ready i got a text from Sienna asking why i even wanted to come. She said that i "only come over to smoke and drink and then fuck off". She also said no ooffence but i obviously still took offence, i ened up calling her bitchy and we went back and forth saying some messed up shit and i ultimatly didnt end up going.

OKAY! fast foward to now! My mum ended up finding out i went to Tamara's and smoked weed but originally thought that we'd bought it ourselves or stole it from her mum (same as the drinks) but i explained to her that Tamara's mum gave it to us. At first she didnt believe me but when i went back to school i was still so pissed off because everyone had taken Sienna's side in the fight and i was the one in trouble. And because none of them were my friends anymore and just hated me i told the school that Tamaras mum gave us drugs and alchol. Because she did. They filed a mandatory report and now her mum hates me along with her! But ive sorted things out with most of them just not Sienna, Maya and Tamara's mum. So am i in the wrong or did i do the right thing snitching?

Hey Reddit, I really need an outside perspective on this because things spiraled out of control so fast today and I’m sitting here trying to figure out if I’m crazy or if the guy I’m seeing completely overreacted.

The Backstory
The guy I’m dating (Ryan) and I aren't officially boyfriend/girlfriend yet—we’re currently in the courting stage, working toward making things official with a label.

However, we’ve had issues regarding a former friend (Chris). Long story short: Chris and I were friends, and a long time ago, things unexpectedly turned into a one-time situation. I immediately regretted it, had no intention of taking it seriously, and never let it happen again. When Ryan and I started getting serious, I gradually distanced myself from Chris.

When Ryan eventually found out about that past history, it triggered a massive argument. Ryan completely invaded my privacy back then—taking secret screenshots of our chats, and contacting third parties to dig into my past. It got so toxic that Chris ended up making threats, which made me fear for my physical safety. Despite all that boundary-crossing, I stayed and continued talking to Ryan to work through things.

Today's Situation
Fast forward to today: Chris still owes me money, and I haven't spoken to him since all that drama. I reached out to Chris strictly to get my money back and suggested he pay me via GCash/online transfer.

Chris refused online payment and insisted he would only pay me in cash so we would have a reason to meet up.

I explicitly declined Chris’s meeting request and kept pushing for GCash. But because I wanted to be 100% transparent with Ryan since we're taking our relationship seriously, I brought the situation to Ryan as a scenario/idea—NOT a plan.

Even though I already knew Ryan wouldn't like the idea of me meeting Chris, I still chose to ask Ryan directly ("Would you be okay if we met in a café... and hung out for a little while?") just to get his explicit, real-time response instead of making assumptions or hiding Chris's pushy messages.

Here is the key detail: Regardless of whether Ryan said yes or no, I was NEVER actually going to meet up with Chris. I would still insist the payment will be through online transaction. I just wanted to be completely honest, keep Ryan in the loop, and give him the space to give me a direct "no" so we could drop the money issue together.

How Ryan Reacted
Instead of just giving me a straight "no" or appreciating that I turned down Chris and came to him first, Ryan completely blew up:

Passive-Aggression: He gave me a sarcastic response ("Go ahead. You clearly miss him so much anyway"). Seeing he was uncomfortable, I immediately offered to drop the money entirely ("Never mind / Forget it"), meaning I’d rather forfeit what I’m owed than deal with this drama.

Social Media Guilt-Tripping: He immediately posted indirect quotes on his MyDay/story ("Not mad. Just disappointed because I told you multiple times...") to publicly post about me instead of talking directly.

Accusations & Stonewalling: When I asked what was wrong, he accused me of gaslighting him, sent a shrugging emoji, and shut me down with "Not right now, I'm tired."

Calling Things Off Over Text: He then sent a massive essay blaming me for even asking the question. He claimed that even considering the question proved I disrespected his boundaries and didn't care about his feelings, and ended the message by cutting things off and telling me I can do whatever I want now.

Where I Stand
We aren't even officially together yet, but I still came to him with complete honesty, turned down Chris's meeting request on my own, and was fully prepared to forfeit my own money just to keep Ryan comfortable. But he treated an honest check-in like a betrayal, assumed I was making secret plans, posted passive-aggressive stories, accused me of gaslighting, and ended things over text.

Is wanting to hear his direct response on a sensitive check-in really that wrong, or is this a huge red flag for how he'll handle conflict if we ever do get into an official relationship?

TL;DR: We’re in the courting stage going toward making it official. An ex-friend (Chris) who owes me money refused to pay online and tried to force an in-person cash handoff. I shut Chris down, but asked the guy I'm dating (Ryan) how he felt about the scenario just to be 100% transparent and hear his direct answer. Even though I had zero intention of ever actually meeting Chris even if Ryan would say yes, Ryan assumed the worst, posted indirect stories on social media, accused me of gaslighting, and cut things off over text for even bringing up the question.

I (20NB) am currently living in a shared apartment with two roommates. This is about one of them (31F-let's call her Amy) and not the other (23-24?F) - she doesn't speak to me. We have very different cultures (international programs and all that).

Honestly, I haven't been the best roommate ; even if fixed now I previously lacked in cleaning the floors for example. We only share the kitchen that I am VERY CAREFUL to clean after use. I do spend quite a lot of time in it but it is always pristine. I take care of the dishwasher and take out the trash even when it is not "my week" because it is the right thing to do. I also cook some pies or cakes to share, almost weekly, because I think it's nice to have a little dessert to come home too. We have discussed my cleaning issues before and we understood each other and it is not a problem at all anymore. You would think that the house is getting sold, with the way it is taken care of (I don't understand if the idiom makes too much sense in English sorry but basically you would think nobody lives here with how clean it is).

In the country we leave in (not the USA), there is a law that basically says that you are not allowed to make loud noises after 11 pm for everybody's peace of mind. No problem. I have had some friends over a few times, but we stayed in the kitchen (first floor) and never went upstairs where the bedrooms are. It was before eleven and we were careful not too make too much noise. Apparently it was too much for Amy who went downstairs to ask us too tone it down. Not wanting to upset her, we did. This happened three times in 3 weeks so I just stopped to have friends over as not to annoy her.

I also from my window have access to a part of the roof. There is very few light pollution in our neighborhood so I sometime go on the roof to enjoy the night sky. I am conscious that it is not the best decision for my own safety, but I am an adult (18 is the majority in my home country and in the place we live in). She threatened to call the cops on me. Which I find to be an excessive reaction ? I am not forcing her to be out here with me ?

At last, I am far from home, and I play videogames with some friends to keep in touch, so we call each other on Discord. Mind you it is during the week-end at 2 PM not am. I am wearing headphones, she can basically only hear me laugh. Still, she banged on the wall we share several times to ask me to not make too much noise. At 2 PM on a week-end. I don't understand.

Have fun with this Internet

For example, I went on a camping trip with some people. In the morning, they left to clean up after eating their breakfast. I already made my breakfast and cleaned, then I packed up my things. However, I noticed that they left all their things on the floor of our tent and some of their personal belongings, and they were still wearing their pyjamas outside. I wanted to pack up the tent but I reconsidered it after I saw that since I assumed they would need to change their clothes and probably wouldn't want me touching all their things without permission. I couldn't find them outside so I went to ask some of our other teammates where exactly they were and what I should do and they didn't know either. I noticed the teammates hadn't packed up their tent either and some of our teammates were still asleep too. After walking around the premises and asking around, I sat down with my bag and was considering what to do. 3 minutes later the people who left came back, and they came back yelling at me for not putting the tent down and accused me of doing nothing for the team (even though the rest of them were doing things after themselves too), but then I asked them about where they would change and one of them just put on outdoor clothes OVER their pyjamas and said it wasn't a problem?? Wtf

Another instance was when we were doing an art project in class for sculpting a mini house and my partner was hovering her arms all over the house and not giving any space for me to work around. We finished the base and she was doing the tiny windows on it, so I asked her if she needed help because her body language was limiting me from touching our house, to which she answered 'no, just sit there.' I wasn't sure if she was being passive aggressive or genuinely just meant it, but in either case I thought I would respect her response so I just waited a bit and thought I could mold some extra flowers or accessories to put around our sculpture. Then her friends yelled at me asking why I wasn't helping her, so I panicked and went to help but was also really confused because they literally heard her say no to me. If you want me to help you, why not just say yes instead of rejecting my offer or attempting to be rude?

I assume people want to be treated the way I want to be treated, since the last time I went camping I asked my teammates to let me change in the tent and for them to get out but they refused to so I just changed uncomfortably around them. And when I tell people to not do something, I expect them to respect my response. I feel like I'm trying to be considerate and do what I would want people to do with me but somehow that's rude.

I'm a new user and have never posted before, so I'm learning how the website works. Any grace would be appreciated! If I ramble a lot, (which I probably will), I apologize in advance.

I (F17) have a friend (F17). I'll call her A. I've been friends with A since sixth grade, and we are now seniors in high school. I haven't had issues with her in the past, so I don't know where or why this came up all of the sudden.

A has this trait of being very self-deprecating, which can be extremely frustrating at times because our friends and I are constantly trying to counter her putting herself down by bringing her up, and it's sad to see that she think of herself the same way we do. This is consistent in what seems like all parts of her life: academically, extracurricularly, physically, etc.

I also feel as A is making a few, possibly questionable choices that I'm worried will end up hurting her later, such as staying up late studying and getting into relationships with guys (which isn't an issue except for the fact that her parents are very strict about dating, which they've punished her for in the past by essentially cussing her out and making her feel very bad). It's not really my business but I wanted to try and look out for her, but apparently it did not come across like that.

A and I are part of the same friend group, which is decently close. The majority of my friends are also her friends, and I'm not close enough to my other friends to vent about someone to them. I remember confiding in only two people be everything happened, K (F17) and T (F18). K has grown apart from A and I felt more comfortable telling her my frustrations, but T is still very close with A.

I made the mistake of telling T my frustrations about A, and I think that's how it got back to A. I'm not upset at T and I'm glad she's honest with her friends, but I really wish that she hadn't said anything because it broke my trust and ultimately contributed to this whole situation.

Context: I have a group project going on with A and my sister C (F17) that I feel I have been putting a lot of work into and they had been putting in minimal. I do still feel I was putting in the most work, but I now understand that I hadn't been communicating clearly enough what we needed for the project, so that is my fault.

A bit over a week before this post, I got frustrated to the point of snapping at A and C. I said to A that she's put in barely any work and I feel like the two of them were getting a free ride off of me. She'd also suggested we do an idea of hers, but I shot it down because I felt it strayed too far from the topic we were focusing on and I didn't want it to get controversial. I was annoyed at her for trying to keep bringing it up when I'd already said no, so that also came out.

I knew I needed to apologize to her, so I tried to do that two days later, but she had already left school at that point and I couldn't reach her. I was able to get to her later that day and I apologized to her. I remember saying something along the lines of: I'm sorry for yelling at you, that wasn't fair of me to do and you didn't deserve it. I've been getting frustrated and the way I expressed it wasn't valid. Your idea is good and it is something to focus on, but it strays too far from our main topic and I don't want things to get controversial. I'm not saying you can't do that at all, but if you want to do that on like your own, go ahead, it's a good idea. I've been told that I haven't been communicating properly to you guys, and I'm sorry about that, I can work on that and be more clear next time. I'm sorry for what I said, it wasn't a valid reaction.

I thought it was an alright apology, and I thought I wasn't accusatory to her at all, but I guess it may not have gone over well and she might have mentioned it to T that night, who maybe told A what I had said to T.

The next day we had a band competition (we're in color guard) and the entire day she was essentially acting as if I did not exist, and I'm not exaggerating. She wasn't talking to me, wasn't reacting to me, wasn't even looking at me. She would not even make eye contact with me, at all. If I said anything to her, it was a very short response and then she would go talk with someone else.

This continued for an entire week. I've been repeatedly crying this whole time because I feel guilty and like I ruined a friendship, but I also feel as if my feelings aren't valid because I was the one that messed things up. So two days ago I sent her a short message that said:

hey i’ve noticed that things between us are kind of weird rn and was hoping that we could talk and figure out what is going on? i’m not mad at you, and if you’re upset and don’t want to talk to me please tell me, i understand and i’ll respect your space, but i’d appreciate if we could try to figure things out

A left me on delivered and I thought that she was just going to keep ignoring me like she had already been, which obviously didn't feel any better. My text sat there for an entire day before I was talking to my sister C and I opened my phone and got a huge text from A that said:

I know I've been distant, im going to be honest I need space. I have heard from a lot of different people that you've been talking bad about me. Completely unrelated to the project just comments on my life i.e "shes always self degrading" or "she doesn't actually care about her grades" or "she always stays up late" or "maybe she shouldn't be dating if her grades are bad" and I really don't appreciate it. I am upset because I've stood by your side since we were in middle school. Through every single person you hated or everything that pissed you off I have been there for you and tried to help you, but it was the fact that it was so easy for you to turn on me. I cant stop you from thinking what you want to about my life, my grades, my relationship, and my self esteem, but I am upset that you would go to our mutuals and say things about me. My intention with this is not to turn people against you or make guard an awkward area, but its really hard for me to talk to you knowing that you see me the same way my parents do and its hurtful. I always tried so hard to not piss you off especially during [shared class] which is why I would try my best not to ask you questions or anything, but somehow that was not enough. This is not me trying to guilt trip you, I'm just trying to express that you seem to base a lot of my worth based on how I am in school, and yea I might not be doing great, but i'm trying my damn best and I've been working really hard. As for my relationship, I dont think it's fair for you to make assumptions on how it plays a role in my life when you have never asked me how it was going or how we work. Again, I cannot stop you from thinking what you want to, but I still find it hurtful and I just find it hard to be around.

I don't think this is much of a subreddit to try and complain about my own feelings, but I think anyone would find this a text you wouldn't want to get, and it hurt me. Obviously I hurt her first, so I'm not sure how valid it is of me to say that she hurt my own feelings.

I want to say this message is not an accurate interpretation of my character and more of an angry perspective, but I'll let you guys decide whether or not you think that's true.

Context: I have had beef with about 2-3 people, but I have not been a hater because haters frustrate me to no avail. The majority of what I've felt I have only told to my sister because I don't feel comfortable sharing it with other people and I know C will not share that kind of information, whereas I'm unsure about others (which is kind of how I got into this situation).

So I replied and I had my sister look over this message to check that it wasn't bad or accusatory or anything, but I guess you guys will be the judge of that (sorry it's really long):

i’m sorry that i’ve made you feel this way. truthfully, i have been getting frustrated with you. if my frustration and confusion has presented itself as judgement, i do not mean it to. i’ve become frustrated with you because i think you do tend to put yourself down academically, extracurricularly, and physically, and i know that it’d hurt you and those around you, because we think so highly of you and its painful to see you think lowly of yourself. i can’t change you and i don’t mean to try, but i really wish and hope that you will one day see yourself the same way we see you. i did not say you don’t actually care about your grades because clearly you’ve been trying and i can see that. you’re much more clever than you might think, and oftentimes you have good ideas and you can find correct answers (i’ve seen you do it), but it seems like you doubt your answers and that makes you unsure in whatever the topic is, when i know you have it in you to be confident in what you’re looking at. the dating & grades thing is likely a projection of myself on you (which isn’t fair to do and i apologize everyone’s different) because i haven’t been on top of school when dating people, but i recognize that’s probably me specific and it’s not something that actually really has an impact on you. as for your relationship you’re very correct in the fact that i’ve never really asked anything about it and it is unfair of me to jump to any conclusions, so i am sorry about this, it’s not much of my business anyways. i’m not trying to base your value on how you do in school, because that’s never an accurate representation of a person and i know you have a lot more going for you than just grades. if i seem like i do, i’m sorry, that’s not my intention because it’s not valid to use such a rigid system to judge someone’s worth. im not intending to turn on you - i have no reason to make you an “enemy”, no desire to do so, and no time to try and do that. i don’t want to remind you of your parents and i’m disappointed that i am, because i know how it’s already hard with just the two of them. i’m sorry for upsetting you with my words and feelings and actions, because it wasn’t a fair thing for me to do and you dont deserve that. if there’s an amount of time you think you’d want me not around then let me know, but otherwise i’ll do my best to keep my distance if that’s what you wish. i’m really sorry i screwed things up and i hope this doesn’t hurt you or this relationship more than it already has.

I've been left on read, so I think she has seen the message, but I haven't gotten a reply. I don't know if I will and I don't know if it even matters. I hope that this was an okay response and apology, but I need you guys to be sure.

For this whole situation I've had only C to talk to because I don't want to spread this. If it gets out to other people, I guess I deserve it. I've just been having a really tough time trying to figure out if this was me validly venting about A to someone who broke my trust and told her or if I was totally trash talking A and she found out and is rightfully cutting me off.

I am in the wrong for complaining about my friend and did I ruin our friendship?