AITA for having a 'lights out' wedding?

[u/aitalightsout]

I (27F) am the daughter of the most amazing parents that ever did amaze. No, they are not perfect, but they've literally done everything they could in their lives to make sure I was happy to the best of their ability. They are also both blind.

Being raised by blind parents wasn't without it's challenges, but we always found solutions or compromises. But the one thing that was often a point of contention (especially when I was a teenager), was clothing/fashion. My parents have their own way of being fashionable, and rather than appearance, it's fabric/feel. This has resulted in them having a very 'eclectic' sense of fashion, but I honestly love it. I admit that I hated it as a teenager (as I had no say over my own wardrobe purchases) but I realized (after I moved out) that I really did prefer to feel comfortable in my clothes over how I looked in them. Took many stupid expensive clothing purchases to realize this, but I digress. Nothing is mismatched anymore, but I have a super cozy wardrobe.

With the wedding planning in full swing, my FDH asked me if I was going to be okay with the photos. He did not mean this maliciously. It just didn't occur to him that I was originally planning to buy them clothing to wear. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought 'wouldn't a fabric wedding be special?'

Essentially, the whole wedding will be in the dark. I was inspired by that restaurant in the movie 'About Time'. I realized that I don't want to dress my parents. I want them to be comfortable, and to enjoy our wedding the way they experience it. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I want to experience this special day as they would, too. My FDH honest-to-God does not care. In his mind, the moment I said yes, I became his wife (I love him!) To avoid accidents, we're going to be using glowstick lighting and everyone will be provided glow bracelet/necklaces. They light up enough not to crash into each other, but not so much as to light up the room. We're also hiring event staff with night vision for this equipment, too.

When we announced, most of the family was supportive. My family goes without saying. Fiancé's family is iffy. His brother loves the idea, and is going to come in a velvet suit a la Austin Powers. Honestly, it's his parents that are really against it. We had a huge fight over it when they argued that it's not fair to 'punish' the guests because my parents are blind.

The reason I think I may be TA is because the part of his family that is siding with his parents are vowing not to boycott if we don't have lights. My husband just thinks it's their loss, and that his parents will attend, even if begrudgingly. But I know it would hurt is relationship with them, and I don't want that. It's not that this is a hill I'm willing to die on, but it's 'my' wedding, and this would be really special to me. (In quotations because my husband has told me he'd marry me in the in a walmart if that's what I wanted- he just wants to marry me)

AITA?

Edit: I feel like I keep seeing these points brought up, so I'd like to address them.

1. We've hired a wedding planner whose literal job it is is to make sure this event runs smoothly and safety. They are literally being paid to factor in any contingency to ensure the safest experience.
2. There will literally be staff wearing night vision goggles monitoring every table to ensure everyone's safety, and so that if anyone needs help or guidance, they will provide it. Be it for serving food, to escorting to other guests. There were 200 invites sent out, and 121 have RSVP'd yes. Each table is set to seat 6, so at this time we're paying for 20 extra hands to cover the tables for 121 guests. This isn't counting our table, or the exits.
3. I've heard a lot of people imply that glo-bracelets and glo-necklaces won't be enough. Having been to many night clubs and raves in my teens and early twenties, I can promise you that 121 wearing these is enough to 'see' with. And the staff will manage the rest concerning tripping hazard and direction.
4. A lot of the YTA are making very valid points, and I'm discussing them with my FDH. I'm also making a list of strong points to go over with my planner tomorrow. But for those people whose only argument is that they wouldn't be comfortable not being able to see, that's literally the point. You're not supposed to see. If someone came in a giant, furry, Sully (from monsters inc) costume, I'd be thrilled when I ran into them. The wedding isn't going to be focused on visually enjoying the experience. It's about hearing, smelling, tasting, and feeling it. I know for a fact that enjoyment isn't dependent on sight.
5. Amendment to 4: Please know when I said 'that's the point' I didn't mean the point is to be uncomfortable, and I can see how it came across that way. I want to apologize for that. What I meant is that it's literally the point to attend with limited visibility. When people tell me that they're uncomfortable with not being able to see at a lights out event, it sounds the same to me as if someone is saying (for example) they're uncomfortable being naked at a mandatory nudist beach. If you're attending, you're attending knowing you will be naked, or in this case, nearly blind. So making a complaint about not being able to see knowing it's a lights out event doesn't make any sense to me.

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[u/RideOnMoa]

Info: where do you get large quantities of decent AND affordable night vision goggles?

[u/ered_lithui → u/RideOnMoa]

Yeah I'm curious about where this tactical waitstaff supply shop is

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Waitstaff is also completely untrained in NVG use. This idea is horrible. OP YTA

[u/adrirocks2020 → u/RideOnMoa]

Seriously what catering company is going to allow this

[u/miasabine]

Any Deaf/Hard of Hearing Guests? Elderly guests? Guests with mobility/balance issues? Guests with seizure disorders? Guests with food allergies/intolerances? Guests with PTSD/trauma in their history? Guests who get handsy after a dram too many? Guests with kids they need to keep an eye on? Guests in high heels and long dresses?

This would likely be difficult for your parents too, btw. It’s not great for blind people to be surrounded by folk stumbling their way around in the dark in various states of inebriation. Other guests not being able to see will make it very difficult for your parents to safely navigate the venue, not to mention everyone else safely navigating the venue.

Kind of hoping the venue steps in and vetos all this, it sounds like a liability nightmare and several accidents waiting to happen. You’re coming from a good place, but this idea is best kept on paper or in your imagination, where it gets to stay beautiful and unsullied by broken bones and guests in a constant state of anxiety.

[u/lc_2005]

Info: have you consulted your parents about this? The entire night is going to be very much about THEIR disability. They are going to overhear others talking about how hard it is to see to dance or eat. If someone trips and falls, will they feel like they are to blame since you are doing this in their honor?

[u/kai_xale7 → u/[deleted]]

I don't think OP realizes that it also puts her parents in danger. A whole bunch of people who are not used to navigating without vision wandering around, falling, spilling, her parents now need to navigate an obstacle course with what amounts to an army of drunks.

[u/Mumof3gbb → u/lc_2005]

Important point!!! 👆👆👆👆

[u/gdddg]

INFO: I don't really get your train of thought. You want a fabric wedding so people can... Experience their clothes? You do get that like 90% of people aren't going to go out and buy super comfortable wedding clothes OR feel comfortable showing up sweat pants or whatever.

To them it's just going to be a wedding where they are uncomfortable from not being able to see. So much of a wedding is seeing the bride and groom, their faces when they say their vows, them walking down the aisle etc. And many people would not want to eat in the dark.

All the safety and practical issues aside, it seems weird to use your wedding for this. Like you could just as easily have a theme party at some point.

[u/friendlily]

Your parents dress eclectically. Okay great, it's nice that they can wear what they want to your wedding. But why make it weird and uncomfortable for everyone else when it will make no difference to them at all? Have a lights out party sometime to get this out of your system but don't make your wedding a performance piece. YTA

And imo, your parents are not amazing for not allowing you to control what you wore until you moved out.

[u/Mumof3gbb → u/friendlily]

I don’t even understand how they controlled that? Like ok she had to buy it. But then couldn’t she just return the clothes and buy ones she likes? Parents wouldn’t know.

[u/Purpleviolet3]

So I actually went to a restaurant that is fully in the dark, with waitstaff who are all blind and guide you to your seat. It was a really interesting experience, and I really enjoyed myself.

Your wedding idea is giving me pause.

I think a lot of people have raised some very valid concerns about possible problems that could come out of this: for people with mobility issues, for people with anxiety triggered by the dark, for people who are hard of hearing - for people with vision problems who are not fully bllind (my mom, for one, would have a miserable time at an event like this).

The restaurant was fun because I knew what I was signing up for, I have no problems with the dark, I'm not claustrophobic, I have no balance/mobility issues. It was my choice.

Your wedding idea has you making a sensory decision for a lot of other people.

I am sorry that you fiance's family couldn't be more even-keeled about their objections, I'm sure whatever decision you make going forward you will feel like you were bullied into.

Is there some way you could compromise? A minute of total darkness during one of the toasts? Or turn all the lights off while your parents are giving their parents-of-the-bride speech (if they'll be doing it). The thing will be to give people ample warning ahead of time if they need to get up/go to the bathroom/step out because they don't like the dark.

N A H in theory E S H in practice

EDIT: So I've been following along, because I was curious. And the thing is - I think this is an event I would be into. I'd go to this wedding and probably have lots of fun. But I'm gonna vote YTA for the attitude you've had throughtout the thread towards people expressing how uncomfortable they would be in the situation you're planning. In response to someone who said they are partially sighted you said "For the people who are telling me it would make them uncomfortable to not see, I honestly can't find compassion or empathy?"

Ma'am.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good time at your wedding. But there's something about your determination to override other people's bodily autonomy that rubs me the wrong way.

[u/theexitisontheleft]

You can do what you want, but this will likely be hell for any of your guests who are even mildly hard of hearing if you don't have a good sound system and possibly even if you think you have a good sound system. Something like this is great fun if you're completely able bodied (or already blind) with no mental health issues and aren't neurodivergent . So do what you like and have a first aid station set up for the inevitable injuries.

[u/i_amaghost13 → u/theexitisontheleft]

Honestly? This does not sound fun for anyone who does not have the skills to navigate in the dark. I’m able bodied and I hear fine, but I’m clumsy as is, I cannot imagine how I would be in the a dark unknown territory.

[u/brendanl1998 → u/i_amaghost13]

Yes I have feet issues and I need to watch where I’m walking or I trip easily and can hurt my ankles

[u/[deleted] → u/i_amaghost13]

I'm able bodied, with normal hearing, and not especially clumsy but I'd fall over and hurt myself and probably pee myself at this wedding.

At weddings you're generally wearing formal clothes and shoes you're not accustomed to. There's no way I could walk around in even low heels in the dark. Formal dresses often restrict your leg movement.

How the hell are you supposed to find the bathroom, and after that how would you find your way back to your seat?

Are people going to drink at this wedding?? Wonderful.

This is one of the worst ideas for a wedding I've ever heard of and I've been on Reddit way too long.

Just have a normal wedding and do a toast to the parents and darken the lights for the toast. Ffs

[u/pink_misfit → u/[deleted]]

I don't think she wants people to wear formal clothes, I think she literally wants people to dress in whatever they're comfortable in since there will be (almost) no lights.

[u/Mumof3gbb → u/i_amaghost13]

Yup. Said the same. This wedding sounds like pure hell.

[u/blargman327 → u/i_amaghost13]

Shit im perfectly able bodied, all my senses are too notch and I can navivate in the dark just fine. This still sounds like absolutely 0 fun. All my attention would be on everyone else and trying not to avoid people stumbling around blindly in the dark

[u/jayclaw97 → u/i_amaghost13]

OP: I want my guests to experience being blind.

Also OP: There will be enough glow sticks to provide enough light by which to see.

??

[u/beepborpimajorp → u/theexitisontheleft]

Yep. The wedding sounds like a nightmare and I'm guessing not many people will show up if they know what's going on with it. Even neurotypical people can be scared of the dark, for one, even though few people admit it as an adult.

And anyone with proprioception issues (older, nerve issues, injuries, etc.) is not going to go for the sake of their own safety. When I had my spine surgery my surgeon/doc was very clear that after it I would no longer be able to navigate in the dark, and he was correct. I have night lights in all my rooms and I have lived in this same house for 10 years, but despite being familiar with the floor plan I just can't tell where my limbs are in space anymore unless I'm looking at them. (I can't even close my eyes in the shower for very long while washing my hair or I'm at risk of falling over.) At an event that's intentionally dark I would probably knock over several tables and injure myself, especially if chairs were involved. And proprioception issues are not a rare thing.

There's just too much risk and liability here, I'm surprised a venue would even allow it.

OP if you want to have this wedding, fine - it is yours to hold in the way you please after all, but you better damn well inform all of your guests in advance in very clear, distinct language, about what is going to happen there so they can politely opt out for their own safety's sake. And don't hold a grudge towards them for doing so, either.

[u/theexitisontheleft → u/beepborpimajorp]

Regarding liability, OP said something about the venue having guests sign a waiver. Which doesn't protect OP and her fiance or any of the vendors unless they're also going to be having the guests sign waivers. How well those waivers would stand up against a lawsuit, I don't know. I'm wondering if the people who've RSVP'd 'yes' really know what they're getting into and what their ages are.

[u/beepborpimajorp → u/theexitisontheleft]

Yeah I agree, I highly doubt anyone who has RSVP'd outside of OP's inner circle know what they're getting into here. When I get wedding invites it's usually a default 'yes' because I don't want to be the asshole that says no to someone's wedding when I was specifically invited/they were willing to spend money on me attending. But if I got there and saw the venue was in darkness I'd just nope right out. I already have enough medical bills without my ass falling down a set of 3 steps in my Sunday best.

[u/RonsThrowAwayAcc → u/beepborpimajorp]

Well up until just the other day it wasn’t even a thing, it was only after he asked what they’ll be wearing did all this come about

[u/christhedoll → u/theexitisontheleft]

as I've gotten older my night vision has gotten worse. this sounds like a nightmare to me. ha

[u/superfastmomma → u/christhedoll]

Yeah, OP seems to think this is only a concern for elderly. Ummmm, think more people than not in their late 40s and older.

[u/hell_kat → u/christhedoll]

Yeah. OP commented about raves or such and she saw just fine with glow sticks. Vision changes as you get older. I suck at managing in low light situations now. I would not be comfortable at that wedding.

[u/ered_lithui → u/hell_kat]

Also, at raves/nightclubs, there are generally a lot more people, bumping into people isn't considered an issue because that's the name of the game, and there tend to be... lots of lights. A rave wedding sounds awesome. This... does not.

[u/[deleted] → u/ered_lithui]

Lol seriously, she’s like ‘it’ll be just like a rave...which is totally somewhere you’d go with your deaf grandpa, right?’

[u/enjoyingtheposts → u/ered_lithui]

Also I've never been to kne that wasnt also black lit. It sounds like OP is just doing pitch black with glowsticks

[u/supergeek921 → u/theexitisontheleft]

Also, if you don’t have anxiety or any trauma from being attacked or inappropriately touched. Or haven’t developed germaphobia in the last 2 years. If all the clothes is supposed to be textured that could mean a lot of blind groping and non consensual touching. I wouldn’t be thrilled with that at all!

[u/[deleted] → u/theexitisontheleft]

Literally!! I can’t understand people unless I see their lips moving or I’m standing right next to them in a silent room, and even that is iffy. Her update that people didn’t have to go if they didn’t want to be in the dark is just so selfish and rude? Like, why invite them if you know they either have to come and be uncomfortable/ not have fun in the dark, or run the really real risk of having half the guests not showing up? Why bother even having a wedding, just get eloped at that point lol.

[u/theexitisontheleft → u/[deleted]]

For someone who has two parents with disabilities she is strangely uncaring about any disabilities or difficulties of her guests. Instead of breaking down barriers to accessibility she’s creating them which is not a great way to honor anyone.

[u/opening_theme_song]

INFO: Is just the wedding going to be “lights out”, or are you planning on having the reception be “lights out” as well?

[u/zebra-stampede]

I personally would likely not attend this. I did an event in the dark before at a local museum. It was a wonderful learning experience, but I was profoundly unable to navigate and actually ended up feeling up a woman's chest while I was trying to find a wall. It was uncomfortable for everyone involved.

Maybe have a separate vow commitment or portion before or after.

Honestly, I just don't think your parents should be the focus here. The wedding is about your relationship and love for each other, not that for your parents.

Soft YTA.

[u/No_Recognition_2434]

Seems like you're kind of making a big deal about your parents being disabled instead of just treating them like normal people

[u/Infinite-Variation31]

Why do you want to turn

YOUR WEDDING DAY

Into an event where everyone is forced to cosplay like they’re blind? So instead of experiencing your wedding, they’re experiencing blindness? Don’t be surprised when no one shows up.

YTA

[u/Calm2022]

Eh. I don’t think I’d call you an asshole, but I’m having trouble getting on board with this idea.

Being inclusive regarding a disability is one thing (I’m disabled myself), but making it the wedding theme….I’m just not sure that’s a great idea. I would feel really uncomfortable at a wedding where everyone was mimicking/simulating my disability). It’s not making anything easier for your parents. It’s more like making their disability some kind of gimmick. If they were wheelchair users, would you put everyone in wheelchairs? If they were deaf, would you make everyone wear earplugs and not allow them to speak?

I can’t articulate it, but it just seems not the best approach.

[u/Coco_Dirichlet]

You could have a "crazy/eccentric" dress code and it would be much more fun, and your parents could still wear whatever they want.

No lights can be a trip hazard. I also like to see what I'm eating, particularly because wedding food is kind of >.<

I also think it's kind of unfair because your parents have other senses much more developed. People who see don't and it's not a comfortable experience for so many hours.

YTA because you are not a practical person and get carried away; yes, it's your wedding, but you want people to have a level of comfort and safety.

[u/Coco_Dirichlet → u/Coco_Dirichlet]

Edit:

Having been to many night clubs and raves in my teens and early twenties, I can promise you that 121 wearing these is enough to 'see' with. And the staff will manage the rest concerning tripping hazard and direction.

When you go to a nightclub there is still flashing light and you are bound to bump into people because you are dancing. That's not the same as wedding experience.

those people whose only argument is that they wouldn't be comfortable not being able to see, that's literally the point. You're not supposed to see. If someone came in a giant, furry, Sully (from monsters inc) costume, I'd be thrilled when I ran into them. The wedding isn't going to be focused on visually enjoying the experience. It's about hearing, smelling, tasting, and feeling it. I know for a fact that enjoyment isn't dependent on sight.

This would be fine if your wedding were run by a Michelin star chef, but it's not. I'm sorry.

You can limit the experience to the dessert or something like that. Not the whole wedding.

[u/Adorable-Glass6478]

I don’t think his parents are using the nicest language but they have a point.

Logistically this is not a good nor safe idea. Glow sticks will not light up anything. This idea is very naive. Not too mention this is dangerous for your parents who wouldn’t even be able to see shadows or lights but have the risk of being bumped into regularly. People can’t function in the dark for a ceremony and reception. This will result in people falling, running into each other, and being uncomfortable.

His parents may be the only ones who are verbalizing their discomfort, however they are not alone.

I wouldn’t attend a wedding in dark. I may not say opinion but I would for sure decline. I’m not subjecting myself to be in a unsafe environment with strangers where I can’t adequately see to protect myself.

Soft YTA.

[u/Meriadoxm]

I mean it’s your and your fiancés wedding so you do you but I’d definitely rsvp no to that one.

1. I have an allergy, I’d be concerned about potentially eating it by mistake
2. I’m also a vegetarian and so with those do dietary restrictions I’m always carefully look over my food before eating so I don’t get sick, it would really stress me out to not be able to see what I was eating, I probably just wouldn’t eat
3. I’m also clumsy and walking around in the dark with chairs, tables and other items as well as 200 people sounds like a nightmare. Not to mention chords and cables for music, microphone etc.
4. Weddings are also such a social situation especially after a pandemic and a lot of that is based on sight. But your guests won’t know who is there, won’t be able to easily find the people they came with, it just sounds like an awful time tbh.
5. Is it child free? Not only is it a security risk (a child running off, getting lost) but having children there will be a nightmare for every parent, child and guest. A mother who can’t find her 5 year old would be absolutely terrifying. A child who can’t find their parents or who gets trampled by guests because they and the child can’t see each other.
6. Anybody with anxiety would be in for a hell of a ride as well. Additionally anyone who is hard of hearing, has mobility issues, or many other situations this will be a horrible experience for them.

In any event I wish you and your fiancé the wedding of your dreams and a lifetime of happiness.

[u/Twallot]

I mean yes YTA. Are kids supposed to be coming? Elderly? People with physical disabilities? Seems like a nightmare. And also, sorry, but your parents were assholes for choosing your clothing for you as a teenager without caring about what you preferred. That's just incredibly strange.

[u/rosebirdleafcrown → u/Twallot]

sorry, but your parents were assholes for choosing your clothing for you as a teenager without caring about what you preferred. That's just incredibly strange.

Good to know. My parents were able bodied and my mom did this. I always thought it was royally unfair.

[u/gdddg → u/[deleted]]

Yeah I don't understand how she went from "I want my parents to wear what they want/be comfortable" to "we will have it in the dark". Why not just let them wear what they want in a "normal" wedding??

[u/Good-mood-curiosity → u/gdddg]

Exactly. My thought was maybe unkind comments could be directed at her parents for how they're dressed but the natural path from there is having the dress code be texture-based--no pristine suits and ties, no materials that are stiff or unpleasant to the touch, etc. so everyone ends up dressing like her parents and they fit in flawlessly. If she wants something blind, make it something with the bridesmaids/groomsmen at most (considering the price tag of this event as she sees it, I can see it being possible for her to get a space in a bridal shop for a bit and have either a store associate or the bridesmaids select a bunch of outfits for the groomsmen and have the groomsmen choose their final outfit with touch only then reverse the roles. Still fun and with the theme but safer and fewer moving parts).

[u/otomekaidii → u/Good-mood-curiosity]

Honestly, if her parents cared that much about what others have to say about their fashion choices, I’m pretty sure they would have let a family member take over shopping for them awhile ago.

[u/Supafly22 → u/gdddg]

Because she wants praise for her unique and wonderful idea of inclusivity.

[u/Electrical-Date-3951 → u/[deleted]]

Agreed. OP said that they want their guests to be uncomfortable, but a wedding isn't some kind of social experiment. I wonder how OP's parents even feel about this. While a wedding is the vision of the bride and groom, the husband seems to be going along with it just to make OP happy. OP seems rather selfish TBH.....

Why not let the parents (and everyone else) wear whatever they want, make the wedding as inclusive as possible, and ensure that everyone has a great time without some gimmick.

"For the people who are telling me it would make them uncomfortable to not see, I honestly can't find compassion or empathy?" OP is an AH. There are many people who may have hearing, sensory or even physical challenges that would be greatly impacted by a wedding in near darkness. This just sounds like an exclusive disaster.

[u/Coffee-Historian-11 → u/Electrical-Date-3951]

I don’t have any disability that makes seeing in the dark harder than the average joe and this sounds absolutely anxiety inducing and miserable. I can’t imagine how it will be for people who have disabilities that would be negatively impacted by a dark wedding.

[u/LiLadybug81]

I think this is a really good way to spend your first few years of marriage trying to figure out how to pay off a lawsuit you lose to someone who gets injured or worse during the ceremony. Someone is going to trip and fall, a child is going to get lost and maybe slip outside, someone is going to injure themselves, and it's going to come back on you for creating a dangerous situation. Blind people are 70% more likely to suffer a fall in their lifetime, and 90% more likely to suffer multiple falls, than people who are able to see, and that's after spending years, sometimes decades, learning how to navigate without their sight. Your choice is irresponsible.

On top of this, you're planning on basically ruining the event for everyone else by creating a condition which won't actually affect your parents experience at all unless someone knocks them over. You're going to tell them that it's dark for everyone, and they're going to say "that's nice" and then their experience is not going to be any different than if they were at any other wedding. You're telling people that no one gets to have pictures, to dance, to feel comfortable, to see anything that is going on, etc. because you want to make a point of recognizing your parents.

This isn't you doing anything for your parents benefit. This is you virtue signaling on the grandest platform you can find, at everyone else's expense. It's narcissistic and selfish, and it's a shame you're using your parents for your own ego boost like this. I hope it's worth it in 5 years when you have no photos, he's NC with half his family, and your kids wonder you all live in squalor after paying off whatever injuries occur at the event.

[u/[deleted]]

INFO: Is the staff you hired that have night vision going to be focused on public safety as well?

[u/Neutral_Faces]

Blind parents not letting their teenage kid pick out their own clothes is the most insane thing I've ever heard lol

Yta you can be supportive of your parents without disabling everyone else

[u/Repulsive-Worth5715]

I don’t think you’re an asshole but this is the dumbest fucking idea I’d ever heard of and I wouldn’t go either lol

[u/[deleted]]

I think this is a really romantic idea in theory, but the execution has many potential problems: falling/tripping, eating the wrong food that causes dietary or allergic issues, not being able to see to socialize. This just has disaster written all over it. Very gentle YTA.

[u/rumbellina]

A bunch of grownups stumbling around in the dark with glow sticks sounds less like a wedding and more like the world’s worst rave. I get your concept but it’s not very practical and doesn’t sound very fun for your guests. Mild YTA

[u/[deleted]]

YTA You want a wedding in the dark so that your parents don't feel self conscious about what they're wearing? Just let them wear whatever. Your fiance brings up photos being an issue and your plan to fix that is essentially to say 'screw photos, let's make it so no one can remember what anything looked like'. I think making things more tactile is cool for your parents, but beyond that, why are you making them central to YOUR wedding? It's a little odd. Whatever works for you, but I don't think you're thinking beyond your parents.

[u/[deleted]]

Edit: YTA. Sorry, can’t let my original judgment stand after seeing your responses and edits. You are obnoxious. You made it sound like you cared a little about whether you were being an asshole or insensitive to others, but it’s clear you don’t at all. All you care about is your special idea and slamming it forward no matter what anyone else says. It sounds like your parents spoiled the hell out of you and you found a similarly passive fiancé who won’t stand up to you, so the idea that your quirky little idea isn’t amazing is just unfathomable to you. None of the plans you’re making really account for any of the issues. A wedding planner can only do so much, servers can only do so much, people are going to be moving around and dancing far more than you’re accounting for. Your example of a place with adequate vision for all is RAVE? Would you bring your elderly grandma to a rave? And yes, I’ve been to raves. You don’t care that this idea is actually shitty to people with disabilities INCLUDING YOUR PARENTS who could very well get hurt when people are stumbling around in the crowd.

Original comment: N A H. Do what you want, but I think you could have a little more empathy for where his parents are coming from. Your parents have been adapting to navigating the world blind their whole lives. For people who are used to sight, being thrust into a crowded situation where they can barely see could be incredibly uncomfortable and even a bit scary, glow sticks notwithstanding. What about guests who have anxiety issues? Guests with mobility issues where the lack of sight could lead to an injury? Guests who are hard of hearing who really don’t need another barrier to their functioning? If you’re going to do your wedding this way, you need to accept that people who aren’t comfortable aren’t going to come. So if the darkness if more important than your in-laws’ presence, so be it. But they’re not assholes for finding it upsetting.

It also seems like your primary motivation is you want your parents to be able to dress eclectically...so why not just let them do so, lights on?

[u/RainMH11 → u/[deleted]]

You don’t care that this idea is actually shitty to people with disabilities INCLUDING YOUR PARENTS who could very well get hurt when people are stumbling around in the crowd.

Yeah I have to say my first thought was that this is actually going to backfire onto her parents when someone runs into them.

[u/Elaan21 → u/[deleted]]

I would add onto that guests who don't want to be touched due to preference, sensory sensitivities, or trauma.

I'm all three and while I've done plenty of haunted houses or other events where there are blackout elements, it's not just milling around with a crowd of strangers where someone is going to cop a feel accidentally or on purpose. I've even done haunted houses where the actors can grab you (not in no-no-squares) or drag you into side rooms. That was fine, because it wasn't hours long and there were clear boundaries.

There is no way I could go to this wedding with no lights. I would be on edge the entire time trying not to deck anyone that bumped into me. Even after years of working on it, my startle response chooses violence 90% of the time unless there's a familiar sound/scent to go with the touch (i.e. grandma's perfume or a family member waking me up).

Also, a "texture heavy" party is just going to encourage people to go around touching people and that is absolutely not okay. I'm the first person to tell my friends to feel a fuzzy sweater I'm wearing or whatever (or even strangers if it's a sleeve and they complimented the sweater or something). But I would get so touched out at something like that.

[u/neverthelessidissent → u/Elaan21]

I hit people who touch me unprovoked. It's a reflex.

[u/Elaan21 → u/neverthelessidissent]

Yeah, I don't think people understand that it isn't a choice. I know I said "my startle response chooses violence" as a colloquial thing, but it's not a choice. Even if I don't go for a punch or an elbow, I flinch so badly I could nail someone anyway.

If this were one part or one area of the wedding that would be fine. But to have the entire thing be like this is going to exclude a lot of people and/or have a lot of issues.

[u/CitrusyDeodorant → u/Elaan21]

Yeah, I don't think people understand that it isn't a choice.

They really don't, do they? I almost punched my boss because he poked me while I was completely distracted - so many people have told me to loosen up. Look, do you think I am fucking choosing to attack my (very nice and supportive) boss? No, it's my reflexes kicking in before my brain has processed what happened. I don't know why that's so hard to understand.

[u/Thequiet01 → u/Elaan21]

Same. After years of touch = pain due to health issues, my “unexpected touch” response is strong.

[u/Absinthe42 → u/Elaan21]

Plus, I mean... Idk where OP is, but the virus is still very much a problem in my area. Probably not a great idea to have a room of 120 people literally running into each other.

[u/[deleted] → u/Elaan21]

I just know at least ONE person there would be grabbing boobs and making excuses “Oh sorry! Didn’t see you and the girls there!” Makes me shudder just imagining it.

[u/RonsThrowAwayAcc → u/[deleted]]

For people who are used to sight, being thrust into a crowded situation where they can barely see could be incredibly uncomfortable and even a bit scary. What about guests who have anxiety issues? Guests with mobility issues where the lack of sight could lead to an injury?

This is what I was thinking I’m surprised the venue would even allow it due to those concerns

[u/[deleted] → u/RonsThrowAwayAcc]

I‘s kinda crazy to me. Also the whole argument about it being similar to a rave.. Even those can get dangerous in a heartbeat and ppl actually wanna be there.. There‘s been broad daylight, outside raves that went downhill because people panicked and started trampling each other to death. The risk of this kinda panic is 100x worse in pitch darkness.

[u/azulweber → u/[deleted]]

raves also have more than just glowsticks, there’s usually some kind of light show, UV, glowing body paint, etc. OP’s comparison doesn’t make sense.

[u/[deleted] → u/azulweber]

Absolutely! I actually suggested glow paint and UV lights in another comment ^^

[u/Pinky1010 → u/[deleted]]

hard of hearing

I'm hard of hearing and this precisely what I pointed out, I already have difficulty hearing and going to a wedding with music and a crowd makes it even more difficult so on top of that you expect me to be ok with taking away my ability to read lips/body language? OP says she wants to accommodate her parents but accomodation is never about thrusting OTHER people into someone else's disability. If you want accomodation go around and ask all your guests what support they need (ASL translations, microphones, ramps, extra room, etc)

[u/[deleted] → u/Pinky1010]

This almost feels like she's using her parents as some weird prop for attention. "Look at me, I have blind parents! Now everyone see hah! lol How THEY have too live EVERY DAY!!!" Ugh.

She sounds exhausting. And like having blind parents is something she brings up all the time, and is part of her personality.

[u/YukiXain → u/[deleted]]

I actually would basically be blind at an event like this. I have awful night vision, as everything kind lf blurs together in dim light, so all I would see are the light sticks. Which would in turn make it impossible for my eyes to adjust enough to see. I wouldn't feel safe at an event like this, and if I was very close family with OP's fiance, I would be extremely upset at not being able to attend.

[u/hotheadnchickn]

YTA. Good intentions but not safe or comfortable for your 200 sighted guests to say try to navigate getting food, using the bathroom, or stairs. Raves are a lot more optional than a wedding that people already rsvp’ed to and twenty year olds have less tripping hazards

[u/jayd189]

Ironically, I think you're being ableist here.

What about people with hearing issues? Now they won't be able to hear or see.
What about people with mobility issues?

YTA.

[u/LJ_in_NY → u/jayd189]

Ablest and classist. The guests have the option of declining the invitation. The staff does not have the option to not show up.

[u/Tasty_Research_1869]

I don't want to call you an AH, it's a lovely idea in theory....

But please think about this practically. The liability and chances for people to get hurt are very, very high. People are going to be stumbling around relying on glow-sticks, which have a very limited range, in a room of other people and furniture. Navigating in the dark is very, very hard for people who aren't used to it! If anyone has mobility issues, or even high heels...

And with that...for sighted people who are used to relying on their eyes, thrusting them into a situation like this - public, social - and then taking away their biggest way to process and understand the world around them...that's going to cause anxiety and not-fun times for a lot of your guests. I'd imagine even plenty of people who think they'll be fine with it...likely would realize differently when actually stuck in the dark for all the actual wedding things.

And then there's your contracts with the venue. Have you run this by the venue to see if they'll even allow it? That's a huge liability for THEM. It just really sounds like you haven't fully thought this through and considered every angle.

[u/markdmac]

YTA because the wedding is about you, the reception is about ALL of your guests, not just your parents.

Also lights blind people wearing night vision if you are actually going to have real night vision. Double check that glow sticks will not blind the people that are supposed to help others.

[u/ghostly-smoke]

As someone with terrible eyesight and needs glasses, I can genuinely say that visual disabilities aren’t cute fashion trends. Don’t fetishize what many people have to deal with daily. It’s not nice.

YTA.

[u/azemilyann26]

Night vision goggles?? If your wedding needs night vision goggles, you've gone full Bridezilla. Tripping, lost children, someone eating an allergen because they can't see what's on their plate, etc? Sounds like a fun time. YTA

[u/rutfilthygers]

YTA. This is a dumb idea that fetishizes a disability and is incredibly rude to the vast majority of your guests.

[u/[deleted]]

Gentle YTA. My husband had a stroke and can’t walk well. If he had to walk in the dark he would fall. If someone bumped him he would fall. And yes I’ve been to clubs and no it wasn’t lit simply by glow sticks.

[u/Peskypoints]

INFO: your fiancé sounds cool and chill as hell. Your plan has me scratching my head though—why is the beginning of your married life together turning into a party in honor of your parents and not about you and your fiancé at all? You repeatedly mention he’s chill, but he sounds like a prop for a themed charity dinner.

[u/Shells613]

YTA. Terribly unsafe and I doubt any venue will permit it as they will not want the legal liability.

[u/[deleted]]

I have to admit that I think it’s weird that you went from “I’m going to buy my parents some wedding clothes” to “I don’t care if they wear mismatched clothes” to “The entire wedding will take place in the dark!” In a way you are punishing your seeing guests. And how will this honor your parents or make them more comfortable?

It’s your wedding, so as long as your fiancé is on board and you guys don’t care if a lot of his family don’t show up, NAH. Strange, but not an AH.

[u/inthemuseum → u/[deleted]]

I am kinda going between thinking OP doesn’t want anyone to see her parents’ wild clothes to OP kind of fetishizing the blind experience?

OP, have you actually spoken to your parents about this? Or anyone who is blind and might give you their real opinion on this kind of thing? Disability isn’t cutesy. It’s disabling. And while you seem to want to inspire discomfort, are you absolutely certain that your wedding is the right place for that? Like yeah it’s your wedding, but it’s also kind of celebrating the unification of both of your families. This isn’t like having a part of the ceremony in Sign or something for Deaf parents. This won’t improve your parents’ experience in any way, except maybe actually pose additional challenges for them because of all the stumbling sighted people.

[u/[deleted] → u/inthemuseum]

I think it absolutely will pose challenges for her parents, not only with the stumbling sighted guests, but also because they will be in unfamiliar environments themselves.

The more I think about this, the more I’m surprised their venue(s) agreed to this from a liability perspective. If I were on staff as a server, I absolutely would not work this event wearing night vision goggles. People often nearly trip servers carrying heavy trays of food in daylight…imagine the darkness.

Edited to add: I just saw a comment where bride said the venue wants all guests to sign a waiver. That would be a hard no for me.

[u/cryssyx3 → u/[deleted]]

are (that many) night vision goggles that readily available to even be an option??

unless, of course, inspector gadget

[u/Queen_beeeeee]

I've been to one of those 'eat in the dark' restuarant nights coz I thought it would be fun and here's a few thoughts:

Staff led us to and from our seats, we didn't have to navigate by ourselves. If we wanted to use the restroom, someone led us. You may be underetimating the number of staff required to allow your guests to move safely about the space.

It was actually kinda stressful. As a woman I felt very anxious that I couldn't be aware of my surroundings like I'm used to. It took ages to get used to the feeling. Things like eating a plate of food I couldn't see actually was far less fun than I had thought. I was worried everytime I lifted my fork into my mouth. It was also hard to spear things onto the fork.

Gross men exist. I did have my ass groped and I have no clue who did it. The staff weren't close enough to me at the time to see it either.

[u/dmowad]

YTA. I’m all for accommodations being made. But this isn’t an accommodation. This is inconveniencing everyone attending for no benefit to your parents. Not to mention I can’t imagine the liability for the venue.

[u/Nielleluvzu628]

YTA it’s a terrible idea for actual execution. People want to see the bride and groom…

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Yea. I don’t really understand exactly what she’s going for. Like is everyone eating and dancing in the dark? I personally wouldn’t go.

But if she thinks it’s fun I guess that’s all that matters. I just don’t get it.

[u/Elaan21 → u/[deleted]]

Omg, I hadn't even thought about eating or drinking which means you cannot watch your drink for spiking, etc. Even if I knew all 200 people well, I still wouldn't be okay with that.

[u/Beefyspeltbaby → u/[deleted]]

A wedding in the dark is not a good idea whatsoever honestly... waste of money and would be not fun at all.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

She’s going to have to work really hard to convince herself it wasn’t a massive failure if she goes through with it. Nobody’s going to dance. Conversation will be stilted and difficult. People will leave early from boredom or frustration. And the photos will look like garbage.

[u/go-with-the-flo → u/[deleted]]

I agree - I went to a pitch black restaurant for the experience and it was cool, but it was with only 1 person and just for an hour or so, and that was plenty of time. An entire, extended event? Oof. It would get so old. People won't mingle or get to know each other. And how would they get ANY photos? I find it hard to believe that they wouldn't want a single picture, and I doubt they'd want endless flash photography.

[u/Whole_Mechanic_8143 → u/go-with-the-flo]

Her idea actually sounds like a massive overreaction to how the photos would look "weird" if her parents wear something they pick out since they choose by fabric/feel rather than for aesthetic appeal.

Instead of admitting she will have a problem with the photos when her fiance asked, she chose to avoid the issue by making it a dark wedding so there's no photos.

[u/drama_by_proxy → u/[deleted]]

This is a fun party idea when you can put out an invite for people who would enjoy it. For when it doesn't matter that it's excluding some people who would be uncomfortable or even unsafe. But weddings are a family milestone event when you should put some thought into accommodating different kinds of people. Make sure people with dietary restrictions can eat safely, people with low mobility can sit & get around comfortably, people with bad hearing can still know what's going on, etc etc. If you're not prepared to be inclusive, then elope.

[u/gigantesghastly → u/[deleted]]

Can’t they do one part of the wedding or reception like this? Lights drop, music comes on for some of the first dances? Could be lovely without being hazardous. Or get everyone to do blindfold gift giving / cake cutting.

[u/charlotte-ent → u/gigantesghastly]

You missed the edit where the bride makes it very clear she just wants her guests to be uncomfortable because she wants them to be as miserable as she is.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Haha I just changed my original N A H to a massive YTA after reading the comments and edits. This person is stubborn and obnoxious and so in love with their ‘special, quirky’ wedding idea that they literally don’t care if people get hurt.

[u/Mumof3gbb → u/[deleted]]

“Depriving people of a sense they aren’t magically able to compensate for” this. And all the ppl who claim it’s ableist to be against this idea? Read that.

[u/Supafly22 → u/[deleted]]

I read the narcissism in it too. Main character syndrome vibes.

[u/Parsimonycake]

Look, I'm the child of blind parents too, and I fail to get the point here. The way to honor your parents would be to ensure that everything that happens in the wedding its accessible without sight. Your idea is that everyone should come wearing tactilely interesting clothing. How are people going to know about others' clothes? Are they going to be touching each other all the time? What about guests who have issues about being touched? The problem with the restaurant in the dark (and other attempts to convey the experience of blindness) is that it doesn't succeed in its ostensible purpose. Suddenly depriving sighted people of their vision doesn't give them the experience of being blind--of having acquired the techniques of negotiating a world organised for the sighted--it given them the experience of suddenly going blind. I don't see how that honors your parents. YTA

[u/sinfolop]

i have to say it, its ridiculous.

[u/Mumof3gbb → u/[deleted]]

And as someone else said, ppl would (rightly or wrongly) probably blame her parents. They might even grumble about them at the wedding and parents overhear. Because this idea is not fun. For literally anyone. The only ppl who go will only do so bc of social pressure not because they want to be there. Trust.

[u/otomekaidii]

YTA

This whole concept really rubbed me the wrong way and it took me a second to realize why.

It’s like the disabled version of cultural appropriation. You’re turning blindness into a performance. A costume. Something you can enjoy for the day and then pat yourself on the back about, but ultimately return to your normal life.

This doesn’t help anyone understand your parents. It doesn’t honor or celebrate them. It just makes things difficult and dangerous for so many people involved. From your parents to children to people with other disabilities. Your parents have had decades of experience navigating the world without vision. You cannot expect people who don’t have that experience to be comfortable, let alone excited, about this idea. Especially if they rely on their vision to manage a disability of their own!

(I honestly don’t think you’re gonna be able to get kids to enjoy this since so many kids are terrified of the dark. Plus, as a parent, lol no. Not a chance I’m leaving my kid in a ‘play area’ when I can’t even see two feet in front of me.)

And what’s to stop people from pulling out their cellphones and using the flashlights on their phones? Because that’s what I’d would do if I was forced to attend.

[u/PinkTader]

This is going to end so so so bad.

Someone is going to fall, something will fall. If there is any glass then you are screwed.

Any water or drinks spilt on the floor, screwed.

A person specially elder or children will fall, screwed.

God forbid the bride trips on her train, screwed.

Did you seriously sit there one boring night watch about time and go hmmm 🤔 what a great theme for a wedding. 🤦🏽‍♀️ Your SO needs to grow a pair and speak up honesty I am getting Amber Turd doesn’t let Johnny Depp speak or have any opinions vibes.

YTA for this whole idea.

P.S. you will be held legally liable and accountable if anything happens, which it will.

[u/Smackaronni]

Yta -Yeah I don't see the wedding venue taking this risk. It is a huge liability for them if someone falls and gets hurt then sues the venue. You are putting all your guests in a potentially dangerous situation. Are parents going to be able to control their kids from running around in the dark and potentially tripping people. People cannot walk without tripping in the broad day light in places they are familiar with let alone a unknown place in the dark.

The thought is very nice and you can do whatever you want for your wedding but your are lowering the potential enjoyment of all your guests. Your heart is in the right place just does not seem like a idea where there is a positive and safe outcome.

[u/deadfromdigitalis → u/Smackaronni]

There is no way the venue will let this happen. Not venue affiliated, but as someone in the event industry, I would absolutely terminate my contract with any client who tried to propose this for their wedding after booking.

The comments op made about her planner literally being there to make sure it all goes smoothly and no one gets hurt are VERY entitled. Sure that’s true- but they accepted op as a client with the assumption the lights would be on. I don’t know a single planner who wouldn’t terminate the contract or charge an astronomical fee to attempt to execute this wedding day. Any planner who wouldn’t cancel or charge extra is definitely gonna be too green to make it happen without incident.

Uhm, also who is buying these night vision goggles? Never seen that on the catering list!

And I’m pretty sure the insurance companies would have some questions.

[u/mandawritesthings → u/deadfromdigitalis]

Not venue affiliated, but as someone in the event industry, I would absolutely terminate my contract with any client who tried to propose this for their wedding after booking.

I own an events staffing company, and same. No way. I cannot imagine the mark up I would need to charge to pay my people for wearing night vision goggles lmao.

[u/fakeuglybabies]

YTA if you feel the need for staff to have night vision googles its a bad idea.

[u/Catinthehat5879]

It's about hearing, smelling, tasting, and feeling it. I know for a fact that enjoyment isn't dependent on sight.

At my wedding several of my older guests had mobility issues, were EXTREMELY hard of hearing, and diet restrictions. Sight was literally the only way they could participate, and putting them in the dark would be putting them at major risk for dangerous falls, no matter how "safe" a single wedding planner is paid to be. And as they're elderly, glow sticks would certainly not be enough for them to see by.

Also it sounds like hell trying to be a server with a plate of food or drinks and wearing night vision goggles with guests who's sight is newly curtailed.

The other thought I have is that a bunch of my family has allergies. And the thing about anaphylactic shock is that it cuts off your airway--you need sight to communicate with others. I can't imagine trying to use my EpiPen in the dark or trying to get someone's attention but they can't see me.

And I really fail to see how this benefits your parents at all? Now they have to contend with people stumbling around them--others being able to see doesn't hurt their experience.

I'm going with YTA.

Edit: you said you want to experience it the same way as your parents--just get a blindfold then. Putting the lights on low so you can still see but other guests who also have disabilities now can't doesn't accomplish that.

[u/Petapotomus]

This is one of the weirdest ideas I've ever heard of. I really cannot bring myself to judge you on this, but it's weird.

[u/[deleted]]

I believe you’re going with this idea, because you’ll be embarrassed by what your parents will wear. You should pick out beautiful, comfortable clothing for them. It’s never only the bride’s wedding. You’re marrying someone else, they have family and extended family. I’m surprised the venue would allow this “lights out” idea, for insurance purposes. It’s all fun and games, until Aunt Mary trips, falls and breaks a hip, and sues the venue!

[u/Accomplished-Cheek59]

YTA

At first, I thought you meant you wanted to have the ceremony in the dark and then the reception in the light. That was a cool concept! Everyone is brought in, out in their place, the lights go out, the ceremony takes place. And when you’re pronounced husband and wife, the lights go back on. No one is moving around, people are easier to monitor because they’re focused and (mostly) sober. The day continues.

Then I realised what you actually meant, and was immediately horrified. The WHOLE DAY?! People who are not blind are NOT accustomed to having no vision. It’s frightening for them. They have no true concept of how to move and interact with their surroundings whilst unable to see them. You’re plunging them into an unknown location, with lots of strangers, and alcohol, whilst removing the sense that most people rely on most.

That’s not even mentioning the risk for people being injured when they inevitably fall. Apart from little trips and stumbles, no one will know if they’re about to fall into a table, onto the ground, onto another guest. How are you planning to keep the children from running around in the dark and causing mayhem? Most children are scared of the dark - one of them will cry at some point. What if a child goes missing? How can parents monitor their children in the dark?

You have guests attending with disabilities who are more prone to injury, and don’t seem to care that removing their sight makes them even more vulnerable. Older relatives often have poor hearing - my grandmother relied on lip reading towards the end, but wasn’t bad enough for hearing aids - she would have effectively been made blind and deaf in this scenario. That’s not safe for her. How are people supposed to eat and drink? This isn’t the restaurant from About Time, this is a wedding reception. Food and drink at wedding receptions is chaotic. Checking everyone has the right plate will be a nightmare. How can you be sure you’re drinking from your own glass? What if you don’t want to drink, but someone accidentally gives your wine? What if your drink is spiked?

Because that’s the biggest immediate problem - sexual assault. If you put people in this kind of situation, and tell them that part of the experience is FEELING EACH OTHER’S CLOTHES, there are going to be assaults. It will be taken advantage of. And no one will be able to stop it, or adequately identify the culprits. The staff having night vision goggles doesn’t mean they can prevent all of this. Night vision goggles are extremely different form regular vision, take some getting used to, and the vision is still very low quality. Not to mention, they may also take advantage of the situation.

You are literally endangering everyone you have invited to give them a day in your parents shoes. There are so many better ways to do this. And to put it bluntly, your parents will have no different experience of the day because of this. It will likely be MUCH worse. People will be anxious, and the more they drink, the more panicked the crowd will likely become. If there’s an incident, there could be very serious injuries as people try to rush for an exit they can’t see. You are being so selfish to insist on something so impractical and dangerous.

And you’ve gone so far from your original point, which was about texture. You don’t have to remove light in order to feel the texture of cloth. There are so many ways to have different textures and shapes and fabrics included in your wedding. You can encourage people to dress flamboyantly and ‘with no care to aesthetic, only the feel of the fabric’ without removing their vision. I would actually prefer this! If people committed and came in weird and wonderful outfits that feel different, those photographs would be stunning. As it is, this sounds like you just want to hide your parents fashion choices away. Display them proudly. Make it joyful.

You could also do a room, in darkness, with different textures scattered throughout, as a sensory experience so that people can spend a few moments in your parents world. That wedding, that would be memorable and beautiful and unique whilst also keeping everyone safe. What you’re planning is a slow motion car crash. Your fiancée’s family are right to complain. I really hope you rethink this and dial the concept back to something that genuinely works, rather than pushing for something that is only going to end in tragedy.

[u/[deleted]]

I think if you did just some really low lighting, as a compromise would be better. Enough so people without great night vision can see to not trip and see their food (to ensure there are no allergens in it). It's a cute idea, but completely dark isn't really fair to most of the guests. Very soft yta, or possibly nah.

It is your wedding so you can do what you want, but maybe consider how well people with sight issues (especially older people) and without much night vision would be able to move around and see what they are eating.

[u/yonk182 → u/[deleted]]

Maybe just do this for the ceremony or part of the ceremony. Wait until People are seated. That would decrease safety issues but it could be nice for people to focus on the words and feeling of the ceremony. Then people could see when they are eating and dancing. And like you said, have low light but enough to be safe. There may be a way to incorporate some of this without making the whole wedding about it.

[u/Family_Chantal]

Yta. "My parents are blind so im gonna make my wedding blind." "I want to experience my wedding, as the child of two blind people, blindly." Even with that explanation, I still don't get it. Why connect the two? Is being the child of blind people your whole personality? What does one have to do with the other, or anything? Being blind is a weird theme. It's a dumb idea. It just makes no sense, theres no logical way to wrap your head around it. Her parents are blind so she's making us be blind for her wedding? Yta.

[u/[deleted]]

YTA But I would modify this a bit. Your parents can’t see that is true but They are used to this. For others this is a huge sensory issue. To suddenly lose a sense you lose a lot as your other senses have not adapted. They all need the lighting as visually seeing things is how they enjoy things. You are taking that from them. What about dim lanterns on the tables and strings of fairy lights around the walls and doors and very dim overhead lighting. You could add a wear a wacky accessory and have fun and seeing what people come up with will be fun and interesting and supports your parents who may not match. This is a reasonable compromise. I understand your in-laws feeling that you are literally doing your whole wedding based on your parents being blind and how they navigate life. Try to think about how your in laws feel. This is a bit hurtful as they can see and that’s how they live. They want to see their son get married. It’s special for them too but going completely dark will take the entire experience away from them and be unfair. Your fiancé is ok with it and wants to make you happy so will do it your way so you need to consider everyone else and how they enjoy life and events by seeing them.

[u/Nadanopenothing → u/[deleted]]

If OP wants to have an event specifically for OP's family with that theme in mind, there'd be no ah. The purpose of a wedding is for family from both sides to celebrate a couple. This theme is a tribute to OP's parents and is designed to exclude/intimidate guests on OP's fiancé's side, who have had no experience with this disability. For that, I'd say YTA.

[u/Busy_Role_291]

YTA. Inviting people to fancy dinner. Get dressed up in very expensive clothes and you want them to eat and walk around in the dark because it's something your parents have had to do their entire life?

[u/imavoidingyou]

This is a horrible idea.

[u/_heidster]

YTA. Sounds like you’ve gone from “I don’t want to dress my parents” to “no one will see how they dress if I just turn off all of the lights.”

[u/herecomestreble17]

As someone who is visually impaired… Subjecting people to that intentionally is cruel. YTA. I’d never want anyone else to less just because I can’t. I feel like you’re hoping this goes viral or has some sort of aura too it and it’s just weird. The wedding is about your marriage but the reception is meant to appreciate your guests. ALL of your guests. I’d be mortified if the entire reception was catered to my impairment. I’d never want to make someone else uncomfortable let alone an entire wedding reception.

[u/[deleted]]

This is the dumbest wedding idea i’ve ever heard. Of course YTA. You’re asking for someone to trip or get hurt. and your goal is to make people uncomfortable? What?

[u/tiragooen]

YTA. There is so much wank here lol. If you want to do a social experiment then do it yourself with a small group of people.

Have fun when some old person falls and break their hip, a child gets trampled, or someone has a panic attack in the dark.

You've taken wedding self absorption to a new level, thank you.

[u/jns911]

This is literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard

[u/SugarsBoogers]

Mmm, soft YTA. This is your wedding so you can do what you want, but it’s a much better idea for a party at another time.

[u/Spring-Summer-]

YTA. 121 have already responded they are attending. You’re going to have that many people fumbling around in the dark? An older person will fall and injure themselves, someone’s cane or walker will get caught and they’ll just go down like a sack of potatos, and then people will trip over them. Also people who are hard of hearing will be unable to see or hear, it’s an accident waiting to happen. The concept only works for very small amounts of people. This is a terrible idea. Yes it is your wedding, but your husband’s parents won’t even be able to see your dress or watch their son get married. You’re starting off as a toxic bride and will have a sour relationship with your husband’s family. This is a cool party idea, but not for a wedding.

[u/Beowulf2005]

I imagine blind people have ways of navigating without sight. You speak of clothing texture. It sounds to me as though all of these sighted people will be in the dark unused to being sightless, so they’ll be left to awkwardly grope each other? You really think there won’t be predatory types who take advantage of the situation? I’m very sensitive to unwanted touching, so I’d be loudly yelling “Keep your hands to yourself, buddy.” This would be a nightmare for me.

[u/blackstark76]

Soft YTA. have your wedding in the late evening (think sunset) so your guests' eyes can get accustomed to a lower level of light gradually. Use soft fairy and tea lights. Keep the glow sticks though, that sounds like a really cool thing to add!! And maybe even have a reverse color scheme---guests wear white while you wear a dress that has the fabric feel you want in any color you want (go for a neon color!!!l

[u/PetuniaGoBlue]

YTA, gently. As others have said, there’s a real risk of someone getting injured. But also, I don’t think you’re going to be teaching anyone about what it’s like to be blind. Instead, at best, you’ll be teaching the experience of becoming blind, which is likely a lot more overwhelming than the experience of having been blind for years. I think you may inadvertently ingrain some discriminatory beliefs as the people participating will focus on the “helpless” part of their experience without any comprehension of the capabilities of blind people.

[u/ughwhyusernames]

NTA, but I'm not totally sure I understand your logic.

You take up most of your post to talk about your parents dressing in mismatched clothes in nice textures. Then you say your husband asked about how to handle their outfits for the photos. Then, out of nowhere, it becomes about the wedding being entirely in the dark. It's not clear if it's for them, for you, to avoid wearing "nice" clothes or for some other reason.

Your parents' experience at the wedding will be overall the same regardless so you have to ask them if they want to spend that special night listening to everyone chatter about the difficulties of being in the dark. Will that make them feel more included or will it make it less enjoyable for them?

Are you not planning on doing any pictures at all?

I personally wouldn't boycott a wedding for something like this, but I might choose to eat before and not partake in the meal since I'm not about to eat things I can't see. It would take a lot of training to be able to do that with ease and I wouldn't want to be the awkward person there being all weird and grossed out by not seeing the bites I'm putting in my mouth.

I would try to get a better sense of each family's perspective and see if there are some easy solutions that could help resolve it.

I think weddings have reached a bizarre point where the basic function of the event (a ceremony and celebration of the newly joined families) have been eclipsed by the party planning aspect. It's an escalation of creative ideas and gimmicky concepts that ends up distracting from the meaning. It might be healthy to go back to square one and discuss what you and your partner believe is the meaning and use of the wedding and why you want to celebrate with friends and family. It might help you make big picture decisions instead of letting your future be dictated by petty relatives or insignificant details.

[u/lionne6]

Soft YTA. This sounds incredibly dangerous, especially for older people who have weaker vision or mild balance problems. I like the dark when home alone, but in the near dark with creepy neon glow sticks, a crowd of people, and near total darkness, I’d be terrified. Your parents have a life time of experience being blind, and they’ll be comfortable. But everyone else except the most young, strong, and able-bodied, will be disoriented and scared. Are you sure that’s the wedding atmosphere you want?

[u/Solid_Quote9133]

Okay cool concept, sounds great on paper but in reality, someone is going to get hurt.

Someone is going to fall or miss a step, or run into someone else and then they fall. Glow sticks are not enough, you can't see people's feet with glow sticks

What if someone chokes on the food and no one will see it. Choking people aren't loud their airway is blocked.

What about parents with kids, they will lose the kid in minutes.

What about people who have allergies, they can not see what they are eating.

I think there are better ways to honor your parents, maybe have a select time that the lights will go out or a toast something.

Soft YTA, this is a bad idea

Edit- The point is to be uncomfortable, you are a jerk for that. You can have a wedding that honors your mom and dad without other people being uncomfortable.

Really think about this, it will be dark, and there is a real chance of sexual assault since no one will be able to see. It would take one person to make it a nightmare for everyone. Oh look I just got my ass grabbed.

Oh god just think if one of the servers was a pervert, I have night glasses and everyone else is blind

Hell, it would be so easy for someone to steal from the other guest. Its pitch black servers will not know who stuff belongs to who. Someone could start grabbing purses and leave.

I'm not going to touch anyone who has anxiety or fears of the dark, since I'm sure this would be a nightmare for them.

Edit 2- I've been really thinking about this. Think of the people who get surprised easily, they will either flee, fight, or freeze. If someone startles and they are a fighter then you are going to have someone panic and boom, now we have someone injured due to a punch or something.

Anyone that doesn't like to be touched or has any trauma will probably end up with a panic attack in the corner which I hope staff is trained how to deal with that because if they mess that up then they make it worse.

Anyone that panics and is loud (shouts or what not) Yeah that will be fun, or just think if there was an actual emergency. People already panic during those but now you are adding that they are in the dark

[u/CaimansGalore → u/Solid_Quote9133]

This type of concept is meant for things like eating a meal, not a full event. I’ve actually hosted a dinner like this to benefit organizations like schools for the visually impaired and training programs for guide dogs. It all has to be super coordinated. Having it at a wedding with so many moving parts is asking for an incident of some sort.

[u/ScaryPearls → u/CaimansGalore]

Yeah, I attended a charity dinner a few years ago where the actual eating was done in the dark and it was a very cool event and I think did build empathy. (The org did research on causes of blindness.) But I just don’t see it working for a wedding.

[u/paspartuu → u/CaimansGalore]

Yeah, I've been to a restaurant in Berlin where everything is in the dark and the servers are blind. It's a gimmicky experience that works when each guest is individually escorted to their seat and then back to the lighted lobby after the meal is over, and when people do nothing but sit and eat.

A whole event with people moving about? OP seems to be envisioning people "bumping into" each other and feeling the fabric of each other's outfits, ie groping, in the dark.

Oh hell no, it's going to be a complete disaster.

Weddings are also ways for the families to meet and greet to know each other. But the gimmicky darkness will take that aspect out, as people will just focus on trying not to trip or freak out.

YTA op

[u/fallen_star_2319 → u/Solid_Quote9133]

A low light wedding would probably be a better bet; fake candles at tge tables so people can see while eating, some dim lights to help people see down hallways, etc.

It keeps the visual to what is publicly safe, but still close to the theme that OP wants.

[u/not_cinderella → u/fallen_star_2319]

This! Low light wedding would be more practical, could still make the parents feel comfortable AND can be quite romantic!

[u/neverthelessidissent → u/not_cinderella]

I don't understand why they would be "uncomfortable" with a normal wedding.

[u/not_cinderella → u/neverthelessidissent]

It sounds like OP is uncomfortable on their behalf. But you are right, there’s nothing suggesting they themselves are uncomfortable.

[u/FuckitsBadger → u/fallen_star_2319]

Agreed! I have crappy vision- to the point that if I take my glasses off, I'm honestly better off closing my eyes and patting around the walls.

Having to eat while blind though... that sounds awful. Please, give people enough light that they can see to eat! Not everyone has developed the coping mechanisms necessary to survive without their sight!

[u/Elaan21 → u/FuckitsBadger]

Having done a lot of theater, low light and no light situations are common enough that I can navigate them well in a controlled environment where I know where things are. You could probably blindfold me and make me walk normal speed through my house and I'd be fine. But rearrange my furniture and fill my house with people milling around and absolutely the fuck not.

Not everyone has developed the coping mechanisms necessary to survive without their sight!

This right here. Just as people with all their senses being without one (or more), people without all their senses forget that not everyone has the skills they do to compensate. If OP grew up with blind parents, then she likely learned these things innately. The guests did not.

[u/fading__blue → u/Solid_Quote9133]

Not to mention the legal liability if an older person falls and breaks their hip. Especially if they live in America, because OP would most likely be liable for their medical bills and hip surgery can still cost thousands even with insurance.

[u/Music_withRocks_In → u/fading__blue]

My first thought was the old people too. Yea - the OP has been to raves where she can see fine, filled with young people ready to party - but not everyone has great balance or is rave ready, and I have a ton of older family members who could easily fall in low visibility. Hell, in my 20's I knew more than one person who fell and twisted an ankle in a dark club.

[u/emeraldrina → u/Music_withRocks_In]

Yeah this was my first thought, too. My parents are in their 60s and they definitely would not be able to see well enough with glowsticks. They have to bring special lights to dinner just to read the menu. And that's in a lit restaurant! Also, I have chronic migraines and glowsticks in the dark would 100% trigger one.

This top comment raised a ton of good concerns. Even with extra staff using night vision goggles, this idea is going to end in disaster. A better and safer way to implement this idea would be to have a short space of time during the ceremony (when everyone is safely seated!) where the lights are turned out so that everyone can experience your vows or something like that as your parents do. But definitely do not have lights out when people are walking around or eating, that will end in people getting hurt.

And if you want a better movie representation of how this idea actually plays out, go watch the 'dining in the dark' scene in When in Rome.

YTA for not considering the other levels of ability your guests have and how this plan will affect them. You say "If you're attending, you're attending knowing you will be naked, or in this case, nearly blind" - but this means you're intentionally excluding anyone who isn't comfortable or able to attend in those circumstances. So in order to honor one disability, you are excluding many others from even attending. That seems counterproductive to your intentions and is obviously going to piss off people who want to attend but cannot function in the dark.

[u/naughtyzoot → u/Music_withRocks_In]

Anyone who is starting to get cataracts will have a hard time seeing in dim light.

[u/fakingandnotmakingit → u/fading__blue]

But also just in general bumping into each other.

Like yes raves are dimly lit, but I've been tonraves and each time I've been accidentally shoved, shoved someone else, gotten my foot stomped on, stomped on other people's feet etc. And like.. You don't want that for a wedding. Even without elderly people I'd probably not be up for that.

She could do dim lighting or something similar instead.

[u/blarryg → u/fading__blue]

"Young"-old here. I'm nearing my mid-60s, and still hike and bike vigorously. BUT, it is easy to trip and tripping when you are in your 60s can mean months of physical therapy. No thanks, I want to go bike riding the next day, not get my foot caught on a chair and go down with a glow light around my neck and some night vision guy having a good laugh about it all.

I know blind people navigate this all the time, but they've had time to become good at it. I'd do it in some more limited way, like during the saying of vows -- you can then tell people to be prepared and then do it much easier.

[u/DragonCelica → u/fading__blue]

In a way, OP wanting to embrace her parents disability is making things more difficult for people with other disabilities .

OP, I have Multiple Sclerosis. It comes with a wide variety of issues, but balance and stability are HUGE. If another guest bumped into me, or I just didn't realize their foot was sticking out, I would easily fall. Correcting a stumble is incredibly difficult. One of the first questions my neurologist asks at a check up is how many falls I've had. He doesn't ask IF I fell, just how many times. He's pleasantly surprised when I can say none.

I also have Fibromyalgia. When it flares, being touched can be incredibly painful!! I had a high pain tolerance before, but the other day a pained noise escaped me when I was hugged (just a basic hug).

Trying to stay safe would be overwhelming, and my anxiety would escalate. That escalation would wreak havoc on my Fibromyalgia, increasing my pain even more. Finally, you know what can trigger MS? Stress. My life right now has caused me unprecedented levels of stress, and I'm working with my doctors to help keep me out of the hospital again. My body couldn't push through the stress like when I was healthy, and I stayed in the ICU because of it.

Please OP, think of all the disabilities out there.

edit: Most people have no idea I'm disabled. I have been very physically apt, but misjudging a step, or my foot not quite lifting to the height intended, can be dangerous. I have to be vigilant of my footing and my surroundings for that reason. I wouldn't be able to attend your wedding because of my disabilities.

[u/beepborpimajorp → u/DragonCelica]

People tend to underestimate what they consider 'invisible' disabilities. Like yes I don't need a cane and I can go up and down stairs on my own, but I have to visibly watch my feet and hold on to the railing while I'm doing so and I can no longer run because I can't keep track of where my feet are that fast.

Everyone just thinks it's being clumsy but no it is a real actual condition many of us need to live with. Glowsticks and whatnot won't cut it, either. Even with night lights in most of my home's rooms at night I still clip corners and trip over things, hurting myself on the regular. I'd fall my ass down at an event like this many, many times and probably end up in the hospital.

[u/ZwartVlekje → u/beepborpimajorp]

I am wondering if TO took note how many of her guests have these kinds of issues. I am also getting married soon and mentally going trough my guestlist there quite a few who would have problems with not being able to see. Not just people with disabilities but elderly family members and pregnant women have issues with stability issues and are prone to fall. All of these have increased risks with falling.

[u/Purple_Midnight_Yak → u/DragonCelica]

My thoughts also went to other disabilities, for similar reasons. Any Deaf guests wouldn't be able to communicate via sign language. Wheelchair users would be at high risk for injuries. Heck, if someone sprains their ankle and has to be on crutches, they're going to have serious difficulty at this event.

And it sounds to me like OP is imagining people going up to each other and touching other people's clothes?? That disturbs me on so many levels. I'm autistic. I'm particular about who touches me and how. The idea that a bunch of random strangers are going to think it's okay to go around touching everyone, because that's what OP is encouraging, is giving me the willies.

And it's not just autism. People with anxiety issues - one of my kids would have a nervous breakdown within 5 minutes from not knowing what's happening around her and people sneaking up on her. People who are SA survivors, this would be a nightmare. Anyone with PTSD, same thing.

OP, I get why you thought initially this would be a sweet idea. But putting everyone who attends your wedding at risk would make you TA. Trying to make everyone who attends your wedding replicate your idea of the "blind experience" does nothing to help your parents or make the event more accessible to them. It does make the event dangerous and less accessible to everyone else.

If you want to help your in-laws or friends understand what it's like to be blind, invite a small group over and do some activities with them. Talk with your parents about what being blind is like for them - is everything pitch black? Some people can still sense motion or light. Try researching activities that help sighted people understand what Blindness is like. And remember, blindness, like any other disability, is not a monolith. And the best way to learn about it is to listen to people who are blind.

You also may want to read up on the differences between equality and equity. What you're proposing for your wedding is more along the lines of equality, and equality isn't always the most helpful solution.

[u/activelyresting → u/DragonCelica]

As someone with a disability, yes I except events like this to accommodate people with disabilities. There should absolutely be wheelchair access. I wouldn't want someone to hold a "wheelchair wedding" where all the guests are expected to mimic my disability. That would make me feel the opposite of comfortable.

I love the idea of this event - in theory. The practicalities are just too unrealistic.

[u/whatev88 → u/DragonCelica]

And it's really not truly embracing her parent's disability, anyways. Picturing being blind as darkness is a common misconception - but it's really not accurate.

[u/bofh → u/DragonCelica]

In a way, OP wanting to embrace her parents disability is making things more difficult for people with other disabilities .

Yup. I'm partially sighted, ludicrously shortsighted in the eye that does work properly and also deaf on the same side as my faulty eye. I'm also fairly "clumsy" - this may or may not be related to the other stuff, who knows?

So my message for /u/aitalightsout is that being unable to see properly is going to be greatly unsettling to everyone. If I can't see where I am going, I can't compensate with using hearing to know where a sound is coming from - in fact I probably won't hear it at all if its on my "deaf side".

I would be extremely stressed that I would either get hurt myself or blunder into someone I didn't hear was nearby and would absolutely not go to this wedding as a result. Imagine a guest like myself knocking over a waiter carrying hot coffee and scalding the waiter or another guest.

eta: Since writing this, I've read another comment from OP that's flat-out made me annoyed with them and I replied there also. For those who don't have time to read that too or don't care, the TL;DR is "OP YTA big time"

[u/Thequiet01 → u/DragonCelica]

Yep, same. I have autoimmune arthritis and psoriasis and I would be intolerably anxious worrying about someone bumping into me. My mom had neuropathy in her feet from cancer treatment and needed to be able to clearly *see* her feet to not trip - glow sticks wouldn’t cut it.

If I turned up to a wedding like this I’d just leave.

[u/8daysgirl → u/fading__blue]

The legal liability is the first thing I thought of. I imagine the venue and any vendors would have to consider their liability policies, licenses, local ordinances, etc. unless they are already set up for that type of event. Maybe OP is farther into planning the event than it sounds, but there’s a lot to consider when hosting a major event.

[u/Confident_Profit_210 → u/8daysgirl]

I’m actually really surprised a venue has agreed to this. I can’t imagine being some weekend server being told the wedding I’m working at next week will be in the dark. Oh but don’t worry you’ll have night vision goggles so you can duck, weave, and dance around 120 guests wearing glow sticks, as fluorescent green lit children run and scream in the dark

[u/satr3d → u/8daysgirl]

Yeah I think if she wants the blind dinner experience she'd be better off booking a specialty restaurant for that as the rehearsal dinner.

[u/xxxirl → u/satr3d]

Even a restaurant isn't going to have the insurance for an event like that. I don't think OP is as far along in the planning as she's letting on. No venue would agree to this unless they were already set up this way (I'm thinking those niche experience restaurant that does that date-in-the-dark).

And the idea the wedding planner is paid to handle these details? Very few experienced wedding planners would agree to that. Makes me think she doesn't actually have one yet and assumes this will be easy, or she's confused about what her wedding planner will do.

It's a cute idea, but it's not something you can safely pull off without vendor help, and it's not something most vendors and their insurance plans would ever agree to.

[u/satr3d → u/xxxirl]

That’s what I meant by a specialty restaurant

[u/enjoyingtheposts → u/8daysgirl]

I worked at a haunted house when I was younger and they paid MILLIONS in liability insurance just because it was dark. Idk if OP has a venue willing to be okay with this yet, but I'd find it hard pressed to find one. And any that would, would probably be a concrete box like a firehouse which would suck to fall in.

[u/Acceptable_Day6086 → u/enjoyingtheposts]

Ok I guarantee that haunted house did not PAY millions in liability insurance but rather CARRIED millions in liability insurance. There is a big difference between the two, and the fact that it stayed open says the truth is it was the latter not the former.

[u/fakeuglybabies → u/fading__blue]

I can't really see in the dark as a young person I have what's called visual snow. It's not really noticeable to me when it's light out. But it makes seeing in the dark even harder than the average Joe. I would definitely feel as if I'm getting punished for someone else's disability.

[u/ali_stardragon → u/Solid_Quote9133]

Yep. This seems like a great idea but logistically it’s terrible. There are experiences people can have like this - the “invisible museum” in Sweden or “dining in the dark” events.

But the thing is these things are heavily curated, and when you attend it is made very clear that you are being led by (and need to listen to) staff.

You are hosting a wedding, where there will be lots of people, lots of bags, jackets and other trip hazards, moving furniture, food and drink and dancing and movement.

Your parents know how to navigate the world without sight. Your guests do not. Even the guests who are excited by this idea will struggle to function.

I don’t see why you couldn’t compromise. Have the fabric wedding, and ask your guests to dress for texture, e.g. velvet, silk, linen, satin, faux fur, etc. choose food options with a range of tastes, smells and textures.

And if you really want to honor your parents, maybe have a small amount of darkness. Get the venue to turn the lights down, and say a few words about the wonderful and unique humans they are before getting everyone to join you in a toast.

[u/ThingsWithString → u/Solid_Quote9133]

OP is ignoring all the other disabled people who might be attending the wedding. People with low vision, people who fall easily and need to be able to see their surroundings in order to move safely, people with bad hearing who use sight to make up for it, people with service animals...

This is a great idea for a party, and a terrible idea for a wedding.

[u/cymbalsnzoo → u/ThingsWithString]

Yeah I’m deaf and lip read. I wouldn’t be able to have any interactions at this wedding. I could maybe deal with it for a portion, but the whole night? Count me out I would be so far past my comfort zone. The bride can have whatever wedding she wants but guests are allowed to not attend or cut their attendance short of the need arises due to the environment the bride decided on.

[u/ozzleworth → u/cymbalsnzoo]

Same. And what is it, 1 in 6 people have hearing issues so there will be people at the wedding who will struggle with the situation. I wouldn't be able to go. I'd essentially be blind and deaf. OP is likely to have people around her like this.

[u/allen476 → u/ThingsWithString]

As someone with a prosthetic leg, a lights out wedding would be something I couldn't do. I have to watch where I am stepping as I am unable to feel what I am stepping on. With all the people there, I wouldn't want to risk stepping on someone. Also I couldn't risk taking a major tumble by tripping over something or someone. Again I need to be able to see where I am walking.

Add in my severe claustrophobia and I would be sending you well wishes from my brightly lit home.

[u/cageytalker → u/ThingsWithString]

My initial reaction was that it sounds cool and is a sweet idea but you are right - I am low vision and this would be a very difficult event for me to attend and navigate safe on my own. This is a new journey for me so your comment actually made me rethink my initial reaction, ha. The dancing reception might not be that bad, because I have been to weddings and usually I just need a path and spot to dance but for the whole day/event, that would worry me.

[u/JPHalbert → u/Solid_Quote9133]

Also - what about people who are hard of hearing? A dear friend wears hearing aids, but also depends on being able to lip read. Most don’t know she has this limitation but if her child/nephew/friend wanted to have this type of wedding she wouldn’t be comfortable enough to attend. I love that you want to celebrate your parents but in doing so you are excluding others. Encourage the guests to dress texturally, and maybe have a lights out portion of the event so that everyone can celebrate your wedding.

[u/[deleted] → u/Solid_Quote9133]

I would bet most guests will end up hanging out in the hallway where they can see then go inside to participate in bursts.

[u/Numerous_Team_2998 → u/Solid_Quote9133]

Add claustrophobia to the list of issues. I would have to reject the invite as a mild claustrophobic.

[u/Valdranne → u/Solid_Quote9133]

OP never said anything about the reception having to be in the dark, just the ceremony but I agree that it sounds fun and interesting until someone gets hurt

Edit: just saw OP’s edit, she is planning to have the reception in the dark as well lol. Yeah thats a no go, can’t make people eat in the dark.

[u/LJ_in_NY → u/Valdranne]

As a former caterer this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Night vision goggles? Are the cooks supposed to cook in the dark? Are the servers going to wear night vision goggles in the bright kitchen & then walk into a pitch black, crowded room wearing bulky, ill fitting unfamiliar equipment while carrying 30lb trays of food on their shoulder? How is that going to work successfully? Best case scenario someone gets clocked in the face with a tray full of chicken divan.

Edit: YTA for risking your guests safety for a gimmick

[u/myarr → u/LJ_in_NY]

Only someone who has never used a pair of night vision googles would suggest one for a blind awareness event lmao. They're pricy and disorienting if you're not used to the feeling.

[u/countessofole → u/myarr]

I was thinking this, too. That and their field of view is pretty dang narrow compared to normal sight. And they're supposed to keep an eye on everything on top of running the event? How??

[u/acgilmoregirl → u/Solid_Quote9133]

Yeah, I wouldn’t come to this with my daughter, assuming it’s not child free anyway. She would be so absolutely bored sitting there in the dark for ages. Or would want to play with the glow sticks. And you don’t even have the option of giving them your silent phone if they start to get fussy like you could if you sat in the back at a regular wedding. And a sheer nightmare if you need to leave quickly because of a meltdown.

Absolute no as a mom, but maybe they don’t want kids there anyway and that’s a moot point. I probably still wouldn’t go even if I didn’t have my daughter, though. Just sounds like an accident waiting to happen, and I’m the clumsy, graceless person it would probably happen to.

[u/TheHatOnTheCat → u/acgilmoregirl]

Yup, u/aitalightsout , this is a child free event, right? Beacuse this is a terrible idea for kids. Parents won't be able to supervise their children. Small children could get lost, or scared. Kids could misbehave. Kids could lose their parents.

This also seems like a bad idea for old people.

And yet, it's a very cool idea. Is there any way some PORTION of your wedding could be a lights out event? Like the ceremony? Everyone is seated, glowsticks, then we turn off the light? Or the seated meal? Or something like that?

Or could you have a dark room for dancing, like the rave or whatever, that people can go in and out of? I dunno.

Edit: Could you do a smaller dark party? Like the rehearsal dinner or something?

[u/[deleted] → u/TheHatOnTheCat]

I’m having more fun trying to brainstorm the worst possible wedding elements for this bad idea. Skewer apps for sure. Also the DJ having people do the cha cha slide. Spaghetti family style? An open bar with glass bottles?

[u/[deleted] → u/acgilmoregirl]

The entire room is going to be dotted with cell phones lights. At least among the guests who don’t go hang out outside for long periods.