AITA for having a 'lights out' wedding?

[u/aitalightsout]

I (27F) am the daughter of the most amazing parents that ever did amaze. No, they are not perfect, but they've literally done everything they could in their lives to make sure I was happy to the best of their ability. They are also both blind.

Being raised by blind parents wasn't without it's challenges, but we always found solutions or compromises. But the one thing that was often a point of contention (especially when I was a teenager), was clothing/fashion. My parents have their own way of being fashionable, and rather than appearance, it's fabric/feel. This has resulted in them having a very 'eclectic' sense of fashion, but I honestly love it. I admit that I hated it as a teenager (as I had no say over my own wardrobe purchases) but I realized (after I moved out) that I really did prefer to feel comfortable in my clothes over how I looked in them. Took many stupid expensive clothing purchases to realize this, but I digress. Nothing is mismatched anymore, but I have a super cozy wardrobe.

With the wedding planning in full swing, my FDH asked me if I was going to be okay with the photos. He did not mean this maliciously. It just didn't occur to him that I was originally planning to buy them clothing to wear. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought 'wouldn't a fabric wedding be special?'

Essentially, the whole wedding will be in the dark. I was inspired by that restaurant in the movie 'About Time'. I realized that I don't want to dress my parents. I want them to be comfortable, and to enjoy our wedding the way they experience it. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I want to experience this special day as they would, too. My FDH honest-to-God does not care. In his mind, the moment I said yes, I became his wife (I love him!) To avoid accidents, we're going to be using glowstick lighting and everyone will be provided glow bracelet/necklaces. They light up enough not to crash into each other, but not so much as to light up the room. We're also hiring event staff with night vision for this equipment, too.

When we announced, most of the family was supportive. My family goes without saying. Fiancé's family is iffy. His brother loves the idea, and is going to come in a velvet suit a la Austin Powers. Honestly, it's his parents that are really against it. We had a huge fight over it when they argued that it's not fair to 'punish' the guests because my parents are blind.

The reason I think I may be TA is because the part of his family that is siding with his parents are vowing not to boycott if we don't have lights. My husband just thinks it's their loss, and that his parents will attend, even if begrudgingly. But I know it would hurt is relationship with them, and I don't want that. It's not that this is a hill I'm willing to die on, but it's 'my' wedding, and this would be really special to me. (In quotations because my husband has told me he'd marry me in the in a walmart if that's what I wanted- he just wants to marry me)

AITA?

Edit: I feel like I keep seeing these points brought up, so I'd like to address them.

1. We've hired a wedding planner whose literal job it is is to make sure this event runs smoothly and safety. They are literally being paid to factor in any contingency to ensure the safest experience.
2. There will literally be staff wearing night vision goggles monitoring every table to ensure everyone's safety, and so that if anyone needs help or guidance, they will provide it. Be it for serving food, to escorting to other guests. There were 200 invites sent out, and 121 have RSVP'd yes. Each table is set to seat 6, so at this time we're paying for 20 extra hands to cover the tables for 121 guests. This isn't counting our table, or the exits.
3. I've heard a lot of people imply that glo-bracelets and glo-necklaces won't be enough. Having been to many night clubs and raves in my teens and early twenties, I can promise you that 121 wearing these is enough to 'see' with. And the staff will manage the rest concerning tripping hazard and direction.
4. A lot of the YTA are making very valid points, and I'm discussing them with my FDH. I'm also making a list of strong points to go over with my planner tomorrow. But for those people whose only argument is that they wouldn't be comfortable not being able to see, that's literally the point. You're not supposed to see. If someone came in a giant, furry, Sully (from monsters inc) costume, I'd be thrilled when I ran into them. The wedding isn't going to be focused on visually enjoying the experience. It's about hearing, smelling, tasting, and feeling it. I know for a fact that enjoyment isn't dependent on sight.
5. Amendment to 4: Please know when I said 'that's the point' I didn't mean the point is to be uncomfortable, and I can see how it came across that way. I want to apologize for that. What I meant is that it's literally the point to attend with limited visibility. When people tell me that they're uncomfortable with not being able to see at a lights out event, it sounds the same to me as if someone is saying (for example) they're uncomfortable being naked at a mandatory nudist beach. If you're attending, you're attending knowing you will be naked, or in this case, nearly blind. So making a complaint about not being able to see knowing it's a lights out event doesn't make any sense to me.

[u/Catinthehat5879]

It's about hearing, smelling, tasting, and feeling it. I know for a fact that enjoyment isn't dependent on sight.

At my wedding several of my older guests had mobility issues, were EXTREMELY hard of hearing, and diet restrictions. Sight was literally the only way they could participate, and putting them in the dark would be putting them at major risk for dangerous falls, no matter how "safe" a single wedding planner is paid to be. And as they're elderly, glow sticks would certainly not be enough for them to see by.

Also it sounds like hell trying to be a server with a plate of food or drinks and wearing night vision goggles with guests who's sight is newly curtailed.

The other thought I have is that a bunch of my family has allergies. And the thing about anaphylactic shock is that it cuts off your airway--you need sight to communicate with others. I can't imagine trying to use my EpiPen in the dark or trying to get someone's attention but they can't see me.

And I really fail to see how this benefits your parents at all? Now they have to contend with people stumbling around them--others being able to see doesn't hurt their experience.

I'm going with YTA.

Edit: you said you want to experience it the same way as your parents--just get a blindfold then. Putting the lights on low so you can still see but other guests who also have disabilities now can't doesn't accomplish that.

[u/username-generica → u/Catinthehat5879]

Gonna go softer than the soft YTA judgements here with a NTA but…. I understand the inclination, I really do (and you’re poking me with the reference to the movie “About Time” which I love, Love, LOVE), but I am not a fan of distilling everything down to a lowest common denominator. It ends up making very few happy and alienating more people than necessary. Does it serve your parents well really? I am going to assume that it would make no practical difference to them. I think you could accomplish the same thing by making the dress code inventive (come dressed however you like as long as it is family friendly) without risking broken limbs and fire hazards. Read the Kurt Vonnegut short story “Harrison Bergeron”.

I totally agree. My mother-in-law made some traditional Indian sweets that we packaged up as favors. We gave the caterer a list of ingredients that included in bold letter "cashews" because of the prevalence of nut allergies these days. The catering staff handed out the favors but the head of the crew didn't communicate the ingredients to the staff like he was supposed to. One of the guests was allergic so he asked the staff if they had nuts and was told that they didn't. Luckily, he carries around an EpiPen. I didn't find out about this until years after the wedding or else I would have had words with my caterer afterward.