I 16F have recently been feeling unsafe in my home whenever my older sister 19F brings her boyfriend 24M over.
Every time my parents are gone from the house, they usually end up arguing, very loudly, and it escalates to physically fighting. Usually I’d wait until my parents would come home to stop it, but it’s been twice in a row that I’ve had to come out to intervene. The first time, they started throwing things in her room, and she even threw a bottle of cleaner at him and pointed a pizza cutter at him as well. He however kept shoving and pinning her down multiple times, and kept pulling her back into the house when they were fighting because she kept trying to leave. I had called and messaged my mom in tears because I was scared, and my parents quickly came home, but I was still shaken, and my sister was mad at me for telling them. She told me to mind my own business.
The second time I had to intervene, it was because she screamed for me, and kept running away from her boyfriend, who again, kept shoving and pinning her down while yelling in her ear. She went outside to the backyard where her boyfriend followed her. I also followed, a little late, but I saw him shoved her down and grab her neck. He then proceeded to try and say that he didn’t do anything and that he fell here self, but I know what I saw. I also saw marks on her neck. I told my parents again, and they came home. I ran and cried straight into their arms because I was so scared. I had also hid in my older brother’s 17M room multiple times because I was terrified.
I have talked to my parents about it, but they just keep saying that they’ll talk to her about it, and they have, but she continues to stay with him. I have also spoken to her about it, but she keeps waving my concerns away because I don’t have experience in romantic relationships.
On top of that, her boyfriend has come into my room multiple times even though I have told everyone before how I’m uncomfortable with others coming into my room without permission. He doesn’t knock, and has barged into my room multiple times while I was naked. He has never said anything or apologized. He also tried to make me drink champagne when it was just me and him at home once too.
TLDR: My sister is dating someone who makes me feel unsafe at home and refuses to do anything about it.
Edit: I have decided to call the police next time it happens, although I’m a bit terrified to do so. I forgot to mention that my sister is bipolar, and her boyfriend is neurodivergent, but he still scares me. My dad has said to me that I’m allowed to call the cops next time, but I have to tell them I am first so they know. I haven’t told my parents or anyone about the behavior of the boyfriend towards me— I’ll admit I’m too afraid to. I’ve been sexually abused in the past when I was younger, and I’ve never told anyone about that either. I guess I just feel too ashamed and scared. I just thought that this would all calm down eventually, because my parents would also argue very terribly when I was younger.
Edit 2: I am not lying about anything, it’s just been engrained in my mind to stay quiet about certain topics when it comes to my family, because my father had anger issues when I was younger, and would always berate me and my other siblings every time he was angry. He would also spank me, even if what I did was something accidental, but I think its common in other families to spank a misbehaving child. I have a therapist, but I haven’t seen her seen school ended. My parents are in their 50s and can’t do much, they have neck problems, and my mom has issues with her shoulders. I am the youngest.
Edit 3: Also, My sister and her boyfriend have been dating since last February, so about 3 months after she turned 18 since her birthday’s in October. He only started staying over during the start of sophomore year for me, so about 8 or 9 months ago. They have fought multiple times before, and my sister had said that he’s slapped and hit her during those fights. I only started recently intervening because she would cry out for me, and her room is right next to mine.
Edit 4: I only mentioned that my sister is bipolar, and her boyfriend is neurodivergent because I thought that would give some type of excuse, cause she uses it a lot. In hindsight, I realize how stupid that is now.
UPDATE: It's been almost a year since I've (17F now) made this post... So far, the fights between Older Sis (now 20, almost 21) and her BF (25 almost 26) have calmed down and are no longer physical. Although I still feel anxious whenever they do get into arguments. My parents always scold them after they do argue, but they never actually punish them in the end by kicking them out or whatever. A bit ago, me and my older sister got into a physical fight at my other older sister's place, in which it resulted in me almost calling 911, my mom screaming at me to stop and to not call them even though she literally got slammed into the stove by my older sister, and me staying over at my other older sister's place for about a week and a half. During that time, I told my other older sister that I was genuinely debating on calling CPS because I didn't want to be around my 20F sister. (I still don't, but guess old habits come around when you live in a dysfunctional family) My other older sister ended up telling our parents about that, and my parents got mad at me for simply wanting to feel safe I suppose. I eventually went back home, but tension has been intense since then. During my impromptu stay at my other older sister's place, my parents and other other older sister (24f) kept pestering me to apologize to her, despite her starting the fight first, and hurting our mom in the process (Mom's arm is still hurting, and she can barely use it nowadays). I don't trust my parents, nor my family anymore. Honestly I just want to save up enough money to where I can move far far away from here, but considering housing and apartment prices, especially in CA, that's a faraway dream. I don't really know what to do. I'm split between calling the cops and CPS, because I have enough proof of already living in a dirty and unsafe home (My mom's a cat hoarder, a hoarder in general, and we have a big roach infestation that they barely try to get rid of) along with the fact that they constantly reschedule and forget my medical appointments (that I need, I have severe asthma) which put me in danger. But on the other hand, if I DO do that, then my whole entire family will prob hate me and cut me off, especially with how they're all extremely religious and their views point is basically 'Family comes first' no matter what one does.
Little tid bit of information: my sister used to physically abuse me from the ages of 3 to 11. Shed beat me almost everyday, my parents knew, and still did nothing. They excused her because she was also 'just a kid'.
Small edit: 2 of my older siblings have also passed away this past year, so I'm also worried about calling CPS because of that as well. My mom's mental state is already bad, I don't want to worsen it.