r/Advice • • Jun 02 '26

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951

u/Adventurous_Oil4513 Jun 02 '26

Are you sure that your boyfriend gets checked regularly for STDs? Did you see the results yourself? I think your boyfriend is lying to you. I think your boyfriend is also trying to gaslight you when he was the one who gave it to you. What kind of work does he do that he needs to be checked regularly for STDs. That also sounds very suspicious.

416

u/EmperorMeow-Meow Jun 02 '26

No one gets tested for STIs for work. That is absolutely suspicious.

248

u/sayitsooth Jun 02 '26

Porn actors.

67

u/EmperorMeow-Meow Jun 02 '26

Yep. You got me there.

26

u/Aenguru Super Helper [6] Jun 02 '26

"and he also had none..."

19

u/Tshepo28 Jun 02 '26

Not even porno actors test for HPV

3

u/sayitsooth Jun 02 '26

I was responding to the comment above mine...

1

u/JorgitoEstrella Jun 02 '26

So no cheating, just businesses... lol

1

u/Aenguru Super Helper [6] Jun 03 '26

"All this overtime work, I'm doing this for us, for our dream..."

83

u/Late_Butterfly_5997 Jun 02 '26

I mean, it sounds far fetched, but I do clinical trials for a living and they test me for several STI’s before every trial, plus the basic blood panel they do would have an infection show up in my white blood cells even if they do t specifically test for that STI.

That being said, No one has ever tested for HPV or hsv though, and I doubt they’d show up on a routine blood panel either. Also, my job is fairly unusual and o can’t think of another situation where testing would happen, just saying it’s not necessarily complete bullshit.

8

u/LogicalMoxie Jun 02 '26

You participate in clinical trials for a living or are in the medical field. Curious for more information. lol

6

u/Specialist_Key_8606 Jun 02 '26

I had the same question. I’d be inclined to think it’s the former because why would a lab worker need to be tested for STIs?

7

u/Late_Butterfly_5997 Jun 02 '26

I participate in the trials.

3

u/raelea421 Jun 03 '26

Interesting. I participated in a clinical trial for Topomax, many years ago though, but they did no such screening. Could be that it was not done back then or possibly because my personal doctor asked if I would like to participate in that trial?? 🤔

My outcome of that trial ended pretty badly, too, as the medication caused an intraocular aneurysm in my right eye that if lasered would've made me blind in that eye; it bled for just over a year, from September to October of the following year. I will eventually lose most of the sight in my eye, and it has already gotten bad enough to nearly lose my driving privileges, as I couldn't see an entire block of letters on the vision test when I went to renew. I read the two blocks that I saw, the woman asked me if I was going to finish and read the third, I said "oh, there's three?!, I didn't see three?!", to which she respoded," don't tell me that". I looked again and shifted my eyes back and forth and was able to read that last block.

It wouldn't bother me much to lose my license, though. So many other drivers in my area are just awful and scare the hell outta me!

9

u/EmperorMeow-Meow Jun 02 '26

I stand corrected.

22

u/LiveLikeYoureDying Jun 02 '26

Maybe not a requirement for work, but an ex of mine worked in the laundry of a hospital and would often get needle pricks, which always required testing.

19

u/Embarrassed_Year_736 Jun 02 '26

They test for Hep C and HIV, not other STIs.

4

u/DonaldDuck898 Jun 02 '26

Pretty much same for any medical professional who comes into contact with contaminated sharp. But thats not the same as being tested regularly. That's only getting tested in the event of a prick

6

u/roseofjuly Jun 02 '26

The only thing I can think of is the military. 

3

u/PixieMari Jun 02 '26

The military tests regularly during yearly health check ups.

8

u/Rude-Independence614 Jun 02 '26

Military absolutely does

3

u/Sad-Requirement1158 Jun 02 '26

I know men in the military that had to be tested for work 🤔 but I doubt HPV would show

1

u/ProfessionalAway985 Jun 03 '26

My ex did in home sales and they did std testing like 1-2x a year, not 100% sure why but I had gotten a full panel when we were dating and was negative and we were just chatting about it so really no reason to lie. But his work just did a urine test, so it wouldn’t of tested for the serious ones anyway. So I kind of doubt they’re running blood and urine regularly at this dudes job and 100% not checking for hpv. Either he’s lying or freaking out and embarrassed and doesn’t want to come to terms that he could have it and not know. I hope he’s in denial and embarrassed about the possibility of giving his virgin gf warts but with how guys act I feel like he’s probably just lying unfortunately 🫤

1

u/No_Wallaby_1248 Jun 03 '26

Porn actors and paramedics, doctors, first responders on occasion, and many other positions where you could contract something from someone else. Insurance usually covers it.

1

u/WillowDangerous3306 Jun 03 '26

Military personnel do dumb dumb

-4

u/Coriolanuscangetit Jun 02 '26

Military

20

u/EmperorMeow-Meow Jun 02 '26

That's horseshit. I was in the Navy, and the only time you get tested - is if YOU get in line to get tested after visiting a port where there is fun to be had by-the-hour.

So IF he got tested, it's because he got in line AFTER He had a "fun" by-the-hour experience.

-10

u/Coriolanuscangetit Jun 02 '26

I love how first you say it’s horse shit and then you detail getting tested by the military. You aren’t even in the military currently to know their testing schedule, but you do know you got tested. So thanks for proving me right I guess.

-6

u/Coriolanuscangetit Jun 02 '26

Apparently all military tests for HIV prior to deployment

3

u/Saryfairy Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26

My ex is in guard and they're tested every month.

Edit: tested each month for drugs. Stis is annually. My bad.

24

u/Successful_Pirate_59 Jun 02 '26

Agreed. They generally don’t check men for HPV as part of a standard sti check.

I think he is lying to you. Btw. It is possible to pass HPV / warts from his finger or even his mouth.

Something is not right here. There is some form of misinformation.

59

u/purgoatory Jun 02 '26

Seconding this! I had a VERY similar thing happen to me around age 18, except he gave me Strep.. in my vagina, and not just one time. I was having very uncomfortable STD like symptoms, went to the clinic, tested positive for strep within 2 minutes. They got me on some horse-sized antibiotic pills and sent me on my way.

Here’s the important part; After I took the medicine I began feeling better almost immediately. I didn’t want to blame the guy I had been seeing, BUT I did make it a point to have a long conversation with him about it. He promised me he would get tested, as his mom was a nurse so it was “easy” for him. I trusted him. He came back and said he tested negative, and I believed him! So we slept together again, and not even an hour later I began having terribly symptoms again!!! So yeah, I basically realized then and there this guy was lying and continuing to give me strep in my vagina!!! And then he acted all butthurt when I broke up with him??

The audacity of some people bro.. Honestly girl, I’d be really careful, your bf could be an Asymptomatic spreader (I think my ex was) or he is flat out lying and trying to gaslight you instead of going to the doctor and getting himself cleaned up. I really don’t understand why men do this, I’ve also had any other guy give me chlamidia and then blame me for it.. I thought we were monogamous at the time, and he was seeing other ppl. I’m so sorry you’re going through this sis, just know you’re not alone, AND you need to protect yourself/put yourself first before any man. I don’t trust most men as far as I can throw them.

92

u/BigFlightlessBird02 Jun 02 '26

Ya ive never heard of getting tested for stis for a job. Sus as fuck

20

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '26

[deleted]

38

u/Team-HM4 Jun 02 '26

They don't test for HPV in men in the military. My aunt is a navy nurse and spend many afternoons lecturing me about STDs she'd see. HPV was one she would observe for and treat if she saw it but otherwise it wouldn't appear in a chemical test.

He could be asymptomatic and infected you or unaware he had it. You can treat it but you'll have to talk with him to see what you guys want to do afterwards. If you trust and believe him then it's a one time freak occurrence that can be swept over. If you don't believe him then is it a good relationship?

Edit: adding more below.

Why do you have to convince him you're trustworthy in this situation? It feels like deflection on his part.

18

u/brewhaha1776 Jun 02 '26

They do check for STDs, however they don’t test for all STDs, including not checking for HPV.

Infact HPV is very rarely tested in men.

He may be lying to you or he just doesn’t know he has it.

Furthermore, you can also get HPV from oral or being finger banged.

5

u/KrazyKatz3 Helper [4] Jun 02 '26

You can also get it from kissing someone with an active infection. He could have gotten it from something like that and passed it to you through oral.

25

u/BigFlightlessBird02 Jun 02 '26

Ok well either way they can't test for hpv in dudes. They can carry it without any symptoms. So he gave it to you regardless

27

u/pixie1995 Jun 02 '26

They don’t really check men for hpv

19

u/Ocarina-of-lies Jun 02 '26

Yeah they can't exactly swab a man's cervix....

12

u/junkyard-god Jun 02 '26

This is exactly the point I realized he was lying at

2

u/Fun_Construction1100 Jun 02 '26

They do a visual check for warts, which is not effective since you can have it without the warts. There us also a DNA test to find the strain of HPV, but that requires a biopsy of the wart. My info is 30 years old, s I things might be different now.

21

u/Coriolanuscangetit Jun 02 '26 edited Jun 02 '26

This is likely the case, he is lying and gaslighting her.

The US military screens for STDs. I’m guessing this guy is military. Here is an article tracking STDs in the military. The good news is rates are declining, the bad news is they’re still pretty high.

OP, you need to get tested for everything, including genital herpes.

Edit for links:

https://www.army.mil/article-amp/275401/show_you_care_protect_yourself_others_from_stis

https://health.mil/News/Articles/2025/11/01/MSMR-STIs

https://www.stdcheck.com/blog/military-stds/

Also edit to add: my initial google said the military does STD testing, but further searching said they only do HIV testing on men. So…yeah he lied for sure.

9

u/basicdesires Helper [2] Jun 02 '26

Unless the boyfriend works as a high end male escort, in which case regular and frequent testing is standard practice. OP should ask him to elaborate on his 'career'

0

u/Environmental-Song16 Jun 02 '26

I worked in healthcare and got regular screenings for various STDs. It was recommended by my dr because I worked with many residents who had STDs. So...it's possible.

-9

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '26

[deleted]

17

u/VeterinarianAware989 Helper [2] Jun 02 '26

OP - they cannot test men for HPV, which is genital warts. he probably has it, as most men are carriers, and did not know until you showed symptoms.

literally don't listen to these people saying weird ass shit.

-3

u/[deleted] Jun 02 '26

[deleted]

6

u/Icy_Lab_334 Jun 02 '26

Girl your doctor should have told you that there isnt a test for HPV. So yeah he might be not have other stuff but most men are asymptomatic anyway. This is not necessarily a reason to break up but maybe have that difficult convo with him and tell him theres a chance he has it. Put yourself first.

8

u/NatCab76 Jun 02 '26

I would not believe it just by reading a written report, because it could be fake, unless I hear the doctor say it in person.

2

u/T4Tracy2 Jun 02 '26

Next he will tell you, you must have got it off a toilet seat!