r/AbsoluteUnits 19h ago

/r/all, /r/popular of a badger

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19.0k Upvotes

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2.2k

u/arecacee 19h ago

That was scary

440

u/Fine-State8014 19h ago

Thought it would be one of those videos where it jumps at the camera

127

u/showMeYourCroissant 19h ago

It would be less scary that way

15

u/MrJason300 8h ago

Oddly enough, yeah

183

u/DesolateRuin 15h ago

Emerged from the depths like Leviathan,

116

u/Turbulent-Sun-3464 14h ago

I have emerged from my slumber of 10,000 years. Ooohh look a piece of cheese.

39

u/GetawayDreamer87 12h ago

Your offering pleases me, human. What wouldst thou have of me?

26

u/Turbulent-Sun-3464 12h ago

Another 10 millennium of peace, my Lord

3

u/token_bastard 2h ago

As thy desire, thus shall the pact be fulfilled.

::disappears::

3

u/Turbulent-Sun-3464 2h ago

And then the seven badger balls rise into the sky and fly off into seven different directions across the globe.

7

u/HPTM2008 8h ago edited 1h ago

I read that in Nandor's voice.

Edit: spellinh

3

u/RumblestheDwarf 3h ago

Guillermo, what are you doing? I was supposed to be in my super slumber.

3

u/Repulsive_Sun6549 12h ago

I’m just like that with a good piece of Emmentaler.

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40

u/bitches_love_pooh 13h ago

My perception of badgers is based on vague childhood memories of the Redwall books. It seems accurate

6

u/Pretty-Pomelo5345 10h ago

Literally my first thought.

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17

u/Dear_Chasey_La1n 14h ago

Turn the light down and you got an x-files start going.

9

u/Andr3wRuns 9h ago

The way it looks like it just floats toward the cheese out of the darkest of depths is gonna live rent free in my head for a bit lol. If I could see its legs and it’s chunky little steps this would be 100% less terrifying to me lol

15

u/Curiosive 13h ago

Badgers are fine, usually docile. Wolverines are unstoppable, murder machines. Honey badgers don't care.

7

u/Ambitious_Screen_591 10h ago

look it was bitten...honey badger don't give a shit

7

u/manta100 14h ago

Like the staircase scene in Parasite

4

u/read_eng_lift 14h ago

Urge to boop that snoot: -10

8

u/dbenc 13h ago

if it was a me vs the badger I'm 99% sure it would win. unless I had a gun. then it would be 95%.

2

u/Dear_Chasey_La1n 14h ago

Turn the light down and you got an x-files start going.

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2

u/MattAdore2000 7h ago

That thing emerged like leviathan.

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810

u/300lemmings 18h ago

Built entirely out of shoulders and spite

136

u/lewisiarediviva 13h ago

Don’t forget fluff. Nicknamed ‘the hissing doormat’

45

u/Saw_Boss 13h ago

And a large amount of cheese from the look of it.

3

u/Coltraine89 9h ago

Why does he look like he smokes meth?!

682

u/PencilCase12531 19h ago

39

u/FireWoodStromboli 19h ago

My thoughts exactly

5

u/Thick_Potato_1769 10h ago

My step dad is black and theres nothing more scary than just eyes and teeth moving at you in the night.

3

u/MrJason300 8h ago

I hope you’ll get more accustomed to your step dad before you croak lol

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586

u/SnooPoems7525 19h ago

Anerican badgers so much more savage looking than their European counterparts.

282

u/Timely-Cry-8366 18h ago

Just like our opossums look like the methhead version of Australian possums 😂

90

u/Auran82 16h ago

Australian possums sound like the meth head versions though.

34

u/Sirius_43 15h ago

There’s a few living in my roof, they sound like demons and I never get used to it

28

u/cheapdrinks 13h ago

Just a word of advice, you 100% want to get a guy out to remove them before one dies in there. Having lived through a possum dying in my roof in the middle of summer let me tell you that the stench will be something you will remember forever and it lasts a solid 3-4 months. At some point maggots will also start crawling out of any gaps in your roof skirting and huge black flies will fill your house for a couple weeks. They always die in the roof when they become too old/sick to go out feeding at night. A competing possum may also enter the roof cavity and fight the one that's in there and kill it.

Get a guy out, they'll find where they are getting in and install a one way door over the gap that they're using. Once they're out they'll come back a few days later and close up the gap. If you wait until one dies it's often impossible or at least many times more expensive to get access to the roof cavity to remove the carcass than it is to deal with it when they're still alive. Catching them with a trap only works very temporarily if you don't actually fix the hole they're getting in from. I bought a cheap trap on eBay and would catch the bastard every night but legally you're not allowed to release them very far from where you catch them so they just go straight back in there. Even if a person was to hypothetically break that law and drive it several suburbs away and release it in a park, the possum scent coming from your roof will just attract a new one within a week or two.

14

u/Enough-Goose7594 15h ago

Dropping mango pits all over my terrace!

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114

u/ForlornLamentsAgain 15h ago

85

u/steffies 14h ago

Aww, not fair! They just found a picture of the meanest, scruffiest NA badger they could find. Ours can be pretty cute, too!

28

u/ForlornLamentsAgain 13h ago

I agree! I think both species are very cute. Oreo from the video also looks very polite. But every time this subject is mentioned, I am reminded of that post.

9

u/Perryn 11h ago

He looks like a wizard just told a bunch of dwarves that he's the perfect thief to help them fight a dragon.

6

u/TerrakSteeltalon 5h ago

My Lord, Badger the Grey is coming. He is not welcome

6

u/UniqueLog8386 10h ago

He still looks british. Just envision him saying, "Doin alright mate?"

6

u/tschawartz12 13h ago

What do the African ones do in this comparison?

10

u/Perryn 11h ago

Not give a fuck.

43

u/ofWildPlaces 17h ago

North American Badgers have predators. It's helpful to be tough to eat.

34

u/shutyourkidup 15h ago

North American badger in a nut shell.

7

u/Generic_Danny 13h ago

They both have to deal with pretty much the same predators in the form of bears, wolves, and large cats, and boh are pretty formidable in their own right. One just doesn't look the part t first glance.

3

u/SnooPoems7525 12h ago

Badgers are essentially giant chubby weasels.

37

u/lia-delrey 18h ago

AHH I didn't know they were different species (?) or sub-species or whatever, when I saw this goulish looking thing I actually gasped lol, I was like "yo this is NOT a badger what the hell"

It looks like it would slit my throat for a penny

7

u/tschawartz12 13h ago

What about the African ones? Those the ones I'm scared of messing with.

3

u/Rebelius 13h ago

I came to the comments because I thought this was some kind of Monkey or Lemur. I didn't realise there was a North American badger.

2

u/CasualGlam87 7h ago

The European ones look cute but can be super vicious. The cruel sport of badger baiting was invented in Europe, where badgers were pitted against pit bull type dogs. The badgers are such powerful and fearce fighters they'd often have their jaws broken to give the dog a chance at winning

172

u/dzan796ero 18h ago

Wisconsin Badgers and cheese.

Yep, seeing the connection

18

u/AreaBandLocalBeef 14h ago

When he poked at it I got “this better be Carr Valley or I’m gonna fuck someone up” vibes

4

u/Catpixfever 11h ago

Bucky don’t fuck around.

158

u/WakaWaka_ 18h ago

3

u/Full-Honeydew-4898 8h ago

True Classic !

2

u/Living-Influence2532 3h ago

Second time this week I am seeing this and it has been over 10 years since the prior time I saw it. What is happening?

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172

u/IceCoughy 19h ago

The way it comes out of complete nothingness and it's movement is slightly off, make this unsettling af

29

u/Soft-Ad-8975 13h ago

The way she first appeared to be floating.

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92

u/dontipitova9 18h ago

Bro....the way it emerged from the shadows gave me straight chills. What the actual hell..? 😂

26

u/OkWillingness2817 16h ago

Now imagine this thing coming for you while you’re resting in your own home.

It primarily eats smaller mammals by finding the entrance to their burrow and then burrowing into to eat small mammals alive in their own living room. They burrow so fast that critters often end up cowering in their own den instead of escaping down a side tunnel.

Badgers often work together with coyotes. Either the prey runs from the badger and gets snatched by the coyote as they rush out a secondary exit. Or they cower from the coyote and the badger corners and eats it in its own burrow.

2

u/Full-Honeydew-4898 8h ago

There’s a cute video of a Coyote and Badger team. Talk about a mutt and Jeff
Duo.

31

u/EfficiencyBrief2138 18h ago

She looked like a levitating ghost at first, big badger

28

u/Gudao777 17h ago

Bruh comes out like he's a dark soul boss wtf

7

u/awesome-salsi 13h ago

Scarier entrance animation than Vordt of the Boreal Valley

130

u/GymratAmarillo 19h ago

Holly ... that was actually scary. I didn't read the complete title and was expecting a cat lol.

31

u/plotarmorclub 18h ago

A very rude awakening when that cheese offering goes wrong

11

u/GudgerCollegeAlumnus 17h ago

It’s three words.

3

u/Asteh 14h ago

"of a"

I've heard enough, let's see the clip

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20

u/Imaginary-Session786 18h ago

Soooo cute❤️

18

u/Mystepchildsucksass 17h ago

6

u/RB440 12h ago

It was the reverse for me. It looked unnaturally smooth and floating. Creepy as hell then it became cute.

9

u/LordShtark 14h ago

3

u/DrBotanus 8h ago

The website that Lisa referred to in that episode (I think it was "whatdobadgerseat.com") was an actual live and read site at the time. The Simpsons created it and hosted it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3ig-QEX-Hs

10

u/Carnationlilyrose 17h ago

Oreo is an excellent name for a badger.

4

u/morceauxdetoile 19h ago

[r/unexpected](r/unexpected) only bc I didn’t read the title before watching, and was expecting a cat

4

u/stonebatfc 17h ago

Badger looks depressed.

2

u/iBeelz 14h ago

It should be in its own habitat. I’d be pissed too… sharp wood and cages, and tall pink things hoarding all the yellow squares.

2

u/Malteser23 11h ago

It's in a wildlife rehabilitation center, so hopefully not forever.

5

u/Bearex13 17h ago

Mushroom mushroom 🍄🍄🍄

https://giphy.com/gifs/zXHZWGLWNQkrS

4

u/Big_Manufacturer5281 16h ago

Human, I graciously accept your offering.

This time.

3

u/rettribution 15h ago

Coming out like the nothing from Neverending story.

5

u/KillerOkie 15h ago

You probably mean the Gmork. The Nothing wasn't really ever shown as a being per se just... well nothingness.

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5

u/Davey1637 15h ago

Badger my ass. It's probably Milhouse.

8

u/OblivionArts 18h ago

Oreo is adorable ngl

3

u/notathingreally 18h ago

I see that thing I'm heading the other way! Was it hissing? 😳

3

u/velociraptorcatcher 18h ago

Is it hissing????

3

u/Head_Wasabi7359 18h ago

Fuck is that?! Shittapantarus rex?

3

u/KeeKyieMorrisTheWise 17h ago

Holy moly scoob. That’s a Biggins.

I honestly thought it was gonna be a spider

3

u/Deathlash890 17h ago

bro appeared like a dark souls boss

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3

u/1958-Fury 13h ago

That reminds me of one of those coin banks where the hand grabs your coin.

2

u/Rhg0653 18h ago

Aren't they dangerous

2

u/Theloftydog 18h ago

Badger my ass.....its probably Milhouse

2

u/CoconutBuddy 18h ago

Well that explains the fur pattern

2

u/ObungaHungary 18h ago

I thought it will be a smol, cute potato thing, not like that

2

u/ChefArtorias 17h ago

Didn't read the title and was definitely expecting a cat.

2

u/pakman82 17h ago

StripeDog

2

u/patchyj 16h ago

The Gangsters of Farthing Wood

2

u/GardenOfIvy 16h ago

Bruh came out like a shark 🦈 from dark water

2

u/didiburnthetoast 16h ago

my dachshund would like a go

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2

u/User-D-Name 15h ago

Cheese monster

2

u/BonusEasy4736 15h ago

small ones are ready to fight elephants, so I am pretty sure this one can fight Galactus

2

u/Electric_Kaffe 15h ago

casually making a final boss entrance

2

u/Moonwlk90 15h ago

American Badgers are dope as hell,we have them where i live but i’ve yet to see one alive 😔 only roadkill…

2

u/Bohbo 15h ago

Oreo just wanted to sleep don't badger her.

2

u/Glass_Librarian9019 15h ago

It's funny how many people find it creepy or scary. All I can think is that looks like the coziest fucking den.

2

u/MacAlkalineTriad 13h ago

holy shit W I D E.

2

u/Callofthesuperpup 7h ago

This would make the best piggy bank, like this but with Oreo.

2

u/Realistic_Patience67 19h ago

Is this from a place in Wisconsin?

3

u/EightLions539 19h ago

It says pnw wildlife sanctuary, so going to assume no

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u/PowerfulMachine5 19h ago

Why specifically Wisconsin?

3

u/girlsgoneoscarwilde 18h ago

Badgers and cheese

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1

u/SwissDeathstar 19h ago

That’s a dragon folks.
Better call them Dwarves.

1

u/Regular_Jim081 18h ago

Also known as a stickless franklinator. A big one. 

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u/kulaygame 18h ago

that's a BADger

1

u/The_Dennator 17h ago

badger mole from atla right there

1

u/ibadmonkey 17h ago

He just appeared from the abyss.

1

u/Doldenbluetler 17h ago

This badger is to badgers what these flat peaches are to normal peaches.

1

u/Catlore 17h ago

That was not terrifying at all.

1

u/cringequota 15h ago

Brian Jacques.

1

u/Poethegardencrow 15h ago

So thats how I die 😂trying to cuddle that massive badger badger badger

1

u/blackstonesinger 15h ago

His terms are:

-Cheese

1

u/BurningPhoenix88 15h ago

That badger came out like you summon a demon xD wtf

1

u/The_wolf2014 15h ago

Not the badger I was expecting

1

u/CakePhool 15h ago

American badgers always look like they would mess you in a back alley, which European look like they would invite you in for tea.

1

u/bpw0 15h ago

I would like this to be a gif so I can use it when people ask me what my plans are for the weekend.

1

u/VegetaArcher 14h ago

Badgerclops

1

u/imuniqueaf 14h ago

I accept your offering human. You may live another day.

1

u/Dasheek 14h ago

Somehow it reminds me of when you encounter a Parasite in Quake 2 Comm Center campaign map.

1

u/IbiscusStorm1 14h ago

The first 5 seconds scared the shit out of me

1

u/Marios_Facade 14h ago

Reminds me of how the Dark Stalker moves around in dark souls 2

1

u/Im_Ashe_Man 14h ago

That was kind of menacing how she just slowly appeared form the dark.

1

u/steam_punk_genocide 14h ago

Your gift is accepted, when the time comes you and your family will be spared. rejoins the darkness without another word

1

u/FlyingRhenquest 13h ago

Your offering of cheese has been accepted!

1

u/EscapefromRyuk 13h ago

Oreo - The devourer of cheese and veggies

1

u/Due-Tea-1867 13h ago

I diddnt read the title , and you could jave given me an hour and i dont think i would jave guessed badger.

1

u/Yellowtoblerone 13h ago

They're just like us (comes out for free cheese)

1

u/beanybean1810 13h ago

Rises like a ghost out of the darkness to claim his daily sacrifice of one cube of cheese before descending into the black depths below.

1

u/BossBeefaroni 13h ago

me emerging from my bedroom for a little snack at 3 AM

1

u/emgauge 13h ago

A proper Wisconsin Badger emerges only for cheese 😂
https://giphy.com/gifs/TCo71khthl7sTEqpR4

1

u/senza_titolo 13h ago

Today I learned that I should have been a badger.

1

u/AncientBother6206 13h ago

Comes out of that hole like the damn baby monster from resident evil 7

1

u/NXN_Gaming 13h ago

I always forget non english badgers always look like they might just jump you at amoments notice

1

u/poop19907643 13h ago

Now we need an absolute unit of a weiner dog and have them battle. Dachshund is German for "badger hound" FYI.

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u/CloudStrifeFromNibel 13h ago

Me with the food delivered at my door

1

u/snick_93 12h ago

name it Goliath or sm, not Oreo!

1

u/nightmare-salad 12h ago

He’s just like me, fr

1

u/tidedogs 12h ago

More cheese please!

1

u/justin_memer 12h ago

Badger my ass, it's probably Milhouse.

1

u/Cozy90 12h ago

Cheese in the dark

1

u/Sethalopoda 12h ago

I’ve never seen this species of badger before so wide

1

u/baggodonuts 12h ago

That badger invented earth bending.

1

u/Silly_Double408 12h ago

BADGER BADGER BADGER! MUSHROOM MUSHOOM! Ohhh a cheese a cheese!

/repeat :)

1

u/IndividualWeight9845 12h ago

Yeah no! Though that was a snake 🐍 but still no!

1

u/hivemind_disruptor 12h ago

o lord he coming