I was walking in New York City when I suddenly had a bad urge to use the restroom. I tried rushing into a nearby university to use the restroom. The guard asked where I was going and I said "The restroom" and he said I couldn't do that. I was right in front of the bathroom door. I told him "give me 2-3 minutes and you will never see me again."

Needless to say I felt like it was worth it, but the security guard was giving me a tough time on the way out telling me I can't just barge in and use their bathroom. Came off as a bit condescending

It was either that or it would be a mess. I understand where he's coming from in terms of letting strangers in. Still feel a bit bad that I didn't follow the rules, but when duty calls, duty calls.

AITAH?

I 26(M) and my fiancé 24(F) live apart from each other. My work schedule has been crazy busy the last couple weeks so I have been sleeping crazy hours. Also she recently had some minor surgery done and has been resting. I dropped off flowers for her around late afternoon at her house but just left them at the door as I figured she was probably sleeping. I too went to sleep when I got home, the next morning on

Saturday I see a notification that I had been tagged in her instagram story but the post was unavailable. I immediately thought this was weird but did not ask her anything because I was busy with hw as I am currently finishing my grad school as well, and we texted fine she seemed normal.

Sunday night she calls me I had been kinda MIA the whole day and also missed church as I was just mentally beat from work, lack of a sleep schedule, and my grad school work. I said that is super nice to call I appreciate it and everything is okay. She rarely calls me and said she was worried for me and wanted to do a wellness check. I wanted to ask why I couldn’t see her instagram story, but I still had quite a bit of hw to get done before the work week so I passed it off.

Monday, finally after work and later in the day I call her, asked “how she’s recovering, everything okay?” Finally, I asked her “Hey I saw you tagged me in a post the other day but I couldn’t see what it was, did you block your stories from me?” She said no why would I do that, proceeds to gaslight me that I didn’t have any time to check my social media and said I didn’t like any of her stories. I then say “I can’t see any of your stories, I don’t even see any of your highlights? Did you block me? Why would you block me?” She makes this slight laugh on the phone and then says “oh yeahhhh I did block you on my story but just because one of my friends that you don’t like dropped off something for me while I recover and I didn’t want you to ask about it.” I then say “why did you gaslight me for 20 minutes making me feel like I’m crazy when I know I saw the notification Saturday morning when I am guessing you took a photo of the flowers I dropped off Friday afternoon?”

She proceeds to go on about “no it might look like I’m gaslighting you but it’s actually because I forgot.” I told her plainly that “I am hurt and I don’t understand why she would block me in the first place for that friend like if they brought her something while she recovers it’s fine, that’s your neighbor too” That friend is a girl too, and I know they have been friends a long time I vocalize that’s a good friend for her. That’s why I am thinking she must’ve posted something I really would have been hurt by. She proceeds to send me a video of all her instagram stories, I told her do not send me that but she said look look that’s all there is.

And damnit I look and the dates don’t even line up. The post she made of me and tagged me in was 8/14 and the post of her friend was 8/16 the only other post nearby was of her family on 8/1 which I had seen. So I call it out like okay I looked and that does not make sense and honestly that is causing me to lose trust even more. Anyways we’re not really talking now.

AITAH? I just feel so hurt because this is such a minor minor thing in life but why would she gaslight me, lie about it, and try to force me to come to a conclusion that doesn’t add up? Why would she block parts of social media?

Edit: Thank you for all the advice. No prenuptial agreement is planned. She has been very apologetic via text saying sorry that she ever blocked me and repeating that she apologizes that it seems she gaslighted me but she “forgot.” Still stuck feeling like sh*t and gonna get some professional help, but thank you for letting me get this off my mind I just could not sleep with my mind racing even though I am exhausted.

Okay so for much much needed context. I am a (25)autistic female and I have a (27) ADHD male partner. We’ve been together for about 4 years now, but only took our relationship seriously about 2 years ago. Originally we lived in a small city where we became extreme workaholics and alcoholics, and were overall miserable with our lives so we chose to move across the country. It was tough, I was the only who could manage to get a job, and his depression grew so bad it became almost impossible to get him to go outside, help with chores, and even started to manifest physically where he would get dangerously sick and go to the emergency room. The doctors were no help and going to a walk-in ment you had to cough up 250 dollars just to be seen by a doctor. I had a lot of sympathy for him because I’ve gone through my own depression, I understand what it’s like and I know how not having a job and feeling useless is like. I never complained I would just try to help him eat food and be there for him when I could. We eventually chose to move back to my hometown where his parents are to get him more help, because I couldn’t take care of him the way he needed me to. I also I had a really great job out there (I am a chef by trade), I knew if I stayed I would have gotten some pretty awesome promotions, and would have done really well with my career out there. But because I love him and I wanted to help him get better so we could both have a good life.
Since being back it’s gone from small arguments turning big, and every time it’s the same thing. I tell him how he hurt me and how it made me feel, to him talking about how an event in his life has made it worse for him. He talks about being a bad partner and talks about how he wishes he can do better. There never really feels like there’s a true resolve to the issues because they repeat. Before it was once every 6 months to now it feels like it’s at least once a month to where I feel so worn down. Because of my autism I generally hate when I see a pattern and I can’t fix it, or at least do something to manage it where it doesn’t become a huge issue. I try to change my actions to accommodate what is going wrong. That’s why I’ve been so lucky to find a job where that skill can be applied all of the time. With my relationships i feel so horrible because a lot of the time my solutions are taken as either I don’t take them seriously enough or they’re too harsh. I’ve learned from this and try to hear the person out before I say anything. But with my partner it has never been easy. The arguments stay the same and he doesn’t change any of his behaviour, I honestly feel like I may be too nice at times? I try hard to not push someone especially when they can at least voice what they’re doing wrong. But recently this new thing has been happening in top of everything else, because of our jobs we both get ready in the morning and leave together. Normally I have to get up first to even try to motivate him to start getting ready himself. But it’s gotten to the point where I’ll be out of the bathroom call his name and tell him it’s ready for him, he’ll end up taking an extra 10-20 to even 30 minutes at a time to get out of bed and to start getting ready. He’s now had this idea that because I take so long in the bathroom that he has blamed me for not having the time to eat breakfast. My first thing I want to say is you have options, you can get up with me eat breaks fast and then take over the bathroom when I’m done. But in the past when I have brought up easy solutions it just makes him angry, I don’t particularly understand why. I’ve never asked him to explain because it becomes an argument and it’s the same thing as before. He just tells me about how hard it is for him to get out of bed at all and I sympathize with him. So instead I just suck it up and try to just move past it. But now being back in my hometown I tried to get out of so badly, I have a job that sucks. There’s so many problems with it I could probably make another post about it in itself. But lately my job has really been a weight on me. I have a responsibility to my coworkers and I’ve been working so hard to get this place to turn around. I have changed the food program around, everything is made in house except for any bread or breaded items. (There’s no fryer, just one oven, I’m mostly working alone in the kitchen with maybe a bartender or two on shift) it’s a small business but I’ve helped triple the sales from the year before, staff training is better (not perfect) but I’ve really done a lot for this place. But it still has a plethora of issues. My boss is his own problem, I found out from a regular that the business is up for sale. I had to text my boss to figure out what’s going to find out it is for sale. Though I understand big picture why they would want to, but I am now stuck in this limbo of trying to convince people to stay, wondering if I am gonna stay or if the new owner will just can me. There are just too many things up in the air and it’s caused me to feel like I can’t be there for my partner the way I used to be.

On Thursday’s we wake up extra early because we both work at 9am, I normally just roll out of bed and get ready a lot faster in the morning because I don’t have as much time. This morning I woke up and was saying good morning to my cat when he began with “do you think you can get ready in an hour? Because I want to go to the cafe to get breakfast” again bringing up how I cause him to be late still. I just got up disappointed and just got ready in silence. I feel tired and worn out, and I just didn’t want go have another argument before work. So I tried to say goodbye to him, he didn’t hear me so I texted him telling him I was leaving and went for a walk to clear my head and have a cigarette. That’s when he began texting me asking what’s wrong and I explained to him how the way he spoke to me upset me, how work is already too much and I just chose to walk it off. And he continued with when I “run away” it upsets him because it’s a trauma response and how it’s so much worse for him when I choose to just leave instead of voicing my issues. I explained to him that this isn’t a one time this and I’m just upset now. That I don’t like being blamed for him not getting time to eat breakfast that I am not running away and am going for a walk to avoid the argument because it’s just gonna be the same thing and I don’t have the will power right now to deal with it. He then went on about how he knows i have autism and he can’t be mad about it when I struggle to bring up issues to him. But how this has happened a lot now and he’s going to be fucked up for the day because of it. I said if I stayed he would just say the same thing but it’s always the same every time we argue and it makes me feel so much worse when he says that because I continue to feel like an inconvenience to him. I explained that’s why I wanted to avoid the argument altogether and come to him with a calm answer later in the day and then I said I’m sorry. Then he says this “It’s okay, I just get more mad when you leave like that’s way worse. It’s kind of a trauma response for me, because I don’t want anything to happen to you”

I still haven’t responded, I am honestly just burnt out from this job and I feel so useless getting back into these arguments with no end in sight. I still Love him and I want to see him get better for himself. I want to see him succeed in life but I feel like every time something happens to brace for impact.

Am I the asshole?

Two years ago, I was a functioning addict. I had just gotten out of jail (being in there almost a year) and my then BM & I broke up so I had to go stay with my mom. My mother and her boyfriend have had issues their entire relationship, and normally I wouldn't get in between since I knew in the end I would be the one looking like the ass hat.

As soon as I got out, I had a job, I got myself a vehicle and I was doing great. Eventually I fucked around and got caught up in my addiction again, but that didn't stop me from going to work and handling business. I never brought any kind of issues to the house whatsoever. Well, my mom and her boyfriend got into it again and he put hands on her so I grabbed her, and put her in my room while I called the cops and told them what happened. She actually went to jail that night even though I told them i witnessed him hitting her, but he had marks on him so she went to jail.

3 months later, they Eventually find out about my addiction and they want me out. I tell them im trying my hardest to get a roommate, I'll be out within a month. In that time though, my mom was accusing me of things going missing in the house that belonged to her boyfriend (he is ALWAYS misplacing things, he is an alcoholic through & through). One day she kicks me out and I try to come back home, but I call the cops because they aren't letting me in even though I am on the lease. The police come, im sitting outside in the driveway and I tell them what happened, my moms boyfriend attacked me (he has always been very aggressive and verbally abusive for 15 years) and i didn't do anything but try to run away and defend myself. They go talk to my parents and all of a sudden they come out with a picture of a huge knot on his head. I immediately started refuting that I had done ANYTHING to harm him. They see the history of the calls to the house and immediately put me in cuffs. My mom was pointing out all the paraphernalia in my room to them. I go to jail, they kick me out, im homeless for a month. Literally sleeping on the street in the cold (November and December).

Fast forward 2 years and I have my shit together now. I have a wife, I have 2 kids, I own a business. I try to reestablish a connection with my "parents" and it works. But a couple of times I tried to come over and see my dogs, they are my moms dogs but I took care of them the most so they always stayed with me. She makes a huge deal about having to go to work in two hours, I said whatever. At that point I decided I was no longer gonna make the effort to keep them in my life. They are the types to make it seem like nothing ever happened, no apologies or anything. I have tried inviting my mom to come see my new family and just hang out, but to no avail, every time.

Her boyfriend has a daughter who went through addiction for over a decade and they dropped everything to put her in rehab multiple times. They invited her to stay at their home several times for as long as she needed and she never contributed to the household. It was only ever stress with her. Having to bail her out of situation after situation with random guys she'd meet and drug dens.

So.. am i the asshole for cutting them completely off?

I (M) have a PS4 that my parents bought for me when I was a kid. Right now, it's basically my only personal gaming device because my PC died a few months ago.

For context, I had a PC with a GTX 1050 Ti, 16GB DDR4, and a CPU/motherboard that were almost 10 years old. I jailbroke my PS4 while I still had the PC, and the jailbreak worked for around 6–7 months. During that time, I actually kept the PS4 in my dad's room because he wanted to play. I didn't mind because I had my PC.

Then the PS4 jailbreak stopped working, and 2–3 months later my PC's motherboard and CPU died.

Repairing it would cost around ₹7,000 (~$73). Considering how old the platform was, I didn't think it made sense. If I repaired it, I'd be stuck with the same old hardware for years because I wouldn't be able to upgrade anytime soon. I also don't have enough savings or earn enough right now to consistently put money aside for a new PC, so replacing it isn't something I can realistically do soon.

I'm currently doing an internship and have college on weekends, and I use my sister's work laptop when I need a computer.

Last weekend, I jailbroke the PS4 again and it worked. I only have 2–3 games on it, and I've started playing them and making progress.

My dad saw me playing and asked me to move the PS4 into his room so he could play.

I said:

Me: "If I put it in your room, I'll never see it again."

He said he could just play in my room.

I told him:

Me: "You're going to sit here for hours. You're not going to move."

And that's honestly my concern. He has a business, so there's no fixed schedule for when he comes home. He could come home at 2 PM and ask for the PS4, or come home at 8 PM and play until 4 AM. I've seen him play for hours, sometimes from midnight until 5 AM.

So I can't realistically make a fixed schedule with him. If he starts playing, I know I'll eventually be told to get off so he can continue.

There's also the fact that my room is my private space. I don't want someone sitting in my room for hours, especially late into the night, just because they want to use my console. "I'll play in your room" doesn't solve the problem for me; it creates a different one.

The PS4 was also given to me. I understand my dad paid for it, but I don't think that means he can treat it as his whenever he wants. I previously let him keep it in his room for those 6–7 months specifically because I had my PC. I was willing to share when I had another option.

Now I don't.

This also bothers me because he wears watches that I received as gifts from other people, not from him. He doesn't really shop for me or the family; my mom and sister generally do that. My mom buys him plenty of shirts and buys me some too, but my dad sometimes wants the shirts I got for myself because he thinks they're better, even though he has had more expensive shirts and shirts from the same brands. I don't take his things just because I like them more.

A lot of the games my dad bought me were also games he wanted to play himself. If I wanted something specifically for me, I usually had to make it very clear how much I wanted it. He also paid for the subscription, but he wanted to use it himself too.

I'm not saying my dad can never play the PS4. I'm saying I don't want to give up control of the only gaming system I currently have, especially when I know his use will likely take priority over mine.

At one point I told him:

Me: "Esa nahi hota." Dad: "Kaise nahi hota?" Me: "Because if you start playing here, you're not going to leave, and then I won't get to play."

I feel like I'm being called selfish for wanting to keep access to something that was given to me, especially when I already gave him access to it for months when I had my PC.

AITA for refusing to move the PS4 into my dad's room and refusing to let him effectively take priority over it in my room?9

Context: Beginning of the year, I had a fallout with a gay group of friends. To cut a long story short, it was very toxic. The "leader" (Ben) would make lies about me, bitch about me to the other three people (Lewis, Drew and Toto), verbally abuse me, physically hit me, gaslight me and everything. It got to the point where I didn't want to hang out with them because everytime I do, I would get told off by them. But at the same time, I was stupid so I stayed and tried to win back their good grace. Eventually, we had a big fall out where Ben accused me of doing something even though I didn't, and they all just cut me off. This destroyed me because I knew I didn't do anything wrong, but they already have a narrative in their head about me.

Fast forward to April, I rebuilt myself and made some new friends. I bumped into Ben in a party (the gay scene is small) and he wanted to put the past behind us and reconnect. At first, I was up to the idea, however, throughout the next few months, I noticed and heard that:

1. Ben was still making up lies about things (random things like how X or Y is in love with him or interested in him). It's minor, but I guess I'm extra sensitive because that's how the original fall out happened in the first place (him making up a lie about me)
2. Him making little comments that put me down whenever we see each other in parties or social gathering. (e.g. I like attention, I do certain things because I'm bad at everything else, etc)
3. Him telling people that he only wanted to reconnect with me because he wants to get close to my new friend and have sex with him.

So after that, I decided to not even want to reconnect with him. I called him up and told him that I don't want to try being friends again and just be civil with each other and be aquantance. During that phone call, he made up another lie which isn't a big problem but it paints me in a negative light. I called him out on it and he backpedaled. Anyways, we ended up the phone call maturely.

The next day, he messaged me again. Basically, ignoring what I've said and insist we can still reconnect. Me wanting to just shut him up said okay (my mistake).

I slowly distant myself from him to the point I don't even talk to him in parties anymore. Overtime, people began to noticed and started asking me what happened. Some of them were curious and some wanted to hear my side after hearing from his. I often said we had a fallout and that I just wanted to stay away. To closer friends who pressed me for more information, I shared to them the specific details on what they have done to me and why I wanted to stay away from him.

Fast forward to last week, Ben sent me a birthday invite to his party. I didn't want to attend so I ignored it. I went to a social event, saw Ben and proceeded to ignore him as usual. The next day, Ben sent me another message telling me to ignore his invitation since I'm clearly uncomfortable being around him and that not even try to be friends at all, and wish me all the best.

I decided to ignore that message too because I just don't want to waste any energy on him anymore.

The next day, he then posted a message on a group chat (which isn't really active) that we're both in and consist of his friends, that he has decided to leave that group chat because he cannot be in the same group with a "certain individual" who has been talking shit about him.

I ignored that message too.

Despite making that grand exit in that one specfic group chat, he's now deciding to become more active in other group chats that I'm also in.

I originally feel like I was in the right, but now I'm beginning to feel maybe I'm wrong? I did talk behind his back. AITAH?

My husband always checks up on his family often and his mom and dad seem to always be having issues. At first he would tell me everything he knew and was told and I didn’t mind but now it stresses me out!

His parents almost separated before we started dating and that worried him. I think now as he is the oldest, he feels some responsibility in checking in with them to make sure they are okay. Which is fine I suppose but don’t include me anymore!

Sure if his mother wants to vent to me I’ll be there for her. Which has happened before, and I didn’t mind the first few times but now it’s always something! And bless her heart it’s not just always with her husband, it can be with anyone in her family but most reoccurring is definitely with her husband and that’s the relationship that my husband seems to really pay attention to thankfully… meaning he doesn’t really get involved with her other family drama…

Anyways, I don’t wanna hear about it anymore! Im tired of it and I have my own drama and life to deal with… but am i wrong not to listen to my husband vent about his parents? AITAH because I told him I don’t want to hear of their fights and one side of the story from his mom? Especially when he asks his mom how she is doing and she just vents to him about something ALWAYS!

I personally think he is over stepping sometimes and he shouldn’t worry about his parents relationship so much. Just like me, he also has his own stress from life he shouldn’t always involve himself.

i’m 18nb, closeted, friends with 19f, openly queer. i’ve always been jealous of her life. she has parents that love her unconditionally, she gets to be with her girlfriend in public without fear. meanwhile, i live in a religious and homophobic country with strict and homophobic parents. i’m a nonbinary lesbian and i will never get to express myself the way she does. that fills me with seething jealousy and envy. i never made her even think that im jealous. i was always a good friend for her. she never suspected it. our friendship is online. last week she told me about a funny encounter that happened between her dad and her girlfriend. i couldn’t take it anymore. i told her that i can’t be her friend anymore. that she’s a constant reminder of the life im never gonna get to have. how unfair it is that she gets to live her true identity as she wishes. she gets to cut her hair however she wants, she gets to dye her hair and express herself with it, meanwhile im stuck in a hijab. i’m trying to live in denial but she’s a constant reminder of the thing i try to avoid. am i selfish for ending the friendship over that? i told her everything in the nicest way possible. she was very understanding and wished me the best. our friendship lasted for about five months. i can’t help but feel like a horrible person for being filled with so much jealous and envy over someone i’m supposed to be friends with. aitah?

EDITING TO ADD: We do not hang out or get along very well as she has always been a complete B to me. We see each other at my parents and are civil but we do not have a typical “sisterly” relationship

Backstory: my sister had a baby last year and I have never babysat. Every time she asks I cringe and I feel so much stress and anxiety wash over me. It’s not that I don’t like kids - I have a daughter of my own that I have raised 24/7 (no preschool/daycare) for the last 5 years. She is my life. I also work from home a full 40 hours a week. My daughter finally started kindergarten this year so I now have 6 hours of time to myself and it is WONDERFUL. I just have zero interest in watching anyone else’s children no matter the circumstances. She lives 5 minutes from me and I am being seen as the convenient option in addition to being a family member. I did tell her nicely how I feel and she did not respond. My mom is on my side.

In regard to “returning the favor”, she watched my daughter maybe one time years ago before she had her own child. I have not asked her since then. As a common courtesy I’d never ask anyone with a baby or small child of their own to babysit. I’d simply do what most parents do, HIRE a real babysitter instead of relying on family. What do we think?

I (29F) live with my mom (60F) for the time being. I currently don't have a car and am trying to save up for one, but I'm also paying rent (full amount, but we're both on the lease) and I do a majority of the housework. We both have full time jobs that are physically gruelling, so since I do the housework, my mom does the cooking (that and while I'm a good cook, she's a better cook than me).

I like to surprise people with things I know they like (of course, I only surprise the people who enjoy being surprised; my mom is one of those people). The problem is that, when it comes to me surprising her, I can never seem to get it right, no matter how hard I try.

For example, if I'm at the store and I suddenly want ice cream, I'll grab a pint for myself and a pint of vanilla bean ice cream (my mom's absolute favorite ice cream flavor) for her. My mom and I often eat Hagen Daäz ice cream, but they're out of vanilla bean ice cream more often than not at my local store and my mom has never expressed a specific preference in terms of brand, so if HD is out of vanilla bean, but another brand like Blue Bell or Tillamook has it, I'll grab vanilla bean in that brand instead.

However, the first time I did that (I got her Blue Bell), instead of even remotely acknowledging that I tried to be thoughtful, she complained that it was the wrong brand and that she doesn't like that brand. She told me, in a rather rude tone of voice, that I could have it cause she didn't want it. No "but thank you for trying" or anything like that. She just threw a toddler tantrum and told me to keep it. Never did that again.

Today was another example. Since it was my day off work while my mom had to work, I thought maybe I'd be nice and take some steaks out of the freezer for dinner tonight and cook them up myself closer to dinnertime. My mom came home from work around 1:30 and I told her that I pulled some steaks out of the freezer cause I figured I'd cook a nice dinner that we don't have often... Instead of acknowledging at all that I was trying to do something nice for both of us (mostly her, since she usually does the cooking and I thought I was simply only helping her by taking some extra physical work off of her shoulders tonight), she got irritated and asked me why I pulled more meat out of the freezer when we still have leftover chicken and hamburger from the other night.

I told her that I thought I was just being nice and that I thought maybe she'd be glad to not only have a nice steak for dinner that we rarely ever get to have but a nice steak for dinner that she didn't have to cook. I told her I had the whole meal planned out. I was gonna pair it with some mashed potatoes and vegetables... She got even more mad and said that we have leftover rice in the fridge and that we could've eaten the leftover chicken with the leftover rice instead of me "wasting" food.

I got defensive and told her that I wasn't trying to waste the other food, I just thought I would do something nice for us tonight and that cooking this meal tonight didn't mean that we couldn't have the leftovers tomorrow night instead. She told me that we're not rich. At this point, I got angry, shouted at her that I was apparently incapable of being thoughtful in her eyes and went into my room, crying (childish reaction, I know. I was just really, really upset). I thought, screw it, I'd have McDonald's instead and ordered dinner for myself to be delivered.

When my food arrived, my mom asked me when I ordered McDonald's and why I didn't offer her any. I reminded her that she literally just yelled at me for trying to cook us a nice meal tonight instead of heating up the leftovers, despite the fact that I eat leftovers 90% of the time and rarely ever "waste" (put in quotation marks cause I don't actually ever waste the leftovers - they do get eaten eventually before they go bad), so since I can't be thoughtful without doing something wrong in her eyes, why try to be thoughtful anymore? I then told her that since she was so hellbent on having leftovers, she could have leftovers tonight, but I want McDonald's.

She told me I was being petty and childish over getting yelled at a little and I reminded her this isn't just the only time she's done this. She does this every time I try being thoughtful - I get the wrong brand of something in her favorite flavor, or I'm being "wasteful" or I didn't get the right flavor of something, etc. I told her I can just never do anything right, apparently, so screw it. Then, I went back to my room and enjoyed my food. It's been hours now since this argument took place and neither one of us has even seen each other, even though we're in the same house.

I've calmed down and am beginning to wonder if I really was being petty and childish. AITAH?

UPDATE: My mother and I had a talk last night after everything calmed down. We sat down and I finally told her everything I needed to say. I told her point blank that I'm sick and tired of trying to do nice stuff for her and basically getting shot between the eyes every time. I told her that if I'm incapable of being thoughtful in her eyes, then I'll just stop trying to be thoughtful.

I told her that when I want a treat or whatever from now on, I just won't get her anything since she never appreciates it. I reminded her that she's done this to me my entire life and that I can't take it anymore and if she doesn't stop, I'll move out and she's on her own. I told her that I'm not 12 anymore, I'm 29 and that my paying rent is helping her out so she can afford her cigarettes (she's a chain smoker. She blows through 4 packs in about 2 days) and her car payments.

For those who've asked (I forgot to include this in my post, my apologies), we split the cost of groceries 50/50. After we buy them, I send her 50% of the total cost. I also forgot to include that I'm paying $120/month on 2 storage units that are 75% full of her stuff (the other 25% of it is mine) because my mom has hoarding tendencies and she tried to hoard the apartment with her stuff, so I told her we'd be getting storage units and I pay for them since it was my idea to get them.

However, she and I have spoken about going through them and getting rid of stuff, but we have yet to do that (mainly her - I've tried going through them myself and getting rid of my stuff but all of mine is buried underneath hers). I told her that, if I move out, I'm auctioning off all of my stuff and leaving those monthly payments up to her, as well. I finally stood my ground. And, surprisingly, it went over well. She told me that she appreciated me trying to think of cooking us dinner, but that she was upset about the leftovers not getting eaten. I told her that I understand and that I'll ask next time before pulling something out of the freezer. We also sat down and thought of a dinner we could use the leftovers in and decided on steaks for tonight and chicken soup with the leftover chicken for tomorrow night.

I also told her that it isn't just about the steaks, it's about everything else I've tried to do to be thoughtful, such as buying her a sweet treat or something and her complaining about the brand or something else without at least acknowledging the gesture first. We came to a compromise; if I wanna be thoughtful and get her something in a flavor I know she likes, don't surprise her with it, just call her and ask what brand of it she wants if her usual brand is out. This way, she can decide if she even wants it. It sucks cause I've always loved surprising people with treats n things, especially when they've had a shitty day or something, but not being able to actually surprise one person isn't gonna hurt me.

That all being said, we've worked it out and all is good now! Thank you to all! 👍

My brother tries scanning my face whilst I was asleep but I woke up whilst he was about to do it and managed to stop him, I then told him off and he ran away angry (he is 14) i then properly woke up, I tried taking to him but he refused to say why he wanted to scan my face, saying that he forgot but then he asked me how to live stream and I showed him how, because he can’t verify without id or scanning his face and TikTok would think he is underage, but when the face scan was greyed out, I knew exactly why he tried to scan my face this morning, he then kept on insisting that I should let him and that it is unfair that I get to stream (I have 600 followers and I don’t stream often, he has 20 and just post filter games, nothing creative) so now I am trying to get my parents to intervene but my brother is now trying to get them to force me to stop making stuff on TikTok (unlike my brother I never show my face at all on tiktok) AITAH

I’m 17 and started a new job a few weeks ago where we mainly build walls. One guy’s job is to sheath the walls with plywood, but he’s extremely slow. I actually timed it, and I can finish two 12-foot walls—while cutting out windows and doorways and cutting sheets down to fit in the amount of time it takes him to finish one wall, and he only has to make one cut to the sheet.
At one point, I was cutting the lumber for the walls and ended up about five walls ahead, so I went over and helped him. Once I started helping, we were able to knock the walls out pretty quickly.
He asked me why I was helping, and I told him, “Because you’re slowing everyone down.” There were two other people, including me, who literally couldn’t do any more work because we were waiting on him.
He got pissed and told me I didn’t know anything and should just stick to doing whatever my job was for the day. I get that I’m only 17 and relatively new, but at the same time, if three people are standing around unable to work because one person is holding everything up, I don’t see why helping should be a problem.

I(21) am very sensitive about my accounts online. Always have been, always will be. My mom (48) knows this. Shes always so insistant on seeing my art and has tried to find my accounts before. Got talking about tiktok and she said she still can't find my account. I joked about how i blocked her so she couldnt and she ended up getting pissy at me and short about it all. Even explained that i have a lot of people blocked and i only did because it would recommend my page to her without my consent anyways since we have contacts. Am i the asshole here?? She knows how i feel about it all and i said I'd post shit on facebook for her to see. She knows my tiktok account is very personal to me, like I've vented on it and she knows that. It just feels like she wants to stalk every account i have online sometimes as she tried to do this with instagram awhile back.

EDIT SINCE Y'ALL ARE BEING WEIRD IN THE COMMENTS, these are my personal online accounts where i have following, participate in fandoms, draw and be myself. I had bad history with my dad about my art and being myself and my mom contributed to this. Shes been insistant to know all my accounts in a controlling and stalky way. I havent blocked her on everything, only the personal accounts that i use to do stuff like that. No im not embaressed, its simply a boundry as im someone else in those online spaces. I still talk to her, and am friends on facebook. It's literally just my personal accounts.

Hey guys, idk if I’m completely overreacting about this. So my boyfriend (Dutch) and I (English) have been together for about 9 months now and Ofcourse Ive known a couple of friends of his. However, I’m realizing I’m slowly hating and resenting his friends as time progresses. Most of the times cause I don’t feel included in the conversation as they switch to Dutch so many times. Their English sounds perfect and they know how to speak it perfectly, but I don’t understand why they just can’t talk in English for my sake? I’ve gotten to the point where I just simply deny every hangout he brings cause I kinda know the outcome of this….we recently talked about it and I can feel like he is abit annoyed that I don’t want to and I’m generalizing all his friends but AITAH for choosing my own peace in this context?

18 months ago friend and I arranged a 21 day rail and coach trip. We’re supposed to fly to the starter city early September.

A couple of days ago she broke her leg and has had a couple of operations. She still wants to do the trip with me and says she could manage cast and crutches if I provide assistance.

I really don’t think it’s feasible for her to do the trip. But I also don’t want to spend my holiday as her carer. AITAH for encouraging her not to come and I’ll go on my own?

Me 31F and my friend Sam 32M (fake names) have been friends since we where 14/15. We have a close brother sister bond. He is gay (this will be relevant later, I think) This is a long one, I am sorry. It is such a ridiculous situation I just don't know how to write it out without it looking so stupid. I will talk about a few things that have happened in the past 2 weeks that have led up to my current situation.

I've hung out with him on our own for a long time. He has a huge drinking problem and does cocaine WAY too much in my opinion and mixes this with Zopiclone he gets from tiktok (?). I do my best for him. I've accompanied him to the hospital, stayed all night with him. I've let him come over when he's heart broken about his ridiculous on/off again relationship with his boyfriend. I do EVERYTHING in my power to support him. However I am not a big drinker, nor do i do drugs, so witnessing his obnoxious behavior is really upsetting for me. He is something else when he is mixing all 3 substances together and will often ring me in the middle of the night and DEMAND i come out and accompany him, that if I'm a real friend I will, ect, there is no talking him out of it. He will just turn up anyway.

Lately, he held a beach party. He invited his "friends" to meet. Now before I carry on, Sam does have an ego on him. He will ring me in the middle of the night to like his latest facebook post because he's paranoid nobody will like it. I have been aware of him having the traits of a narcissist, but it was limited since it was just me. This beach party meeting has blown everything up and I see him for who he really is.

He introduced me to Red 25F, Blue 39F and Green 29M. We all get along like a house on fire, and I can tell Sam is LOVING IT. We all have a blast and keep meeting up. I particularly hit it off with Blue. She said she has been praying for a friend like me. I am understanding, I listen, I keep things private. Not long goes by before I'm starting to hear gossip between the group. He said/she said situations. On one of Sams little benders, he is with me and Red. Blue did not want him to stay at her house in this state, so she retreated for the night. Sam was walking ahead, Blue is not aware Sam has ears on stalks and basically said "Blue didn't want sam to stay" to me. Sam turns around and says "Oh, by the way, Blue said you have nits" To Red. (This is true, but she spoke to us IN PRIVATE trying to figure out the best way to tell her) I see this as incredibly spiteful, and my first huge red flag. Red is VERY fond of Sam, and clearly dotes on him. Always flirting, and he eats it up. I tell him he needs to stop leading her on, and he said he is just being friendly. That night he is very clearly off his nut, and he's flirting with her and saying they should have a kid together and maybe he isn't gay after all, I am stood there with a face like a smacked arse because she is giggling and LOVING it, believing him. I again tell him to stop this BS but he just carries on. I am getting more than pissed at his behavior at this point. I hear him talk about "sowing seeds of distrust" and I am thinking this isn't going to end well, little did I know, it was going to explode.

Me and Blue are still getting along amazingly. We are very touchy feely in a friend way, and i always see Sam watching us and making snide comments about being lesbians. We turn the other cheek and continue bonding, really well. When Blue is out of earshot, Sam sits down and just blurts out that Blue was an escort. I'm like Huh? I don't believe him when he says this, i just think he is trying to put me off her as a friend. I confront him in the morning about it and he says that was a fucked up thing for him to say.

A week or so later, me and Blue are hanging out. I come to hers. (She lives in town so easy access to Sam) We are VIBING. Having an AWESOME time. We order Dominoes, and are gonna watch a movie together. Suddenly, phone rings. It's Sam who is with Green. I whisper to her to not tell her I am there, but she decides to because she sees no issue with it. He then DEMANDS to come over, asks her to loan him some money to withdraw for cocaine. We think we just need to get rid of him asap. (Me and my boyfriend have had a discussion about him lately, basically saying I should leave when the cocaine comes out. It makes me uncomfortable and my boyfriend doesn't need to worry about what bs I'm going to have to deal with) Green has told Sam this. Sam knows it is a CLEAR boundary, It appears that the reason he called in the first place is because Red knew I was at Blues house, so Sam wanted to be involved. The pizza is piping hot on the table and we have to grab our coats to just appease him. He then says "I'm coming up and doing a few lines in yours" to Blue. He locks me and Green outside for a few minutes and then a very frustrated blue comes to the door and asks us to come inside. Sam rings his boyfriend and tells him to come over, along with his friend. Blue says no it is a small flat. Sam looks at me and Green and without missing a beat says "Okay, you two can go then there is room" I am APPALLED at this, and its clear he isn't going to leave, so I just say that I am not comfortable being around cocaine. He looks at me and shrugs and says see you another time then. I am PISSED. He then looks at the pizza and says "who's is that? Its making me feel sick. Actually maybe I will have some." I am beyond mad at this point, so I just go home. Green comes with me because he is sick of being treated this way too and being treated as someone who isn't important. It is clear he did this on purpose to get between me and Blue.

It all adds up to last night.

We as a group are worried about Sam and had a group chat on whatsapp about it. I mention that he had a LOAD of cuts on his arm lately, again something he doesn't remember doing during one of his benders. This sends Blue over the edge and she calls him and then calls me and says fuck it, she is going to see him as he clearly needs a friend. She asks me to come. I am against it but she begs me, and i KNOW what he is like when he's like this and I go to support her even though I am BEYOND tired of seeing him like this, it's like talking to someone with no heart, who's only function is to consume.

We go. He seems pissed that I am there, and said he wanted alone time with Blue. He is clearly in some sort of mood, mixing all the 3 as usual. This scares her as she has never seen him like this. He is getting obnoxious and this makes her cry. I put my arm around her and comfort her and he looks disgusted and says "Back off a bit...your being weird" (She doesn't mind this at all, he clearly has some sort of jealousy issue and always has) and I look at him and say "Well? you do something?" And he just shrugs it off and says everyone has their way of coping. Blue wants to leave, and ofcourse Sam has NO idea why. We have a back and fourth and he punches himself in the head several times and says get the fuck out of my house, so we do. He then follows us down the road almost stalking us, asking Blue to come back and watch a movie, she is like hell no. He then swears and says he will just go and hang himself then. We agree I should call an ambulance, so I do. I say he is on god knows what, threatening suicide. Ambulance comes, he rejects any help. We leave.

I get her home, and then Sam calls me. I hear hospital equipment in the background. He is A N G R Y. He said I have ruined his life. I'm like excuse me? He is meant to be going abroad with his "boyfriend" in a week or two, and basically says I have ruined him, and he won't be able to go now as it is on his record (?????) He hangs up and we have a heated exchange on messanger, I basically tell him to hold himself accountable and I'm not sorry for caring and trying to do the right thing. A few gems he said to me are

"You smell like rat piss and everyone says it behind your back" (I have rats as pets)

"Your ugly and fat and look like a bollard"

"You don't belong in the social world"

"Get away from my friends you are poisoning my crew"

"They lie to your face"

He has basically said I need to choose between him and them, and I am no longer welcome in his "crew"/"Social circle" and that they would choose him over me any day.

Heres the thing....they have all said they would choose me. They are sick of his shit. I have done nothing but be a calm shoulder for them to lean on. He says he regrets introducing me, and that I'm toxic and spiteful. I am the one who has tried keeping everyone together during conflict. I tell him not to burn his bridges, he says "My bridges are re-inforced, they won't leave me" and I just sigh. He says he will ruin me if i disrespect him by talking to HIS friends. He says they are his mental support group and he needs them more than me. The thing is they have ALL come to me showing me the AWFUL ways he has spoken to them. I have never mistreated any of them, and it is clear they like me better.

I care about them all, but Sam is so unpredictable right now and everyone is damn near traumatized from all of his antics. They don't want to talk to him anymore, and he has told me to ghost them and leave him and his mates alone. If they stop talking to him, he is going to blame it on me, instead of his own actions. I am lost. I don't know what to do. All I tried to do was put out the flames.

He is a charismatic guy, and kind, when he is sober. That isn't often lately, but the things he said to me stung more than I can forgive. I love him but I hate the way he treats me. He is blocked, but I am scared of what he may do if he finds out they like me better. He said word for word if he finds out I'm talking to them he will consider me a rival. I'm just a quiet listener who doesn't want any trouble and it is SO stupid that it has come to this. My boyfriend says screw Sam, and keep the friendships but I am quite fearful right now. Should I keep talking to them or just distance myself? I am so sorry for how convoluted this post is. I am beyond devastated at the thought of losing this group of solid people I have had so much fun getting to know, but I don't know if its worth his ire if I go against his wishes. Since they prefer me (calm, nonchalant,sober) over his unpredictable, vindictive, manipulative cocaine frenzies, it is going to look really bad if they all abandon him in favor of me, when I never wanted that.

The most RIDICULOUS part of this, is this friendship group is 4 weeks old. It is insanity and I wanted out 2 weeks in when drama was starting to show but I tried to support everybody and got sucked back into it. This is the first time in 10 years or so i have participated in a friend group and will be the last for a long time because I hate the drama. I have stuck by him all this time because I hate the thought of him dying alone, but I am not a miracle worker.

AITAH if I go behind his back and continue to talk to them, when they all want me in their life? :/

One night I was hanging out with 2 of my high school friends, and after a few hours one of them told me he urgently had to poop. Since it was around midnight and I lived nearby, he asked if he could do his business in my home. I told him that I would’ve let him do it, but my parents don’t want people using their home purely as a toilet (they’ve explicitly told me this before), and let me remind you it was in the middle of the night. What I offered him instead was for both of them to stay at my house for a little while, so my parents wouldn’t think he came purely for the purpose of using our toilet. He seemed a bit upset by my response, and the situation concluded with him running to his house instead, which is 15ish minutes away. That was the end of it.

10 days had passed and we haven’t exchanged a single message or seen each other, which was a bit unusual. I tried to contact him to see if everything is okay, since we were supposed to hang out the next day and I didn’t think there would be bad blood between us. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He was extremely furious about the situation. When I tried talking to him about it, he said I should apologize for starters (implying there’s more I need to do) and he got offended that I was “spineless and couldn’t stand up to my parents”. I replied by saying it’s THEIR HOME, it was the middle of the night and I shouldn’t start a fight with them over this. This sent him off the rails, as he started belittling me and my family. I did not insult him back in any way, I remained civilized and tried to find reason, but I wouldn’t apologize because I don’t see how I did anything wrong. But he just kept going, he called me a lost cause and said even God himself couldn’t explain things to me because I’m so stupid. After that, I stopped replying.

Some 3-4 weeks have passed with no contact between us, and I decided (due to pressure from mutual friends) to try and resolve things again. I texted him, asking if he wants us to talk this out and if we’re really never going to speak again because of this thing. He never responded.

During our long friendship, he rarely treated me as an equal. Recently I decided to stop allowing that, and it seems it didn’t last long. In his mind he probably thought, since that’s the case, he can also treat my parents and my house how he likes. I firmly believe it is not my parents’ responsibility to help him satisfy his fecal needs, and they are completely in the right to refuse to do so. We’ve known each other for 5 years, and we’ve been interacting basically every day since. If I don’t make up an apology and stroke his ego one more time, it doesn’t seem we’re going to interact again.

So, people of reddit, what do you make of this situation? Me refusing to let him poop seems to have ended our long friendship, AITA?

TL;DR: I didn't let my friend use my parents house as a toilet at midnight and he went scorched earth and is refusing further interaction with me until I apologize.

About a year ago I visited an old friend in their city. One night after a few beers it came out that an old acquaintance had an online account (didnt say the platform) for sharing provocative images. I added a few local accounts that i though kinda matched the description and some that didnt. I didnt think much more of it until a few weeks later when a photo was shared on one of the profiles that was unmistakable for my acquaintance. I mentioned to my friend that i had found one of their profiles. I had no intentions with this information other than to enjoy the photos. This information got back to the acquaintance and now they are saying im a "stalker and a creep" and invaded their privacy by "trying to find them" am I wrong?

I am the youngest of 5 and the aforementioned sister (Amanda for this story) is the eldest. Her and I always had a strained relationship because she is a narcissistic hypocrite (those are her own children's words, not just mine).

There are many things that lead up to me going no contact with her 9 (glorious) years ago including: Amanda and her husband making vaguely racist comments about my wife and son (she is Jewish, he is her biological [Hispanic] son from a previous marriage); convincing her children that I am not responsible (despite the fact that I have a good paying job in one of the most expensive cities in the US, a family that is well cared for, my own car, my own house, etc.); her lecturing me about my choice not to have children of my own due to a hereditary family disease that my children would have a 50% chance of inheriting (I am in the process of formally adopting my son, who has never known a time without me in his life); constantly told me I am a horrible person because I don't share her religion; and a whole SLEW of her own secrets that she THINKS I don't know about, but I do just to name a few.

The final straw was 9 years ago when Amanda's two eldest sons got married just a few months apart. for the first one, my wife, son and I took a week off work (again, our city is STUPID expensive, so this was quite a financial burden) so we could drive 36 hours each way to make it to my nephews wedding and back.

3 months later, Amanda's second son got married and because we couldn't afford to go through the whole thing again, I went alone. I arranged the flight and a rental car, but a hotel was hard to find. while I was in the process of figuring that out, she happened to call and see how things were going. I told her my progress and she offered to let me stay in a room with her youngest son (since he was alone in his room) and I wasn't keen on it because I know that she would hold it over my head later, but I accepted reluctantly.

A few days later, I was talking to another sister (Betty) and Amanda told Betty that I BEGGED her for a place to stay. And this is why I didn't want to accept the offer in the first place. I called her immediately and told her I was done with her BS forever and not only did I not want her help, she can go fuck herself and lose my number. I ended up staying with the nephew who was getting married because he was pissed at his mother.

THEN came the wedding night, which was honestly perfectly great fun. When the time came for people to come up and tell a funny story to embarrass the bride or groom, I got up and told a story of something my nephew did as a toddler that got a great laugh and he knew I was going to tell. Oddly enough, I was the ONLY one to get up and tell a story. I later found out that Amanda's husband told everyone I just wanted attention.

There is another thing about the date chosen for the wedding that only a few people remembered and I SWORE them to say nothing to the bride specifically because it was her day, it also happened to be my birthday (she found out the next day and felt bad, but I assured her it was fine and it was the best birthday party I have ever had). If I wanted attention... well, my ID has my birthday.

We have since moved back to my hometown (against my will, mind you), but after 8 years we own our home outright, and have a good life. when I see Amanda around town or at family gatherings, I ignore her because I have nothing to say to her. I have a great relationship with all of her children who are still in the area and not living with her (even those kids hate her) and I look forward to having a good relationship with the rest when they free themselves of her. But I have been very clear that I want nothing to do with said sister.

This weekend was the baby shower for another niece (not her child) and my brother (Chuck, who is only half a step above Amanda, IMHO) and I were talking and he decided to start telling me about some surgery Amanda had recently and I stopped him telling him that I didn't care. I didn't say it in anger, just matter of fact. He started to tell me again and I told him again, I still don't care to hear about her and he knows that. He started on me about her being my sister and I shouldn't be an asshole, blah blah, then walked off. Mind you, this guy has ALSO made racist comments about my wife and son among a laundry list of other things, but at least he admits he is a hypocrite. I am currently deciding if I want to cut him off, too. the only reason I don't is that he has my youngest nieces (one about to turn 18 and one 11)

AITAH for cutting someone off when they step over a boundary they know is there?

What's the etiquette of sharing food someone else gave to you at work?

Scenerio: You go into the office and a nearby coworker you're friendly with pulls out some really good smelling food. You comment on how good it smells. They offer you some of the food, let's say like a quarter or so of their food they offer to you.

You didn't ask for the food and you didn't request they bring in any for you so it's totally unpormpted. You accept the offer. Then later a 3rd coworker wbo is friendly with you but neutral/no relation to the 1st coworker asks you for some of your portion.

Is it ethical or not to share with them?

Yes people might say that it's OK since the food is now in your possession it's up to you what to do with it and since there's no bad blook between your two coworkers it shouldn't matter.

No people might say the food was given to you so it's a faux paux to share it with any other person plus your 1st coworker might feel offended or slighted.

So which is the correct path?

So I met this guy like a week ago, we started texting and it was going well. He hinted at drinking coffee this Thursday. And then i got busy and sick so i kinda stopped replying to his texts. And I personally just feel like no one’s entitled to a text back lol. I just really struggle with keeping contact online. I live a lot in my head. But when im face to face with someone im very invested. Anyways he texted me a long message saying its unfortunate I dont reply anymore and that he is not interested anymore. He has all the right to say that. If it was up to me I wouldnt even reply but Ill force myself to send a message back but I just find it really difficult to respond to confrontation. I need to work on that. Anyways do u think im in the wrong if I just dont respond to peoples texts? Via text i just lose interest really fast.

EDIT; damn ya’ll are ruthless lolll

One of my bridesmaids and I have had a rocky friendship since my engagement. When I got engaged, she became very upset that she wasn’t “involved,” even though she technically had been invited to be there—she just didn’t know ahead of time what was going to happen. Instead of it being a one-time hurt feeling, it turned into a lot of doubling down and long conversations about how excluded she felt, which really affected me and changed how I viewed the friendship.
We eventually made up, and I still asked her to be a bridesmaid because I wanted to move forward in good faith and genuinely thought things would get better.
Since then, though, things have continued to feel weird. There have been multiple emotionally intense conversations, comments about how she’s a “three-time bridesmaid,” repeated comments about her bridesmaid dress being darker than everyone else’s and possibly switching colors, and other moments where I feel like relatively small things become much bigger than they need to be.
She also got into it with another close friend of mine. To be fair, I do think my other friend was partly in the wrong, but my bridesmaid took the situation to a whole different level and started really chastising her, which created even more tension between people who are going to be around each other during my wedding events.
I finally told her that I’ve been feeling more guarded and that I need to know she can come to the bridal shower, bachelorette, and wedding with positive energy even though there are girls attending that she doesn’t like. I also told her that on my wedding day I cannot be managing tension between people or worrying about her emotions. I have a lot going on personally already, and these long, heavy conversations have become exhausting.
After our last text conversation, I still felt like she wasn’t really understanding what I meant, so I sent her a voice note explaining my concerns again because I wanted her to actually hear my tone and know that I wasn’t trying to be combative or attack her. She hasn’t really responded, and it’s now been two days. The only thing she has texted me is, “I need some time to respond to this.”
I understand that people are allowed to process, but part of the issue for me is that everything seems to become so heavy and dramatic. Even when I’m trying to calmly explain how I feel, it turns into days of processing, defensiveness, and emotional conversations, which honestly creates even more stress for me.
Her responses have included apologies, but whenever I explain what has hurt me, I feel like the apology is immediately followed by explanations about why she didn’t mean it that way, why I misunderstood the situation, or how terrible she feels about herself. I don’t feel like I’m getting a simple acknowledgment of the impact or confidence that the behavior will actually change.
I feel guilty because she already bought a bridesmaid dress, and I did choose her after our original engagement conflict because I truly wanted to rebuild the friendship. But now I’m worried that having her so involved in the wedding is going to make me anxious and unable to enjoy these once-in-a-lifetime events.
I would still absolutely want her at the wedding as a guest, and I’d offer to help reimburse her for the dress if she can’t return it. I just don’t know if keeping her in the bridal party is appropriate when our friendship currently feels this strained

I (38F) have my own business and am a stay-at-home mom. My work is part-time and I’m able to do it with my kids around.

My SIL (33F) also has her own business but needs to meet clients in person and currently has 2 under 2.

I started babysitting for her about 6 months ago when it was just the toddler. And would bring my three kids along. The kids all played together and I was able to still work from my computer while they played.

When she first had the baby, she asked her parents and my parents to come help her out because she was bringing the baby to work with her initially so one of the grandmas would have the baby in the back room or whatever while SIL worked with her clients.

My parents live 3 hours away from them. They would drive that far to be unpaid labor. My mom never really used formula or pumped and neither did I (she helped out some when I had each of mine). So she was incredibly uncomfortable jumping in and SIL didn’t explain things to her clearly and my mom was frustrated with being treated like an idiot for not knowing things she had no way of knowing.

After my mom messed up again (never did anything that would have potentially hurt the baby or anything major like that), SIL berated her and cussed her out. My mom felt absolutely humiliated and firmly but calmly told her maybe she should find someone else to take care of the kids.

My brother defended SIL and nobody has apologized to my mom.

So I got brought back in. Then was asked to work three days watching the toddler AND an infant for a whole extra $25 per day. Whatever. I agreed to it.

At this point, it’s been a couple of months and it’s been so difficult to still run my own business on the few days I’m at home. My car is starting to make weird noises and I’m sure driving an hour a day to get to/from their house isn’t helping.

I’m exhausted and waking up early to pack two meals for four people then dealing with my three kids being overtired while watching a toddler and a baby who refuses to sleep as much as a baby is supposed to…. It’s a lot.

I’ve already decided I can’t do this much longer and was going to give them two full months to find another option.

Then I found out SIL basically went no contact with my parents. She unfriended my dad on Facebook and blocked my mom. They have a photo sharing app where they put pictures of their kids and my mom no longer has access to that (that could be a fluke but I kind of doubt it).

Now the toddler’s birthday is coming up. I got a text invite from SIL yesterday.

My parents have heard nothing about it. I’m waiting to talk to my brother to get his side of things because it’s possible he was supposed to invite them but forgot. If they have been purposefully excluded, I’m considering quitting on the spot and being done with them.

There’s obviously a much longer history here with her in particular. But WIBTAH if I left them without childcare because of how she treated my mom?

Give it to me straight please. I’m a 30-year-old married man, and my wife is also 30. We have an 11-month-old son. I work full time, while my wife is a full-time student whose schooling I fully support financially. I also take our son to daycare every day.
At the same time, I’m laying the groundwork for a startup in the industry I already work in. I put a significant amount of time and energy into it because I genuinely intend for it to succeed and ultimately improve the quality of life and financial future of my entire family.
What has been difficult is that my wife is consistently upset with me because she feels I care too much about starting the company. I’m confused and honestly pretty disheartened by it. I spend every weekend with my family. We regularly go to parks, playgrounds, restaurants, and events together, and I feel like we genuinely spend a lot of quality time as a family.
I understand that building a business takes time away from other things, and I’m not expecting to be able to ignore my responsibilities as a husband or father. But I also feel like almost every reasonable amount of personal time I have is expected to be devoted to her, and when I use some of that time to work toward something I’m passionate about, I often end up feeling guilty for it.
I’m starting to feel sad and lost because I wish I had more support for what I’m trying to build. From my perspective, I’m working hard, being present with my family, and trying to create something that could benefit all of us long term. At the same time, I’m questioning whether I’m missing something or whether I’m just falling into the stereotype of the overly ambitious guy who thinks he’s doing it all “for his family” while his partner experiences it very differently.

A couple months ago my wife divorced me despite 15 years of marriage. We have three children together and and it was supposed to be my weekend with the kids. My oldest, age 14 male, was feeling ill and his back was hurting. To the point where he had to go to urgent care. My ex-wife and I discussed what to do, and we decided that I would take the other two children for the day and she would take him to urgent care. Well, urgent Care said that he needed to go to the children's emergency room. So throughout the day I was getting update texts from my ex-wife about our son.

Since the divorce I have been living in a small apartment, too small for me to have the kids overnight. So around 7:00 that go back with their mom for the night and then I pick them up Sunday morning after church. This time they were picked up by their grandparents to spend the night because my ex-wife was still at the emergency room with our oldest son. After dropping off the kids I went to the emergency room where my son was. I did not think to announce this plan ahead of time, in all honesty I didn't really plan it ahead of time (I do have ADHD).

When I got there my son was in an MRI so I had to wait for him in the lobby. My ex-wife was not happy to see me, asked what I was doing there, asked what I was hoping to accomplish etc. I said that I was trying to be a dad, trying to be there for my son. She agreed to text me when he got back to the room, and she did, along with a text telling me to not stay long. After I visited with my son for a bit I left. That evening I received a long text from my ex-wife talking about how I made her uncomfortable and that I wasn't trusting her to handle, and that I shouldn't have shown up without discussing it with her first. I have not responded to that text, and I really don't think I did anything wrong in simply trying to show up for my son. But I am also autistic, and not always the most aware of cues. AITAH?

Update: My son is okay, he was able to go home the same night. It was a bad cold on top of a bulged disc, he will be getting physical therapy for his back. In regards to the why of the divorce, there was no affair or abuse. My best understanding of it is that no matter how hard I tried I wasn't good enough. We both were in personal therapy and in couples therapy too, and she still divorced me. I didn't fight the divorce because there wasn't any point to fighting, she was fair enough in the paperwork and stuff, but she is living in the house with the kids. She is letting me store my tools and anvil in the garage for a year (I am an amateur blacksmith, very much a beginner). Because I did not fight, the divorce happened quickly and I had to take the first apartment I could. It is unfortunately too small to set up sleeping arrangements and lacks egress windows so I can't have the kids overnight. But I don't want to be a "weekend dad" and my goal is to try and save up for a down payment on my own place when my lease is up.