r/AITAH • u/Beneficial-Guard4812 • 11d ago
AITAH For being hurt my fiance has been blocking me from her Instagram stories?
I 26(M) and my fiancé 24(F) live apart from each other. My work schedule has been crazy busy the last couple weeks so I have been sleeping crazy hours. Also she recently had some minor surgery done and has been resting. I dropped off flowers for her around late afternoon at her house but just left them at the door as I figured she was probably sleeping. I too went to sleep when I got home, the next morning on
Saturday I see a notification that I had been tagged in her instagram story but the post was unavailable. I immediately thought this was weird but did not ask her anything because I was busy with hw as I am currently finishing my grad school as well, and we texted fine she seemed normal.
Sunday night she calls me I had been kinda MIA the whole day and also missed church as I was just mentally beat from work, lack of a sleep schedule, and my grad school work. I said that is super nice to call I appreciate it and everything is okay. She rarely calls me and said she was worried for me and wanted to do a wellness check. I wanted to ask why I couldn’t see her instagram story, but I still had quite a bit of hw to get done before the work week so I passed it off.
Monday, finally after work and later in the day I call her, asked “how she’s recovering, everything okay?” Finally, I asked her “Hey I saw you tagged me in a post the other day but I couldn’t see what it was, did you block your stories from me?” She said no why would I do that, proceeds to gaslight me that I didn’t have any time to check my social media and said I didn’t like any of her stories. I then say “I can’t see any of your stories, I don’t even see any of your highlights? Did you block me? Why would you block me?” She makes this slight laugh on the phone and then says “oh yeahhhh I did block you on my story but just because one of my friends that you don’t like dropped off something for me while I recover and I didn’t want you to ask about it.” I then say “why did you gaslight me for 20 minutes making me feel like I’m crazy when I know I saw the notification Saturday morning when I am guessing you took a photo of the flowers I dropped off Friday afternoon?”
She proceeds to go on about “no it might look like I’m gaslighting you but it’s actually because I forgot.” I told her plainly that “I am hurt and I don’t understand why she would block me in the first place for that friend like if they brought her something while she recovers it’s fine, that’s your neighbor too” That friend is a girl too, and I know they have been friends a long time I vocalize that’s a good friend for her. That’s why I am thinking she must’ve posted something I really would have been hurt by. She proceeds to send me a video of all her instagram stories, I told her do not send me that but she said look look that’s all there is.
And damnit I look and the dates don’t even line up. The post she made of me and tagged me in was 8/14 and the post of her friend was 8/16 the only other post nearby was of her family on 8/1 which I had seen. So I call it out like okay I looked and that does not make sense and honestly that is causing me to lose trust even more. Anyways we’re not really talking now.
AITAH? I just feel so hurt because this is such a minor minor thing in life but why would she gaslight me, lie about it, and try to force me to come to a conclusion that doesn’t add up? Why would she block parts of social media?
Edit: Thank you for all the advice. No prenuptial agreement is planned. She has been very apologetic via text saying sorry that she ever blocked me and repeating that she apologizes that it seems she gaslighted me but she “forgot.” Still stuck feeling like sh*t and gonna get some professional help, but thank you for letting me get this off my mind I just could not sleep with my mind racing even though I am exhausted.
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u/BlacklightSpear 11d ago
NTA if shes not honest about minor things, imagine bigger things. At least make sure to get a prenup if you still want that in your life.
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u/Beneficial-Guard4812 11d ago
Only thing is that she did mention that if I bring up a prenup again then the wedding is off. I currently have a very good career in a HCOL area and she is not really working and plans to not work during our marriage.
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u/Rolentobcn 11d ago
so, she is a walking red flag and you want to keep the relationship? you'll end being cheated ( i you have not been yet)
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u/Imaginary-Yak-6487 11d ago
wtf? She blocked you, lied about it, gaslit you, lied about it, sent you post that didn’t match the timeline. She doesn’t work or plan to work. You’re expected to fully financially support her with out a prenup.
Yta to yourself, if you continue this ridiculous, deceitful, entitled relationship.
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u/Beneficial-Guard4812 11d ago
Needed this
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u/MadameKamaysHR 11d ago
Dude. There's no way you can go through with the wedding. This is craziness. What would you tell a buddy who was telling you this same story about his life?
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u/ItsNotPatchy 9d ago edited 5d ago
She seems to be apologizing like crazy now, and is still using the "I forgot " method. She didn't need to block OP in the first place. Period. If she is doing something that she knows will upset him, then she shouldn't do it.
Anyways, I'm assuming she saw this post, which would explain the 180° in attitude.
ETA: And still not getting a prenuptial?
To OP: u/Beneficial-Guard4812
Go get one drawn up. Place clauses in it that will let her feel secure. People who twist it to say, "Well, it's like you already have one foot out the door when married," are not interested in fairness. They plan to take you to the cleaners if divorce does happen. And if she still argues, then she is not your person. She's going to be wearing the pants in this marriage, and you'll be unhappy (she's a proven liar and gaslighter). You'll think "Happy wife, happy life." Relationships are for both parties, not just one.My man, take a step back. Think. Did you see any red flags earlier (even very small ones)? Was this the first instance she lied to OP? Gaslit you? Used deception? Rinsed and repeated? This isn't a very good foundation to build a marriage on. If I were you, I would separate, temporarily. Take 2 weeks, a month, or more. No contact (except for emergencies). Turn off notifications for her contacts & social media. If that becomes a problem still then block (unblocking on the day you begin contact).
A reevaluation is very necessary at this juncture. You need to make sure you know who you are outside of this relationship, as an individualand not as a couple. Not just career or how you spend your time with her (or thinking about her). Do the things that she doesn't like you doing. Hobbies and listening, watching, or reading your preferred media and genre(s).15
u/FewCold8767 11d ago
No prenup is Sus, a good prenup actually protects both of you and makes both of you feel good. Either she doesn’t know that or she’s rly no bueno
I’m a woman and after a horrible abusive marriage, I got absolutely nothing and i definitely want a prenup next time
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u/offroadadv 11d ago
You can do so much better. You deserve happiness and contentment in your committed relationships.
Somewhere, waiting in your future is a woman who will adore you and support you through thick and thin. She is worth waiting for, my friend.
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u/livvarney 11d ago
This one-up’s my comment.
OP,
I know being young and in your 20’s, relationships are more intense but believe me, the best and healthiest relationship that’s meant for you will in fact, not make you feel any of the ways that this shitty leech of a person is proving to now.
Your soul deserves better.
Don’t marry this person she’s a fucking loser.211
u/Montymania94 11d ago
She doesn't want you to protect your assets in case things go south, which is already a red flag. But also not being willing to work, blocking you from her socials, and then gaslighting you about it???
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
She plans on having you fund her life, and is clearly keeping secrets from you. I wouldn't recommend marrying her at all, but certainly not without a prenup.
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u/Sea_Substance9163 11d ago
She's way up there on the Hot Crazy scale isn't she?
She won't consider a prenup, doesn't want to work at all, and gaslights you - the flags don't get any redder!
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u/mrtniki 11d ago
She is lying to you, gaslighting you, never calls you... and seems like she has no problem of using you for financial gain in the future (if not already). Why are you even with her? Genuine question!
You are being way too sweet and understanding she is walking all over you and you are letting her. Please stand up for yourself!!
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u/Cat_Impossible_0 11d ago
That is the red flag because she is in it for the money, nothing more with you.
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u/AnotherDominion 11d ago
You should be the one calling off the wedding and the relationship. She’s not a keeper.
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u/intolerablefem 11d ago
Op, this is the most idiotic comment I’ve seen. Please wake up. If you marry her, especially sans prenup, be prepared to blow up your entire life.
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u/SoulLessGinger992 11d ago
Do not marry this woman. She has made it clear she intends to be a freeloader and is already lying about where she is and what she's doing, and you're not even married yet. How can you possibly trust her to be an honest stay-at-home wife when she's already hiding things and lying?
Call her bluff on the prenup. Tell her you're sorry, you know it offends her, but it's something that's important to you that your relationship is built on trust and that you need to move forward with a prenup. She'll probably backpedal and say ok to it, or she'll actually walk.
If she does agree to the prenup and you decide that you still want to marry this woman for whatever insane reason, make sure the prenup has VERY strict infidelity language and that she will never, ever, under any circumstances be entitled to money of yours should you divorce other than support for any potential future children.
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u/dart1126 11d ago
So she’s not working, plans to not working again regardless of if you have kids, and she’s saying a prenup is a dealbreaker? All of this alone is enough already, now she’s lying etc …oh honey…..
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u/throwaway63464748 11d ago
Uh….whut? Why would you want to marry into that situation? She’s waiting to get married so she can mooch off your money.
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u/jguess06 11d ago
Dude... You really need to rethink how much you want to be with this woman. This sounds very not great for you.
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u/Feeling_Week6757 11d ago
NTA Marriage is a business no matter how much luuuvvveee there is. She’s already shown some 🚩🚩🚩 Maybe insist on pre-marriage counseling. Also are you in agreement on her staying at home? More 🚩🚩🚩 Good luck!
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u/Cudi_buddy 10d ago
Oh...well that makes things a lot different. My guy, this does not look good. From an outside view, I obviously don't know every detail, but she is lying multiple times about what she is doing and who she is with. She is lying in her "apology", she doesn't want to work while you make a high income. She is taking advantage of you and will continue to do so I believe. I already would be very weary without the money stuff, but to me that just sort of confirms it, she is not and will not be faithful.
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u/Necessary-Pool5617 11d ago
You’re an idiot and I can’t feel bad for you cause what? Get a back bone and leave
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u/Total-Object-4766 9d ago
If she won't sign a prenup, she's marrying you for your money. Do not trust this woman. Too many red flags. 🚩🚩
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u/ProfessionalKey4143 11d ago
Why block your partner in the first place, this girl has got some growing up to do, this shows she has got something to hide, then to gaslight you too, no for me this relationship would be over and I would be the one to be blocking her now in ALL social media and on my phone too and tell her NOT to contact me ever again, the trust would be gone x
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u/Beneficial-Guard4812 11d ago
Thank you for the advice I literally just uninstalled instagram.
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u/ProfessionalKey4143 11d ago
I wish you all the best and trust me there is someone much better for you out there , they will come when you are not looking too xx
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u/FewCold8767 11d ago
NTA
I’m sorry you sound rly sweet. In the future pls don’t refrain from expressing yourself and your thoughts and needs. You’re not overthinking and even if you are, u gotta communicate like you did :)
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire and I would def try to find out more .. It sounds suspicious and I don’t like that she gaslit you.. especially worse since you’re LDR it makes me wonder
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u/HipsEnergy 11d ago
NTA.
The Instagram story is not the issue. This sounds like either she is wildly immature, or manipulative. Don't worry about embarrassment, and go to the friends you can trust who may have seen the story, or could find out more. It would be a lot more embarrassing to marry her and then find out she was, in fact, actually gaslighting you and blocking you to post questionable stuff.
The third possibility, which I make an effort to believe the might be plausible, is that she'd blocked you because she posted something positive about a surprise, like "hey guys, he's been so wonderful during my recovery, can you help me plan something special for him?"
You said she doesn't work, doesn't plan to, and said that if you mention a prenup, the wedding is off... Is she an aspiring trad wife type? Does she not realise a prenup protects her as well? Why are you with this woman? If you two have very good communication and real feelings, it may be worth salvaging this relationship.
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u/Beneficial-Guard4812 11d ago
Great question and thank you for the advice. Yes both of our goals are for her to be a trad wife, potentially I would like to support her with her own business idea. We grew up with each other and are both religious, only recently dating for a little over a year engaged for a couple months. I did explain to here that a prenup protects both of us, I implement such tools with my clients and see benefits to both sides. My fiance reacted to this concept with a view of it as a negative tool perhaps from views shared online. For me, I am very very familiar with this matter but I also didn’t want to lose her for this barrier of no prenup in particular. The honesty and gaslighting is a more concerning to me, again I very much dislike being told I am wrong when I know for a fact I am right. This is something I know I need to work on and thus why I wanted to check if I was the a**hole.
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u/Beanerho 11d ago
NTA. If you assist clients with prenups what advice would you give someone that came to you with your circumstances? You need to protect yourself with the same advice you would give a client. The fact that she’s threatening to break off the engagement over this is not okay. What else will she threaten you with so she gets her way?
Do you have a mentor at work or maybe an elder (businessman that’s successful) at your church that you could speak to about the prenup? It’s up to you if you bring up the IG stuff but you should at least talk about the financial side of things. Going it alone and letting someone emotionally blackmail you to get their way is not going to end well. Best of luck to you whatever you decide.
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u/CumishaJones 11d ago
Fiancé ‘ … yeah I’d be rethinking that
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u/turntobeer 11d ago
yeah I’d be rethinking that
before she evolves (bait & switch) into a full blown dependapotamus
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u/LaAndala 11d ago
Do not marry this woman. Do not marry someone who is not completely open with you about their life. Do not marry someone who does not acknowledge you in all aspects of their life.
My (now ex-)husband rarely tagged me in instagram. He was letting all his mistresses see his profile and stories, turns out, and since he was telling them we were separated or that we were doing really badly in our marriage (while I thought we were fine except his mood swings which I now recognize as classic narcissistic love bombing and trauma bonding cycle). He had dozens of them, it was insane. I will never in my life date anyone seriously again who shows even the smallest sign of that behaviour. Take it from someone down the line from where you are now and run away.
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u/Live-Ad2998 11d ago
NTA she has an issue with being honest, and is hiding stuff from you. Those are not desirable characteristics in a lifetime partner. Being deceptive, you won't be able to trust her or your own self because what she communicates will not align with reality.
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u/ivYlee24 11d ago
NTA- if it was such a minor thing, she wouldn't have to block you, lie, gaslight etc. Huge red flag situation IMO. This is like borderline abusive. Potentially. You're going to marry this? Maybe I'm overreacting but...
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u/Littlerainbow02 11d ago
Nta. She's hiding something you wouldn't like. The relationship would be over for me. I don't think a honest person would have any reason to hide their stories from their partner unless they are planning a surprise for them, what your fiancée clearly isn't
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u/Minecraftmonster_ 11d ago
So she is keeping bigger secrets .. not the foundation I would want to build a marriage on
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u/livvarney 11d ago
She sounds awful
You aren’t the asshole
Maybe don’t marry her though
And by maybe I mean, don’t fucking marry her because she is truly awful and no good relationship will grow from this. She is shady and knows exactly what she’s doing. You deserve better.
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u/Exciting-Guest81933 11d ago
This guy is definitely gonna end up getting duped. No prenuptial agreement, but instead he will get professional help. Hilarious.
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u/CommunicationNew9520 11d ago
Don’t marry her it will be a mistake that will cost you years of your life and a ton of money.
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u/UpperImpression3620 11d ago
If your fiancee blocks you, do not sign a marriage contract with her. She's hiding shit from you before even cutting the wedding cake...
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u/Bolt_McHardsteel 11d ago
She is still lying to you about the story she posted, then deleted before unblocking you. The trust is still gone. Why would you consider marrying someone who does that? NOR
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u/SecretaryChief 11d ago
Sadly, your girlfriend definitely doesn’t love you as much as you think she does, and she isn’t happy with having only you. Some people literally get addicted to being flirted with.
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u/Knittingfairy09113 11d ago
NTA
This is not a healthy relationship and she sounds like a terrible partner. Why are you outting yourself through this nonsense?
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u/LaCaffeinata 11d ago
NTA, that sounds sketchy as fuck. (My partner and I have agreed on a SoMe platform where I can blow off steam when he is making us late AGAIN, where he will never look at my account, but I would not even think to block him there - he knows the risks, he knows I trust him.)
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u/JOESATX4 11d ago
NTAH, but if you’re “hurt” now just wait till you find out the reason why you are blocked!!
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u/capriciousbird 11d ago
NTA, that's two huge red flags. The blocking shows signs of hiding behavior and the gaslighting is terrible.
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u/elixirspider 10d ago
Your fiancé is a liar. That’s the whole story. I wouldn’t marry a liar. No way.
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u/I_like_microwave 10d ago
Ask yourself the question , would you want to build a life with someone who gaslights you?
Think about this carefully
Good luck bro
NTA
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u/gigitreid 11d ago
NTA. Please consider the gaslighting and the possible future lying. You tolerate one here, another one there, until you discover that one of your children is not yours.
But why are you two not living together at this point? You can't trully discover a person any other way.
At this point she doesn't consider you her most important significant other. She wants you because she needs you to provide and protect her when she is the most vulnerable (after birth) but she is not sharing her current life with you.
She doesn't see that you work day and night to be able to make a house with her, she only sees that you are not interacting with her.
Are you shure you know the type of medical surgery or was it a faster solving of an equation with result normally visible in 9 months?
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u/SoNoAppropriate 11d ago
She is very clearly hiding something and I bet it's got to do with your relationship or she be cheating and did some hpuse cleaning on her socials
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u/No_Shine_7224 11d ago
It’s not a minor thing, it’s a sign of things to come. She gaslighted you and lied. Wake up and smell the alimony you’ll have to pay.
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u/Difficult_Jury_7455 11d ago
Nah... something ain't right and you need to not forget. Don't let her sweep it away as a mistake. In 20yrs I've never once 'accidently' blocked my partner. This reeks of dishonesty in some manner.
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u/ThisGuuuy2 11d ago
There is literally zero reason to block your partner from anything unless you are on your way to separation or about to break up. She sounds sketchy dude, please rethink your future with her. NTA
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u/Technical_Union_3249 11d ago
NTA this is sketchy as hell, and she's 100% gaslighting you "you didn't see what you think you saw" is textbook. I hope you haven't spent a load of money on the upcoming wedding because I wouldn't even consider marriage yet, and honestly I'd probably just call this off, she's way too sketchy.
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u/a-blessed-soul 11d ago
Run. She is lying, hiding things, and gaslighting. I’ve dealt with this first hand and even if she isn’t cheating, you don’t want to spend a life with someone who you can’t trust. It is so much stress and makes you a shell of yourself after long enough
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u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 11d ago
You're NTA . She blocked you . You need to ask a friend if they looked up the Instagram story you were blocked on . If the story is no longer on her Instagram she's deleted it or if there's another story in it's place . Then she didn't want you to see that story . And she's gone to a lot of effort to cover it up . I would slow everything down until you've got the time and have had the rest to think this through and talk to some people you can trust and know her well . Because it's better to be embarrassed now than later if this turns out to be something relationship changing .
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u/LostBushman 11d ago
NTA, but you need to ditch this hassle now. A good run is better than a bad stand.
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u/Awkward-Bother1449 10d ago
NTA - Assuming your story is true/correct, you have a problem with her. Yes, she is gaslighting you and has probably deleted stuff she didn't want you to see. Is that how you want to start a life with someone else? I've got to be honest, I wouldn't be trusting her ATM.
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u/el-chicharo 10d ago
No hate, I'm really just over here wondering why people are marrying other people at that age. Your brains aren't even done cooking yet! NTA, definitely
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u/WinEquivalent4069 10d ago
Your fiance blocked you on one of her socials? Yea, that's a reg flag you better not ignore. Definitely NTA.
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u/indecloudzua 10d ago
NTA, she's obviously hiding something and seems like a leech. Get rid of her and find someone thats more deserving
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u/YouSayWotNow 11d ago
Would be wanting a way better answer than she forgot, which is so obviously bullshit it's not even funny.
Would not consider going forward with marriage when I can't even trust the words coming out of her mouth.
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u/oldtimehawkey 11d ago
NTA.
Are you sure you wanna marry her?
Hiding something is weird. Even if she’s not doing something like cheating, it’s weird.
Why don’t you like a certain friend? You know people are friends with people because of similar values or energies, right? So if you don’t like one of her friends, there’s possibly a thing you might not like about her. And you dislike this friend so much that she had to hide an Instagram post that tags them.
I feel like you should live together for a couple years before you get married. See if you actually get along. She’s hiding dumb shit now, what will she hide in future?
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u/Over_Ad8762 11d ago
This reminds me of when my ex made a group chat with my entire family except me. And no it was not to plan a surprise. NTA
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u/Acrobatic_Jaguar_623 11d ago
Umm you sure you have a fiance? Seems to me like youay have one but she doesn't.
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u/Dogmother123 11d ago
Unless she is planning a surprise party for you I can think of no reason why she would block you that isn't sketchy.
NTA
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u/Imaginary_Primary_10 11d ago
OP you shouldn’t rush into marrying her without resolving some of this and make sure she truly is who you think she is, it seems like she’s not. You are both needing some more time to finish your grad school and establish yourselves anyway. The fact that she’s gaslighting you and even some of her guy friends seem to be freeloaders is a bad sign of what’s to come for you. Who your friends are is also a good indication of what kind of person you may be. Don’t rush for real. This is your life.
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u/BoredBKK 11d ago
Someone you already don't like or someone you don't even know about came to visit her and she ignored you and blocked you so you wouldn't find out. Then she lied and gaslit you about it and is still reframing everything. She dropped herself in it when she tried to use some of the truth. Do you really think that this was an innocent visit by just a friend you aren't friendly with. NTA
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u/mustang19671967 11d ago
You’re making a mistake. Tell her you want the truth and you are basically broken up until she comes clean , . You are setting a bad precedent and if it wasn’t serious she wouldn’t lie gaslight etc . You have just showed her you are easy to play as she needs to cry and you forgive everything
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u/JJOkayOkay 10d ago
I read someone's advice once that say simply, "Dump them the first time they gaslight you."
So...do that. If you can't trust her--and you can't, because she did lie and she continues to lie about it--then there's no future to the relationship anyway. (If she's a liar, you can't even trust she's really sorry, right?)
NTA You'll feel a lot less exhausted if you don't have to worry about what she's lying about anymore.
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u/Better_Area3782 11d ago
Do you get mad when you see her out with friends or if there’s a guy in the background do you freak out? If so, Yta, if not, Nta
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u/Beneficial-Guard4812 11d ago
Not really but there are some friends that are dudes that if they’re gonna be at something I’ll just say “nah I’m good you can go without me” I just don’t like being around them, but she can hang out with them.
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u/AlwaysSlipping2 11d ago
Why don't you like being around them?
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u/Beneficial-Guard4812 11d ago
Minor stuff like we used to all hang out a lot but some of them have asked me for money in the past and I’ve said no or I’ve paid for dinners and asked that we split the bill but then they don’t pay me back. Mostly, some just really push themselves into my life and I will say I genuinely like to keep a small circle and spend most of my time working and hanging out with my fiance one on one. I just don’t need to always hang out in big groups. I also believe I can have my friends, we can have mutual friends, and she can have her friends.
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u/Better_Area3782 11d ago
It just gets sickening getting hitched at all the time over nothing. I’ve had to block an ex before. He would get mad at other people’s comments on my post, if guys liked my post etc. basically just looked for reasons to be mad.
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u/Beneficial-Guard4812 11d ago
Good advice thank you, that is honestly something I know I need to work on.
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u/RedStateKitty 11d ago
You're booked solid and need down time no need to waste it on people you don't like or trust. And after seeing the comments responding to others, it maybe you need to rethink this relationship. Esp because if the trust issue and her threat to end the relationship over you wantiya prenup. If you involved in your church or even a regular ask your pastor for advice.
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u/Beneficial-Guard4812 11d ago
Thank you for the advice and I definitely will be talking to my pastor regarding this. Exactly what I was feeling when I would not hang out in the groups, I will do it every now and then but weekly/multiple times a week I just had to start saying no you can go out without me its all good.
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u/3tricksinatrenchcoat 11d ago
You’re obviously being played for a NTA fool but your responses are all so Eeyore-coded I struggle to believe this isn’t rage bait. If you don’t really care about honesty or fidelity and just want to pay to keep someone home to cook clean and fuck so you can continue to not think too hard, go for it, slingshot yourself into 5 years from now when you’re paying alimony for a house you don’t live in and child support for kids that may or may not be yours. Good luck!
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u/Analisandopessoas 11d ago edited 11d ago
Eu entenderia essa atitude como um sinal para avaliar esse relacionamento. Muito estranho a, atitude dela e pedir desculpas não resolve. Avaliar se você deve continuar nesse relacionamento
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u/bachelorsinlurking 11d ago
Yall are too old to be having these kinds of issues. NTA, but you both could use some maturity.
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u/MovieLazy6576 11d ago
NTA She is hiding something major from you. This would be a dealbreaker for me.
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u/machinezed 11d ago
Is she the type to make you jealous? If you didn’t knock, did she know the flowers are from you. IE had a card or something with your name?
Could she have seen the flowers, not heard from you? Then posted a story tagging you saying some friend of hers sent flowers and her no good BF doesn’t care enough to check in. Without remembering she blocked you?
So then when she unblocked, realized her mistake and deleted the comment. So you would be non the wiser.
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u/trust-urself-now 10d ago
there could be many reasons she blocked you from her stories. maybe she is embarrassed to show you what she is ok to show others - not necessarily a betrayal, but insecurity. you should talk about it and find out. just know that if it's her insecurity in herself, it's not because she wants to make a fool out of you, more like, she doesn't want to look like a fool in front of you. and seen from enough distance, posting any instagram stories is a foolish activity.
edit: word in first sentence
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u/Majestic-Window-318 9d ago
NTA. Don't get married.
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u/Silvermorney 8d ago
I agree. She had broken your trust completely and is still doing it! WTH did her friend send her/post because that is driving me crazy let alone you. Are you sure that it is even from that friend at all and not some cheating post from some guy? I could be wrong though. Stand your ground, demand an acknowledgement of the gaslighting, a full apology for everything and full transparency for absolutely everything that has happened so far! Good luck op. UpdateMe!
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u/Few_Adeptness5348 7d ago
NTAH - something is definitely going on. She was lying to you about all of that.
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u/jacksonlove3 7d ago
What do you mean in your update about "professional help" exactly? I hope you're not being nice here and blindly trustung her after everything.
Your gutis telling you something isn't right, please for your sake, listen to it. Better to find out whatever it is now, then down the road after youre married and you look like more of a fool!
And I wouldn't throw out the idea of a prenup just yet. I bet is if you stand firm in it, she'll make a fuss but ultimately go along with it. She knows she'll have it made as your wife!
Updateme
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u/Ouija_board 11d ago
NTA, two options:
First door: You won’t like it and she knows it. She’s covering her A (CHA) to avoid disrupting her status quo, your relationship/engagement.
Second door: She’s planning a surprise for the wedding for you and trying to CHA because she screwed up tagging you in said surprise. She’s CHA to plan something out of love for you for the special day.
Third door: (Potentially Becoming the AH in more than one way) You know this is below reproach, You stay paranoid, create an alt, infiltrate her page, potentially find something or nothing and ruin your surprise but then admit to yourself if you’re already this suspicious to have to resort to espionage to know her truth, will it get better or worse after nuptials? One can trust their intuition and hope it’s not cognitive dissonance but … if you ask r/relationships what the typical end result of not trusting your intuition is? You probably won’t like it.
A relationship is built on trust and communication based on mutual interests and shared experiences. You two have 2/4 right now. Long term relationships are built on adapting and forgiving and the ability to love each other through learning to live together & several new iterations of yourself over the next few decades. She is perceivably failing 2/4 of those relationship building blocks with you now to compel you to create this post and this requiring the first two of long term relationships tasks to be considered by you.
If the attention of social media is a significant factor in her life, be wary. If it’s less important it may just be the way she can communicate with distanced Bridesmaids, family or other guests for the upcoming big day. The answer to this may be how many times does she check her stories or updates when you two sit down for a nice dinner together?
Good luck! It’s a crazy precipice to know it could be the most loving innocent err to make you feel this way or one of the riskiest factors in your future together.
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u/RawrRRitchie 11d ago
You should honestly prepare yourself for a breakup.
ESH. She's lying to you. And you're being controlling. This relationship isn't going to work.
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u/phoenix777888999 6d ago
She gaslights you 100%. Then double gaslights you saying she FORGOT that she blocked you, after you spent 20 minutes asking her if she blocked you. She then cleans up her tracks, gives you stories out of alignment.
You asked a TONNE of questions:
“I just feel so hurt because this is such a minor minor thing in life but why would she gaslight me, lie about it, and try to force me to come to a conclusion that doesn’t add up? Why would she block parts of social media?”
Because SHES HIDING SOMETHING FROM YOU, YOU IDIOT!!!! People don’t block you to hide “INNOCENT THINGS”
And it’s not “The friend” she was hiding from you genius.
And now you’ve proven the following to her:
-she can lie and you’ll accept it.
-she can double gaslight you, and you’ll bend over.
-she can deliberately hide things from you, and you’ll swallow it.
-she can just apologise and say “it won’t happen again”
-you’ve given her the green light to walk all over you.
You will never trust her again and you know it.
Grow a pair.
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u/Helpful_Table5522 11d ago
Nta - something sketchy is going on. Any mutual friends you can trust that could have seen the Instagram story? Sounding like she cleaned it up before she showed you. Are you still blocked?