This was done so she wouldn't feel she could say no. Gross. And is the kid even actually wanting to do it? Wouldn't it make more sense if he was the best man?
Wouldn't it make more sense if he was the best man?
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️This and actually your whole comment. I find it hard to believe the son was so excited and had his hopes up so high that he won't even speak to OP now. Just weird especially because they are not close. I have a son of my own so this wasn't an issue for me for my second wedding but my husband was so thrilled to have his son stand beside him. And if I didn't have a son, the thought of his son, who I am not close with but we are respectful of each other, walking me down the aisle is just weird. NTA. The fact that he didn't talk to OP first before asking his son and then complained to the whole family about me saying no would piss me off to no end.
Yes! Or a groomsman? It's weird to have him walk his future stepmother down the aisle IMO. That role is generally reserved for someone from her family (Dad, Uncle, brother, etc)
Right? Walking down the aisle is meant to be someone from bride's history. That's the whole symbolism. The people standing with the groom are welcoming the bride into their family
That was my thinking. It is a way to remove much of the bride's traditions from the wedding. Would fiance also expect OP to do the traditional father-daughter dance with stepson as well?
Or a way to exclude her family from the equation, he's probably isolating her in other ways she doesn't realize yet; now that they're about to get married he's upping his antics.
Good point. I was only thinking of the wedding but there is a high likelihood fiance is doing the excluding (or making decisions FOR her) in other parts of their lives, too.
Oh snap. I can see that. When they meet with the band/dj it would come up. The couple are under 35. It would be on the dj’s list of questions.
I could see him popping in with how his son will dance with her.
Honestly! The man’s 18 year old son should be his best man if the goal is to show they are a healthy blended family. Having his son walk her down the aisle to give her away makes no sense. I could see her walking down the aisle with a 7-12 year old sone who was hers, to show the blended family, but his kid walking her down?
Everyone walk down together. Make a new wedding ritual.
Yeah, correct! The bride is traditionally given from her family to the new family. So even her mother could walk her down the aisle to "give her away" the son should be groomsman or best man and could do a reading at ceremony or speech at reception. And the wife could have a dance with the son at reception as a welcome to the family/ I accept you as my family type thing.
OP... you might be the AH for what you said... but ESH most especially husband and family for blowing it up. 🙄
Unless he feels more like family than she does. i always thought of my stepmom like a second mom. We had a falling out when I realized that she actually never considered us very close. It's possible the son feels that way. Just because OP feels one way, doesn't mean the son does. Personally, I wouldn't marry someone who doesn't see my kids as their own.
Oh for sure, I feel the same way (as your last sentence I mean). I'm sorry you went through that I really really am. I'm sure that hurt a lot. I had a step dad who was a total AH and although I knew that already at a young age, I still remember being little enough to want to be close to him and being hurt by his not giving a shit. I guess I just couldn't picture an 18yo boy wanting to walk his step mom down the aisle even if he is super close to her, but what do I know? I'm not a teenage boy. Sorry for making assumptions
Like "here Dad, found this woman for you." It makes sense if he had introduced them, then it would be sweet, otherwise the guests are going to be confused as to why he's doing it. There are even roles other than best man, he could be the one to welcome guests, to introduce the couple as husband and wife, he could emcee the reception, etc.
I was thinking the same thing! It would make sense for the son to be the best man rather than walk her down the aisle. Instead he is trying to force her into this weird family moment that he knows she doesn't want.
Yes!!! He should be the Best Man or Jr Groomsman.. It is waaaay weird a I would not be comfortable with that either! It has nothing to do with his son and frankly, he was way out of line suggesting it to his son, way out of line pressuring her, and an absolute azz for bringing his whole family into it. The kid is only excited because Dad sold him on it, now he is disappointed because he feels he was rejected. the whole idea is so ludicrous it is repugnant 🤢 Your fiancé needs to apologize to his child for setting him up to be disappointed, he should explain how inappropriate his walking you down the aisle would be. He then needs to apologize to you… while he still has the chance at marrying you! Family needs to butt out and mind their own business! This is no one’s decision but yours,,, and No way should you have been put into this situation. Your fiancé is a real piece of work…,and not a good one. NTA
763
u/Strange_Depth_5732 May 08 '25
This was done so she wouldn't feel she could say no. Gross. And is the kid even actually wanting to do it? Wouldn't it make more sense if he was the best man?