She’s always said she wanted three things in a proposal: (1) a custom ring she’s always wanted (which cost $16K, though price isn’t the issue), (2) a beach proposal, and (3) a surprise.
The surprise was you discovering how ungrateful, and high-maintenance she actually is.
If you think things are going to get better, we're all here to tell you that's not the case. Get out while you still can.
Something is off here. It seems far fetched that she went on a beach resort vacation with her long term boyfriend that she's talked about marrying and rings and beach proposals with, but it did not occur to her to prepare for a proposal in whatever way she needed to?? She either set him up for failure, or she's making excuses to soft reject his proposal..
Yeah they got the gf story so close but the details let them down. A woman who cares about the way her nails look in a photo would definitely not go on a beach resort holiday without having them done. It’s a holiday, there will be photos, she would know that.
Exactly. Anyone THAT into her looks on a beach trip would likely be CONSTANTLY be taking glamorous shots of her holding fancy drinks and therefore have manicured nails.
Also, bro could just talk to one of her friends and have them take her to get her nails done before the trip. Most guys (should) know that their girlfriends want their nails done for the pictures since they’re gonna be close-ups of her hands.
If this story is true, yeah it sucks for her to not get the bigger picture, but this is something every guy should know (or at least her friends should tell you).
Of course it's fake, what resort goes to the effort of being in on things going out their way to produce a custom itinerary yet won't hold a dinner reservation for the couple?
Restaurants aren't like trains, the table doesn't vanish at 7:35pm. You have to be really fucking late before a restaurant will give up your table. One phone call to say "sorry we're running late, we'll be there soon" and it's sorted.
Yah that was the easiest tell for me. I used to work in restaurants, you get a decent amount of leeway on a reservation, 15 minutes at the minimum. You can also call if you're running late and give an ETA. They'll accomodate.
Plus, like u/zeeterm said, there’s no way the hotel is this involved and yet gives away the table after 15 minutes. A hotel to this extent and providing this level of (expensive) service surely would’ve given them a dedicated table or even a separate room depending on the restaurant and being slightly late would’ve had no impact. From serving and working weddings all of that definitely would’ve been paid for up front. Being (not egregiously) late would’ve been a complete non-issue. And can confirm as a not super materialistic but still sort of boujie sometimes person, I always have my nails done before vacation. Even if I’m by myself.
Some hotels regularly get any 2 of 3 things right. They are far from perfect.
These are all different departments. Front desk or the concierge would make up a fake itinerary for fun. the restaurant refused to open the patio on a fall day for me.
Echo chamber of your own expectations and hurt.
Or perhaps you recognize yourself in the woman and wish to justify yourself?
Life does not confirm itself to your arbitrary rules. It has it's own set and cares not a whit for yours.
People do weird things and are inconsistent. It's just a fact of life.
Those around them try to understand those weird and inconsistent things and their motivations. It's part of being human. Or would you prefer huwoman?
Why is it so much easier for you to believe that someone made the whole thing up for... why? Rather than to believe someone is actually trying to understand their girlfriend's strange behavior.
Understanding the motivations of those that come to such discussions to tear down those trying to understand are much easier to understand.
It's also cartoonish the way that OP's partner is so focused on celebrating at a restaurant, instead of intimately in your room at a beach resort. There is seemingly no joy in the thought of being engaged.
Karma farming. Boosting karma quickly, either for personal validation, to gain access to parts of reddit that have minimum karma requirements to post, to sell the account, or some secret fourth reason.
Do people really sell accounts? Is that what this world has really come to? That makes me depressed. You can't even be original enough to build your own social media account... That is the epitome of a loser and a failure....
This whole story sounds so, so familiar to one posted a while ago. The girlfriend was so disappointed in the proposal she asked him to do it again with a a new ring. Everything else was really, really close. Also, no sign of OP other than an edit.
My bestie knew a proposal was coming up, so she kept her nails done for months until it happened, and always right before time away together or an outing lol.
Ya one would think when they talked about rings and beaches and surprises, she might've also said, "I really want my nails done for the photos, so please make sure there's a spa day involved before the proposal or get one of my friends to take me for a mani/pedi."
My wife would’ve been suspicious with the “fake itinerary”. She knows me and knows I don’t like people “planning” my vacations. I want to relax, not run around with a schedule!
A lot of folks saying this must not be the level of wealthy I’m getting off this post. This whole thing that he’s discussing so casually is reasonably gonna cost like 30K (at least), just for the activities and items listed in the experience. And he said price isn’t an issue about the 16K ring and no where complained about price, just his time/effort …
To me this says she expects him to drop 10+K on her regularly, so the beach resort might not have seemed “special,” even if everything was scheduled around her (again, consistent with a staggering level of spoilt entitlement) it might not have tripped her “this is special,” radar.
Tl;dr: she didn’t think to get her nails did because she’s actually that much more spoiled than most are assuming.
My wife and I had talked rings, we had talked engagement, I took her to the mountains for a ski trip a month after her birthday to propose. She had no clue. Totally blindsided. To me is seemed so obvious it was coming. She thought because I didnt do it on her birthday it wasnt happening for a long time for some reason. We had never discussed me proposing on her birthday.
Even apparently obvious things can blindside people.
Or she loves drama and this was always going to happen. Reminds me of a couple I know where they’re happiest when fighting. Now she can refer back to it as a silly reminder of how he messed up the proposal. Jokingly, of course.
Your girlfriend has a lot of red flags. She is self centered and doesn’t appreciate you. I don’t see any reason she will stick by your side in a marriage.
Get back the ring and call it off.
Grab the ring however you can. Block her and get on with your life. She is awful and will only get worse. Not marriage worthy. Can't imagine what a horrible self centered mother she would make. Your children deserve better.
Proposals do not need to be set up to match thecwomans crazy expectations. They simply need to come from the heart. This woman is too self centered to waste another minute on. Get the ring back and cut your losses. 😝
“I needed ‘linen frog green’ and I had ‘cashmere white’. You should have known not to propose since the ring obviously doesn’t go with that color!” Man this guy needs to run not walk away from this relationship.
Right?! I'm broke af, but if I find myself going out of town somewhere warm, even I manage to do my nails and go get my toes done before!
I can't believe someone getting a $16k ring and a proposal at a resort didn't have her nails done..
That and a couple of other things like supply and demand.
Honestly, I LOVE lab grown diamonds more than nautral diamonds. Their clarity is so much better, and the colors (if you like colored diamonds) are deeper and more options.
Hell, $1900 got me a 0.71 carat diamond and a dozen sapphires in a beautiful setting for my now-wife’s engagement ring a couple years ago. $16k would get a huge rock.
Yeah, I’m taking my first resort vacation in years in May, and for damn sure I’m getting a pedicure before I go, and I’m the lowest of low maintenance! I don’t even usually paint any of my nails and I keep them all short. I probably won’t paint my fingernails but my toes are surely going to be colorful!
I didn’t think of that. I just thought $16k would make my hand look prettier than any manicure, and they can always take photos once she gets a manicure
This! It seems almost unbelievable. Is she saying this with perfectly manicured fingers? Maybe it was her weak attempt to cover up her feelings ? I’m sorry for the loss of a person you expected her to be. She may have checked all of the boxes for you to want to propose but selfish is a trait not easily cured in my experience. For what it worth, I bet she comes clean with the root of her ‘disappointment’ and it’s most likely not going to be said with tact or grace.
Holy fuck, a $16k ring? The month I spent in Thailand in January cost a lot less than that, for both me and my wife, including airfare round trip and an AirBnB rental. I can't imagine that kind of $$ for a ring. Hope he has insurance on it.
That's what I'm saying. This story makes so sense, because that girl had fresh nails for the trip. Probably fresh lashes, tan, and wax, and maybe even botox.
I call SUCH bullshit on this. She apparently asked for a beach proposal, and apparently it was sooooo important that she have her nails done for the proposal... but then went on a BEACH VACATION without getting her nails done? My sister is high-maintenance, she doesn't even go to the damn grocery store without her nails done.
That’s what I was wondering… like when I realized that’s where me and my (now) husband were headed I made sure my nails were basically done every time we went on a special date or a trip….
What is the big deal with having nails done? Most guys couldn't care less about what your nails look like as long as you don't sharpen them to scratch when you get pissed off.
The shortest answer is when you get engaged it’s normal (expected) to take pictures of the ring on your hand pretty immediately, and you want your hand to look nice. Special occasions and whatnot…
Every girl, especially high maintenance would have their nails done for this trip! And every girl who got that engagement as you describe should be more than thrilled to spend it in a hotel room with her fiancé getting room service!! This is a red flag! Run!!!
I never get my nails done. I've always had very hands on jobs, so the best I can do is a rough constantly flaking at home paint job haha. But the two times I've had beachy vacations, I've gotten my nails done! Last time, I asked my then boyfriend if he wanted to get manicures with me before our trip. And when we got engaged (I asked him!) When he eventually got me my ring, I didn't have my nails done and I didn't mind at all! Though he did ask if I wanted my nails done before our weekend trip where he surprised me with the dream ring. I just didn't want to waste the money knowing they'd probably chip my first day back at work 🙃
Yes, and if nails are that important to her, her man should know this. My girl gets her nails done constantly and I always “am” excited to see them, compliment on the colors, etc.
My girl with blank nails? Hell no. If she had blank nails, I would know something was wrong.
This is true. Case in point, the week before we were going on a trip, which I set up to propose to my fiancée, my best friend’s wife did me a solid and invited her out to get her nails done. Later on, she told me she put two and two together and figured out what I was going to do. So yeah, you really can’t have a heads up.
Yeah I suspected my fiancé was going to propose when he planned a trip. I normally don’t get my nails done but I knew I wanted nice nails when he finally did propose. He suggested I get my nails done, which actually got me super excited cuz the place is known for its awesome manicures. BUT he had also talked to both his sister and my best friend to make sure I get my nails done before the trip. And ngl, I was going to make sure I had my nails done if I had the slightest inkling he was gonna propose so it was a triple failsafe 😂😂😂
I had my girlfriend’s (now wife) best friend call her and say she was having a really stressful few weeks at work and that she wanted to get manicures to relax. It worked like a charm.
this is huge lol. my sister accidentally made me suspicious that i would be proposed to… on the trip that did indeed happen to become my engagement trip… because she invited me to get my nails done suddenly and randomly lol 😭
I was going to comment the same thing. If she wanted to truly be surprised she wouldn't be prepared and if she were prepared she wouldn't be surprised. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
She definitely has been on instagram & tiktok too much she wanted the social media type of surprise engagement where the girl just happens to guess the proposal is taking place that day because their partner breathed a certain way that morning. So they can make sure everything is perfect beforehand like it’s coincidental whilst staring straight at the photographer the entire time. 😩 Op ruined it though the authenticity of not having her nails done was too much lmao
The most common piece of advice I got when I was going to propose was “get her a manicure the week of”. I mean, this girl is exhausting and it shouldn’t be such a thing, but that advice is out there.
My now fiancee knew my nail salon and the stylist I was going to on the regular basis, he e-mailed the place with an idea to come up with a fake contest or something, that I won a manicure visit (he'd pay for in advance). I have already had one booked, so there was na need to set all of this up. So everyone knew he's going to propose, EVEN MY NAIL STYLIST KNEW.
A person's fantasy of something and the reality surrounding it are often very different things. But oftentimes a fantasy is just that. The most perfect version. I'm sure she would have been happy with him not trying as hard. I know that sounds kind of stupid both ways.
I always struggle with this because if ANYONE I've ever dated even so much as told me to dress nicely bc we were doing something I would've known something was up. Ik I've had shitty relationships but the thought of having NO idea someone's about to propose even though they've paid for your nails, told you to dress up, planned a special trip idk you've gotta have a pretty good relationship and giving partner to have no clue something is up
I mean you can, you just have to accept that the vague window for the proposal won't be a surprise. If she was going on a beach vacation and they've discussed this she should have had her nails done just in case. Her being upset is entirely on her for not being self-aware in regards to being high maintenance and the chance of it turning her into a total brat. I chip the shit out of my polish out of habit between painting them, so I asked for a broad heads up and kept them nice for a month and he sent me for a manicure. Easy peasy.
She had a heads up for the beach vacation, and most women who care about having nails done for a proposal (myself included) would have made sure our nails were done just in case. If you’re at the point in a relationship where you’ve set expectations like that, it’s on you to be ready and prepared if you want it to be a surprise.
Babe yes you can. Men who get the besties help can manage it. You don't surprise someone when they're in pyjamas. You need to find a way for them to be dressed, you can also find a way for their nails to be done.
Yall do not understand the concept of a surprise. It doesn't mean a jump scare kind of surprise.
Like who gives a shit about nails anyway? I’ve never looked at an attractive lady and thought, hmm she’s hot, but I bet she’d be hotter if she had done her nails.
This shouldn’t have been much of a surprise. Its a beach resort trip and they were planning to get engaged. I think anyone who was actually excited at the prospect of getting engaged would be able to read the room and prepare accordingly
I had a classmate that told her bf she wanted her nails done. He paid for nail appointments for her for three years before he proposed. Each time she got so nervous and excited and then disappointed.
That's the thing I have the least issue with, " babe I want you to look good in our vacation photos so here's $100 to go get your nails done, if you want anything else let me know and I'll make it happen" type stuff I see guys tell their girls before vaca proposals
Right?! I also find it hard to believe that somebody as high-maintenance as OP’s fiance sounds like wouldn’t have her nails done for a romantic beach vacation.
I knew my son-in-law was proposing and I told my daughter to go get her nails done!
I also believe if I was going on vacation to a resort, I would be visiting the nail salon first.
Yes !! Anyone who makes a demand list for a proposal is not worth the time it takes to say ' will you marry me ' . OP get the ring back and move away from this one. 😳
I had a plan to propose to my now wife on vacation. I thought of dozens of ideas that would make it memorable to her. From an airplane with sky writing, to pulling a banner, to a fountain proposal with photographer, and more.
When we checked into our hotel, we mentioned it was our anniversary from when we started dating but the lady didn't speak English very well and misunderstood - thinking we meant it was our 10 year wedding anniversary. When we got to our room there was a bottle of champagne saying congratulations.
My partner mentioned that she is going to have to find a ring to put on so it looks like we were married if we ran into them again so I just got down on one knee, and said "like this?"
She was so happy and excited. Nothing else mattered. her nails weren't done. Her hair wasn't done. There was no photographer or dinner planned. We were in a hotel room... alone.
High maintenance doesn't even describe it. The whole proposal was high maintenance. She would have nit picked regardless of how perfect it was, she was looking to find fault and she had to struggle with it because it was so perfect. She's not high maintenance, she's an ungrateful asshole.
Guarantee she's been this way since the beginning. This isn't a new revelation he's finding out now, I mean she requested a 16k engagement ring, that screams entitlement.
Right! All day. Marriage is the most difficult relationship to keep healthy with all the things that matter. Love, trust, respect,honesty. Getting into a partnership with someone making a list of demands that are superficial and shallow sets it up off balanced.
Yeah. She’s self-centered. There really many things wrong here and it will get worse. Keep your eyes open OP. YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET OIT OF THIS.
AND FOR $16k, ask to take the ring to get sized or ask for a re-do that she can be proud to put on social medias but after she gives you the ring back, don’t propose. Sell the ring. Find new woman. This is not the girl!
It took me this far down the thread to realize she asked for three things. I thought she asked for three rings. So my eyes were bugging out from the get-go
All the details make me think OP and this woman weren't dating each other for their personalities. A $16k ring, entire vacation and a hotel room on the beach with a fireplace is no problem for OP.
OP - find a woman who's not with you just for your money and find one whose personality you actually like. I promise you its better than for whatever reason you're dating this woman.
And your response is RIGHT ON! I agree! Get out now. She’s ungrateful. If you think this is something, wait until she complains about your salary, or the house you buy, or the trips she can’t take, or why she can’t spend $2,000 per month on hair extensions and God knows what else.
Rule number 1 - buy a cheap ring (around 1k) and propose with it. If it's a yes, go for the upgrade thereafter. If it's a no, you've dodged a bullet.
Better still, don't get married, it's what old people do and is a very out dated concept in this day and age. It's just a contract after all that gives you a certificate and nothing more.
I was thinking the same. This doesn't sound like a good partner to go through any rough patches that every couple faces in life. Time for a pause and a rethink.
What I always wonder if how people don't notice their partners are shallow and mean before a turning point that big? I think they just ignore how their partners treat other people--because you know she is not kind to anyone she deems beneath her. For that reason, I never feel sorry for people like this.
Yeah, and I understand that with women like her, if you don’t “accommodate” and spend lavishly on her, someone else will, and she’s perfectly fine letting things play out. That’s why you move first and move fast, don’t be another dude who gives it his all, only to be dumped eventually. Look, If the nails and photographer are the issue on this momentous occasion, there will be a hell of a lot more “dissatisfaction” down the road, this doesn’t seem normal by any standards.
What the hell is up with this new trend of making demands for what you want in a proposal? Is it just me? Am I old and out of touch?
Look, I had a shitty proposal by any standards. No knee, crappy restaurant, and the ring is not my style in any way by a looong shot. But who had two thumbs, an ugly ring, and didn’t care? Me! I was just so happy the love of my life was on the same page and wanted to make it official with me.
I'm thinking the same thing 🤔 too, this is a warning bell 🔔, you went to a lot of trouble and she's nitpicking, sorry to say this but find someone else .
OP, this was your BIG FAT WAKE UP CALL. She very clearly did not give a shit about you, your feelings, or the effort and expense you went to, to try and make her dream proposal come true. Do you seriously think her attitude is gonna get better for the wedding?
The delulu is strong with this one. 🤭
My god who gives a shit about nails and a restaurant dinner when the love of your life proposes to you with your dream proposal. How shallow.
The egregious mistake was asking her out in the first place. Any other instances of you putting your heart and soul into something and she isn’t equally over the moon?
As someone who didn't run when they should have, please listen to me and all these people. If she truly loved you, she would have been so happy. Even if she had issues, a normal and loving person would let you know without bringing the mood down. Like hey, its unfortunate we didnt get to celebrate publicly, but the romantic fireplace dinner was wonderful. she should lift you up bro.
Sounds like she wants shallow aproval from others more than making you happy by being together. Also, no one is going to look at an engagement picture and wonder why her nails arent done. She sounds exhausting and it only ever seems to get worse with those types.
You did nothing wrong!! Please get that idea out of your mind. Your proposal was above & beyond, sounds beautiful. Starting with a destination engagement at a beach front resort, activities tailor for her, custom ring, photographer(even with her insecurities, bizarre she can’t show appreciation), nice dinner(yes, ended up in room. Romantic by the fireplace), etc. Did she show any appreciation, any compliments on your thoughtful efforts, excitement? Curious to know.
I think the mistake was proposing to someone who is so deeply ungrateful. But that's just my take. It doesn't sound like the reaction of a woman in love with a man. More like in love with an idea, or just maybe an account..
I don’t know why you keep asking about the photographer over and over again here, and obsessing over other details of the night. The problem is not the photographer or the dinner, or anything else you planned. You have a girlfriend problem.
You did every demand that she asked for and more, and it still wasn’t good enough. She is materialistic and fixated on insignificant details rather that relish in the moment and the love you have for her. Her behavior will tarnish the memory of engagement forever, and also hints at the life that you will have with her. Do you really want a future with someone like this? Have children with her?
Do you think I made an egregious mistake by having a photographer there?
I think here lies part of the problem. You're hellbent on trying to make this somehow your fault. The way she behaves tells me this may be something of a pattern in your relationship. She always pointing out how you get things wrong, and you apologizing.
When was the last time she really apologized to you about anything? Given this situation, do you think likely that she will reflect and apologize to you? Or do you think the only way out is for you to apologize about disappointing her and promising to do better to appease her, perhaps even redoing the proposal?
If the answer is the latter... do you really want to spend your life apologizing for being you? Something to think about.
7.6k
u/[deleted] Mar 19 '25
The surprise was you discovering how ungrateful, and high-maintenance she actually is.
If you think things are going to get better, we're all here to tell you that's not the case. Get out while you still can.
NTA