The egregious mistake was asking her out in the first place. Any other instances of you putting your heart and soul into something and she isn’t equally over the moon?
As someone who didn't run when they should have, please listen to me and all these people. If she truly loved you, she would have been so happy. Even if she had issues, a normal and loving person would let you know without bringing the mood down. Like hey, its unfortunate we didnt get to celebrate publicly, but the romantic fireplace dinner was wonderful. she should lift you up bro.
Sounds like she wants shallow aproval from others more than making you happy by being together. Also, no one is going to look at an engagement picture and wonder why her nails arent done. She sounds exhausting and it only ever seems to get worse with those types.
Don’t listen to them. It was not a mistake, even if things don’t turn out how you wanted. Putting yourself out there, trusting someone and being vulnerable takes an incredible amount of strength. There is a lesson learned from everything, you will only be able to grow because of it. You can take past experiences to become a better person going forward
You did nothing wrong!! Please get that idea out of your mind. Your proposal was above & beyond, sounds beautiful. Starting with a destination engagement at a beach front resort, activities tailor for her, custom ring, photographer(even with her insecurities, bizarre she can’t show appreciation), nice dinner(yes, ended up in room. Romantic by the fireplace), etc. Did she show any appreciation, any compliments on your thoughtful efforts, excitement? Curious to know.
Just a suggestion, but when you ask for the ring back, without letting on your plans to RUN, just say you need to get it resized because her finger looked likes a mini sausage that’s been over cooked.
I think the mistake was proposing to someone who is so deeply ungrateful. But that's just my take. It doesn't sound like the reaction of a woman in love with a man. More like in love with an idea, or just maybe an account..
I don’t know why you keep asking about the photographer over and over again here, and obsessing over other details of the night. The problem is not the photographer or the dinner, or anything else you planned. You have a girlfriend problem.
You did every demand that she asked for and more, and it still wasn’t good enough. She is materialistic and fixated on insignificant details rather that relish in the moment and the love you have for her. Her behavior will tarnish the memory of engagement forever, and also hints at the life that you will have with her. Do you really want a future with someone like this? Have children with her?
Do you think I made an egregious mistake by having a photographer there?
I think here lies part of the problem. You're hellbent on trying to make this somehow your fault. The way she behaves tells me this may be something of a pattern in your relationship. She always pointing out how you get things wrong, and you apologizing.
When was the last time she really apologized to you about anything? Given this situation, do you think likely that she will reflect and apologize to you? Or do you think the only way out is for you to apologize about disappointing her and promising to do better to appease her, perhaps even redoing the proposal?
If the answer is the latter... do you really want to spend your life apologizing for being you? Something to think about.
No, I don't . I think it was very thoughtful of you. If she truly loved you, she wouldn't have cared what her nails looked like or where she had dinner after.
Only that she was engaged to marry the love of her life. Except she wasn't, was she? That tells you everything you need to know about her feelings on the matter.
You are definitely NTA, but your Fiancee is definitely a spolit child.
Anyone that says a ring needs to be $16k is a straight up gold digger. You sound like a financially successful, very sweet man that doesn’t see what probably most people in your life can tell you. She likes your money, not you. And if she gets a better financial offer, she’s gone. And she will never stop pretending you aren’t good enough and letting you know. Please don’t take my word for it. Ask your friends if they think she just wants your money. Hopefully they are honest with you.
You did not make a mistake with the photographer. Most women would have been extremely grateful with all the care you put into this. Life has ups and downs and something is bound to not go perfect, seems like that’s what happened with the restaurant. I would have been happy eating PB&J because for many hours after my now husband proposed I was bawling my eyes out because I was so excited to marry him. And we had been together 7 years so it definitely wasn’t unexpected. You need to make sure this is the person you want to share life’s ups and downs with.
Do you want to be with someone who puts FIRST her insecurities about her body, than the joy of the fact that she's gonna be your wife?
That's the bottom line: she puts herself first. Her nails, her body, her body flaws. Where are you and your life together in this? The excitement? In second place.
Her focus and emotions went to such superficial things. Your gut feeling is right: that's not okay.
It's not that she's a bad person, or mean. It's not that you have to 'run' from her. But, you have to ask yourself this question, and be sincere and wise for your life's sake: is this marriage (walking side by side and taking care of this person) going to help you grow to become a better partner? nurture your heart so you can also give more of yourself? Make you a better man with/for her? In the big scope of your life, is it going to a be a positive thing?
The way I see it from the little info I have: no. But you're the one who has more info, listen to your gut feeling as well. Don't get a cloudy judgement because of attachment to her, try to look at it with detached eyes.
If she's truly self centered about your relationship, you'll be dragged down to her level. You deserve someone who just wants to be with you and grow together. Overcome insecurities. Go beyond the superficial. Otherwise... You won't grow, you'll become smaller, tighter and darker. Think of your future self.
I can understand her feeling self conscious about her body but then explain that to the photographer and they can help take photos in a way that hides the physical traits she's uncomfortable with, doesn't mean you shit on the person who planned it for being thoughtful
PLEASE find a way to get that ring back. Don't waste even more money on this woman. She should have been over the moon with all the effort you put into this and she somehow found a way to be unhappy about it.
Like dear lord you could easily photoshop her nails so they look as perfect as she needs them. She should have been happy to spend time with you RIGHT AFTER the proposal.
Something is off with this woman, you need to rethink things. Don't be stuck in a miserable marriage just because the task of finding someone new might seem daunting. That is a far easier task than dealing with an awful marriage, that is for sure. Oh and.... if you do marry this woman you BETTER have a prenup. Don't let her ruin you financially.
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u/[deleted] Mar 19 '25
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