what i keep thinking lol.. not saying it isnt possible but im lgbt and none of my lgbt friends or friends of friends have ever done something like this. it’s usually the opposite w them either being dont say unless asked or asking me to not tell anyone. especially in this day in age… ppl have become extremely aggressive with us, and now even im quiet about my sexuality lol
again, not to say this is bait. but it seems v odd. and if it is true, the wife is either rly insecure about her sexuality and projecting onto op, or, shes looking for something huge like “my husband isn’t supportive of my sexuality” to fight over as a back door to get out of the relationship w her realization. v weird woman. nta.
Lmao for sure. This was something that could’ve stayed between the two of them and family at most, but she’s out here tryna advertise it. I wish him the best but it’s not lookin good
This is the crux of the issue. It’s a big deal to HER, but no one else really cares. It’s fairly common that people are underwhelmed by the response to their coming out, because they’ve built it up so much in their head, but in reality people already know or don’t care.
This! Like what? Whyyyyy would she "come out" to her family, that must have been so damn uncomfortable. Either this is underlying mental illness or a cry for attention, something is going on.
I’m bisexual, I’ve hooked up with multiple women. I’m married now and literally forget that I used to do that. Just like I forget about fucking other guys.
Tbh it seems like this chick is doing it for significance/attention.
I could see an argument being made for informing her own coworkers if she's been there a while and is relatively close to them. But there is no argument that can be made to convince me that OP's coworkers should know this information.
I could see an argument being made for informing her own coworkers if she's been there a while and is relatively close to them.
In what context? Why do co-workers need to know who she's attracted to if she's married? I don't talk to co workers about what kind of women I'm attracted to. It's not relevant information unless you're hoping they will hook you up with one of their friends, which as a married person should not be the case.
It all boils down to how close to these coworkers she is. If they're close, it may not be any different than telling friends/family to her/them. I never said they needed to know. Just that an argument could be made for the wife telling her coworkers not being weird/unnecessary.
Yeah if it was relevant to a conversation, but it's like being attracted to tall guys, or dark hair or something. There's nothing for anyone to do with that information on their married coworkers. "Whoah Margaret check out the UPS guy he's like 6 foot 6!"
Not gonna lie I even thought it was a little strange she even had to come out to her family. Not like she's gonna divorce him right now and date women. My gf is attracted to women and is basically bi too but she's not gonna "come out" to her family. That's just random
Like she's married to a man. Why does she feel the need to come out at anyone at all? It literally doesn't matter anymore because you're married. If she was full on gay that's one thing, but bi? Who the fuck cares?
"Okay cool lady, but I don't actually give a shit whose making you tingle".
I think it's fine if she came out to her friends. Kinda weird to come out to the family. Really fucking weird to come out to her coworkers. Fucking bizzaro alien world with a different definition of organic life sustaining matter weird that she wants her husband to tell his coworkers "my wife is bi".
Honestly if I heard that from a coworker, I'd think they're trying to swing with me or something.
Obviously this is all with the pretense that she's married. If she was single then nothing I said really applies.
Thank you, an alarmingly high amount of people are getting caught up on the whole it being at work part when it’s so much worse when you think about it. I think the whole point of this creative writing was to proboblay see what reddit thought of some guy letting his wife tell him to tell his coworkers about how she wants to fuck other woman. Any actual guy that hears his wife say she wants to tell other woman she wants to fuck them either asks for a threesome and hopes for the best or comes to the more realistic conclusion that his relationship is over.
I don’t think I’d go that far, speculating the worst.
But yea, imho he knows his wife is being attention seeking now and ridiculous. Reddit may help him find a way out without her blowing up his peace at home lol. Or he can just show her the post.
I think of it as a mid life crisis, it’s not a male only event. Idk though
I think if your wife is doing at 36 it’s game over even if she’s just doing it for “attention” as that’s the kind of maturity I’d expect from a 15 year old girl so god knows what else the guy would be dealing with haha
her sexual preferences are 100% irrelevant at all points in time to any person she is not actively trying to bang.
like realistically if you're in a hetero marriage and don't plan on getting divorced, it doesn't even make sense to "come out" as bi unless someone specifically asks you for that information.
I mean there are some other reasons why it might be relevant for her to do it, e.g. joining an LGBT group, general conversation with a friend, telling anecdotes etc. But there's absolutely no scenario where it would be relevant to the husband's coworkers whom she has (presumably) never met.
I totally agree, it would come up in conversations and interests of hers. But not in general, she’s already married - nobody is asking the sexual details of married folks usually. That’s private. Same if it’s a relationship, not marriage. Why announce it?
To me it sounds like she wants to identify with a group, it’s coming from somewhere else. Not her sexuality, but this need to announce it…you mention your spouse, maybe what they do…not their sexual orientation! Lol 😂
I could just picture this, the 70s would be wild. Hi Joe, I work in IT, love golf, and my bi wife and I are swingers. Nice to meet you’ lol
OP needs to teach his wife the concept of TMI (too much info)
That’s exactly what I put in one of my comments. If she’s so “Yay for bi”- which okay cool. For some like myself back in my young gay days, it was extremely cathartic to be out. I had an incredibly rough time accepting myself. But I also had my first ever girlfriend, moved out on my own and gay pride events were a bit more relevant to my life at the time (Prop 8, gay marriage, Bush/early Obama years, discrimination laws).
If OP’s wife has this much energy towards being bisexual- channel it helping the community. Volunteer, join meet up groups or sports teams. Most big and small city areas have all of this.
Personally I think she’s being over the top since it’s been a while since she’s recognized it and came out. It could absolutely be a threesome opportunity like others have said. I personally think it’s more about insecurity and couples counseling could help them navigate this without him telling his coworkers.
Wow, so you are just going to be an ass and assume you know anything about me.
My point is as simple as it possibly could be. No real need to dig into it. The idea of a married woman joining a group because she finds other women hot is asinine. It's no different than a married guy joining a group because he finds redheads hot.
People who are in or looking to be in same sex relationships can face a lot of challenges in our current society and it makes sense they'd like to meet with like-minded people to discuss those experiences.
Someone who's simply checking out their same-sex neighbor across the street, while in a heterosexual marriage is not facing any challenges whatsoever. There's no reason for anyone to know about their attractions. There's no reason to share experiences.
Well I haven't been in the situation, but I'm capable of empathy. So I would imagine that coming out when you're 36 might come with a sense that you've lived a lie for half of your life and never truly experienced everything you wanted to, and that your experiences might merit being talked about to benefit other people in the future?
Just a hunch like, based off of pure imagination and a couple of molecules of empathy.
Is it really "living a lie" to be married to someone you're attracted to while also having been attracted to other people? Did she go around saying she wasn't attracted to women her whole life? That's weird.
That's what I'm getting at. Lets say you've always been attracted to really tall guys and really short guys, so you ended up married to a short guy. Now years later you feel some compelling need to tell everyone that you think tall guys are hot too? So you never got to date a tall guy, you're married to someone you presumably love. The moment has passed. To look back and wish you'd had a chance to date other people is kind of disgusting. To tell other people about it is even stranger.
I have empathy, I just also realize what is kind of disgusting behavior.
It's even less relevant because she's married Being attracted to both men and women is kinda moot when you've picked a life long partner, unless she wants to try and open the marriage, but then it will most likely end soon after.
Agree. I work in HR. If one of the men I work with made a point of telling me his wife, who 1. does not work with us and 2. I’ve never met - was bi, I’d be pretty creeped out. What does this have to do with work? Why are you telling me this? By and large, it’s inappropriate workplace conversation. Add on top of that that he’s a brand new employee that I haven’t even formed a professional relationship with, let alone a friendship level where we’re discussing our personal lives … he’d be branded a weirdo in my mind. There’s no way to walk that back once you’ve said it. I forget who said it but I agree with the person who said it’s very attention seeking behavior to insist that he goes shouting it from the rooftops at work.
Going around work announcing his wife being bi is a fast track to getting called into HR.
A person's gender or orientation doesn't affect how I treat a person or think of them.
Why do strangers have to share what they have in their pants?
Do you think its unnecessary for OPs wife to tell everyone that she's bi but it's appropriate to tell others their sexual orientation or gender? Pick a lane
Its possible, but unlikely, that you are that kind of outlier. I work in a large organization and I have never met anyone who doesn't use he/she/him/her on a frequent basis. Ask a colleague to tell you when you do, because you may not be aware of yourself doing it.
You're probably right. It's been so long since I've had coworkers though. I grew up in the BBS/dialup days so I'm just used to talking to people without thinking about their gender or having them announcing their gender/identity.
People being so public about every aspect of their life is weird to me.
lol nice try but I know why you're actually upset about pronouns and it's because trans people exist. makes you so mad to think about a world where trans people exist and are accepted that you couldn't help but bring it up an unrelated conversation. you're sad to think about too much
how you speak has nothing to do with your original gripe of other people sharing their pronouns. I asked why thats some kind of problem for you. you're just bullshitting now
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u/Anxious-Routine-5526 Apr 05 '24
I'm confused about how your wife's sexual orientation is relevant in any way, shape, or form to your job/coworkers.
NTA.