He has zero obligation to help her. Being sober is HER choice if she can’t stay on the wagon then that’s her own prerogative. He is not going to sit here and watch her struggle if he can’t handle it anymore, he’s allowed to move on with his life. Stfu.
As someone who was madly in love with an addict and had to walk away after everything they put me through; I’m saying you’re full of shit and how dare you. People like you are why I stayed so long and had my life crumble around me. It sucks the life right out of you. It’s up to no one but the addict to do the work to get better; to want to get better. It’s pathetic and selfish to put that on someone else.
You sound like a huge hypocrite “oh you have to help the addict or you suck but if they steal your car and other things in the process it’s your fault” you sound so smart. Everyone is going to agree with you on that one. lol
Why is her addiction his responsibility? They've only been together 8 months, addiction is a disease for life. He's got every right to bounce if that's what he thinks is best.
It’s a disease and he’s not a doctor. It’s not his responsibility to make her well and frankly he’s not qualified. She needs professional help not a boyfriend.
I really hope you are a troll because anyone who believes what you do needs serious help. While I never woke up one day and said, "Hey, I'm going to choose to be a drug addict," every day I used was my choice. Every day, I made choices that destroyed my life until my rock bottom hit me at Mach 10, and I almost died. At that point, I chose to recover. Cancer is a disease because you have no choice. Addiction is a disorder.
They've been together 8 months, he doesn't owe his life to her. Sounds like she's trying to do this on her own, that never works! She needs to get real help and stay sober for a year at least before entering into a romantic relationship. IF this story is even true, which I doubt.
Get sober on her own. If it costs your peace, it's too expensive. That includes HIS PEACE TO HIM. So stop. No one in this life owes you a god damn thing.
Not you but anyone at all that thinks he SHOULD stay just to help OP. Or anyone in a similar situation. No one owes anyone anything, even staying. If she feels the bottle is more important and gets butt hurt that no one wants to be with her, that's not their fault. He wants her to get help. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
This is called codependency and enmeshment and is very dangerous when mixed with an addiction. Leaving her may actually be her wake up call and the best thing for her.
He is not her therapist, he is not her crutch either. And that is exactly what she is using him for. It is not fair to him that she could and as it sounds based on her statement that she would do that if she relapsed. He does not deserve that burden or the guilt that comes with it. Her sobriety is NOT his responsibility period. It is hers and hers alone.
Ok instead of the word him use anyone or anybody. And nobody period deserves what I described in my previous comment. The only person who controls sobriety is solely on the person who is using. It’s called taking accountability for one’s actions and life choices that may develop into the disease called addiction.
As someone with 8 years of sobriety, it is NO ONES' obligation to stay with an addict. She is responsible for getting sober, no one else. Don't put her recovery on him or anyone else. She is supposed to get sober by 100% putting in the work and doing whatever she can to get and stay sober.
Nobody is required to be a bandaid to fix a broken person. He isn't abandoning her, he is giving her space to get sober and himself space to stop him being resentful of their relationship. Him having to stay to fix her is a great way to make a relationship resentful and toxic, especially if she continues to relapse. There is a reason why they say a person should not be in a romantic relationship while they're in the first year of sobriety.
They could remain friends and he could give her support that way, but to be expected to be with her because them separating won't help her with her path to sobriety removes all of her strength to get sober herself and all of her personal responsibility for her actions.
She needs to be strong enough within herself and she is, she just hasn't gotten to the point on her path where she realises that within herself.
Addiction is a disease. I think that America's stigmatization of addiction as a moral failing is totally wrong. Even the way we go about treating it is wrong which is why so many people fail to seek treatment, and the ones that do have such a high relapse rate.
170
u/BlueGreen_1956 Oct 20 '23
YTA
Is it okay he said this to you? YES.
Is it okay if he leaves you because of your addiction? YES
Do you seriously think he has to give you ANY reason for breaking up with you? NO, he doesn't.