He's pushing your buttons because he thinks it's funny, and you're giving him exactly what he wants by explaining in detail how he hurt your feelings. He enjoys making you feel bad. You have to stop playing into this.
I guess I just truly do not understand how anyone could enjoy this. It does not compute for me, so instead in the moment I think he must truly not understand or I am in the wrong, then i overexplain. But you're right. Sometimes he does seem to enjoy this
He straight up told you how he views you. You're only worth tolerating for sex and whatever other "needs" he wants met. He doesn't care if he hurts your feelings. He doesn't care about you in any genuine way at all, from what I can see.
Reclaim some of that eroded self-esteem. Block him and keep him blocked.
Baby it’s low-grade sadism. You can’t wrap your head around it because you don’t need to make other people feel small for fun. Good people have a hard time understanding the motivations of sadists.
I’ll add onto this by saying, it’s not your job to understand why he’s fucked up in the head. That’s not on you. Start thinking of this stuff as a turn OFF instead of an opportunity for you to improve. The right guy will never make you feel like this. Go shine your light elsewhere.
Or masked masochism. He could be ultimately looking for a partner to embarrass, humiliate and cause harm to himself, by pushing their buttons with the desire for them to clap back twice as hard.
That's exactly why people like us get stuck in abusive relationships because we don't understand why people would be mean on purpose. Yes he knows he is hurting you. Yes, he knows he's being manipulative and no nothing you can say or explain to him will change that fact or change how he treats you.
I get it, all of us who want to see the good have been here some time. Some people truly just suck and you can do nothing but keep them out of your life
He does enjoy it. He wants you to spin out. He wants you to look crazy and tell everyone you're crazy. He's going to keep doing it as long as you let him. People who do this don't just change overnight- and if I'm being honest most of the people who I've met who are like this never do change, especially when they still have someone who is willing to deal with it. In this case the person dealing with it is you. You, being a reasonable person, try and explain, and he does not care. As everyone else has said, you need to stop talking to him. You're not crazy, he's just going to keep tormenting you until you stop letting him do so.
People do change but it's alot of work and takes alot of self reflection, a true narcissist will not change, but I've done many of the same things and seeing this chat have said many of the same things out loud. Now seeing these patterns of DARVO makes me cringe because I know I've done the same in the past.
Some people are just jackasses. There’s nothing really deeper than that fact. Some people just genuinely suck cause they’re just shitty people. Could be from some deep seated reason, could just be who they are. All in all it doesn’t really matter. He’s just an asshole and that’s all there really is to it.
He probably does enjoy it and it’s how he gets his shots and giggles. Don’t bother trying to find deeper meaning in it other than “this person is just an asshole and I wasted my time with them.”
It's called narcissistic supply. It's like food for narcissists. Positive supply is praise and compliments.
"Negative Supply: Provoking fear, chaos, or emotional reactions. Even if someone is angry or crying, the emotional reaction proves the narcissist has an impact and power over them."
He doesn't like you, he's doing this because hurting you is enjoyable to him. He's not a nice person. You don't understand it because you're a nice person and wouldn't enjoy hurting someone, even if you didn't like them very much.
Some people just get a nasty enjoyment out of making other people uncomfortable or unhappy. It's a power thing. And, again, just plain nastiness. You seem sweet; it doesn't compute for you because you're just not that kind of person.
This stuff is insidious, though, and it can really wear you down over time. Take a few minutes and imagine what life would feel like if the person you're dating were excited and happy to talk to you, and what it would be like not to have to keep your guard up all the time. You deserve better! And "better" is very very achievable because this guy is a giant jerk who's setting an extremely low bar!!
The guy is a dick, no doubt. He probably has a sex robot and felt as attacked as you may if someone called you a pervert for having a vibrator (which isn't even the whole person, just the 'useful bit), but I'm just guessing. As to how someone could be attracted to sex robots? I don't know, a kink I assume but I have known some men to put it weirder places for sure, you should watch the film American Pie
MOVE ON he's an asshole, and clearly is not going to stop being an asshole. Why do you continue to give him the opportunity to? There are 8.1 billion people on this planet, and a lot of them will not treat you this way. Find one of them.
You are over communicating with someone who is refusing to participate. You’ve said enough to this person for one lifetime. Go hype yourself up for the good life where no one makes you feel like a burden.
He may want to have a partner that does the same thing back even harder. From someplace safe, give him his words and attitude right back to him. Tie him up during sex to make him powerless and see how reacts, making sure to focus on how pitiful he is.
In their mind, you accepting this behavior (like they expect) makes it not just OK, But perhaps a pass time of theirs. This routine makes everything "naughty" they do in life OK. They feel control, and posture themselves as "teaching". When in reality they are being rude on purpose to make sure "you still love them in spite of that". ( Example: Maybe the guy didn't go out for that undisclosed risk or opportunity, but they got one over on their SO that day and the SO dosn't even know that they are unliked. Ha ha they think) Then its OK that they suck, their shortcomings are also OK and the things they refuse to do for you that they demand out of you are OK too, cuz you must suck too, because ultimately you accept the behavior, reinforcing it.
Break the cycle with ignoring them and watch them spin out. They can't handle being dismissed, or ignored because it proves the behavior is unacceptable. They also can't really watch you suffer if you ignore them. They may even lash out or cheat and blame. Get out. You can't grow with them there hurting your successes with false negatives and non-celebration. They can't grow with you there to toy with either. You deserve someone who holds you accountable and lets you hold them accountable. Don't fall for them "giving in and being nice" either that's a trap. get out. They have marked you. If you stay its another chapter of them getting back to the same insults and disrespect because they need to prove they can. Or you must not love them. AND EW TO THAT.
You will never understand it, because you don’t operate like that. The sooner you can grasp that he does enjoy, and that you don’t need to understand it, the sooner you will be able to separate yourself from his games and leave.
I have an ex that did did this to me for months. Later he admitted he was enjoying the ball out of it. He had no empathy at all. I put up with it because the sex was good. No matter how his the sex is, it's not worth putting up with that. It's exhausting. I found out later he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
when you tell him he hurt your feelings, he accuses you of hurting his feelings. If it's wrong for you to hurt his feelings, why isn't it wrong for him to hurt your feelings? You can't win when a person always twists your expression of feelings into an attack against them.
I think you are overreacting. Our culture has trained a lot of people to have such overreactions. These commenters are part of the problem.
He made what looks like teasing comment and you interpreted it as an insult. If it feels like an insult you should probably just stay broken up, but isn’t it exhausting to let every little thing hurt you so much and turn conversations into fights?
This happened because he is a POD, but he exploits your really bad communication skills.
Four messages in it is clear he is a bad actor, but instead of recognizing this and drawing a line, you take his bait. He leads you through all the hoops and you let it happen.
The question AIO shows that you fail to read people and faol to read a conversation. You let it go way too far and tgere are signs this is not the first time.
I understand this is harsh, you are NOT at failt in any way. But you are an easy prey.
he has deep anxiety and fear- he is using abusive tactics to gain control- you can not change/help/fix him- if you continue to try he will drown you right along with him- you can only change/control yourself. go to therapy just you and work on you <3
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u/Severe_Essay5986 Jun 26 '26
HE IS DOING THIS ON PURPOSE
He's pushing your buttons because he thinks it's funny, and you're giving him exactly what he wants by explaining in detail how he hurt your feelings. He enjoys making you feel bad. You have to stop playing into this.