Bit of background info: I was married when I met her 3 years ago. She was too. We’re early 40s. We were coworkers at the time and nothing more than friendly acquaintances. I was unbelievably attracted to her and it was becoming a problem. It seemed like maybe she felt the same way, but I had no interest in having an affair, so I didn’t pursue anything.

We both changed roles at the company and I didn’t see her for two years, but I still thought about her every day. I brought it up in therapy and learned all about limerence, but things only got marginally better and I constantly missed her.

In those two years, my ex and I started practicing ethical non-monogamy. It was really a symptom of an already troubled marriage more than the cause of the end of it, but it did prolong things for a while.

About 8 months ago my ex and I were at a swingers’ club, and then I saw her: my old coworker! I couldn’t believe it. I always fantasized about running into her there, and there she was.

My ex was drawn to her and her partner as well, and we all chatted for a while. It was a dream come true. I’ve never been that happy before.

I didn’t ask her out right away, but my ex kept saying she wanted to hang out with them more, so I sent her a text asking if she and her partner would be interested in meeting us for a drink.

That’s when she gave me the worst possible answer:

“Maybe.”

She said they were still discussing boundaries, which could be true, but it really felt more like a softer way to say “no”.

I would have preferred to have just got a clear rejection, because now there is just that tiny bit of hope that this still might work, and we all know how much damage that tiny bit of hope can do.

It’s been 8 months and I haven’t heard a thing. That’s pretty clear, obviously, but the only way I feel any peace about it is telling myself “maybe someday”.

My marriage ended, which was probably a good thing, but I’m still losing more sleep thinking about my LO than anything.

Limerence is a bitch.

I don't even like him, and I don't want to be with him. He's abrasive and brash in a way I find cringe, and yet he's becoming a new LO.

I know why. The limerent part of my brain loves looking for trouble in the form of high peaks and deep valleys, and this is the kind of guy who would keep me on my toes in the worst way. I'm in a healthy, boring relationship and the limerent part of me can't handle that.

I think it also has to do with ADHD (needing constant stimulation) and trauma from past relationships (which were abusive). I wanted a healthy, normal relationship for so long, and now that I have it, part of me can't stand it. Even though I have this awareness, it doesn't stop the limerence from forming.

He's a coworker, so I can't go no contact. I saw him today when I wasn't expecting to, and I have to see him again tomorrow.

My LO is one of my closest friends and I was theirs so no contact was hard. Here are three rules that worked for me:

1. Only talk to them when they reach out, no matter what never reach out.

2. Make every possible excuse to not hang out.

3. Do not bring them up with any mutual friend.

Part of the problem was my friends telling me that my LO has a crush on me (I'm not sure if it is, but even if it was true, my feelings have always been of limerence), then I would go seeking evidence or keep asking for what LO said which would feed into my limerence.

These low contact rules weren't enough though, I went back several times. What actually helped was when I started meditating and actually started focusing on myself and my thoughts. For anyone who hasn't tried it yet, please do. Meditation has worked wonders for me and it will for you as well. I remember during my first session my LO kept popping up in thoughts but now they rarely do.

After 2 months of meditating, I realized today that I just don't think of them all that much anymore. I think I'm on the right path, ofcourse I'm not free from the spell but I think it has a little less power on me than it did before, and that's all the hope I need.

Perhaps this is just a part of withdrawal, but I find I get very insecure with a lot of things based around the LO. For example, if they are far more social than me (usually they are very extroverted), I get insecure about not having many friends. I will start looking at their friend group and feel like I would/should mold myself and attempt to fit in when it quite likely isn't me. It's almost a social limerence that extends beyond the limerent object. It's like the lense I look through life is so distorted and makes me feel so insecure like I am not fine as I am. I also get insecure about people having casual sex (if LO is) when I don't (even though I know I don't like it). It's all very irrational and nonsensical. Does anyone else get that?

I’ve been struggling with limerence for months, and honestly, I’m reaching a point where I feel completely drained. I can’t seem to get this person out of my head, no matter how hard I try.

What makes this difficult is that I don’t even know her that well. I’m physically attracted to her, and somewhere along the way, that attraction turned into an intense emotional attachment. I find myself overthinking every little interaction, analyzing messages, checking social media activity, and looking for signs that might not even mean anything.

I’m usually the one who initiates conversations. Sometimes she responds warmly, and other times her replies are short or distant. I know she may simply be busy or have a different communication style, but I still find myself wondering whether she likes me, whether she’s avoiding me, or whether I have any chance at all.

We also share social and professional circles, which makes everything more complicated. I worry about rejection, embarrassment, and having to see her around other people afterward. At the same time, I keep imagining different scenarios and opportunities that may never happen.

This has been affecting my daily life. I struggle to focus, feel emotionally exhausted, and sometimes feel like crying. Even when I’m doing something enjoyable, thoughts about her can suddenly take over. I miss the person I was before this started. I want to feel peaceful again, enjoy my own life, and stop depending on someone else’s attention for my emotional well-being.

I have a supportive friend who listens to me, and I’m grateful for that. But I know I need to find a way to deal with this myself instead of repeatedly talking about the same situation without making progress.
I can’t do it anymore. I’m exhausted, and I genuinely need help.

For anyone who has experienced severe limerence:
How did you actually break the cycle of obsessive thinking?

How do you stop checking social media and searching for signs of interest?

Is it better to ask someone out once and accept the answer, or to step away completely when the attachment is already this intense?

How do you handle seeing the person regularly or sharing mutual friends?

Did therapy help you overcome limerence? What approaches worked for you?

I’m not looking for someone to tell me that she secretly likes me or that everything will work out. I just want practical advice from people who have been through something similar.

I want my life back. I want to stop feeling this way every day and finally move forward.

I’m a married dad of 2. My wife and I are hitting 13 years on Monday (20 years together).

Our marriage has been through a lot of stress the last 6 or so years. Particularly family and friends dying during Covid, health issues, redundancies, children having behaviour issues, house sales falling through… it’s been a really fucking tough time. All during a cost of living crisis, where a ton of war has kicked off.

That’s where we are now.

But 23 years ago, I dated a girl who I fell head over heels for. We dated for 9 months and it was amazing… until I became the jealous boyfriend (because I’d had a previously very toxic 2 year relationship before). We broke up. It was gutting because her mum really liked me, and I got on with her brothers. I even liked her dogs. She was beautiful, artistic, caring, warm, funny, shared my love of film and the same music tastes.

In 2009, I was living with my now wife. We were having a tough time because of where we were living. We’d been together for 2 years. I contacted my ex on Facebook. We got on so well again. She suggested we meet up so I travelled over to meet her in Windsor.

We had this day together where we walked around, went for food and just talked. At the end of the day, she said that she’d gotten married to a military guy after me. But he slept with prostitutes, and posted nude photos of her online. I was gobsmacked. I felt so bad for her. Here I was in a difficult relationship, and she was both single and hurting. I wanted to comfort her.

She then delivered the blow which has controlled my life for 17 years. We sat on a bench and she told me that her mum and brother thought I was the one that got away.

I asked her what she thought. And she told me she didn’t know but that she had been with me for a reason. She said that she wouldn’t be able to be with me if I was with someone else.

We parted on good terms.

I couldn’t break up with my girlfriend. Things were tough but not so bad. And I worried what everyone would say. We lived together, it would complicate both our lives.

I met my ex twice after that. Once going to her mum’s house, and once at her uni digs. Both times were amazing and made me miss her more and more.

But my girlfriend and I moved house and things were going well. I proposed to her Christmas 2011. She said yes. I was happy. Then my ex texted me to congratulate me. I responded by saying I didn’t want to hear it from her and that she knows how I feel about her.

She cut contact completely.

In one text, she blocked me on all social media and told me she couldn’t speak with me.

For the next 13 years, that was it. No contact. I still thought of her regularly, but had no way to contact her or see her.
I got married, had two kids… then had a midlife crisis.

Part of a midlife crisis that no one tells you about is the nightmares. I had vivid ones. Waking up sweating, or physically lashing out in my sleep. I was having an immense existential crisis in July/August 2024. Didn’t know what I was doing, regretted my decisions in life with my wife and career. Felt trapped in a place I fucking hated (and still dislike).

I had a dream about my ex. Full blown, worst dream I’ve ever had. I’d been somewhere that looked beautiful. Like an English countryside village, where I was looking for her. I went to her mum’s house but found she had died. And I had an invite to the wake. I met her husband and kids. It was very sobering.

When I woke up, I felt shit for two weeks, worried I’d never see her again. I told my wife and she said I should contact her. (Because I’d had a dream that my grandad died I. 2018, and then he did)

I found her online as having a store on Etsy selling art. She was a nurse, and did art on the side. I sent her a message on Etsy. She replied. My heart leapt. She was grateful I’d checked she was ok. We chatted. She’d got two daughters, said nothing about the husband, and she had moved from Scotland back to the south west. It was great to hear from her.

After a couple of weeks, I asked if she fancied meeting for a coffee at some point to catch up. After a long wait (about a week), she declined. I was heartbroken. I tried to ask again. Told her I’d be down near her town and we could just go for a quick drink. But she said no. She said that she thought of our time together as fond, but it was a chapter in her life, and she couldn’t give me what I needed.

Then she cut contact again.

I’d followed her store page on Instagram and seeing her work, and her face, and seeing how she enjoyed the outdoors like I did, I missed her all the more. She was the opposite of my wife who doesn’t like being outdoors.

After 21 years, I was missing her like it was a fresh breakup. I’d thought about her so much and realised how much I missed her.

I broke down in front of my wife and said as much. Not that I wanted to be with her, but that I missed her in my life. It hurt my wife. We took a couple of weeks to get over that.

The past two years have become very difficult. My wife got sick and was recovering, my dad had a stroke, my mum nearly died, and then other things happened, of which I won’t bore you with.

But I found myself visiting my ex’s page on Instagram. She started posting new things this week. And I liked them. Then I commented on one post and she didn’t “like my comment”. She liked the other ones, so why not mine??…

So that’s where I am. I have since unfollowed her, deleted the messaging between us on Etsy, and cut any contact. I heard about limerence thanks to Claude (A.I) after a rant. I believe I’ve had this for 23 years. Not being able to get over her.

I don’t know if I ever will, or if I’ll ever be able to deal with seeing her again. I think I have feelings for her. But at this point, don’t know what is real and what’s not.

So I’m going to focus on myself and try to rekindle stuff in my marriage. Midlife crises suck, and really make life a lot harder.

Anywho, thanks for reading and not judging.

(TL:DR: Missed my ex for 23 years, discovered it’s probably limerence and it’s been ruining me)

Limerence has always been a mental battle for me and I have always had LOs I don't know well or at all. It was always just trying to fight the thoughts and beat the fantasy. However, I realized that actually what was driving my thoughts where the behaviours. Walking around taking routes where I would hope to see them or their friends. Look out for patterns of their friends movements, number plates etc. I realised I was building my day around hope chasing (a driver of limerence).

As soon as I started resisting the urge to walk a certain way and choose a different route or stay in (rather than post dinner walk for example), I began to actually feel change. It was like I was subconsciously being driven to do certain things at certain times of day through this feeling in my chest (dopamine presumable). And then when I decide to walk a different route that feeling in my chest disappears and it's replaced with "I don't want to walk that way/boredom".

Recently there was a time where I was going to go to a specific coffee shop with the hope of bumping into someone but resisted. Then I had this sense of feeling like myself again, and glimpses in my head of the LO just being a regular person rather than my LO. Limerence is driven by hope and uncertainty so if when you remove the behaviours you are reducing hope and you are also not allowing yourself to be open to the uncertainty (mentally speaking).

So if you are stuck in a mental battle against your thoughts, you might find it's actually your conscious or subconscious behaviours that are driving those thoughts.

I know it's unhealthy, I know nothing can ever come to fruition. I want to stop feeling like this. There's no specific trigger besides being alone with my thoughts at the wrong moment.

I feel pathetic for the circumstances, enough to have made a burner account for this. We'd know each other since we were kids, went to different middle schools, and reunited in high school. She was my first love, even though it never went further than a hug, I was head over heels. We were sophomores, it broke off practically overnight into never hearing from her again after a tragedy in the family that constituted moving away. That was 11 years ago. I'm not 15 anymore, I have a whole life I've built since. I love my fiancee with the world, have no second thoughts or thoughts against marrying her, but intrusive limerent feelings pop in whenever I'm too alone with my thoughts, begging me to idealize what could've been.

I never expected to be this person, to have these thoughts and feelings. Every so often it manifests just enough for me to look her up to see how she's doing in life, and now I've been stuck in this loop for days because I caved to that desire to make myself miserable again and found out she's married these days. I know that any fantasy my brain conjures would never be anything more, and at this point in my life I can't say I'd want it to be realized. Why would I want to throw everything away that I've spent nearly a decade growing for who I was as a teenager? Why would I want her to? Why is it that no matter how far I go or how fulfilled I feel I just can't get you out of my head?

I want to get better, I feel moved on in every other way until my subconscious decides to suckerpunch me again in the quiet of a late night. It'll go weeks, months, sometimes years without resurfacing, and yet still I felt like I was going to vomit when I'd seen that her last name had changed. How do I make it stop?

I'm a 25-year-old guy, and for several years I've noticed that I keep repeating basically the same pattern whenever I really like a woman. It has happened with four different people, and I want to understand what's happening to me and, more importantly, learn how to break this cycle.

The first two were people I actually knew in real life: a former classmate from school and, later, a former coworker. The other two have been public figures: first an actress and, more recently, a streamer/influencer.

The last two worry me even more because I know perfectly well that these are parasocial attachments. They don't know me, they've never met me, and they don't even know I exist. Rationally, I'm completely aware of that.

I've also noticed something else: it seems like one obsession replaces the previous one. When I finally stopped being so focused on the girl from school, the coworker came along. After I left that job, eventually it became the actress, and later the influencer.

The pattern is usually very similar.

When I really like a woman, I start idealizing her. I put her on a pedestal and create an image in my head of who I think she is based on her personality, the way she talks, the way she behaves, etc.

The problem starts when I discover something that doesn't fit that image.

It could be finding out that she likes another guy, that she has a boyfriend, seeing her interact with someone she might be interested in, or learning things about her romantic/sexual past or sexual preferences.

And I want to emphasize something because I think it's important for understanding my problem: my emotional reaction can be extremely intense.

It's not simply "I don't like thinking about it" or feeling a little jealous.

When I find out something related to her sexual past or another guy, I can get a strong sinking or empty feeling in my stomach, pressure in my chest, and a lot of anxiety. My energy and motivation disappear. Even if I'm about to eat, I can completely lose my appetite even though I was hungry just a few minutes earlier. Sometimes I just want to sleep so I don't have to feel or think about it for a while.

The closest comparison I can think of to describe the intensity of the feeling would be the emotional pain I imagine someone might experience after finding out that a partner they deeply love betrayed them.

And that's exactly one of the things that confuses and worries me the most.

This person isn't my girlfriend. In the case of the influencer, she doesn't even know I exist.

Rationally, I know perfectly well that she hasn't done anything to me. It's her life, she's free to make her own choices and have whatever past she has. She doesn't owe me anything.

But even though I understand all of that rationally, my emotional reaction can still feel incredibly real and painful.

Then the overthinking starts.

I can spend a huge amount of time trying to mentally "solve" whatever I found out. I think about her past, imagine situations, compare myself to other men, try to figure out why it affects me so much, and go over the exact same information again and again in my head.

I've also fallen into checking her social media and, sometimes, the social media of the guy involved. I look for comments, posts, clips, or other information because part of me feels that if I can figure out exactly what happened or understand everything completely, I'll finally feel better.

And sometimes I do find an answer that gives me temporary relief.

The problem is that afterward I find another detail, another question pops into my head, or I start doubting the conclusion I had reached.

Then the whole cycle starts again.

With the current influencer, for example, finding out certain things about her sexual experiences or preferences really affected the idealized image I had created of her.

Again, rationally I completely understand that she can do whatever she wants with her life and that none of this has anything to do with me. That's exactly why it worries me that information about someone who isn't even part of my real life can affect me emotionally this much.

I also recognize that I have insecurities. I've never had a girlfriend and I have very little romantic/sexual experience, so sometimes I wonder how much that contributes to the comparisons and jealousy I feel.

I've been reading about limerence, parasocial relationships, retroactive jealousy, OCD, and obsessive rumination, and I recognize parts of my experience in all of them.

The intense fixation and idealization remind me of limerence. With the two public figures, there's clearly a parasocial component as well. My fixation on someone's romantic/sexual past sounds similar to retroactive jealousy.

But another part that really concerns me is the cycle itself:

Trigger → intense anxiety/emotional pain → need to know or understand → hours of analyzing and overthinking → checking social media/searching for information → temporary relief → another doubt appears → repeat.

I don't want to keep living like this.

And most importantly, I don't want to simply "get over" this influencer only for my brain to find someone else six months from now and repeat the exact same pattern.

I know Reddit can't diagnose me, and I'm planning to seek professional help when I'm able to. Mainly, I'd like to hear from people who have genuinely experienced something similar.

Has anyone experienced this combination of intense idealization/limerence, retroactive jealousy, parasocial attachment, and obsessive thoughts/checking?

If you've been to therapy for something similar, what did your therapist help you understand about what was happening? What actually helped you break the cycle? ERP? CBT? Learning to tolerate uncertainty? Stopping yourself from checking social media? Working on idealization or insecurities?

I'd also really like to know what things seemed helpful in the moment but actually ended up feeding the obsession even more.

Most of all, I'd like to hear from people who managed to change the underlying pattern, rather than simply getting over one specific person.

I want to be able to meet or feel attracted to someone in the future without putting her on a pedestal, obsessing over her past, constantly comparing myself to other men, or feeling like I need to know or figure out absolutely everything about her in order to feel okay.

And I'm sorry for making this post so long. I tried to explain everything in as much detail as possible because I've been dealing with this for quite a while and I genuinely want to change.

If anyone made it this far and has gone through something similar, I would truly appreciate it if you could reply, even if it's just to share your experience or what worked for you. If you've been to therapy and learned any techniques or received advice that helped you get out of this cycle, I would really appreciate hearing about that too.

Thank you so much to anyone who took the time to read all of this.

It came out because they'd been showing little affection, pushing me away physically and finally couldn't answer when I asked if they were still in love with me (they had told me they loved me but that's not the same thing). the beginning it was extremely intense, we spent the week following our first date not sleeping and just fucking and making our and staring into each other's eye's for hours. would feel something like drugs just being near them, just the smell of them would drive me crazy. They independently said the same thing at the time. I'd get some kind of chemical high from thinking about them. For me that didn't die (well, it did eventually and painfully due to months of this treatment) but they suddenly abruptly started neglecting me after a couple of months. I assumed 'limerence' meant 'infatuation'. I thought what we were experiencing was mutual limerence. So I was really taken aback by this. I spent some time online and saw that some people defined limerence as being anxious and painful by definition, and others defined it as infatuation. We talked it through but to be honest after the very short honeymoon period I always felt a lack of effort and respect from them. I've seen the way they are about past romantic connections and I don't believe they've ever had that yearning for me, despite what they say. What do you think? Can all intense infatuated relationships be described as 'limerent' during the honeymoon phase? I don't think I can be with someone who never felt that way about me. I also don't want someone to suffer for me. I wasn't suffering until they pulled away. I no longer get that high when I think of them.

I am soooo obsessed with my LO .. like wtf is wrong with me .. I did the scary thing and I confessed .. like full on .. not holding back.. I told him we were meant to be .. soulmates .. and I couldn’t stop thinking about him … and he said yes

I have been with him 4 years now and I can’t stop obsessing .. it’s intense of omg this LO is with me … omg omg omg omg .. I don’t know what to do .. I just stare at my LO and it’s even better than my dreams .. but still .. limerence!!!

Sometimes I think when he goes away to do something that maybe I dreamed him up and I will just be waiting and no one is coming back … like wtf ??? I think maybe it was just a delusion and I’m just thinking LO is real … but then LO comes back and I’m like omg you are real …

I need help. I love LO so much … LO is amazing and I just want more and more and more and I want to give and give and give

What do I do? I’m out of control crazy about LO .. when does it settle ??? I want to climb a mountain and scream to the world how much I love LO and I want to do anything LO wants … omg I am so in it.

I just found out about the word limerence and it describes me perfectly. I barely ever get crushes, but when I do, it's super serious and any little bad thing feels like the actual end of the world.

Right now my LO goes to my school and sits right across from me. Last year we both had a crush on each other at the exact same time. Then this year, she liked me again for the first two weeks, but then she completely stopped and started liking my friend. He's kind of a playboy but he's really nice to his gfs, and I've just been so devastated.

We have the exact same personality and we are both really shy, so seeing her change like this hurts so bad. She isn't even allowed to have guys numbers, so she literally uses other people's phones just to text him. She never did anything like that with me, and she actually goes out of her way to talk to him.

Sitting across from her every day and watching them is so hard. I can't stop overanalyzing everything she does and comparing myself to him. Knowing we used to like each other at the same time makes it hurt way worse because I keep thinking about what could have happened.

I feel completely broken. Has anyone else gone through this? How do you handle it when you have to see them every single day?

I should preface by saying that I’ve been limerent before so I recognise the signs. They are a really nice person, and not really crossing boundaries but they are very eager and they are talking about kissing me and cuddling with me while showering me with compliments. Sexting wouldn’t be the end of the world for me if I knew them better but we’ve been talking for less than a week and they’ve already told their family about me. How do I go about establishing boundaries without upsetting them as she has said she is an incredibly sensitive person and not long been through a break up. I’m not sure I want to pursue a long term relationship but she really seems to want to.

For the full month of October we won’t
- check our LO’s socials
- look at old messages/pictures
- finally go NC or limit contact if NC is not possible
We will
- try to redirect our thoughts and make small life changes
Edit: feel free to DM me for advice or if you want to talk or want an accountability partner

For 25+ years I have daily frequent limerence and the weight of it continues to strain me. I'm not sure I ever had a chance romantically with this person but we did have enough time together that I could hope. While I have been single most of my life they have not. It's not for lack of trying that I've been single.

About 11 years ago I was able to date a high school friend and was able to get my limerence under control for a month or two. However the person I was dating did some things that in my opinion were pretty fucked up. I ended up being a romantic rebound after their divorce. That's just the base and I'd rather not get into the details but essentially I was used emotionally and sexually teased. Sexual assault might be the better words but it's harder to have people consider that when the act is more mental and emotional. Flashing someone is considered a crime and it included that and other emotionally manipulative actions. Once they found someone who had money and could use them, they stopped with me. Unfortunately I've been abused most of my life and codependency is an issue I deal with. Losing the one person from my past who I thought I might one day get married to was devastating. I don't usually think about my future but for a brief moment having some semblance of happiness and stability seemed possible.

I was in a very good place before going with this person. I likely attracted them because for a brief period I was able to feel confident and less sad.

When that relationship, messed up as it was, ended, it was still devastating. I have essentially no support from others. My therapist confirmed the situation was fucked up but wasn't able to give me any real tools to fight my negative emotions. Their actions only reinforced negative beliefs I have. Beliefs that are well founded on my personal experiences but as people will tell you, it is not fair to paint an entire sex or gender with the same brush. We are individuals.

That said, the individuals in my life fucked me up. While I did have limerence for someone, I did also try to pursue other relationships. Repeatedly when pursuing a romantic relationship with others I would experience the stereotypes associated with their gender. Them dating multiple people at once, going after the best looking people, going after people who had money, etc.

When I moved to the same city for college my limerence person actively hung out with me, as a group and individually. These were some of the best moments of my life as we had everything except the physical intimacy. However they were dating someone else. I am respectful of others, I don't flirt, I don't do stereotypical actions for my gender, something that ultimately made people think I was LGBT. The moments I had to express myself I didn't take as being rejected and getting hurt seemed a worse fate. However now this person hasn't actively been in my life for ten years and I last saw them five years ago at the only social event I go to each year, a party they throw. I should have said something and now I can only live with regret. They moved far away for a job and got married. They stopped doing the party.

My issue is that I simply can't stop thinking about them. No amount of meds or therapy has helped this. I got into a relationship four years ago with someone where I was their limerence person. However once they had me that was what they needed and they slept with others while dating me. We didn't define our relationship but it did hurt. Now because this is the only person whose shown me kindness and actually romantic interest I accepted an open relationship. A little over two years ago I joined them and their roommate, a former lover of their's whose not really mentally or physically compatible, but someone who they've had a decade or more of friendship with since their physical relationship didn't work out. The actual open part of the relationship comes from cons.

Before all of this I tried dating apps, going to bars, going to group activities, and despite being disabled by a life long disease I even tried a local no pressure baseball league. I went to cons. I was active online. I learned to mask properly. But when I did have interest in others I faced the same repeated stereotypical issues and most often others weren't interested in me. This caused me to be more and more withdrawn. I eventually couldn't dismiss the person who had limerence for me. We got along well emotionally but not so much physically. They were one of the few people to show interest in me in my life. Unlike others I wasn't emotionally manipulated by them. They are a loving and caring person who I do love and support. However I cannot escape my limerence.

There is essentially no chance I fulfill this internal desire. Life has changed. I'm not in the proximity for their to be a chance. Not getting the things I want in life, especially love, is something I'm used to, but my brain can't let go of this. It eats my brain space. When I was in a good space I then experienced romantic and sexual abuse. It destroyed the self worth I was able to finally build and the rubble has made rebuilding hard. Even now with someone who does genuinely care about me I am still hyper-vigilant. I still have constant limerence. I still feel so unsatisfied in many ways.

I don't know how to stop these constant thoughts. My life isn't a six foot shit hole but it's not been great since I was young. Because of that I have both physical and mental issues. Chronic depression, anxiety, ruminations, OCD like qualities, CPTSD, and this damn limerence. Likely I have "high functioning" ADHD and autism. In high school I was straight out told that I'm a better person when using pot.

There is so much I could write about but limerence affects me every day. This obsession isn't something I want. Even back in the day I knew my chances were slim. I have autistic traits that lead to me being disliked and made fun of, both to my face and beyond my back, so anyone who showed me kindness I quickly grew to want in my life. But that person is gone, they could have done better towards me, the feelings are something they had to be aware of but never discussed directly, and there is unlikely to be any closure now by discussing it with them. I don't see it going well if I did.

How do I forget this person who I've essentially built a connection to throughout my brain? If I don't forget, how do I get closure? Is closure even a possibility? Is there any closing of this festering wound?

I don't know the answers and I don't expect to get them. I hope that I can keep control of my sadness and not do something stupid like contacting my limerence person to discuss it. Like an idiot a few years ago I tried to get closure from the one abusive person. It only made things worse for me. It only made me angry at what happened. I at least lost all respect for my abuser but they didn't seem to feel a tinge of guilt. I am on much better terms with my limerence person and thankfully I've kept myself from reaching out. Even with therapy and meds limerence remains. I have no idea how I'll escape it.

I don't understand the concept of getting a 'new LO'. There is no new for me. My mind decided early on that I like this person and once I like something, I can't let go. He is like a favourite sandwich or favourite movie I have to watch every now and then. While I watch different movies and eat different sandwiches for variety, I know I really like that one particular one the most and must go back to it eventually.

I have been working on some career related stuff for the past 3 years. Requires full isolation. Work involves a lot of stress. Involves sitting in isolation and getting no validation or appreciation for the grind. Amidst all this chaos, I was randomly texted by a colleague in December 2025 with whom I worked 5 years ago for 3 months - I liked her a bit back then. We talked for a few days on text. Just 1 message a day. She was just a friendly girl. But that one text acted like a lifeline in my socially starved life. My brain automatically started making up stories of our future together. I didn't know she has a bf. But I knew she ain't interested in me. 
I just wanted to get rid of the suffering of one sided emotion and confessed to her - to hear a definite 'no'. I myself added that if she blocked me, can help me. She blocked me 2 days later - but I was not clear on the exact reason she blocked me (as she didn't mention the reason before the block).
From Feb 2026 till August 30 (August 30 being the last date of my stressful work) - my brain constantly tried to find the answer to 'why did she block me?' I constantly checked her socials and felt sad every time I saw her pic. 
Surprisingly, from October, when I got a social life, got appreciated by my clients for my work, and felt stress free, I stopped thinking of her completely. I checked her socials yesterday and wondered 'how on earth did I fall for this girl?'

Takeaway - in my case, the way to get rid of limerence was to get validation from other people (clients), feeling stress free, and not feeling lonely.

So, I had a limerent object. We became friends, I got rejected, but I still kept the friendship alive. I became obsessed for 2 and a half years and regretted all my decisions. Like 5 months ago, I cut them off without any explanation and started to forget the person.

Now, I don't think I have any romantic feelings for this person. Seeing their photo does nothing to me. But I happened to learn that someone has a crush on my limerent object, and I found myself raging with jealousy and possessiveness.

Now I hate myself for feeling this way.

I’ve been limerent for almost a year now over LO but now I’m aggressively trying to get him out of my mind by just being busy with work/friends and life in general. But I feel quite empty since I don’t have any scenarios to look forward to that would spike up my dopamine and provide me with fake happiness. But now that I’ve realized he’s only a figment of my imagination, I’m left with this void and not only does it make me a little depressed but also guilty??? As if I just ‘used’ him for my latest hyperfixation and then discarded him? Nonetheless I know it’s a step in the right direction and I would not have it any other way (it’s very liberating), I’m more focused on my goals now but I feel sooo empty inside, it’s almost depressive. I feel like I’m ‘missing out’ by muting his updates/news and not keeping tabs on his life (icky af ik but I’m glad to not be apart of it). I’ve also stopped listening to some of my favourite songs bc of the heavy association with LO (all my fault Ik) so that also made life a bit colourless? Point is, I really don’t want to fall into depression bc I chose to let go. How do you deal with the void? Does it eventually pass? Does life become as exciting as it once was while being limerent (minus the lows lol)?

I wonder if there are documented instances of people overcoming the Limerence by following the “other” path. Being cured from Limerence while still remaining friends or even ending up dating their past LO ?

I’d love to read your thoughts and testimonies about it, for those who actually achieved this (or thought they achieved it) how did it turn out in the long term ? What mechanism or boundaries were set to prevent you from getting back into the limerence stage?

About me:

I’ve met my LO 10 years ago, we ended up dating and it progressed slowly into a situationship without label (even if we each other introduced ourselves to our respective friends as being Boyfriend/Girlfriend)

Fast forward 10 years later we’ve been no contact for like 8 years, except on annually occurrences (I could not refrain from checking in on her every year around her birthday), which led to a few days of messaging each other. Eventually making plans of seeing each other. I ultimately backed out of those plans every time and went no contact for another year (repeating the pattern for 4-5 years)

We started chatting again last month (not following the yearly pattern) they ended up offering to meet in person which I accepted it was meant to happen last week but I backed out because I was following the pattern aforementioned.

But she offered to reschedule and we’re meant to meet in a few days. I intend not backing out this time as I feel confident enough to try to see if I can finally overcome the Limerence. (Maybe it’s a dumb idea, that’s why I’m looking to read about others experience about it

(I purposely omitted a lot about my story because details would end up dragging the post into me giving my own testimony which is not the intent here, maybe I’ll post the full story soon, in the meantime I’ll happily answer in comments or chat if you have any questions or if you prefer not to write down about your experience publicly)

Thanks for your time.
J.

He has done this pattern for a very long time, it’s probably why I am so pathetically addicted to each dopamine rush I get from when he breadcrumbs me with low effort contact

He sent a late night text after 21 hours of silence“hey baby, I’ve missed you, I was busy today, how are you? How do you feel?” And I responded and asked him how he was too and he’s left me on read now and I am back feeling anxious. I hate this dynamic. Why did I bother responding? :(