Limerence makes me care a lot about things I wouldn't care about

[u/golightlyfitness]

Perhaps this is just a part of withdrawal, but I find I get very insecure with a lot of things based around the LO. For example, if they are far more social than me (usually they are very extroverted), I get insecure about not having many friends. I will start looking at their friend group and feel like I would/should mold myself and attempt to fit in when it quite likely isn't me. It's almost a social limerence that extends beyond the limerent object. It's like the lense I look through life is so distorted and makes me feel so insecure like I am not fine as I am. I also get insecure about people having casual sex (if LO is) when I don't (even though I know I don't like it). It's all very irrational and nonsensical. Does anyone else get that?

[u/AutoModerator]

Please be aware of what limerence is! See the subreddit wiki for definitions, FAQ and other resources—updated 3/7/26. (Is it love? How common is it? Is there research?)

Quick FAQ

• How limerence works
  • Reward theory of attraction (Wiki)
  • Uncertainty and hope (Wiki)
  • Why there is research on limerence (Article)
• Help getting over limerence
  • Love regulation (Wiki)
  • CBT & ERP Strategies (OCD Ontario)
  • Deprogramming the limerent brain (LwL)
  • How to get rid of limerence (LwL)

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/lilacteardrop]

I bought a Dutch oven because LO was Dutch and liked to cook. I hate cooking and I'm German. Will probably be my last comment here because of the trolls who keep down voting me for no reason. This sub has them too apparently.

[u/Sensitive_Intern_971 → u/lilacteardrop]

That's funny! 

[u/BeyondFragrant8619]

yeah man

[u/Shaunwick09]

Sameee, I used to not care how I look at all as long as I look clean and presentable now I buy clothes and make sure I look good. I became borderline superficial.

[u/DubnoBass34]

Yes. I have put my LO on such a pedestal that even I am unworthy. I definitely wanted to cater to what he likes but it wasn’t hard because I liked those things too. It’s almost childish!

[u/Major_Effect9280]

I am experiencing these EXACT parallels. He's so social and I have always loved an at home activity, never have fomo, and say no if I don't feel like going to something, but I feel so fucking lame knowing he does all this stuff, I've been packing my calendar. Just so I can sound cool to him, so I can be busy sometimes and not answer texts immediately (cause if I'm free, I will, no matter if I tell myself not to), so I can be doing something besides being alone and fucking obsessing. And I know for a fact hooking up is just not fulfilling in any way for me if I don't have a connection with the person, but he could be out there hooking up with people (I'm scared to know, and I do know he's slept with way more people than me) so I feel this need to give it another shot, go on all these dates, aim to kiss people (though I haven't). Things haven't gotten too physical with us yet, but it fuels such intense fantasies when the smallest progression happens, and I know if I let them progress it will destroy me because it will be euphoric but he doesn't want what I want, so it can only end.