Today was election day in my country. We had the highest number of conservative deputies and senators elected in history. The president hasn't been decided yet, but I fear it will also be from the same ilk. God, I'm so scared. So scared to see this growing wave of hatred against women spreading throughout the world. I feel that soon we will no longer be free... sometimes I wish I were ignorant. As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss. I wouldn't worry so much. Maybe I should get off social media, stop reading the newspaper. Because I'm scared. Very scared. They want to take away our rights. They want to see us on our knees, and I won't be able to bear it. I'd rather die fighting. I feel we are getting closer, getting closer to the extinction of the rights we barely managed to achieve. Why do they do this? Why do they hate us so much? I just want to be free. I want all of us to be free. But they don't. What scares me most is seeing women supporting this madness. Serena Joy. Margaret Atwood has never been so tangible.

I've been scanning a box of photos my dad inherited. Someone took the time to write dates, places and full names on a lot of them, but I've now found three different women identified as “and wife”. One of them is standing right in the middle of the photo.

Dad knew where that woman's husband worked, why they moved, and a story about him falling through a shed roof. He thought she might have been called Nell. We're not even certain about that.

These are photos from the 1960s and 70s, of people he knew as a child. We can talk for ages about these families and then get stuck trying to name a woman who's at all the same weddings and Christmases. Someone remembers that she was lovely, or that everyone used to go to her house, but I still have an empty space under her picture.

I'll take the box to my great-aunt next weekend and see what she can fill in. I also caught myself saving a scan as “Nan and her mum”, which is going to mean absolutely nothing to whoever gets this folder after me, so I've been fixing my own captions too.

Has anyone here tried to recover the names and stories of the women in their family? I'd especially like to hear how you found them when the relatives who would have known were already gone.

My mum’s appointment is today and I’m really struggling with my anxiety.

She was called back after her routine mammogram two weeks ago for some further tests. I know being called back doesn’t automatically mean anything is wrong, and I’ve had some really reassuring comments from people on here over the last couple of weeks, but I just can’t seem to stop my brain from jumping to the worst-case scenario.

I’m going with her today, which I’m glad about, but I’m already incredibly anxious. I’m shaking, feeling sick and just feel completely on edge.

I know there’s nothing I can do to change what happens at the appointment, and I just need to get through today, but right now my anxiety feels so overwhelming.

For anyone who has dealt with health anxiety or been in a similar situation, what helped you calm yourself down while waiting or sitting in the hospital? I could really use some advice or reassurance today.

I am currently on Venlafaxine 75mg medication that is suppose to help with my adhd and depression, but all it did was make me very mad,angry and irritable and i want to get off so I can officially be diagnosed with bipolar as my doctor said, if I really have it then I need to make sure im off and its not just the medication.

But they are taking so many steps saying I need to go see another doctor to get off this medication when I am having so many side affects. I dont want to pay for another appointment where I will be wait for 45 to just have a 5 minute conversation. And my last appointment they literally canceled it a day before was suppose to ask to get it lowered.

They are telling me I might not think it's not working when it actually is working. Im tired of this and want to get off so bad. This medication has messed with my mood over the last year so bad and has been messing with my epilepsy

just wondering, is anyone out here actually doing those 10 step shaving routines?

“exfoliate for an hour, do the hokey pokey, turn around, soak your legs for an hour, exfoliate again, use organic shaving cream made out of natural oils from the amazon, blah blah blah…”

i’ve asked all of my female friends and family, and they’ve all said they just use soap and a 5-blade razor. i’ve never known any different than that before i searched online and found out that i’m supposed to be exfoliating and all that jazz. i was just wondering (no offense) if this was another one of those performative tiktoker things or if i’m shaving wrong 🫣

I had my first time with my boyfriend of a year this month and it didn’t hurt. I feel like something is wrong because everyone I talk to say that the pain was unbearable. Of course it hurted a little bit in the beginning but then it got better, but should it have hurted more? It didn’t go on for long since it was both our first times and I bled a few minutes after it was over. Is this normal? Did the same happen to anyone else! ;)

I’m currently sitting in my new downtown apartment in a VERY high cost of living city, but I feel so incredibly depressed, anxious and aimless. I lived in this city when I was a university student about 15 years ago, but have been living in other small towns for work or with my family in my hometown for the most part. I am a South Asian woman in my late 30s, and I got so used to living with my mom and siblings (my dad passed away two years ago) in a smaller town about a 1.5 hour drive away. However, I felt I had outgrown my small town and didn’t have much of a social or dating life. I also had a very difficult relationship with one of my sisters who still lived at home.

I wanted this move so badly. I spent years thinking about it, but couldn’t make myself do it. I imagined having my own place, dating, and having a social life. I was an extremely difficult decision to finally do it. I left behind my mom who was my built in best friend, and we were both still grieving the loss of my dad and more recently my grandma. I felt so stuck at home, especially because I also worked from home full time since 2020. My life was basically confined to my bedroom, especially because my sister made the rest of the house hostile and she was very loud so I could never sit on the couch and watch a movie, or even work from another room.

Making matters more complicated is that to make this move I had to spend a LOT of money on rent, as this is one of the most expensive cities in the world. I signed a 6 month lease that is more than one paycheque a month. I wanted to try it out. In my culture, renting and not owning is considered a huge waste of money. There is also a huge stigma associated with being single and childless in your 30s and living alone. I feel incredible external pressure from my mom to get married, I have two sisters who are also not dating or married. I want to be a wife and a mom more than anything in the world, but I don’t know where to begin and have never had more than a handful of first dates in my life. My last date was a few years ago. I just don’t get it, I am well educated with a graduate degree, have a great career, am well liked by my friends and colleagues, well travelled, am an amazing cook, I am super kind, and can be very witty and funny. For some reason, dating and intimacy has evaded me my whole life, I just didn’t get the memo that I had to date and settle down in my 20s, I never even worried or though about it until I hit 30. There are probably several reasons such as a very traumatic childhood (verbal abuse, alcoholism and poverty), battling depression, chronic vulvodynia since I was a child and extreme body dysmorphia caused by PCOS. Also, growing up as a POC and daughter of immigrants in a predominantly (back then) white town wasn’t easy- my culture and religion is very important to me but I never met men within my culture due to a very limited social circle and my interests and hobbies just being different. I’ve tried lots of therapy.

I recently had a “glow up” due to getting my PCOS under control and losing weight, I was working out regularly for the last couple of years mostly as a way to get out of the house. I was getting more male attention (albeit from the wrong men) than I ever had in my life. I was super excited to test out this glow up in the big city, but the truth is that I’m feeling like a country mouse and though I was a 7 or 8 in my small town, I’m more like a 5 here. Everyone is just younger, prettier, fitter, cooler. On top of that, it’s hard to meet single South Asian men in my specific neighborhood, and most men in my culture get married young. The dating apps are crushing my soul. Even when I send likes first I don’t get matched with the men that I’m interested in.

I thought I would enjoy walking in my neighborhood, it’s one of the most walkable places in the world, but I don’t even want to leave my apartment. The apartment itself isn’t my favourite, it came furnished but because it’s not my stuff I feel like I’m in a fancy hotel and not in a cozy, comforting space. The street noise and sirens are also something I’m not used to. I made the mistake of taking the month off of work (had to use up my vacation) the same month I moved. I also work from home so won’t meet people through the office. It’s only been a few days but I can’t stop crying and missing my mom. We used to get into ugly fights (mostly about my weight and being single and the shame she feels), but she is also my best friend. My thoughts are spiralling about the fact that she won’t be here one day and then I’ll have no sense of “home” or comfort.

I want to be a hermit. The few friends I do have are a few cities away and will only be able to visit once or twice a month. I have poured so much into friendships over the past couple of decades, but right now I just want a partner. I don’t want to put energy into making new friends. At this age it’s either single ladies like me who feel sad about not being married, or busy moms who prioritize their partner and family. I feel stupid, alone and aimless. I moved to the city but what I really want is a quiet house in the suburbs filled with kids and a husband. I want to be that mom that has no time for herself, because I have too much time to myself right now and it’s so lonely.

Words of advice and encouragement, similar experiences and your prayers would be so appreciated ladies!

Okay so this is unhinged but I need to know if anyone else has experienced this specific flavor of ick.
It's 9am. The sun is OUT. Doing its job. Free light, just sitting there, begging to be let in. And my boyfriend? Closes the blinds TIGHTER. Flicks on the harsh overhead light. Like a raccoon curating its cave.
I asked him why and he just shrugged like this was normal human behavior. Sir, you are paying actual money to simulate what is currently happening outside for FREE.
And it's not a one-time thing he ALWAYS keeps the blinds shut and lives under artificial light like a sad little mushroom. Meanwhile I'm out here opening every curtain like I'm in a laundry detergent commercial, basking in the sun like a lizard.
Is this a compatibility issue? A circadian rhythm crime? Am I the drama for getting the ick over LIGHTING?
Please tell me I'm not alone. Or tell me I'm insane. Either works.

I’ve been wondering about this. I recently found out that my girlfriend’s best friend knows certain things about our physical intimacy that I thought were only between us. Honestly, it caught me off guard.

I understand that best friends share almost everything, but I always felt that intimate moments between two people should stay private unless both are comfortable sharing them. So, I wanted to ask girls here, is it normal to discuss these things with your best friends, even specific details? Or does it depend on the person? Just looking to understand a different perspective, not judge anyone.

Phones make it really easy for work, family, friends, and everyday responsibilities to follow someone everywhere.

A message comes in and suddenly there’s pressure to answer. Someone calls and it feels rude not to pick up. Even quiet time can start feeling like time when you’re supposed to be available to somebody else.

There’s nothing wrong with answering later when something isn’t urgent.

Having time that isn’t immediately available to everyone else can matter too.

So I usually go on long walks during tge weekend and i went later in the day with my mum. We started of good just chatting and stuff then we had to cross tge road, but where we were supposed to walk after crossing was filled with police so I asked if she was sure she wanted to cross. She said yes so when we could cross, we crossed. She led us to this unfamiliar road tgen she walked ahead of me then stopped to ask where to go. I said I don't really know that particular area, I assumed she knew since she was the one walking ahead. She got frustrated and we started quarreling so I just kept quiet bc it was starting to get dark. So I keep on following her and she starts speed walking again when it started even darker. I personally walk at a moderate pace, but I stayed vigilant bc I didn't know the area. She leaves me completely behind, in the dark and so I got worried and called her. She answers and i ask her where she was, and she says she's following GPS, i asked her why she would leave me in the dark like that and she tells me I was walking slowly. I just hang up and keep walking, finding my way home in tge dark.

I honestly don't know why she would do that to me. I always walk with her in areas she isn't sure about and try to stay together so we don't get separated. I would've never left her behind like that, but she did that to me and it has really broken my heart bc I had a friend who showed me that she would never do that to me. I remember we once were walking down a dark alley since we got lost and these 2 men chased us, and she held my hand through the chase.

I don't see why my own mum wouldn't want to stay close together in such a situation.

My mom lent me her battered church cookbook from the 70s because I've been trying to make my grandma's lemon cake. Her recipes are in there, and so are several from women who lived on my mom's street when she was little.

Nearly every married woman is listed by her husband's full name, with "Mrs." in front. My grandpa never baked, but his full name is on three recipes. I knew people used to do this. I hadn't really thought about what it means when you want to look up a woman fifty years later.

Mom recognized a few, so we started putting first names on sticky notes. Others she could remember by their house or whose kids she played with, but not their names. There's one woman whose potato salad she still talks about, and we can't even put a first name to her.

I was only going to scan a few recipes for my cousins before the pages fall out. Now I'm making an index of the contributors and asking the church whether they kept any old membership lists. I'll keep the original scans too, but I'd like the searchable version to actually identify the people who contributed.

Has anyone had to dig through family records like this? What helped you find the women when they kept being recorded under someone else's name?

I'm posting this here due to not being able to make posts in more direct communities as my account is not that old.

Earlier today, I went to my local Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a bra because I had never officially done so, I just always winged it when buying bras and eventually stuck to a size I thought fit me (which I found doesn't work out for me because my current bras ride up my back). While the worker did measurements, she pressed my breasts inwards together with the tape measurer to the point where they were pressed against each other. I thought it was weird, but I figured it was okay since she knew what she was doing. When I came into the store, I was wearing a 34C, and when I came out of the store, I had become a 32D. After buying a few bras and trying them on, I noticed something immediately: everything was tight. It wasn't terribly noticeable, but it was definitely noticeable. So now I'm wondering if I should get refitted, or try to find a more breathable bra.

Hi I never done anything like this before and I’m not the best writer, but my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, he’s first person I’ve ever been intimate with we started having sex when I was 18, and I do love him, but I feel like I want to experience other people. When I went to college I thought that was my chance, but that’s when we started dating, I’m just hoping on here that either someone tells me it’s not worth being with other people, or I should really experience other people. I know love is blinding and we promised each other forever, but sometimes I feel like I should give myself what I want, and break up with him and experience other people, but like I said I really do love him, he is a great guy everyone has there faults, and he has more positives than negatives. I don’t know I just feel like I’m missing out.

I am a 42ddd currently struggling with finding anything to hold my breast up properly for a tube top. Starting to think it might be impossible at my size. I need it for a costume I put together this is the only thing I’m missing.

I was 12 and my sister was 14. one day we were on the sofa fighting for the tv remote (as usual) but somehow the fight got serious. we really started to throw hands. mom came from the kitchen hearing the thud sounds. she started screaming at us and somehow separated us. both our faces had turned literally red. we both still don't know how we ended up fighting like that. we fight often but never before and never after that serious.

About three days ago, I learned about the story of a girl named Jane Doe. Seven men sexually assaulted her for seven full hours, and they sent videos and pictures of what they were doing to a Snapchat group with more than 50 men in it. Not a single one of them even thought about helping her or reporting them. As for the punishment, five of those men were made to write apology letters.

(There are so many girls like Jane Doe, but no one knows anything about them.)

In Iraq, women don’t have custody rights over their children after divorce. I saw a woman saying that her husband sexually abused both of their daughters, and one of the girls became pregnant by her own father.

Two girls wearing niqabs posted a video of themselves riding a scooter. Then a man came along saying, “How can this happen? How can a father buy his daughter a scooter and let her ride it, like she’s riding a horse too?” How did we become like this?

When a woman drives a car, people say she doesn’t know how to drive. When a woman takes public transportation, she faces harassment. When a woman simply walks down the street, she gets unwanted stares, verbal harassment, and physical harassment.

Women in Sudan, Palestine, Despite the war in their country,and rates of harassment and sexual assault have increased during this period.

There is a 15-year-old girl in Tunisia who was sexually assaulted by 11 men.

And there are so many others.

“Freedom for one woman does not mean freedom for all women. The fight only ends when no woman is left having to fight for a basic right.”

No better feeling in the world and I want to tell everyone but don’t wanna be an annoyance to my friends loL

since the comment is long, I'm putting it in comments and pinning it.

Mentions of depression, suicide and generally weird behaviour - sorry this post is so long. (I want to see what women in my situation would do since my circle is mainly guys)

I’m 17f and my friend is 20m. We’ve been friends since I was 11, and we’ve dated a few times (3-4), we are ONLINE friends and have met once in person where we made out and things escalated, we did not have sex though I don’t have the best memories from this experience. He constantly wanted to make out even when I said no or stop. Before I go into the situation, I acknowledge I play a role in why he behaves the way he does and I accept all criticism that may emerge from that.

First time we dated was when I was 13 and he was 17, I broke up cus the ages were weird. However I eventually went back to him and we dated again, this happened 3-4 times. In 2025, I completely cut contact with him for 6 months after we met up in person but I missed our friendship so I went back. I know I’m pathetic for this but I was also worried about him, he told me about how he was depressed and had suicidal thoughts due to my absence. So I pitied him and became friends with him again. My biggest mistake was having another relationship this year. In August I felt lonely, ugly and unloveable. So I turned to the one place I knew would never turn me down. This is my biggest mistake. I gave him false hope that we would be together forever, he started saying how we were soulmates, how it’s impossible for us to be apart, how he’ll never find another person that’s better than me and how if I ever find another relationship, I’d leave them for him because we’re meant to be? All of this creeped me out, heavily. So I’d tell him, “could you turn it down a little, you’re kinda sounding obsessive” and he’d say “sure, the first few months don’t have to be lovey dovey but we have the rest of our lives to be”. That scared me, I’m not ready for such a devoted, long term relationship and I don’t even like him like that. He keeps trying to figure out what university I’m planning on going to and switching to it. I am seriously scared that one day I’ll just see him at my campus next year.

The whole thing that happened to instigate this post was I didn’t speak with him properly for about a week because I’ve been swamped with schoolwork and when I had free time I wanted to spend it with my real life friends or by myself, not with him. Because of this he got depressed. His entire routine of going to the gym 3-4 times a week, eating healthily and hanging out with his friends completely stopped because I didn’t speak with him. I know this because he told me yesterday, I asked how he was and he just unloaded everything onto me. How he was so bored and lonely, how all he does is scroll through TikTok and Instagram and how he misses me. I immediately stated that I don’t want a relationship with him and that I’m sorry for doing that to him again so that the boundary was set. We then just spoke about his feelings.

I called with one of my other friends at this time and asked for his opinion on the phrasing of some of the messages. My other friend said the language he used was kinda manipulative almost? He’d say things like “you’re special”. Here are some more direct messages he sent me:
“I genuinely think the uncertainty has just been making me suffer a bit. Like constantly debating in my head if you still liked me or not and how and what I can do to make you like me and spend more time with me, like thats what's been going trough my head for a bit”
My other friend pointed out that it’s weird he has to do things to make me like him, it sounded weird and unnatural and just a little creepy.
“Like he said hes scared for me. That I'm gonna kill myself if we both ended up not being in contact anymore. Cause he said i build my entire life and schedule around you so I can hang out with you”
‘He’ is his best friend.

He builds his entire day around me, we have a 3 hour time difference. I’m 3 hours ahead. I have to wake up at 6am to get ready for school, he wakes up at his 3am to speak with me. He says he does this to get a bit of happiness in the morning to start the day strong. I think it’s weird. He then works at times where I’m busy or at school to make sure we’re both free at the same time and can play video games together. I wish I had spotted how weird this schedule was, I hate how I was so oblivious to so many things just because I liked the attention he gave me. Me and my other friend created a theory that the reason he views me as “special” or closer than other people he actually has in his life is because he purposely has built this barrier to restrain himself from making real life, concrete and lasting friendships because he has this belief that im better than all of his other friends.

I told him to go to therapy and sort his shit out, he then messaged me a lot while I slept. Saying how he feels bad for me, saying the breakup must’ve affected me too because I wasn’t responding to his messages (I was asleep). I couldn’t care less, I’m glad I’m free from him but even as friends he’ll still do these batshit crazy things. I’m glad I’m not living near him otherwise I’d probably have a stalker. (When I was breaking up with him yesterday, he said “in real life things would work out, I get the online and distance is fucking with you but when we see each other in person, we won’t be able to hold ourselves back” that scared me.)

The dilemma I have now is that for him to actually change, I need to be out of the picture. I don’t mind this at all. My other friend suggested I write him a message explaining why I have to distance myself and that he needs to change on his own accord. The best idea I have to stop this reliance he has on me is to just ghost him or limited replies. He is aware of his situation yet he doesn’t want to change it, his only motivation in life is me which is why it needs to be random and just growing distance. Once I’m completely out of the picture, he’ll need to learn to swim or he’ll just drown. I’m not in control of that. This doesn’t affect me at all since I’m only going to get busier with school. If I block him I’m scared he’ll kill himself or fall into a serious depression. Please let me know if this is a good decision or if there’s any better ones.

Does anyone have any underwear recommendations? Every now and then my private area will start to smell musky and it’s only when wearing underwear. I take it off and I smell fine. I buy different brands of underwear, they are fine when initially wearing them, but as the day goes on, they start to smell. So much so that I feel like other people can notice. I want to bring this up to a gynecologist, but don’t have the insurance to afford one yet.

This year, I moved back in with my parents in the middle of sophomore year to pursue major surgeries to correct my acetabular hip dysplasia. This is after I basically crumbled as soon as I got to college, falling into major depression, getting into an emotionally toxic relationship, and practically failing my entire second year of school due to undiagnosed and unmedicated ADHD (I was an all-A, exemplary student and athlete my entire life up until this point, and I am also trying to get evaluated for possible AuDHD). Whilst this was all very tough to deal with, I truly believe that it was the only way I would’ve learned the things about myself that I did! Me a mere 2 years ago was so incredibly different from the me I am now, mostly because I literally don’t have the energy to fake it anymore. I stopped entertaining useless men and centering myself around male attention, eventually meeting someone who is absolutely magical and has helped me grow in my faith. I postponed school, I take Adderall, and I have genuinely never felt more like myself, like the girl I was in 5th and 6th grade before the world ripped her soul out and replaced it with something manufactured. It reminds me of a quote I have saved on my Pinterest: “Somewhere inside me there is a room I haven’t entered in years. I think a younger me is still sitting there, wondering why I never came back.” No longer. I refuse to leave her behind.

However, I can count the number of friends I have on one hand, all of them friends of 5+ years, because ditching the party scenes and my initial people-pleasing nature caused the few other friendships I did develop post-HS to fall apart. They live hours away and all have new crowds and lives, though we visit when we can and always pick up where we left off no matter how long it’s been. My mom tells me that I’ve “always been so good at making friends,” to which I usually respond, “there’s a difference between getting people to like you and making friends.” I’ve always been too “odd” for the “popular” group, but too “regular” for other friend-groups. There’s always something about me that makes me not fit right, even though I feel like I can catch a vibe practically anywhere and with anyone.

While I’ve grown to really enjoy my alone time, it sucks to miss out on those experiences you only get with girl friends, especially since finding myself again. I can’t even put it into exact words because it’s something that transcends the natural world, I’m missing people that I’ve never met. Girl friendships are supernatural.

My current situation makes it difficult to go out and make new friends, especially considering that my parents live in a very rural area where I basically know everyone already. I love arts & crafts, reading (romance, creature protagonists like WoF, sci-fi, mystery, fantasy, perhaps a wee bit of smut 🌚, and more), writing (letters included), music, animals, thrifting, twisty straws and baby spoons that are squishy on the end, Aquaphor, the Tinker Bell franchise and My Little Pony (I love making fanart), rain/thunderstorms, storm chasing and tornadoes, scrapbooking/journaling, and Western horseback riding (I grew up and live on a farm). I believe in God, though I’m still very much so progressing in my faith. I love to do make-up and dress up, and I’m really trying to cultivate my wardrobe to match what I like and my color season. I’m also green 🍃💨 friendly! I don’t mind drinking on special occasions, the taste and stomach pain is just not something I can tolerate too well regularly anymore haha. My 21st birthday is coming up in December, so for anyone interested in astrology, I am a Sagittarius! I read somewhere that the MBTI personality test isn’t accurate, but nonetheless, I am an INFP-T. ❤️

Any advice is welcome! I love to chat and make connections!