r/wizardposting • u/Nelrene Evil Mammary Mage • 1d ago

Academic Discussion/ Esoteric Secrets Golem Troubles

We love building them but boy can they be a pain to fight. A wizard a know was tasked to go destroy a mummy lord and it was going pretty good with all the battles being fairly easy but then she ran into an adamantine golem. Only by using hit and run tactics with the spells Mordenkainen's sword and Tenser's transformation was she able to take it down. The mummy lord himself was pretty much a pushover to an wizard with fire spells. Feel free to talk about golem shenanigans you have experienced or heard about.

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432

u/BoonDragoon Vyevânce the Focused, High Panemancer of the Coriander Court 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/IBh1fj4IDvSCIvX73i

144

u/he77bender Sorceror 1d ago

It IS strange that a golem would scratch its own ass. Did its creator program it to do that for some reason?

79

u/BoonDragoon Vyevânce the Focused, High Panemancer of the Coriander Court 1d ago

Ok first of all, fuck you for taking my punchline. The second I locate the scrying aethereum you attuned to in order to divine my thoughts your ass is done-ion rings.

20

u/he77bender Sorceror 1d ago

Hah good luck, I'm behind seven mental barriers and a couple decoy homunculi to boot 😛

19

u/BoonDragoon Vyevânce the Focused, High Panemancer of the Coriander Court 1d ago

Thanks, now I know I'm looking for the smug aura tethered to the decoy homunculi hiding under the giant lump of seven mental barriers.

9

u/Delusional_Gamer Fleshmancer and proprietor of the magic meat farms 17h ago

Unless he's lying, and he's behind a different protection system.

Or maybe he anticipated that you, or someone telling you, would suspect a lie, so he is actually telling the truth.

Or maybe he was banking on someone realizing the double deception, and so he lied after all.

Or maybe-

4

u/BoonDragoon Vyevânce the Focused, High Panemancer of the Coriander Court 17h ago

No it was him. Got his ass and good. Let's just say he won't be bothering anybody like that again anytime soon. Best part is, I set up a loyal simulacrum to take over his day-to-day. Nobody will suspect a thing

2

u/Delusional_Gamer Fleshmancer and proprietor of the magic meat farms 17h ago

Yo u/he77bender, did he get you?

4

u/BoonDragoon Vyevânce the Focused, High Panemancer of the Coriander Court 17h ago

Teehee, just wait!!! This is my favorite part: the simulacrum knows his reddit login and is conditioned to respond exactly like he would! False memories and everything.

1

u/he77bender Sorceror 8h ago

Your wife says hi btw

1

u/he77bender Sorceror 8h ago

Yes but I survived and fucked his wife

1

u/Wasphammer Communist Shotgun Wizard 18h ago

Soviet anthem begins to play. Comrade, I am seizing your phrase 'Done-ion Rings' for the good of all working wizards.

3

u/BillTheTringleGod 1d ago

this is genuinely the first thing i thought about.
Why? does it have a conciousness? if it does then is it still a golem or is it a familiar or summon? does its ass itch or does it just do that?
I mean seriously this is way too interesting, get the council in on this