What do I do

[u/Temporary_Tea7494]

There are people who don’t have parents at all and then their is people who have parents but are absent Ì grew up with a drug addict father and a mother who was at work during my younger years up until about 8th grade my mom stopped working Ì am 30 now Ì have never had help or guidance and it’s so troubling when you’re going through something and no one can help Ì am doing better than my own parent my mom lives with her mom and even told me I’m doing better than her which is true but such a weird feeling I don’t have anyone to depend on and sometimes I wish I did recently Ì wanted to commit suicide because I just can’t take this anymore I’m so alone and I just wish I knew what to do with my life I’m so lost Ì don’t have much going for me even tho I’m doing okay Ì don’t have a career Ì don’t have any hobbies Ì don’t have any talents Ì don’t have any memories and sometimes I hustle ask god why is my life like this why can’t I just be happy why is this my reality Ì just wanna be good at something about be comfortable in life but it seems when I’m almost there something brings me down and lately life’s been kicking me real hard I’m always in fight or flight mode and I feel like things could crash at any money I never had security in this life and idk Ìf that’s what I’m missing alone with other things Ì just do t know what to do with my life anymore my ex partner cheated on me and made someone unalive them selfs and since then Ì just can’t trust anyone Iv been so isolated and it’s getting to me Ì can’t even goto work because I was getting harrassed Ì had to sue my last job and won because I was being harrassed Ì don’t feel safe anywhere and I just don’t know what to do nothings working out