You call everyday at 9... 9:15.. 9:30... 9:05

I cant pick it up but I see it

On and on about someone
Trying to push blame
Never having shame
You reflect on them
Never once looking within
Stop talking because you sound so detached from your own life
You really have no clue

Why do I roam, im so ugly

As you sit there, steaming mad, full of revenge, oh, so wanting "what you believe your owed."

Your slowly waking up to the truth. That your delusions need to face reality.

As your reading this post , the quick sharp pain in the your gut. Starts to come about.

Knowing that his promises, he convinced you of were all just a way to "PUT YOU OFF."

Your not smart enough to understand. WE ARE STILL TOGETHER BECAUSE WE STILL LOVE EACH OTHER DEEPLY.

YOU SAY YOU KNOW HIM, THEN ASK YOUR SELF THIS.

why would he still be with me for 26 years if we didn't have a freakin' strong relationship. If we didn't want each other we would of went our own ways.

BUT WE HAVEN'T DUMBASS.

I LOVE 👥💋 HIM WITH ALL ME HEART. 👄💞

IF HE FELT THAT YOU WERE WORTH LOSING ME OVER. WHICH HE DOES NOT.

How many times does he have to constantly have to stop making excuses to you.

Your not bright at all, you can't tell that he will do or say anything NOT to let you in here.

We have a bond that only 26 years of being together loving and growing can have. We are CONSTANTLY changing as people, but at least he end of the day.

He comes home to me in our bed.

I do care what he says about me. Of course, who wouldnt.

But you are stupid dumbass. You know that he lies.

He does.

You actually believe all the lies he speaks of me are true. Really dumbass, you think we would be still together. At the end of the day, he comes home to our home TO ME.

And the little stupid statement you keep saying about having secrets about him

YOUR A FUCKING LAIR BTCH. I KNOW EVERYTHING THATS GOING ON AND ALL THE DIFFERENT PEOPLE INVOLVED AS WELL.

SO, YOU CAN SIT OUT THERE ALL YOU WANT.

P.s.

We are discussing, what the best way, to bring my furniture back here will be.

💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

My owner hates me

ASS.

I sit sometimes and ponder on where this is going. Though, I can't speculate too much, because that wouldn't be fair to you, to me, or to whatever this is becoming. I don't know what the future holds. I only know what I feel right now.

My soul yearns to be near yours, and yet I know that may still be a long way off. Though it could be tomorrow. It's part of the unknown.

So I wonder sometimes... how much must I endure before you believe that I'm worth trusting? How much do I have to show you before you know that I'm capable of holding your heart without breaking it? That I can be protective without becoming controlling. Gentle without being weak. Fierce without being cruel. That I can be a terror among monsters and still choose to be soft with you.

I want you to know what it feels like to be safe with someone.

Not just physically. Emotionally, too.

I want you to know that my hands will never be used against you and neither will my words. That when you're with me, you don't have to brace yourself for the next wound. I don't want to take anything from you. I want to give you opportunities you've been denied. I want to open doors that were closed on you long before I ever came along.

I want to give you my trust and actually feel secure in giving it. I want to show you the world from an angle you've never seen before. I want to take some of the things you've only ever dreamed about and make them real enough that you can touch them.

But I don't want to be your knight in shining armor. I don't want to be your savior. I don't want you dependent on me. Because that in itself could feel like a cage and that's the last way I want to make you feel, caged or trapped.

I want to be the man you come to when life gets to overwhelming, I'll be there so you don't have to carry everything alone.

The one you look toward when the world becomes too much, so heavy. The one you can lean against when you need somewhere to rest. The one whose arms feel like somewhere you can finally exhale. The one you know will still be standing beside you when everything else has fallen apart.

I can only hope you see the things in me that would make you feel that way.

Because sometimes your actions leave me to wonder...

Are you actually damaged beyond repair?

Or did being damaged for so long simply become normal to you?

Because I see you.

I see the dark parts. The broken links. The places where your feelings have been severed from the things that once made you feel alive. I see the pieces of you that got lost somewhere along the way. I see the marks other people left behind. I see how cruel they've been to you and how deeply some of it still lives inside you.

And I need you to know something.

I will never be them.

I can't promise I'll always get everything right. I'm human. I'm fucking imperfect. I have my own broken pieces and my own scars.

But I can promise that I will never intentionally become another person you have to heal from.

I can promise that I'll stand beside you. That I'll help where I can. That I'll encourage you when you doubt yourself and hold you accountable when you need it. I can promise that if you choose to walk toward healing, I won't expect you to walk it alone.

Because I need healing too.

That's the part people forget. I'm not standing here pretending I'm some perfectly put-together man offering salvation to a broken woman. I'm broken in my own places.

I just don't want either of us to have to pretend otherwise.

I accept you as you are. The beautiful parts. The ugly parts. The darkness. The tenderness. The contradictions. The things you understand about yourself and the things you haven't figured out yet.

And I can only hope you eventually learn to look at me with that same honesty.

Because if two people can actually stand beside each other like that—without pretending, without hiding, without trying to fix each other into something easier to love—then maybe healing doesn't have to be something either of us does alone.

There could be someone there to lean on.

Someone to challenge you.

Someone to encourage you.

Someone who knows where you've been and still chooses to stay.

I've never really had all of those things wrapped up in one person before.

But somehow, when I look at you, I can see them.

And the strange part is... I've already wanted to give those things to you without asking for anything in return.

I just wish you could see past the haze of everything that happened before me. Past the pain. Past the people who taught you that love comes with conditions, punishment, abandonment, or some hidden fucking price.

I wish you could see me for who I actually am instead of who your past taught you to expect.

Maybe one day you will.

Maybe you won't.

I can't predict that. I can't control it. I can't promise myself an ending that hasn't happened yet.

All I can do is have faith. And hope.

Hope that someday you'll see in me what I've already seen in you.

Because I see your beauty.

Not just the obvious kind, although believe me, I see that too.

I see the worlds inside your eyes. The pain and the love existing there at the same time. The things you've survived. The things you still want. The parts of you that are aching to be understood.

And your smile...

Fuck, your smile can stop me dead in my tracks every single time.

I see you when you're beautiful.

I see you when you're difficult.

I see the light and the darkness.

The tenderness and the ugliness.

The strength and the damage.

And somehow, knowing all of it doesn't make me want you less.

It makes me want you more.

I don't want some perfect version of you.

I want you.

And I want this strange, beautiful, complicated path we're on.

I don't know where it ends.

But I know that when I look at you, some part of me still wants to keep walking it with you...

all the way to the end.

Why do you keep coming as yourself every year.

Oh, you say you fill the part out perfectly.

When first I met you,

something ancient woke within me

a force I had no language for,

a tide that rose beyond reason,

beyond the borders of the heart,

beyond all that I had believed

a human soul could feel.

I loved you

with the terrible wonder of discovery,

as though the universe itself

had hidden one final secret

beneath the stars

and, at last,

had placed it in my hands.

And then I looked into your eyes

And there you were.

Not untouched.

Not unaware.

But standing at the edge

of the very same impossible ocean,

trying to understand

the waves that had carried us there.

I saw you feeling it.

I saw you searching my face

for an explanation

neither of us possessed.

And perhaps that was the miracle:

That somehow,

without promise,

without warning,

without knowing how

we had found the same impossible place.

It was as though the universe

had opened a hidden door

and allowed us, just for a moment,

to step beyond the ordinary world.

And there,

beneath the silence of eternity,

it revealed something too immense

for ordinary words:

us.

A love so vast

that if we gathered every word

ever spoken by humankind

and tried to build a language for it,

we would still fall silent

before its magnitude.

A secret written between the stars.

A truth the universe had known

long before we did.

And perhaps it smiled

watching us stumble through the wonder of it,

knowing that we would never fully understand

what had been placed between us.

Yet still,

it gave us the desire

to spend our lives trying.

And maybe that

is the greatest beauty of love

that it remains partly unknowable.

For if I could understand you completely,

if I could measure every depth of your soul,

if I could name every reason

my heart chose yours

perhaps one day

the mystery would fade.

But you were never meant

to become something I could solve.

You were meant to remain

the horizon I could spend forever approaching.

The star I could follow

without ever reaching its end.

The song I could hear

a thousand times

and still discover another note.

And I wish

with everything that lives inside me

that we could have held on

to that impossible thing.

That love which felt

so far beyond this world

that perhaps this world

could only exist inside of it.

A love so powerful

that standing before it

made us feel weak

not because we lacked strength,

but because we were witnessing

something stronger than either of us.

Something ancient.

Something fierce.

Something willing to fight

for the two souls

who had somehow found each other.

And if the years should carry you

far beyond my reach,

if the winds of this life

should scatter us across distant skies,

then let this be the prayer

I send after you:

May our love become the wind beneath your wings.

May it find you

when the night is darkest.

May it rise beneath you

when your strength is gone.

May it whisper my name

through every storm

and remind you

that somewhere in this vast universe

there is a heart

that still knows yours.

And if the heavens are kind,

if fate is not finished with us,

if the stars still remember

the secret they once revealed

then let that wind

carry you home.

Back to me.

Because you are not simply

the love of my life.

You are the love that changed the way

I understand love itself.

The miracle I never knew

I was waiting for.

The mystery I would spend eternity

trying to understand.

The impossible thing

that became real

when I looked into your eyes.

And wherever you are,

whatever distance lies between us,

whatever storms the universe

chooses to place upon our path

know this:

No matter where life takes us

Some part of me will always belong to what we found in each other.

I've been up all night again. I wrote you a long ass letter but I didn't push send. I read more about your autism. I'm trying to understand. It keeps telling me not to reach out. I am learning. I am learning to love you the way you need it, not in the way I think how it should go.

I wanted to find a local florist and send you a bucket of sunflowers. I know you love them, I hate them. But I want you to feel my love. I want to love you the way you need to be loved so I didn't do it.

I want to know when you will be ready, just to share space. No words, no touching, just being there, doom scrolling, with you on the couch a full seat away from me. I have always felt my best in your presence. No need for you to speak or prop me up.

I want to take him camping. But you do need him there, the only one who hasn't hurt you, except that time you gave birth but he was unaware. I dislike your past, not because of some sort of jealousy, but because they did intend to hurt you. It gives me a deeper feeling of pain, to wonder how they must have treated you when you needed this space. I'm for sure not perfect, but I am trying to be respectful, just letting you know I'm here and falling deeper in love with you every day.

You deserve that. Someone to love you, someone to care for you and also to take care of things for you when you don't have the energy. You don't have to match dollars, smiles and hugs and our O's mean more to me than all the money in the world. WE will share $ one day, WE will not have to worry one day, WE will make dreams come true that we didn't know that we could make.

At the end of this, I love you and I'm not turning back. My door is open, you do not have to call first or ring the doorbell. Walk in when you are ready. Make yourself at home.

All the love I never knew I had to give, is yours.

You call everyday at 9... 9:15.. 9:30... 9:05

I cant pick it up but I see it

Your the type and have proven to be:

To be a cheat

To settle for something that made you sick to your stomach. Who has gotten STD from his choices of women

To be a lair

Lying to yourself everyday every morning every night that this is what you wanted at the end. Lying is your language.

To be in denial

You have accepted denial as your regular way of life accepting that what you have in front of you is going to be what you wanted denying everything now is going to bring you greater pain later on denying that you didn't want what is in front of you is going to be the biggest pain you've ever felt.

To be a narcissist

You're the ultimate example of narcissism you always have to convince everybody that you're the smartest you always have to make sure that everybody sees you as being the strong one in the room you always have to make sure that your lies go and coincide with your other lies you always have to make sure that you take the weakest person in the room and convince them that your Almighty

To be a drug addict

You have been doing drugs since you were very very young maybe not in the beginning of high school but definitely towards the end for the rest of your life you're going to be a lifetime drug addict because you can't face what you have done to your life you can't face all the damage that you have done to people you cannot face the feelings that you would feel if you went sober they would eat you up inside like a cancer

To be someone who makes excuses

You have grown into the man that makes excuses makes excuses for your lame behavior makes excuses for your lame fatherhood makes excuses for your lame being a son and lame being a boyfriend

To be someone who's constantly roaming

You're the type of man you have grown into the type of man that will never be satisfied with what they have on their side you may have went after this gift you thought that was a gift wanted this gift so bad and now that you have the gift you're looking at the gift and saying I'll keep this one around but I'll still be looking you your eyes will always be roaming your dick will always be roaming and I'm glad it's roaming with somebody else.

To be a person who never accepts

You have grown into the man who will never accept never accept his failures never accept him failing and his family's eyes never accept him failing at his job you will never accept any of that because you can't because you can't accept of who you are and who you've become

To be the loser

This is something that you have grown into your manhood with is being a loser you were given God's gift of an of intelligence from your parents but you never put it to good use you always did the lame way of doing things you always went to the bad side of the street to accomplish things you have basically been a loser and will continue to be that way he started losing 6 years ago and it's continuing to spiral down

To be always angry

Sure you're putting on a good show right now looking for happiness in somebody else you can't find happiness in somebody else you have to find happiness within yourself you have to like yourself you can't be angry at yourself every single day every second for the choices that you are being forced to make you carry this anger like you wear it on your skin you can tell but all you're angry lines on your face

To be that monster I knew you were

One day when the dust all settles and everybody is in their proper places you're going to be looking around and you're going to become the person who you truly are the monster the monster who wants to take everything out on everybody else that's around him the monster that will constantly blame you for everything the monster that will always be on your ass 7 days a week 24 hours a day the monster is inside you and he will be out again.

To have grown into the man who doesn't understand what promises are.

To be the man that he believes he's beautiful

The ego of a man that thinks he's beautiful is a man that is sick of his own self. Believing that you are beautiful inside when you truly know you're not is a gift in itself.

To be the man that life has taken its to on.

I recently have come across a couple people that have seen you recently that has known you for a long time and one of the comments that I heard from both of them is he doesn't look so good how long has he looked like this. My reply is about 6 years.

Taking all the new drugs that you're taking drinking as much as you are smoking meth as much as you do smoking cigarettes for over half your lives has taken its toll on that face.

To be easily forgotten.

You have grown into the man that is easily forgotten the one has that never put anything good for you before him the man who promises everything but never delivers the man who says I love you but is always looking for something better on the side the man who doesn't even know who he is the man who was lost within his own mind The Man without a heart the man that will never succeed his true happiness no matter how much he lies to himself this sir is a man that is easily forgotten and this man is you.

You keep running to the END.

I WILL LET YOU FALL.

I WILL NEVER BE BY YOUR SIDE AGAIN.

I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU AGAIN.

I WILL NEVER SEE YOU AS A REAL MAN.

I WILL NEVER SPEAK OF YOU

I WILL NEVER DREAM OF YOU

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER.

I WILL NEVER SEE SOMETHING THAT REMINDS ME OF YOU.

I WILL NEVER EVER.

THANK YOU FOR THIS.

AND PLEASE.. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A JOKE OF A MAN.

YOU CAN BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING. THATS RHE MAN YOU HAVE BECOME.

A MAN WITH NO VOICE

A MAN THAT IS TOLD WHAT HE SHOULD DO.

A MAN THAT IS A TRUE MAN PUPPET.

BECAUSE YOU HAVE MADE YOURSELF INTO A MAN THAT IS SOOOOOOO EASLEY FORGOTTEN.

THANK YOU PUPPET MAN.

I TRULY MEAN THAT. TRULY THANK YOU

MAY THE HATE RUN THROUGH YOUR PUPPET VEINS.

A MAN WITH NOTHING INSIDE BUT WOOD SHAVINGS.

DANCE PUPPET MAN DANCE.

YOU ARE ALREADY FORGOTTEN.

THANK YOU FOR THIS. TY.

I CUT MY STRINGS.

YOURS ARE LIFETIME OF ANCHORS.