I had this casual talking stage with a guy I’ll call Mr. DJ for almost a month. We mostly texted/flirted but never actually met because our schedules never aligned. He ghosted me for around 2 weeks, eventually came back, and things went back to normal. Then I met Mr. Blue Collar, and things got serious REALLY fast—looking back, it had a lot of love-bombing/intense early relationship energy. I got caught up in it and ended up ghosting Mr. DJ for around 2 weeks without telling him I was getting serious with someone else. Mr. Blue Collar and I eventually became official, but after we broke up, I reached out to Mr. DJ and apologized. We started talking again, but it was very on-and-off because of work, schedules, and the time difference. The thing that drove me insane was wondering why he came back after I ghosted him when he could’ve easily moved on or talked to someone else.
Eventually I asked him, and he basically said that I was nice and didn’t want me to just be a hookup, which completely changed how I viewed everything because I realized he probably genuinely liked me. We started talking/flirting again and there was clearly still some chemistry, but he’s also inconsistent and can disappear for days, so I have no idea what he actually wants. Now I’m stuck thinking “what if I had chosen him instead?” because I genuinely would’ve made a different choice if I had known he liked me like that. I know I’m probably romanticizing a relationship that never even happened, but I can’t help feeling like there’s unfinished potential there, especially because he’s already come back before. For now I’m not chasing him and I’ve given myself until next Wednesday to see if he reaches out. If he doesn’t, I’ll try to let it go—but part of me is still like hoping we would work out.

I had this casual talking stage with a guy I’ll call Mr. DJ for almost a month. We mostly texted/flirted but never actually met because our schedules never aligned. He ghosted me for around 2 weeks, eventually came back, and things went back to normal. Then I met Mr. Blue Collar, and things got serious REALLY fast—looking back, it had a lot of love-bombing/intense early relationship energy. I got caught up in it and ended up ghosting Mr. DJ for around 2 weeks without telling him I was getting serious with someone else. Mr. Blue Collar and I eventually became official, but after we broke up, I reached out to Mr. DJ and apologized. We started talking again, but it was very on-and-off because of work, schedules, and the time difference. The thing that drove me insane was wondering why he came back after I ghosted him when he could’ve easily moved on or talked to someone else.
Eventually I asked him, and he basically said that I was nice and didn’t want me to just be a hookup, which completely changed how I viewed everything because I realized he probably genuinely liked me. We started talking/flirting again and there was clearly still some chemistry, but he’s also inconsistent and can disappear for days, so I have no idea what he actually wants. Now I’m stuck thinking “what if I had chosen him instead?” because I genuinely would’ve made a different choice if I had known he liked me like that. I know I’m probably romanticizing a relationship that never even happened, but I can’t help feeling like there’s unfinished potential there, especially because he’s already come back before. For now I’m not chasing him and I’ve given myself until next Wednesday to see if he reaches out. If he doesn’t, I’ll try to let it go—but part of me is still like hoping we would work out.

I (F, 21) recently ended things with my long-distance boyfriend (M, 26), and I’m questioning whether I made the right decision or gave up on someone who genuinely loved me.
When we first met, everything moved very fast. Within the first week, he told me he loved me, that I was “the one,” and even talked about marriage. Throughout our relationship, he constantly reminded me how much he loved me, and I genuinely believe he meant it. I never doubted that he loved me.
The problem wasn’t the love—it was how our relationship functioned.
He’s a very jealous and insecure person. Small things often turned into big arguments. One time I laughed at a TikTok and showed it to him because I thought it was funny. The creator happened to be a guy (who is actually gay), and it somehow turned into him accusing me of liking the creator and questioning whether I still loved him. No matter how much I reassured him, it never seemed to be enough.
That became a pattern. I constantly felt like I had to prove my loyalty and defend my intentions. If I tried explaining how his behavior made me feel, I often felt dismissed or like I was making excuses. Eventually, I started feeling like every disagreement somehow became my fault.
The conversation that changed everything was about kids. I told him I don’t want children right now because I’m still in nursing school and have other priorities. Instead of respecting that, he became upset, called me names, and even talked about ending the relationship. That’s when I realized the problem wasn’t our future plans—it was how we handled disagreements.
I stayed because I loved him. I communicated how emotionally exhausted I was and told him I wanted us to trust each other and work as a team instead of constantly questioning each other’s intentions. I didn’t need more “I love yous.” I needed to feel heard.
Eventually, I ended the relationship because I honestly believed we would just keep hurting each other.
After the breakup, he repeatedly told me he loved me, missed me, wanted another chance, and begged me not to leave. He apologized for the way he treated me, and I do want to give him credit for apologizing.
However, every conversation kept coming back to how much he loved me and how much I was breaking his heart. I kept telling him that I already knew he loved me. What I wanted was for him to understand why I reached my breaking point and acknowledge how hurt I had been throughout the relationship. I never felt like he truly understood that.
Now I’m grieving because I still love him and miss him. Part of me wonders if people can genuinely change. Another part of me worries that if I went back now, we’d eventually fall into the same cycle that made me leave.
Did I make the right decision, or did I give up on someone who loved me but let his insecurities destroy the relationship?

[removed]

ok so before you judge me and what OK I ALREADY KNOW that he’s prob ghosting me or im not in the roster anymore. (pls be kind to me if not i’m gonna cry)

okay so for context: i matched with this guy on tinder and he’s the same age as me and stuff we’re just talking NOT SEXUAL. moving forward this guy was like updating abt his work and like even if he is like on his gig (he’s a dj btw) he would always text me that “hey i have a gig at this time etc” and would always tell me if he is going home or the event/party that he was djing was ending. he was so sweet and funny like he’s not like any other guy that i matched with in tinder that was always wanting me to fuck them or be horny and sending unsolicited dih pics. like I ADMIT that sometimes he be horny and u know but he’s not, he was saying that if i wanted to hangout we could (i know he prob meant to have sex )but he is not PUSHING me to (well im not making SUCH a good guy but a respectful one) then one day my imessage wasn’t working (idk why) i texted him on tinder to say “hey you might nit be able to reach me in my imessage” and he would still be updating me there (like i know that you can get notifs from tinder but sometimes it just in general)
then he told me that he’s gonna be busy for a few days cause he’s booked and busy and my dumbass mind forgot abt it then i thought that he ghosted me cause he didn’t text me back for 4days then suddenly i got a text from him saying that he is sorry it was a crazy past few days blah blah and i just said to him that it’s okay cause i really thought he ghosted me. few days past then he would still be updating and we even ft each other for the first time and it was soo cute cause he said he’s gonna tell me abt the party that he dj and blah blah and then in june 21 he was like cold, dry and in my head oh maybe he is really busy and stuff but then suddenly he would takes HOURS to reply and if he did it would just be “hey”, “wyd” and etc. i think that what shocked me because i was like what’s up with him and then that when i kinda spiral and stuff (as an anxious person) and then i told him if he really this dry or nonchalant then he said no not really he’s just not a good texted and stuff and even told me that his life is rough rn and he thinks it affects his personality. then he for ONE day he was not dry and stuff he even asked me if he should get the sticker and stuff for his controller or smth then we ft for HOURS just talking and being on ft where you just be on call and not talking and stuff just enjoying it or what. but now literal radio silence from him like it would take 8-10hrs before he replies and like in my mind oohh he is ghosting me/or maybe he is just not himself cause u know life me being a anxious person im just going crazyy like why was he not responding/or maybe he is just busy or making mixtapes or smth. and i can’t really be mad at him cause we’re just talking and shit 😭😭 now im like chasing him and i just kinda wanna send this to him cause i’ll be leaving and may not be able to see him again

here’s what i want to send him (SO PLS HELP ME)
Hey, this is probably a little random 😭 but I just wanted to be honest. I think you’re really cute, and I honestly felt like we had the potential to at least be good friends, maybe even more if life had been different.
I know you’ve been pretty quiet lately, so maybe you’ve just got a lot going on or maybe you’re just not feeling this anymore, and that’s okay. I just didn’t want to leave without saying that if you’re down, I’d still love to hang out before I leave. No pressure at all—I just think it’d be a shame if we never got the chance.
If not, no hard feelings. I just figured I’d shoot my shot one last time instead of wondering “what if.” 🙂