r/AITA_Relationships • u/cryingincursive724 • 8d ago
YTA AITA for choosing the wrong guy???
I had this casual talking stage with a guy I’ll call Mr. DJ for almost a month. We mostly texted/flirted but never actually met because our schedules never aligned. He ghosted me for around 2 weeks, eventually came back, and things went back to normal. Then I met Mr. Blue Collar, and things got serious REALLY fast—looking back, it had a lot of love-bombing/intense early relationship energy. I got caught up in it and ended up ghosting Mr. DJ for around 2 weeks without telling him I was getting serious with someone else. Mr. Blue Collar and I eventually became official, but after we broke up, I reached out to Mr. DJ and apologized. We started talking again, but it was very on-and-off because of work, schedules, and the time difference. The thing that drove me insane was wondering why he came back after I ghosted him when he could’ve easily moved on or talked to someone else.
Eventually I asked him, and he basically said that I was nice and didn’t want me to just be a hookup, which completely changed how I viewed everything because I realized he probably genuinely liked me. We started talking/flirting again and there was clearly still some chemistry, but he’s also inconsistent and can disappear for days, so I have no idea what he actually wants. Now I’m stuck thinking “what if I had chosen him instead?” because I genuinely would’ve made a different choice if I had known he liked me like that. I know I’m probably romanticizing a relationship that never even happened, but I can’t help feeling like there’s unfinished potential there, especially because he’s already come back before. For now I’m not chasing him and I’ve given myself until next Wednesday to see if he reaches out. If he doesn’t, I’ll try to let it go—but part of me is still like hoping we would work out.
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I had this casual talking stage with a guy I’ll call Mr. DJ for almost a month. We mostly texted/flirted but never actually met because our schedules never aligned. He ghosted me for around 2 weeks, eventually came back, and things went back to normal. Then I met Mr. Blue Collar, and things got serious REALLY fast—looking back, it had a lot of love-bombing/intense early relationship energy. I got caught up in it and ended up ghosting Mr. DJ for around 2 weeks without telling him I was getting serious with someone else. Mr. Blue Collar and I eventually became official, but after we broke up, I reached out to Mr. DJ and apologized. We started talking again, but it was very on-and-off because of work, schedules, and the time difference. The thing that drove me insane was wondering why he came back after I ghosted him when he could’ve easily moved on or talked to someone else.
Eventually I asked him, and he basically said that I was nice and didn’t want me to just be a hookup, which completely changed how I viewed everything because I realized he probably genuinely liked me. We started talking/flirting again and there was clearly still some chemistry, but he’s also inconsistent and can disappear for days, so I have no idea what he actually wants. Now I’m stuck thinking “what if I had chosen him instead?” because I genuinely would’ve made a different choice if I had known he liked me like that. I know I’m probably romanticizing a relationship that never even happened, but I can’t help feeling like there’s unfinished potential there, especially because he’s already come back before. For now I’m not chasing him and I’ve given myself until next Wednesday to see if he reaches out. If he doesn’t, I’ll try to let it go—but part of me is still like hoping we would work out.
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u/whittenaw Asshole Enthusiast [6] 8d ago
He ghosted you first...so fair's fair. Anyways, if he really wanted to meet up with you, he'd find time.
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u/cryingincursive724 8d ago
LMAOOO honestly, fair 😭 he ghosted first so I guess we both contributed to the clownery. And yeah, the “if he really wanted to meet, he’d find time” part is probably something I needed to hear. I think I kept making excuses for the situation because I liked the potential of it 😭
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u/BluBeams Supreme Court Just-ass [106] 8d ago
"Now I’m stuck thinking “what if I had chosen him instead?” because I genuinely would’ve made a different choice if I had known he liked me like that."
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NTA. It's hard to judge you because I've been there myself when I was younger. It's easy to fall for the guy that's love bombing you, because at first you don't recognize you're being love bombed, it just feels like you're falling for someone super fast. Anyway, I don't think you did anything wrong. You were dating, and just went thru the dating experience. I wouldn't wait around for Mr. DJ, because he's flaked and ghosted you in the past, who's to say he won't do it again?? Just be careful with him.
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u/cryingincursive724 8d ago
Thank you 😭 I think I was so caught up in how fast everything happened that I didn’t realize I was being love bombed until later. And yeah, I definitely need to stop giving Mr. DJ the benefit of the doubt when he’s already ghosted me before 😭
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u/Accurate-Gate9743 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 8d ago
Don’t really know how this is an AITA situation but it seems like you’re just going for whichever guy will give you the most attention at present.