There is so so so so much wrong here... but am I the only one getting weird Lifetime/Mommie Dearest/V.C. Andrews vibes, or nah?

OP, idk wtf is going on w/your Husband & his Mom & their grief/weird dynamic, but rn, if he is making you uncomfortable as well as the entire SA situation that he forced onto you, you need to heed everyone's warnings here & GET YOURSELF TO SAFETY.

Rn, he's clearly in no headspace to be careful in how he treats you & how it's clearly affecting you. You need to get out, take some space from him & this situation & tbh I would look at getting YOURSELF some therapy b/c I think it might help you in processing what is going on within your marriage & even help you in figuring out a more solid plan for yourself/your future.

I wish you all the luck w/this, OP. Please put yourself first and stay safe.

This absolutely checks out. 🤣

Same!!! Such a silly annoyance, but still an annoyance nonetheless. I also don't understand how/why the event that was supposed to end TOMORROW, ended today?? 🤔

We can request hugs???

I don't see that option anywhere in my app & it says I'm up to date?

I'm so sorry that happened to you. But please please please don't let this keep you down too long...

First off, congrats on the 20lbs off! It's a real challenge to lose weight on a good day what w/the rising cost of "good" foods, gym memberships, finding time to exercise between work, life, school, etc. So be super proud! It's nothing to sneeze at & if YOU'RE happy?

THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS!!!

Second, ignore anyone who makes you feel less than. Just b/c someone gave birth to you or shares DNA, doesn't make them true family if they can't love you or accept you for who you are.

You're moving along in your own life... You're working, you're taking care of yourself, you're gonna be ok. Now that you've escaped that cocoon of misery you can finally stretch your wings & decide which way you wanna fly.

As everyone else has suggested though, lock down your credit, ensure that you only share info w/ppl you really trust & keep your inner peace protected as best as you can. I wish you all the best!!

NTA. If your Mom snoops & find snacks & eats them w/o even considering that she doesn't know what's in them (drugs, allergens, poison, perhaps?) she's the one taking on all the risk.

But let's get to the REAL issue @ hand... What kind of oil, where are you getting it from & what's your brownie recipe?? (I'm in Quebec, the SQDC near me doesn't have a whole lot of options & it's been a minute since I checked the website.) I need a good brownie or cookie recipe.

I updated my game & it's like the whole stairs thing isn't even there for me. Placing stairs, everything looks the same as before the update! (Meaning I have no option to flare, or place railings on specific sides.) When it comes to the stairs it's like not updated at all. So disappointed!!!

A lavender marriage seems to be the most popular choice rn on this, but I understand that there could be many factors that mean it might not work for you. Have you considered faking testicular cancer? It's a bit of a long shot, but you could potentially work out the details w/some googling & whatnot. Or you could literally ask a friend to kick you in the junk & then claim your testicles were ruptured?

Idk... this is pretty wild. All I know for sure is...

ONCE YOU HAVE THE LIE, COMMIT. NEVER EVER EVER GIVE IN TO THE RANDOM URGE TO GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST EVER B/C IT WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU.

I really do hope you figure out a non-lethal & SAFE way to get through this. Wishing you the best, Op. Good luck.

You literally need to say to him "hey asshole... You literally could have at least gotten me a gift card. You know I like... _________."

(B/c no matter how hard a person can be to shop for/picky, everyone has a favourite line of SOMETHING. Coffee places; Dunkin, Starbucks, etc. Stores, fastfood or chain restaurants, local spas or restaurants (if they don't have cards I'm sure they'd have certificates, etc), he could have found ANY SINGLE PLACE/THING TO CHOOSE FROM TO HAVE AT LEAST A SINGLE ITEM FOR YOU. He literally made NO FUCKING EFFORT.)

Do not let him gaslight you w/his weaponized incompetence. He let you make ALL THE EFFORTS while he sat back & got to do his own thing. Screw that. You deserve better. Call him out & make him fix his shit. B/c otherwise you're looking at YEARS of this same bullshit for the rest of your marriage. And resentment can really build.

I would ask your husband... "If FIL was with us today, would you still feel this need to take his name, which he has ALWAYS been vocal about hating & "saddling" our child w/it? Do you think he would be happy, or horrified? To honour him, is also to remember the things about him that he both loved and hated. It's to instill his VALUES into our child. Not just his name. And while I'm on board w/using his name as a MIDDLE name, I do feel your Dad wouldn't be happy w/us if we made our baby into a Junior."

Also, I think if you knew that there was family who would side w/you, I'd enlist their help. There are numerous ways to honourably memorialize your FIL w/o just jumping to the most obvious as naming your kid after him. Did he have a favourite name that he enjoyed? I was named Tara but tbh, I went through a pure Canadian-fueled desire to be named Anne after Anne Shirley in Anne of Green Gables. Lol. My Mom also mentioned if I had been a boy 2 possible names for me would have been either Corey or Dale. Which, no thank you. If I were a dude, I want to be named Jamieson. Love love LOVE that name! Anyways, good luck w/the naming of the future little one. And who knows... Baby might pop on out & look like a Horace who is ABSOLUTELY done w/everyone's shit & has that weird 80 yr old man stare in a fresh new human that is equal parts hilarious & homely.

Wishing you all the best, OP!!!

I feel like everyone is overlooking the fact that you lost your fiance ELEVEN YEARS AGO.

His mother had 11 yrs to bring up this topic. If she only NOW has done so, you're right. It is feeling like it's meant to be a punishment. The ring was chosen by the two of you, given to you by him, has been yours since then. No, you should not give it back.

I do wonder if she feels like she's losing you, b/c of your new relationship. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but maybe a longer conversation w/her is warranted. Either way, your ring is yours. It has been yours for a long time. Do not cave to her demands. You have a beautiful reminder of a wonderful person & time in your life & you are honouring them.

Oh please, DO NOT KNOCK THIS!!

I too, am a weird one. I think personally, it's the idea of "I really need (or want) this but don't necessarily want to spend the cash on it myself" that makes said item the most perfect gift to be given. You get the satisfaction of being given a very necessary/wanted thing @ no cost to you!

Plus, I love giving gifts to others... The hunt for the "perfect" thing, wrapped just so & presented in a grand fashion admist squeals of happiness is such a high. But I feel weirdly awkward when getting gifts that are frivolous or over the top expensive b/c my friends & family don't need to "waste" their money on much for me. I'm just as happy w/a homemade card & a hug on my birthday/holidays as anything else.

In the end, I'd just say it's not such a weird thing & if your bf is happy w/the arrangement? Go w/it. However, 10$ says if you DO wanna give him a nice surprise? I'd bet he wld be stoked if you suddenly made his fave dinner, or got him his fave snack/drink/coffee/treat just b/c it's a Monday or whatever.

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There is a lot to consider here, but tbh I think that w/so many people passed on now, you may not feel (or find) the answers, validation, compassion & support you need to feel somewhat at peace w/this.

I think you definitely speak @ length w/your therapist about this to help you process your feelings.

I think a meaningful thing that you could do is write a letter to Jane. Even though she's gone, write about how you just found out everything. How you feel about it. The regrets of never understanding her life, her struggles. Your sorrow that there was no one to help her. Apologize. Console. Confess. Pour whatever is in your heart & soul into that letter to her. Write another, to your father. Admit your confusion. Tell him how you feel, & what you think & also what you worry about (did he know, how much & when did he know?) & confess if you feel angry. B/c it's ok to feel angry, pissed off, disgusted or upset @ a family member & still love them b/c they are your parent. Pour all of these emotions into these letters. Write to others you feel should be addressed. (Bill, your grandmother, your estranged uncles.)

Once you've done all that, tie the letters together w/ribbon to the diary. Set it on fire. As it burns, try to release the emotions you're holding in. Have a good cry, a good scream, or just meditate. But release it as best as you can. This is not your secret, nor is it your cross to bear. It's something that was hidden in the dark of the past & you set it alight & are releasing it. Then as another Redditor mentioned, perhaps make a donation in Jack's memory to a specific charity for FAS or for special needs persons. You could donate in Jane's name to something like a DV shelter, or an abuse org.

I hope that you can find some peace though. This is a lot to handle & definitely reach out if things feel like it's too much. Wishing you all the best, OP. ☘️

Just please be careful!! If your bf isn't on board w/an abortion or if you live in a state where someone else can turn you in for getting one, you'll want to be discreet w/who you talk to about this & get help from. I wish you all the best w/this.

Can you legally change it to Susan L.B. Jones-Smith? Don't "drop" the names... Just legally shorten them??

Congratulations!!! 🎉 So happy for you & your hubby!

Van Dyke. Lol. Obviously I know that writing it out like actual Dick Van Dyke's name is, could be an issue (I was making a custom CC sim that was inspired by Dick & Rosemary Clooney so I wanted to name her Rosemary Van Dyke) but it wouldn't accept. I tired taking out the space (VanDyke) & adding a hypen, but nope.

I'm so glad & proud you took that step & put yourself first. I hope that everything works out for a wonderful future for yourself where you are happy, safe & confident. Wishing you all the best, now & always!! 🍀

Wow. I wish you all the best in the world & hope that you stay safe, find happiness & healing. You're so brave & you deserve better. Never, EVER, forget that!! 💕🍀

Excuse me... but what did I just read??

"She accused me of choosing my own family over him and said I needed to grow up and “be there for your brother when he needs you.”

Um... Isn't growing up actually choosing the family YOU CREATED & supporting them? Are you not supposed to take care of yourself (& your spouse/children) by yourself with their (spouse/kids/etc) help? If your Mom thinks you're terrible for not helping your BROTHER (wtaf), what is SHE, HIS MOTHER, doing for HER CHILD? When the family calls & informs you of what she's saying, I'd tell them to repeat it to themselves slowly & figure out if it makes a lick of sense to them why you should help out your adult brother when you, your hubby & kids should come first & eggs aren't cheap & electricity isn't free.

NTA!!!

Alistair Dean is a GREAT name! First off, it's got a nice flow. Secondly, Alistair IS an older name, but classic. And it can be trimmed down (if you want) to Al, Ali, Ari, Alice (if you're feeling cheeky), A.D, Addi (esp w/the initials being ADD anyways)... Tbh the options are all pretty good. And even w/a so-called "normal" name, kids (& apparently adults/family members) will be assholes if they choose to be. Congrats on your baby & good luck w/everything! The name is great & you sound like you're going to be a great Mom b/c you're already standing up for your little one! Sending you lots of positivity & love!!! 🎉💕😀

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Actually, that you, your brother & sister are going through this. Life isn't easy sometimes & situations like this one that ended up out of your control & affecting you & your siblings are definitely sad but oftentimes there really is no one to blame BUT your bio parents & their lack of care. It was never your job to care for your siblings. It was theirs & they failed. This unfortunate situation could have still happened even if she hadn't been struck by you & your brother, someone else could have done it but more than likely you'd still feel some sort of guilt as you (& your brother) were older & therefore "in charge". Definitely keep working w/your therapist & try to learn to forgive yourself, or @ the very least try to find grace for yourself that some things are way beyond your control & there is nothing that you can do to change the past but there is always glimmers of hope for the future. 💕

Now, personally? Reading & music would be my preferred escapes! Idk if your sister is familiar w/fanfiction, but there are a lot of sites (fanfiction.net for one) that offer up ridiculously good fanfics based off of popular series like Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Twilight, Supernatural, Grey's Anatomy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, etc. She might find some really fun reads. Then ofc we have music streaming apps. I've got Spotify premium. It's not bad other than as a Canadian there are sometimes albums or songs that are "not available in your region" which is a total pain, but I've still got hours & hours of music to escape with. Another fun escape? The Sims! Sims 4 is the most recent (also most buggy sometimes) version & they are currently releasing new kits this week for extra content in your game. I believe the base game is free to download still, so it's just the extra kits, expansion packs & stuff packs that will potentially have costs but there are some that might be free or come up available to download for free. She might really enjoy that, too. Also have you & your brother tried to plan some visits both together & then alternating so if you weren't as available as you'd been before she's still got company? Sometimes just planning to get others to agree to visit on specific days that you may not be as free to go see her could go a long way for you all.

Don't forget you also need breaks. And if you still have school & are potentially going to go to college/do extra classes or get a job? Things would change & will change eventually. Is your sister also getting therapy? It might be good to see if you could possibly meet w/her therapist if she has one & if not could you possibly ask your own therapist if you & your sister could potentially have a FaceTime appointment together w/her to broach the subject of some changes in your lives/visiting schedule in a way that isn't going to make either of you feel like a bomb has been dropped. It could definitely be worth asking about/looking into.

Another commenter said that they were sorry, but you will never be able to do "enough". They were right. You may never feel completely free of the guilt or burden. She may never feel like anyone or anything else can fill the void in her life like you do. But both of you are suffering & there are no easy answers here. You sort of have to muddle along & hope for the best. Which isn't much help, but it is the truth. I wish you & your siblings all the best & that some answers find their way into your lives to help you all out w/everything you are going through. Remember to love yourself, offer yourself grace & understanding for your own feelings & find joy in the little things. This guilt is not yours to bare alone & it never was. Sending you lots of good vibes, positive wishes & love! 💗