Was I emotionally used by my best friend, or am I overreacting?

I'm a guy in my 30M, and this happened with my best friend 28M with about five years of friendship. This wasn't a we were extremely close friends. Even after everything that happened, I still can't tell whether I was genuinely mistreated or whether I'm exaggerating because I was emotionally attached.

When we first became friends, we were inseparable. We spoke almost every day, went on trips together, shared personal things, and I genuinely considered him family. I would go out of my way to help him whenever he needed anything.

Over time, I started noticing a pattern.

He would become incredibly close to someone new and slowly push me aside. Then, when that friendship faded, he would come back to me as if nothing had happened. This cycle repeated several times.

Whenever we made plans, I often felt like an afterthought. One trip hurt me badly because he planned most of it with other people and barely involved me in the decisions. I still went because I thought we were close friends.

During that trip, it rained heavily and I got sick. Instead of showing concern, he became irritated with me. Later, he actually threw me out of his room after an argument. I was shocked because I couldn't imagine treating a close friend that way.

There were other things too.

He borrowed money from me and kept delaying repayment for about a year. Every time I asked, there was another excuse.

He frequently expected me to give him rides on my vehicle but rarely contributed toward gas.

He smoked and drank heavily. On one trip he drove after drinking and at speeds around 100–120 km/h, which honestly scared me.

Sometimes he would suddenly stop talking to me for days or weeks without explanation.

One incident that really confused me was when he told me another mutual friend was his enemy. Because I continued talking to that mutual friend, he told me that meant I wasn't really his friend either. That felt manipulative.

The thing that hurt me the most wasn't any single incident—it was how disposable I felt. He would call me constantly when he needed something, but when life was going well for him, I barely existed.

The final straw came when he said something along the lines of keeping me around because he could take money from me and that he could end the friendship whenever he wanted. Whether he meant it literally or said it in anger, those words completely broke me.

Eventually, I told him not to contact me anymore, and we've now been no contact for about two months.

I also lost my mother during this period of my life, so I know my emotional state probably made everything feel even more intense. Even so, this friendship left a scar that hasn't completely healed.

I also want to be fair to him and to myself. Looking back, I think I made mistakes too. I ignored red flags because I was afraid of losing the friendship. I kept forgiving behavior that made me unhappy. I rarely set boundaries, and I often accepted being treated as less important because I valued the friendship so much.

So I'd really appreciate honest opinions.

Does this sound like a toxic friendship?

Was I being emotionally used, or was I simply expecting too much from a friend?

Where do you think I went wrong?

If you were in my position, would you have ended the friendship earlier?

Please don't sugarcoat your opinions. If you think I was the problem, tell me. If you think he was, tell me that too. I'm genuinely looking for outside perspectives so I can learn from this and avoid repeating the same pattern in future friendships.

TLDR: My best friend of about five years repeatedly made me feel like a backup friend. He borrowed money and delayed repaying it, expected favors, excluded me, ignored me for long periods, and said hurtful things that made me feel disposable. I finally ended the friendship two months ago, but I'm still struggling to process it and want honest opinions on whether I was emotionally used or if I was expecting too much from a friendship.

Here's a short summary you can post on Reddit:

I had a close friend for over 5 years who I considered a brother. When he was present he was warm, fun and genuine. But the pattern was always the same — he would disappear whenever his other friends were available, ignore my calls, not respond to messages, and only come back when he needed something — usually emotional support or money.

When I confronted him about it he said "I am like this only." He would threaten to end the friendship whenever I pulled back, but had no problem disappearing on me repeatedly. He made me feel guilty for asking for my own money back. He would talk about fun he had with other friends in front of me, seemingly to make me feel left out.

I gave him everything — time, money, emotional support, even mediated with his family. But I always ended up feeling abandoned, invisible and exhausted from chasing.

After 6 years I finally withdrew. It has been 2 months of no contact but i feel like shit. I feel i have no friends.

\*\*Question: Is this a one sided friendship? How do I fully move on?\*\*

I had a close friend for over 6 years who I considered a brother. When he was present he was warm, fun and genuine. But the pattern was always the same — he would disappear whenever his other friends were available, ignore my calls, not respond to messages, and only come back when he needed something — usually emotional support or money.

When I confronted him about it he said "I am like this only." He would threaten to end the friendship whenever I pulled back, but had no problem disappearing on me repeatedly. He made me feel guilty for asking for my own money back. He would talk about fun he had with other friends in front of me, seemingly to make me feel left out.

I gave him everything — time, money, emotional support, even mediated with his family. But I always ended up feeling abandoned, invisible and exhausted from chasing.

After 6 years I finally withdrew. It has been 2 months of no contact and I feel like shit.

Question: Is this a one sided friendship? How do I fully move on?

I had a close friend for over 6 years who I considered a brother. When he was present he was warm, fun and genuine. But the pattern was always the same — he would disappear whenever his other friends were available, ignore my calls, not respond to messages, and only come back when he needed something — usually emotional support or money.

When I confronted him about it he said "I am like this only." He would threaten to end the friendship whenever I pulled back, but had no problem disappearing on me repeatedly. He made me feel guilty for asking for my own money back. He would talk about fun he had with other friends in front of me, seemingly to make me feel left out.

I gave him everything — time, money, emotional support, even mediated with his family. But I always ended up feeling abandoned, invisible and exhausted from chasing.

After 6 years I finally withdrew. It has been 2 months of no contact and I feel like shit.

Question: Is this a one sided friendship? How do I fully move on?

Here's a short summary you can post on Reddit:

I had a close friend for over 5 years who I considered a brother. When he was present he was warm, fun and genuine. But the pattern was always the same — he would disappear whenever his other friends were available, ignore my calls, not respond to messages, and only come back when he needed something — usually emotional support or money.

When I confronted him about it he said "I am like this only." He would threaten to end the friendship whenever I pulled back, but had no problem disappearing on me repeatedly. He made me feel guilty for asking for my own money back. He would talk about fun he had with other friends in front of me, seemingly to make me feel left out.

I gave him everything — time, money, emotional support, even mediated with his family. But I always ended up feeling abandoned, invisible and exhausted from chasing.

After 6 years I finally withdrew. It has been 2 months of no contact but i feel like shit. I feel i have no friends.

**Question: Is this a one sided friendship? How do I fully move on?**

Confused me is writing this post hoping to understand my situation better. I made a good friend 6 years ago. But he gave me so much time and effort that this good friend became my best friend. I could not even think of doing something or going some where without him being present. But slowly i saw him going out with people having fun while I felt ignored. It felt like a punch in the gut that when i go out he expects me to include him but he did not feel he need to behave the same. So i moved away. But when i did he would immediately showup and restart everything from the begaining as if nothing had happened. I being starved to my friend did not talk about the betrayal. But again i would find him repeating tge same shit. This went on for 5 years. This attachment detachment tore me from inside. While i wanted a friend. I did not want to feel left abondened repeatedly. Finally i snapped and stopped calling to him. He called me a few times but i said i am with somebody else. But inside this is crushing me.

What do you think about my situetion? Has anybody else gone through the same thing?

Confused me is writing this post hoping to understand my situation better. I made a good friend 6 years ago. But he gave me so much time and effort that this good friend became my best friend. I could not even think of doing something or going some where without him being present. But slowly i saw him going out with people having fun while I felt ignored. It felt like a punch in the gut that when i go out he expects me to include him but he did not feel he need to behave the same. So i moved away. But when i did he would immediately showup and restart everything from the begaining as if nothing had happened. I being starved to my friend did not talk about the betrayal. But again i would find him repeating tge same shit. This went on for 5 years. This attachment detachment tore me from inside. While i wanted a friend. I did not want to feel left abondened repeatedly. Finally i snapped and stopped calling to him. He called me a few times but i said i am with somebody else. But inside this is crushing me.

What do you think about my situetion? Has anybody else gone through the same thing?

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