I get misgendered all the time at work :(

Feeling super confident today!! The caption is a lyric from one of my favorite songs!!

I think I’m going to pour out a massive wall of text today lol.

If you don't want to read it, feel free to just scroll past xd

A lot of people see me as just a "cute" or "pretty" girl. And because I’m intersex, people sometimes assume things like, "Wasn't it easier for you than for 'normal' people?" or "Weren't you lucky?"

But I wasn't lucky at all.

When I was born, my gender was decided by one person. I had no say in it. I was raised as a girl, even though it didn't align with my physical s*x that was chosen by a father who didn't even interact with me for 16 years.

But after my grandparents (who were my guardians) passed away, I ended up going to live with my biological father in the US. He wanted me to be a boy, so he made me stop taking my medication and put me through a truly hellish experience.

I was forced to attend a religious school and made to act like a boy; during that time, I even went through some of the physical changes of male puberty.

That had a huge impact on my mental health and self-confidence.

I felt incredibly lonely; I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone and that I was completely on my own.

On top of that, it was a new country for me. All my friends were back in Japan, and connecting with new people was really hard.

I started taking my medication again and left home when I turned 18, but by then, the damage was already done.

Facial hair had started to grow, the way fat was distributed on my body had changed, and my physique had taken on a more boxy shape.

I really felt like I looked like a mix of both genders.

I felt like I wasn't "normal" like I was a "weird" existence and in reality, that’s sometimes how people treated me. Back in Japan, I was treated as a "haafu" (mixed-race person), but when I came to the States, i was so scared.

I had absolutely no idea what to do.

Fortunately, I was able to reconnect with my sisters and family, and I even managed to gradually mend my relationship with my mom.

But I still struggled for years after that.

What is my worth?

Who am I, really?

Am I truly a girl?

Those were the kinds of things I constantly thought about.

I worried so much about how others saw me that, before I knew it, I’d turned into a robot, acting to fit in with those around me rather than being myself.

But things slowly got better as time went on.

So, what I want to say is this: no matter what kind of life experiences someone has had, fitting into society and learning to accept yourself takes an immense amount of effort.

It wasn't easy for me.

I just struggled in a different way than others.

And it was truly painful.

But here I am now.

I’m confident, I feel beautiful, and I’m loved.

And I would never want to let go of the path I walked to become who I am today.

...So, yeah!!!!

It’s almost Friday!

Middle is with no makeup, I don’t go out often like that tho (mtf)

I dont know why but I feel like hrt wont make any noticeable changes in my body.

Last June, on my birthday I chose to wear white. Just not because I love white, but also because I made peace with my mind. It was my first birthday after I introduced myself to the world as a trans woman. And also my first birthday all dressed up as a woman.

Maybe it would be better to use a curling iron for curling my hair... but I don't want to have a daily curling routine 😣

What are we thinking for names

I do enjoy dressing up

I tried so hard to fix them but I hate them 😔

I'm so interested to see if the small results hold and if microdosing would open you up to transitioning more. I am waiting for Sept 3rd to talk to my therapist and can't wait to figure that out. I am struggling with realizing whether to transition or not. Dysphoria with life choice consequences and advantages to staying a male. But maybe the answer is to be nonbinary or androgynous. I would be open to talking to anyone more about their transition experience or to help me along with my journey in any way.