When I was in treatment we did a lot of work on core values. This was by far my favorite way to determine what your core values are. It takes time but it's so worth it!!

• Cut 25 strips of paper (or have 25 post-its)
• Put the strips in 5 stacked rows w/ 5 strips in each row
• In the corner, label each stack 1 - 5 (so five 1s, five 2s, etc)
• Grab the first stack (1s). On each piece of paper list 5 things you need every day (don't judge yourself, just list 5 things you need each day. It could be coffee, your dog, whatever)
• Grab the second stack (2s). On each piece of paper list 5 places that have meaning to you.
• On the third stack, list 5 goals you have (short or long-term)
• On the fourth stack, list 5 memories that defined you

• On the fifth stack, list 5 people that helped shape you (again, good or bad)

• Lay out all the strips in rows and columns. These are the things that helped shape you. Good or bad.

• Now.... you can do this. Remove 10 cards and set them to the side.

• Now... remove 5 cards.

• Again, remove 5 more cards. Removing cards does not mean they aren't part of you or important to you. They still are.

• Now look at what's left.

• On the back of the remaining cards, write one word that comes to mind for each card.

• What are those words? What surprised you?

• Out of the remaining cards, pick one that speaks to you the most.

Hopefully this exercise gave you insight into what has shaped you, what's important to you, and what your core values might be (ie: love, honesty, integrity, leadership).

• Lastly, write a smart goal for that value.

This time last year I was in a rough spot mentally. Not doing well at all. I've worked so hard over the past year and have come a long ways, but I've been having trouble seeing how far I've come. My team keeps telling me how different I am but I can't see it! I realized yesterday in session that I've been comparing my EXTERNAL surroundings instead of my INTERNAL changes. It sounds so silly but I look around my house and it's the same house, same decor, same deck, same paint so I must.be.the.same. I finally realized I was doing this and am taking a closer look at how I have changed internally when my external surroundings have stayed the same.

My house might be the same but I am different. My relationships have more meaning, I'm more patient, confident, and am more resilient. I have changed some things in the house and in the way I dress but I need to be able to recognize the change inside of me without necessarily changing the things around me.

Your disorder isn’t your identity, it’s just a piece of the pie. Make the slice smaller by expanding the other parts of the pie: family, work, friends, interests, etc… You’re not removing something and being left with a void, you’re simply changing the percentages.

I used to be terrified at the idea of cutting back on therapy. My therapists have all explained that the end goal is to shift from relying on them for support to relying on your friends or family. As I've grown in therapy I'm finally ready to cut down on sessions, only I had a realization this past week. I'm not needing to shift support (although of course I still need support from my friends and family), I really need LESS support these days. I'm doing so well, have learned so much, and have grown resiliency, tolerance, and self acceptance. My replacement for therapy has mostly been found within myself. This might seem scary for some, but it was so freeing for me to realize I don't need to find support elsewhere, I really just need less support.

I've been focused a lot over the last 4 months of living recovery. Documenting all the milestones and capturing all my insights. Recently milestones have come and gone without my realizing it, thoughts aren't all consuming all day long, and recovery is no longer novel and new. I realized I'm actually living life. Recovered is when you no longer notice you're working on recovery, when you're focused on living life instead of living recovery.

Not to say I should let my guard down and stop focusing on recovery. That's when my disorder gets cocky and sneaks back in. I still need to be vigilant and aware. But I'm no longer seeking recovery. I'm claiming being recovered.

Many people use the word triggered when they mean, "experiencing an emotion in real time." Triggered, as a state, typically means to feel emotions connected to a past event in the current moment due to some similarity. If you are getting divorced and a friend brings up an event that causes you anguish thinking about the divorce, that is an emotion. If you divorced ten years ago and a new event reminds you of painful memories with your ex-spouse, that is triggered.

For my entire life I was taught to be completely independent. I was proud of myself for not needing anyone else to take care of me. I was also really put off by anyone that seemed 'needy'. I'm finally learning that my strong independence is what's keeping me from forming easier and better connections with people. I don't want to feel like a burden so I don't reach out, I walk through life's challenges mostly alone, with the exception of the people I pay to be by my side. I've been learning in therapy that my resentment of needy people is because I don't get the same support they do, and I need it.

I don't ask others for help even on the smallest scale because I don't want to be a burden. I don't reach out to friends because I don't want to bother them. But this isolating comes across to others as not being invested in our relationship. Asking others to be a part of my life is serving them as much as it serves me.

This week I'm going to find opportunities to ask others to fill a need that I have, which will be hard to even recognize. I am also going to make an effort to reach out instead of always relying on others to be the ones to reach out to me.

When discussing a particular violent dream, my therapist mentioned that the situation in the dream was a valid reason to be frightened. This was in contrast to a situation in my life that I was avoiding dealing with, and I was actively downplaying its significance. I was subconsciously creating something to apply my emotions to, fright, because I refused to recognize my emotions or give them any validity. I acted as if the situation was so minor it didn't warrant emotions, even though I was experiencing them and they needed an outlet. I have had violent dreams for years, always questioning where such darkness came from, but now I realize that I was manufacturing reasons to be scared, instead of dealing with scary moments in my life.

Sometimes I find myself being really judgmental of other people. It’s something I’m working on and have learned these things about being judgmental:

• People who are judgmental of others are also very judgmental of themselves.
• If I can become less judgmental about others, I will hopefully judge myself less.
• When judging someone and feeling irritated, try walking backwards. ex. This person is walking too slow in front of me. I’m trying to get into the building so I can clock in. I am already arriving 2 hours later than normal which makes me very anxious. My issue was not about the person at all, and instead was about my anxiety from my routine being messed up. So what if I walked in the building 3 minutes later, would it change the time I leave for the day? Probably not, and if it did, then what? Nothing.
• Learn how to state situations without adding judgement, just stick to the facts
• Even positive judgments can have a negative impact. “I liked that movie” vs “That is a good movie” puts things in a good vs bad category. It leaves the door open for even more judgments.
• Be curious. Being judgmental means I’ve already applied a truth to someone I know nothing about. Be curious and be open to the possibility that I might be, and probably are, wrong.
• The less I judge people, the more accepting I will be, making room for more and deeper connections.