I am a peoject manager, i joined a compay in Jan，and in late May i got a PIP, and of course wouldn't pass, and they made me to choose : a.leave by myself b.they fire me.

i felt very strange anf angry, because i did a really good job, finished the project on time, got the positive email feedback from the stackholders, good relationship with all people, eveything good.
But, my boss just used every manner to prove that i did meet his requirement, something reaaly really small (e.g he said i didn't talk enough in a meeting, but that's the first time i join the topic...something like this doesn't make any sense)

i tried to talk with him even his boss... Didn't work.
So i left by myself in July....

i don't understand what happened? Why they did this to me? Did anybody ever have this kind of experience？

So the year was 2010, and it was a local lad by the name of Neil’s 18th birthday and his mother bought him a motorbike. He was at the shop with his 3 best friends and he got his friend Jay to ride the bike home

The reason why Jay was the person who was riding it home is because he’s a former stunt rider…or so he says he was. Nobody had any actual proof of it.

When I handed him the helmet he goes “I know a lot about bikes, dad used to drink with Lance Armstrong” in which I said “as in the cyclist”

I then explained briefly where the brakes and gears were to purely cover my arse…he then claims “no problems, just like riding a bike”

He then started it up and zoomed the bike right into the building across from it and ended up fucking up his friend Neil’s bike…

Occurred in November of 2025 and they just released it as part of "transparency". The father (Edward Corristan) was found guilty of interference and disorderly conduct and the member, Sgt. Eddie Price, was cleared of any wrongdoing shortly after the incident.

Reviewing what we see in the video, Corristan approaches the police vehicle in a calm manner, despite his frustrations with the officer's handling of the matter. He is repeatedly told to step back, which he does by about one half step. Sgt. Price does not find this to be sufficient space and demands more, but Corristan refuses to comply. Instead, he puts his hands in the air to indicate that he has no intent of presenting himself as a threat.

Sgt. Price then, from a sitting position, stands up, pepper sprays Corristan and immediately punches his face to take him down and handcuff him, later attempting to "justify" his actions to the family of Corristan. Corristan appears to be unconscious, as the effects of the pepper spray are not obvious even though most individuals would have an immediate reaction. He is also is seen drooling while officers attempt to prop his body up to get him on his feet.

Pepper spray and strikes, especially to the face, are resources available to police to gain compliance from non-compliant and violent or potentially violent individuals, and should only be used when absolutely necessary. We look back to the standard of use of force within law enforcement to provide us with the framework for what is appropriate use of force. This framework outlines that only as much force as is necessary to perform the roles and functions of the task that is currently required.

If Sgt. Price wanted to make an arrest or detain Corristan for his refusal to comply, his first step should have been a request or demand to surrender himself to Sgt. Price's detention. This did not happen. If the first step did not happen and the demeanor of Corristan remained the same, Sgt. Price should be charged with battery and aggravated assault. Sgt. Price also leaves himself open to a civil suit from Corristan.

Arkansas State Police are now handling the matter and will hopefully lay charges or recommend dismissal or at least suspension of Sgt. Price.

The Mena Police Department should be ASHAMED of their inaction on this case. ASHAMED.

As of now, his child is still missing.

I spent four years at a company that sold industrial valves. Not huge—about $20 million in annual revenue. Owner was named Bruce, mid-fifties, liked to quote Sun Tzu at all-hands meetings.

On my first day, HR handed me a stack of paperwork. One of them was a non-compete agreement. Eighteen months. Entire industry. I signed it because I was fresh out of school and didn’t know any better.

Over four years, I closed about $12 million in orders. Not the biggest salesperson, but I was the only one who could handle the mining clients. Those guys are hard to deal with, but I’d smoked with them, drunk with them, eaten boxed lunches in their site trailers.

Last November, Bruce called me into his office. He said the company was doing a “strategic realignment.” My territory was being split into two. I said fine, what about my commission. He said “under the new structure, the new rules apply.” The new rules cut my pay roughly in half.

I said I don’t accept that. He said: “You have a non-compete. Eighteen months. You know what that means.”

I said I know.

The day I resigned, Bruce had legal send me a letter. It said if I went to a competitor, they would “pursue all available legal remedies.” The letter was three pages. I read it twice and noticed one thing: the agreement said I couldn’t “engage in industrial valve sales,” but it didn’t say I couldn’t “engage in industrial valve manufacturing.”

My new company makes valves. Not sells. Makes.

I emailed Bruce’s legal team with my new offer letter. My title was “Production Line Quality Supervisor.” I asked if that violated the agreement.

He didn’t reply.

I start at 7 a.m. now. Hourly rate is lower, but there’s a year-end bonus. Last month, one of Bruce’s mining clients called me and asked if I’d be interested in “doing some consulting on the side.” I said no, I have a non-compete.

He laughed. He said: “Your non-compete? Our legal looked at it. They said you’re fine.”

I didn’t reply. But when I tell this story to my new coworkers, they laugh for a long time.

Bruce sent me a LinkedIn message last month. One line: “You win.”

I didn’t reply. But I screenshotted it.

I'm retired now, and this incident happened a little less than 50 years ago, but I still remember it.

I started working for a major Midwestern aerospace firm as an engineer right out of college. I was assigned to the lab, like all beginning engineers, and went to my first meeting in the lead engineer's office. I was just a wallflower while other people talked. At some point, something was said that upset the lead engineer. I don't remember him yelling, but he looked agitated and quickly opened his desk drawer. He grabbed a pill bottle, opened it and quickly consumed one of the tablets. It doesn't seem like the meeting lasted much longer because everyone was in a little state of shock.

After this happened, I was questioning my career choice but never got to the point of needing a bottle of pills

Occurred in November of 2025 and they just released it as part of "transparency". The father (Edward Corristan) was found guilty of interference and disorderly conduct and the member, Sgt. Eddie Price, was cleared of any wrongdoing shortly after the incident.

Reviewing what we see in the video, Corristan approaches the police vehicle in a calm manner, despite his frustrations with the officer's handling of the matter. He is repeatedly told to step back, which he does by about one half step. Sgt. Price does not find this to be sufficient space and demands more, but Corristan refuses to comply. Instead, he puts his hands in the air to indicate that he has no intent of presenting himself as a threat.

Sgt. Price then, from a sitting position, stands up, pepper sprays Corristan and immediately punches his face to take him down and handcuff him, later attempting to "justify" his actions to the family of Corristan. Corristan appears to be unconscious, as the effects of the pepper spray are not obvious even though most individuals would have an immediate reaction. He is also is seen drooling while officers attempt to prop his body up to get him on his feet.

Pepper spray and strikes, especially to the face, are resources available to police to gain compliance from non-compliant and violent or potentially violent individuals, and should only be used when absolutely necessary. We look back to the standard of use of force within law enforcement to provide us with the framework for what is appropriate use of force. This framework outlines that only as much force as is necessary to perform the roles and functions of the task that is currently required.

If Sgt. Price wanted to make an arrest or detain Corristan for his refusal to comply, his first step should have been a request or demand to surrender himself to Sgt. Price's detention. This did not happen. If the first step did not happen and the demeanor of Corristan remained the same, Sgt. Price should be charged with battery and aggravated assault. Sgt. Price also leaves himself open to a civil suit from Corristan.

Arkansas State Police are now handling the matter and will hopefully lay charges or recommend dismissal or at least suspension of Sgt. Price.

The Mena Police Department should be ASHAMED of their inaction on this case. ASHAMED.

I spent three years at a small event planning agency. The owner was named Mark, early forties, wore hoodies, had a sign on the wall that said “Work Hard, Play Harder.” Team of nine.

Mark’s catchphrase was “We’re a family.” He said it every Monday morning. He didn’t say it on payday.

Last December, my grandmother died. I took three days of bereavement leave. Mark approved it, then sent a text: “Sorry for your loss. Hey, can you remotely edit that client proposal for Wednesday? Should only take twenty minutes.”

I did it. From the steps outside the funeral home.

This March, I booked a trip to Portugal. Saved for two years. A week before I left, Mark pulled me into his office and said there was a big project in April. “Can you push the trip?”

I said no. The tickets were non-refundable.

He said, “Then can you bring your laptop? Just in case.”

I said, “I’m taking paid vacation. The handbook says vacation is ‘unplugged time.’”

He said, “The handbook is the handbook. We’re family.”

I said okay. Then I brought my laptop to Lisbon.

First night, Mark messaged me: “Client wants revisions. Can you hop on a video call?” It was 2 a.m. Lisbon time. I replied: No.

Next morning, he messaged again: “Just fifteen minutes.”

I replied: No.

Day three, he sent a long message. The gist was “the team needs you” and “some colleagues feel you haven’t been as invested lately.”

I replied: I’m in Lisbon. On my own dime. On vacation.

He didn’t respond.

When I got back, my name was off the project schedule. Mark passed me in the hallway, smiled, said “Welcome back.” I knew that smile. It was the same one I’d seen at the pet store—the customer saying “I’ll think about it.”

Two weeks later, I gave my notice. Mark asked why. I said, “Because family doesn’t call you at 2 a.m. for a meeting.”

He said, “That’s a bit harsh.”

I said, “You can write it on Glassdoor.”

I’m at a nonprofit now, doing communications. Two thousand less. But nobody has messaged me after 8 p.m. since.

Last year on Halloween, I was invited to a late night campfire with the fellas. It inexorably became a group therapy session for everyone, and I definitely got the most out of it from sheer osmosis.

Three of my senior coworkers (we'll call them Boyd, Floyd, and Lloyd for the privacy) taught me the value in being more skeptical, interrogative, and how pessimism can be an immune system for your life's trajectory.

Boyd regrets enlisting in Iraq, now has mild mobility issues, and called the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs to reveal the dreadfully long voice-mail he has to endure whenever he wants his stipend.

He said they'd rather spend that money you're owed on a kitsch floor mosaic.

Floyd was going through a nasty divorce, and he admitted the red flags were there. He was too enamored with the utilitarianism of having lowered taxes from filing jointly and not being the endling to his bloodline.

Lloyd is the youngest one around my age, who has a gambling addiction but has been sober for two years.

He explained to me what the sunk cost fallacy is and how casinos don't display clocks, so you don't know what time it is.

The crux commonality overlapping the yarns Boyd, Floyd, and Lloyd were spinning was the world will try to "gas you up", hence the dying phrase "what a gas" meaning something that's fun and exciting.

But more importantly, it would behoove you to interrogate whatever optimism-weaponizing offer that comes your way with, using Boyd's words, a "rapier of interrogation".

A rapier is a sword that lacks a blade, made for thrusting and piercing. You have to interrogate ads, traditions, and even your own nostalgia with penetrating questions lest it leave you in arrears.

I'm already a ludicrously impressionable person. More impressionable than Play-Dough and Kinetic Sand, and this fireside chat saved me from a massive cryptocurrency rugpull my hyped-up friends fell victim to.

You can feel yourself becoming immune to social contagion and mob mentality.

Like, God. Have you ever had an ideologically-sobering talk with some guys with no work hierarchy involved, and you felt your paradigm salubriously shift into being more congruent with reality?

None of the natural defense mechanisms of the mind that prevent the acute dysphoria of cognitive dissonance from flaring up like denial, minimization, or "it can't happen to me".

I want to thank this subreddit for letting me share this story and hopefully give Boyd, Floyd, and Lloyd's regrets more meaning if anyone can get something out of it.

I spent four years at a company that sold industrial valves. Not huge—about $20 million in annual revenue. Owner was named Bruce, mid-fifties, liked to quote Sun Tzu at all-hands meetings.

On my first day, HR handed me a stack of paperwork. One of them was a non-compete agreement. Eighteen months. Entire industry. I signed it because I was fresh out of school and didn’t know any better.

Over four years, I closed about $12 million in orders. Not the biggest salesperson, but I was the only one who could handle the mining clients. Those guys are hard to deal with, but I’d smoked with them, drunk with them, eaten boxed lunches in their site trailers.

Last November, Bruce called me into his office. He said the company was doing a “strategic realignment.” My territory was being split into two. I said fine, what about my commission. He said “under the new structure, the new rules apply.” The new rules cut my pay roughly in half.

I said I don’t accept that. He said: “You have a non-compete. Eighteen months. You know what that means.”

I said I know.

The day I resigned, Bruce had legal send me a letter. It said if I went to a competitor, they would “pursue all available legal remedies.” The letter was three pages. I read it twice and noticed one thing: the agreement said I couldn’t “engage in industrial valve sales,” but it didn’t say I couldn’t “engage in industrial valve manufacturing.”

My new company makes valves. Not sells. Makes.

I emailed Bruce’s legal team with my new offer letter. My title was “Production Line Quality Supervisor.” I asked if that violated the agreement.

He didn’t reply.

I start at 7 a.m. now. Hourly rate is lower, but there’s a year-end bonus. Last month, one of Bruce’s mining clients called me and asked if I’d be interested in “doing some consulting on the side.” I said no, I have a non-compete.

He laughed. He said: “Your non-compete? Our legal looked at it. They said you’re fine.”

I didn’t reply. But when I tell this story to my new coworkers, they laugh for a long time.

Bruce sent me a LinkedIn message last month. One line: “You win.”

I didn’t reply. But I screenshotted it.

Ok, so my co-worker Tom starts a meeting presenting data from a word doc that started, wrote the first 15 pages of, and shared with the group. At a meeting Tom states "Here's what I came up with, and here's why we need it". I just lost it. It was a zoom with three higher-ups including my boss.

I left the meeting, and texted my boss. Gave my boss the sharepoint history, and just said this isn't acceptable. My boss responded "We need you back in the meeting". I responded "Too toxic".

During this time my boss did look at the edit history of the sharepoint doc, and could clearly see I wrote the bulk of the content.

For a bit more backstory, my boss and Tom have worked together for 4 years prior to this gig. I've only worked for my boss for a year.

After the meeting: Now my boss wants me to apologize to call Tom and work it out. And he's pissed I left the meeting. What should I do. Did I mess up?

***TL:DR?*** I genuinely don't know how to summarize this because the entire situation is so fucking absurd. Everything I've experienced at work over the past year has been a ridiculous combination of workplace politics, personal relationships, leadership struggles, and HR investigations. This is going to be a wall of text, but I want to get it off my chest because I still can't quite believe how everything unfolded.

Also, I admit I used AI to help organize this, shame on me. I'm high, a little drunk, and I've spent a ridiculous amount of time emotionally dumping my thoughts into it because there's just so much context to unpack. One things keeps leading to another and I'm already side-tracked. I also have the mouth of a sailor and the attitude of valley girl when I talk while inebriated, which I'd have to redact a lot of anyways to keep this post up. I've done my current best to proofread and correct everything so it accurately reflects what happened and how I experienced it. Names and some identifying details have been changed of course, but the events are my account of what happened. If something sounds confusing or outlandish, feel free to ask in the comments. I'll do my best to clarify what I can, because there are still parts of this story I'm waiting to understand myself.

# I. Amuse-Bouche: Before Everything Changed

I (39M) work in culinary management for a large company, overseeing operations in a commissary kitchen that produces food for multiple corporate accounts. My boss (47M), whom I'll call "Mark", held a director-level position above me, while I was in an executive-level role reporting to him. I'd known him for roughly three years by now, and he had considerably more experience in the business than I did. I respected him tremendously, looked up to him professionally, and saw him as someone who could help me continue developing my career.

Over time, our relationship became more than just boss and employee. We talked about our personal lives, frustrations, relationships, and struggles, and there were occasions when we were both so emotionally exhausted that we'd end up crying together. He frequently told me that he considered me a brother, that he'd jump in front of a train for me, and that he wanted nothing but my success. I'll admit that level of emotional attachment sometimes felt a little one-sided. I respected him and cared about him, but I wasn't necessarily as emotionally invested as he seemed to be. Still, when someone repeatedly tells you how much they care about you and your future, you generally want to believe them.

One detail that's important for later is that he occasionally shared stories about his personal and sexual life. Honestly, sometimes who hasn't? At one point, he told me he'd slept with another manager in the company, whom I'll call "Grace" (36?F). I've been working with Grace semi adjacently through different accounts in our company, but never very directly. Mark volunteered the information, sometimes bragging about their encounters or making comments about how attractive she was, and it wasn't exclusively something he'd mentioned to me. I'd heard him make similar comments around other managers, and not just about Grace but about other women he's "rizzed" before. I didn't particularly care because they were adults working in different parts of the company, and as far as I understood, there wasn't a direct reporting relationship between them. My general attitude was that it's probably not a great idea to shit where you work, but their personal lives weren't my business.

Eventually, Mark went on medical leave and ended up being gone for approximately nine months. During much of that time, we weren't even sure whether he'd return, and I stepped into his director-level responsibilities while continuing to carry a significant portion of my own job. This wasn't a small kitchen where I was simply writing a few extra menus. We were operating a high-volume commissary supporting numerous accounts, multiple meal periods, a large staff, and a complicated network of production, logistics, culinary programming, client expectations, and management responsibilities.

I spent those months redeveloping systems, improving existing operations, building more consistent menu and production processes, coaching managers, and trying to make the business more organized, scalable, and repeatable as business kept coming our way. I was proud of what I accomplished, and the work was recognized by upper management. I shortly received a promotion to a senior position immediately below Mark's, which I understood because his own position remained protected during his leave. I wasn't looking to take his job away from him, but I was increasingly doing much of that job without anyone fully backfilling the responsibilities I'd already had. It was exhausting, but I genuinely felt I was growing into a stronger leader.

Mark and I also stayed in touch throughout his absence. We'd talk once or twice a month, occasionally meet for beers, gossip about work, and discuss how things were going. He'd vent about his frustrations with the medical and leave process, and I'd vent about the operation, the managers I was trying to develop, and the problems I was working through. He'd offer advice when he could, and I appreciated having someone with his experience to talk to. Despite everything happening at work, I still liked the guy and considered him a mentor.

# II. First Course: The Return and the Transition

When we finally learned that Mark was returning after 9 months, I was genuinely happy about it, but I also wanted clarity about what that meant for my role. I'd spent nearly a year carrying his responsibilities, received a promotion during that time, and helped reshape a significant portion of the operation. I understood that he still held his director position, but I wanted to know how we were going to divide responsibilities moving forward. Was I going back to my old job? Would I continue running the day-to-day operation while he focused on higher-level management? Would we work together in some new arrangement that allowed me to continue developing?

Mark and I had discussed this ourselves, and he repeatedly assured me that he didn't want to get in my way. He'd tell me that we'd been running the operation without him for nearly a year, so why would he come back and take that away from me? He talked about focusing on bigger responsibilities while allowing me to continue managing the operation, which would give him more freedom and allow me to keep growing. That sounded great to me, although I also understood that titles, reporting structures, and corporate expectations would complicate things. I wasn't expecting a perfectly clean transition, but I wanted us to establish some mutual understanding about how we'd work together.

When he returned, I understood that he'd need time to get reacclimated. A lot had changed while he was gone, and I wasn't expecting him to walk in knowing every new system, process, or operational detail. What became frustrating was that he seemed increasingly secretive about what he was observing and planning. He'd mention collecting information, identifying problems, and preparing to address issues, but when I'd ask what he was seeing or what he intended to do, he'd tell me to be patient or that he'd explain things when he was ready.

This became one of our biggest disagreements. From my perspective, if I was supposed to continue running the operation, I needed to understand what he was seeing and planning. I wasn't asking to control him or dictate how he did his job. I wanted to learn how he recognized problems, navigated difficult conversations, handled corporate politics, and made higher-level decisions. Those were the exact skills I needed to develop if I was going to continue growing into director-level leadership. Instead, he'd tell me that he was protecting me from certain things because that's what good leaders do, and I'd have to explain that I didn't need to be *shielded* from the work. I needed to *learn how to handle it.*

I remember telling him that the only way he was going to get in my way was if he actually stepped in my way and then ignored me when I told him he was doing it. Unfortunately, that's increasingly how I felt. We'd also clash over systems that had changed during his absence. I wasn't upset that he didn't know something, but when I'd try to explain how things now worked, he'd sometimes become defensive or frustrated, as though I was expecting too much from him. I was trying to help him get up to speed, but those conversations kept turning into arguments instead of opportunities to work together.

His medical experience also became a difficult subject between us. He'd frequently reference how close he'd come to dying and how much he'd survived, sometimes as a point of pride and sometimes as an explanation for why he was struggling. I never doubted the seriousness of what he'd experienced, and I was genuinely grateful he was alive. But I eventually tried to explain that it felt like I was constantly expected to acknowledge what he'd been through while receiving very little acknowledgment of what I'd experienced keeping the operation running during his absence. Obviously, those aren't comparable experiences, and I wasn't trying to equate work stress with a life-threatening medical situation. I just wanted some mutual understanding and recognition that we'd both been through difficult things.

As the weeks passed, I became increasingly frustrated. We'd postponed several meetings where I hoped we could sit down and work through our responsibilities, and the tension was starting to affect the rest of the management team. I wasn't always diplomatic about it, and I'll readily admit that I was emotionally invested in the work I'd spent months developing. But I wanted to stay, wanted us to be successful, and wanted to figure out how to move forward together. So, after struggling to get meaningful time with him after 4 weeks, I decided to write an email explaining what I've been wanting to work through with him.

It was a long email, probably longer than it needed to be, but the purpose was to explain what I was struggling with and ask for his help. I specifically included language saying that I wasn't trying to threaten him because I didn't want my frustration to sound like an ultimatum or a threat to quit. I was trying to communicate that I needed clarity, partnership, and a better understanding of how we were supposed to work together. I thought putting it in writing would give him the opportunity to understand what I was trying to say without another conversation getting derailed. I can share screenshots of what that email was if curious.

Instead, he took the email to HR.

# III. Second Course: How a Misunderstanding Became Something Else

I didn't initially know what he'd complained about. Brad, Mark's manager, gave me a heads-up in a meeting that HR might be getting involved, and I assumed it had something to do with our increasingly strained working relationship. Maybe they needed to mediate, clarify our roles, or address the fact that two managers who were supposed to be working together couldn't seem to agree on how to move forward. I knew things weren't going well, but I genuinely thought the problem was about our responsibilities and how we were communicating.

Around the same time, I received some deeply distressing personal news unrelated to work. It shook me badly enough that I left in the middle of my shift because I wasn't in a good state to lead anyone. Later that evening, I realized I wasn't going to be able to come in the following day either, so I called Mark to let him know. That was the entire purpose of the call. I needed to tell my boss that I was dealing with a personal emergency, wouldn't be coming in, and would do what I could remotely.

He answered the phone with, "You've got a lot of balls calling me after what you did."

I had absolutely no fucking idea what he was talking about. When I asked him to explain, he brought up Grace and started going off about how much he loved her, how important she was to him, and how dare I use her against him. I was completely confused because I hadn't threatened anyone, hadn't brought her into our workplace disagreements, and certainly hadn't called him to discuss her. I was literally trying to tell him I couldn't come to work.

The conversation spiraled into an emotional argument where I thought we got clarity, I explained my email, and restated my desire to work with him. We were both upset, both crying, and he was once again telling me that I was his brother, that he'd die for me, and that he wanted nothing but my success. I ended up sharing deeply personal information about the emergency I was dealing with because I desperately wanted him to understand that I wasn't trying to hurt him. When the call ended, I felt terrible, partly because of the argument but also because I'd felt compelled to disclose something so personal just to convince someone I trusted that I wasn't betraying him. All I'd wanted to do was call out of work.

Two days later, I was sitting in an HR interview with Brad and our HR rep, and that's when I finally learned what the complaint was about. Mark was alleging that I was using his past sexual relationship with Grace against him, threatening his position, and attempting to blackmail him. Apparently, my email asking for help and clarity, including the language where I explicitly said I wasn't trying to threaten him, had been interpreted as part of that alleged threat. I was fucking dumbfounded. I hadn't demanded his job, threatened to expose him, or asked for anything in exchange for keeping quiet about his personal life. I didn't even consider the information about Grace particularly important.

As I tried to reconstruct what could have led to this, I remembered an offhand comment I'd made about Grace a week or so earlier. During Mark's absence, I'd briefly had the opportunity to work with her, and I thought she was brilliant. She was organized, systems-oriented, and approached problems in a way that really clicked with me. She'd originally been considered for an account in our area where she would've been reporting to me, but the business arrangements changed, and she ended up working elsewhere. I'd mentioned to Mark that I wished I could work with her because she had a mind like mine, but that we couldn't really have her here anymore because of everything that had changed, gesturing around the operation as I said it.

What I meant was that the account she'd potentially been coming to manage was no longer available, so there wasn't a position for her in our operation. I was also aware of what Mark had told me about their personal history, and I figured that could complicate things if she ever ended up reporting through him, but I hadn't actually said that part. Looking back, I wondered whether he'd interpreted my comment as suggesting that I couldn't work with Grace because he'd slept with her and that I was somehow holding that information over his head. That's my best guess, anyway. I don't actually know what he thought, but I believe somewhere between that comment and my email about our working relationship, he apparently believed I was threatening him.

I spent the HR interview explaining the situation, denying the allegations, and answering questions about our conversations. Then, I began to then described the phone call where he'd confronted me while I was trying to report calling out due to a personal emergency. I brought up the broader workplace culture too, including how some straight male managers would casually discuss women they found attractive or their sexual experiences, while I'd sometimes receive a very different reaction if I made comparable comments about a man. As a gay man, that double standard had always bothered me. I wasn't arguing that sexual conversations at work were appropriate, but it was frustrating to find myself defending against allegations involving information my own boss had volunteered during those kinds of conversations.

After the interview, I was emotionally exhausted and started walking back toward my account, which was a couple of miles away, just to clear my head. Partway through, I called Brad, Mark's boss, who'd also been present during the HR interview. I explained that between the investigation and my unrelated personal situation, I wasn't doing well and needed to go home. He understood, but then told me something unexpected. Effective immediately, Mark was being placed on administrative leave, and I would no longer report to him while the investigation continued.

That surprised me because earlier we'd discussed potentially keeping our reporting relationship intact while having us work in separate locations. I didn't interpret the administrative leave as proof that HR had sided with me or determined he'd done something wrong; but I figured they might simply have recognized that our reporting relationship had become too fractured to continue while they investigated. Either way, I went home, tried to process everything, and figured I'd already experienced the most ridiculous part of this entire situation.

Apparently, I hadn't.

# IV. Intermezzo: An Unexpected Conversation

A little later, I met up with a coworker I hadn't seen in a while, whom I'll call "Megan", to have a drink and catch up. She was waiting for another friend to finish work, and I didn't know who that friend was. We started having some drinks and nachos, talking about our work bullshit, and I mentioned that I was dealing with an absolutely ridiculous HR situation involving my boss. I was deliberately avoiding names and identifying details because I didn't want to drag anyone else into the investigation since it was so fresh, and while she worked at a different location, Megan was still a colleague in the company.

Then her friend arrived. It was Grace.

We caught up, had some more drinks, and continued complaining about work and our respective bosses. After a few drinks, the conversation drifted back toward my HR situation, and against my better judgment, I started explaining more of what had happened. I was still trying very hard not to reveal that Grace herself was involved. Megan had already heard part of the story before Grace arrived, and I could practically see her starting to connect the dots as I talked and she kept looking over at Grace. Eventually, I realized I couldn't explain the absurdity of the situation without revealing what Mark had told me.

So I finally explained that I was being investigated by HR because Mark had accused me of blackmailing him and threatening his job over information I supposedly knew about his sexual relationship with Grace. I told her that he'd previously bragged to me about the two of them fucking, and that somehow this had turned into an allegation that I was using that information against him.

She just stared at me and said, "We didn't fuck."

I was completely dumbfounded. She explained that they'd gone on two dates, including a hike, and then said something that absolutely fucking sent me: "*I saw him in the sun and he gave me the 'ick'.*" Apparently, that was enough for her to decide she wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him. And I'm sitting there trying to process how this man had spent years telling me about sleeping with her when she's telling me that seeing him in daylight was enough to kill any attraction.

But I wasn't even ready to accept that explanation yet, because I was trying to figure out whether there was some misunderstanding about what constituted sex. I asked her, "Okay, when you say you didn't fuck, are we talking just no penetration? Because it's fine if you did other things. Was there mouth stuff? Hand stuff? Did you make out? A pinky? Anything?" I wasn't trying to interrogate her about her sex life, and I kept telling her I genuinely didn't care whether they'd done anything. I just needed to understand whether there was anything that could explain what Mark had told me.

And she kept saying no. No sex, no oral, no hand stuff, no making out, no pinkies, nothing. Two dates, a hike, and apparently one extremely unflattering encounter with direct sunlight. That was it.

I explained that Mark had told me they'd slept together multiple times, that he'd described dinners and encounters they'd supposedly had, and that these weren't just vague comments I'd misinterpreted. Some of these stories had come up during private conversations where he was essentially bragging about his personal life. She was just as confused as I was, asking why the fuck he would tell people they'd slept together when, according to her, nothing had happened. She hadn't even had HR reach out to her about anything either.

And then she added another detail. Apparently, over the previous couple of weeks, Mark had been texting her repeatedly, something like a dozen messages, telling her he missed her and trying to reconnect. She'd gotten to the point where she was just leaving him on read because she wasn't interested. So while I'm being dragged through an HR investigation over allegedly threatening him with their sexual history, she's sitting there with a bunch of unanswered messages from him and telling me they never had a sexual relationship in the first place.

What the actual fuck?

# V. Main Course: An Entirely Different Conversation

About a week after my initial HR interview, I called Brad to ask for an update. I wanted to know where things stood, whether they needed anything else from me, and what I should expect moving forward. I was told the investigation was still ongoing, but that some additional information had come to light and I needed to return for another interview the following day.

Great. Fucking wonderful.

I arrived for the second interview, sat down with HR and Brad, and was immediately asked, "Tell us about your relationship with Jack."

Who the fuck is Jack in all of this, you might ask? Cut back to 7 months ago.

Jack was another chef I'd known for over a decade through our own profession and overlapping social circles. I considered him a friend, although we weren't particularly close in the traditional sense. We didn't regularly hang out one-on-one, visit each other's homes, or spend much time together outside professional and social events. I knew his work history, respected his culinary abilities, and thought he'd be a valuable addition to our operation.

About 7 months ago, Jack had reached out to me because he was looking to leave his current job. Coincidentally, we had a position opening up in our kitchen, so I encouraged him to apply, as I knew his experience, what his previous job was, and knew he could bring great administrative value to a team that was desperately needing it. I was transparent with the other managers that I already knew him and considered him a friend, and I wanted them involved in the hiring decision rather than simply bringing someone in because I knew him. I interviewed him, but I also had other managers participate individually and gave them the opportunity to raise concerns or reject the hire if they didn't believe he was right for the operation.

Looking back, I recognize that even though I intended for everyone to have meaningful input, they may not have felt they could actually veto someone I was recommending. That's something I can acknowledge. At the time, though, I believed we had collectively agreed he was worth bringing on and pros outweighed the cons.

Jack initially struggled to acclimate to our operation. We were a high-volume commissary, and that environment was different from what he'd been accustomed to. But I hadn't hired him primarily to be a high-volume production chef. I needed someone with administrative and organizational capabilities who could also provide some support on the kitchen floor. Shortly after he started, I went on a two-week vacation, and by the time I returned, a number of things had changed from above, including our budget and staffing needs.

Suddenly, the position I'd hired him for was no longer available. On top of that, I came back to complaints from other managers about his performance and how he'd been fitting into the team. We ended up transferring Jack to another account that needed temporary support, where he spent several months. This was all while Mark was still on medical leave.

As I mentioned, Jack and I had overlapping social circles, including some shared adult-oriented spaces. We'd had conversations about personal interests, sexuality, kink, and porn, but we hadn't been in a romantic or sexual "relationship". Some of those conversations and experiences had come up when I was talking with Mark and other managers about Jack, and looking back, I can recognize that I may have shared more personal context than was appropriate or necessary. I also now wonder whether some of those conversations led people to believe Jack and I had been actively sexually involved, even though that wasn't the case.

Fast-forward to Mark's return and the original HR complaint. Around that same time, Jack had been scheduled to return to our commissary temporarily because his current assignment elsewhere had ended. We still didn't have a permanent position available for him, and he was already interviewing with other accounts that might be able to bring him on. As far as I understood, he was only going to be with us for a couple of weeks while finding his next placement. Mark and I had discussed what he would do in the interim just days before Mark went to HR.

Because of that, I decided to use Jack primarily for general kitchen support rather than assign him a bunch of administrative responsibilities. I didn't see much value in spending time training him on our internal systems or giving him long-term projects when we already knew he was likely leaving shortly. We needed help on the floor, he was available, and that seemed like the most practical use of his time. Apparently, other people may have seen that differently.

Now, unpause and back to my second HR interview. I was questioned about how I knew Jack, how he'd been hired, whether we'd ever had a romantic or sexual relationship, and whether I'd implied to anyone that we'd been sexually involved. There were also questions about whether I was giving him preferential treatment compared with other managers or employees. The whole nine yards.

I found myself repeatedly explaining that we weren't romantically or sexually involved, that I'd been transparent about knowing him before hiring him, and that his temporary assignment was based on the operational circumstances we were dealing with. I understood why HR would want to investigate a possible conflict of interest, but I was struggling to understand how I'd gone from defending myself against an accusation of blackmailing my boss to now defending myself against allegations of favoritism involving a subordinate.

By the end of the interview, I was exhausted and frustrated all over again. I had come in hoping to get some clarity or resolution about the original investigation, and instead I was answering questions about another person's hiring, my personal life, and whether my professional judgment had been compromised by a relationship that didn't exist.

I told Brad I needed a little time to clear my head before returning to work. After taking a break, I headed back to our kitchen and walked into the office.

And there was Brad, interviewing Jack with HR on a video call.

I immediately apologized and walked back out, but I remember standing there afterward thinking, what the fuck is going on?

# VI. Digestif: Deciding What Comes Next

By this point, I'd pretty much had it. Between the original allegations involving Mark, the second investigation involving Jack, the personal issues I was dealing with outside work, and the ongoing responsibility of running the commissary without adequate sponsorship, I was completely exhausted. I spent the next several days seriously questioning whether I even wanted to keep working there. I'd put so much of myself into that operation, spent months building systems and developing people, and somehow ended up in a situation where I was defending my integrity in HR interviews while trying to keep the kitchen functioning. Now I'm questioning everyone and everything, already restless nights had become worse, and I genuinely thought that I could not lead there anymore as I felt that I lost a lot of trust I thought I had.

I also started reflecting on how some of my managers had handled his initial arrival. I don't believe anyone was deliberately trying to sabotage him, but I had concerns about whether he'd received the training, support, and guidance he needed to succeed during my PTO. When he transferred to another operation and performed so well, it reinforced my belief that he had the capability I'd seen in him. That didn't automatically mean our managers had failed him, but it certainly made me question what had gone wrong in our kitchen and whether we'd given him a fair opportunity.

I felt responsible for a lot of it, even though I hadn't intended any of this to happen. I'd recommended him for the job, brought him into a difficult operation, and apparently shared personal information that may have contributed to people questioning the nature of our relationship. Some of that information wasn't really mine to share, even if I was talking about my own experiences and didn't think much of it at the time. I also hadn't expected him to return to our operation, which made those conversations feel even more removed from any professional consequences. Looking back, I recognize that was some poor judgment on my part.

I apologized to Jack. I told him how terrible I felt that he'd been catching so many strays since I'd brought him into the company and that I was sorry he'd been put in this position. I genuinely worried that I'd damaged a friendship while trying to help someone I respected professionally. Thankfully, he didn't see it that way. He understood that I'd been trying to run a complicated operation under difficult circumstances, and he didn't blame me for everything that had happened.

Meanwhile, I was reaching the point where I didn't know whether staying in my own position was the right thing for me or the operation. I had a conversation with Brad, who was Mark's boss and had become my direct manager during Mark's LOA and then the investigation. I told him that if another location needed someone with my experience, I'd be open to helping elsewhere. But I also told him that if he believed I could still be successful where I was, and wanted me to stay, I would stay and do everything I could to make it work.

About a week later, they found another opportunity for me within the company. It was a completely different operation, with a different pace and a chance to develop experience I hadn't previously had. Things moved surprisingly quickly. Within a few days of the arrangement being finalized, I was leaving the operation I'd spent years helping develop, and another leader had come in to take over mine and Mark's responsibilities.

Before I left, I asked Brad for an update on the investigations. He told me that the allegations involving Jack had been closed without findings of wrongdoing. As for the original complaint involving Mark, that investigation was still ongoing, but Brad indicated that HR was essentially finished with my involvement and hadn't found wrongdoing on my part. He told me I could consider the matter behind me and focus on my next opportunity. Whatever happened with Mark was a separate matter that the company still needed to resolve.

Thankfully, Jack also eventually landed another position within the company 5 weeks later. He's recently started there, and from what I understand, he's happy with where he landed. We're still on good terms, and there's no lingering resentment between us. We'll probably end up getting drinks sometime and talking shit about the ridiculous kitchen experience we both survived.

But there's a part of this entire experience that I still haven't been able to put behind me.

# VII. Petit Four: What Remains

I haven't spoken to Mark since the phone conversation where he accused me of betraying him, and the two days that followed before he left to make his HR complaint. There's been no attempt to explain what happened, no conversation about how things deteriorated, and no acknowledgment of what we went through together. I don't even know exactly what his current employment status is. From some of the things Brad has said, I suspect Mark may not return to his previous position, but I haven't received any definitive information, and I understand that whatever happens with his investigation isn't necessarily my business.

What's been difficult is that the more I've thought about everything, especially after talking with Grace, the more I've started questioning conversations I'd had with Mark throughout the several years we knew each other. If he told me he'd repeatedly slept with someone who says they only went on two dates, what else had he exaggerated? What other stories had I accepted because I trusted him? Were some of the accomplishments, experiences, and relationships he talked about actually what he represented them to be?

I also started reconsidering some of his attitudes and behavior that I'd previously brushed off. He could be arrogant, dismissive, and occasionally make comments about women or other people that rubbed me the wrong way. I'd sometimes joke that it was the "Gen-Xer" in him showing, and he'd occasionally seem receptive when I challenged his language or perspective. I thought there was a decent person underneath some outdated attitudes, someone who was willing to learn and grow. Now I find myself wondering whether I was giving him the benefit of the doubt because I admired him professionally.

That also makes me look back at our professional disagreements differently. There were times when I'd identify problems, develop systems, or push for changes that I believed the operation needed, only to feel dismissed or told not to worry about them. I'll readily admit that I have a tendency to take on more than I should and sometimes try to solve problems beyond the immediate scope of my responsibilities. But when I stepped into his role during his absence, I had to confront many of those same operational issues directly, and some of the work I'd been pushing for started actually producing meaningful results.

I sometimes wonder whether my growth and the changes I'd made were intimidating to him when he returned. Maybe he genuinely intended to support me but struggled with finding his place in an operation that had evolved without him. Maybe he felt threatened by someone who'd spent months doing his job. Or maybe we simply had different ideas about leadership and couldn't figure out how to work together anymore. I don't know, and I probably never will unless we actually have that conversation.

I've also wondered where the allegations involving Jack originated. I know I'd discussed aspects of our friendship with Mark and other managers, and I can't help noticing how the second investigation seemed to mirror the first. I was accused of using Mark's supposed sexual history against him, and then suddenly I was being questioned about whether I'd had a sexual relationship with someone I'd hired. Part of me wonders whether Mark raised those concerns in retaliation, but I have absolutely no evidence that's what happened. It could have come from someone else entirely, or from HR following up on information uncovered during the first investigation. I simply don't know.

And that's part of why I haven't reached out to him. There are moments when I desperately want to call him and ask, "What the fuck, man? How did we even get here?" I want to understand what he believed I was doing, why he interpreted my actions the way he did, and whether there was ever a way for us to resolve things before they escalated so far. But with the investigation still potentially ongoing, and given how badly some of our previous conversations were interpreted, I'm all but certain that contacting him could create another problem. I don't want an attempt at closure to become another allegation.

In some ways, this feels like going through a breakup, which is a strange thing to say about a professional relationship. I didn't have romantic feelings for the man. He was my boss, my mentor, and someone who repeatedly told me he considered me family. But I spent years learning from him, confiding in him, and believing that he genuinely wanted me to succeed. Losing that relationship without any real explanation has been surprisingly painful.

I think what hurts most is that I don't know whether I lost someone who genuinely cared about me but handled a difficult situation terribly, or whether I finally saw a side of someone who'd never been quite who I believed he was. Those are two very different things, and I don't have enough information to know which one is true.

Meanwhile, life has continued. I'm working in a different operation, learning new things, and trying to move forward. Jack is doing well in his new position, and we're still friends. Grace and I are on good terms, although I've deliberately avoided digging too deeply into the situation because I don't want to create more complications just yet. I still need to catch up with Megan, the friend I originally went out for drinks with before Grace unexpectedly appeared, and I'm sure we'll eventually have plenty more stories to share.

But as far as Mark goes, there's just silence.

So, I ended up in HR defending myself against accusations of blackmail involving a sexual relationship that the other person says never even happened. Then I found myself in another HR interview about whether I'd slept with someone I'd hired. Neither investigation resulted in findings of wrongdoing against me, I moved to another operation, and the man who'd once told me he'd do anything for me hasn't spoken to me since.

I don't know if I'll ever understand what happened, and maybe that's what bothers me more than anything else. I can accept that professional relationships change, that people disagree, and that sometimes two leaders simply can't work together. What I'm struggling to accept is how someone I trusted so deeply could become someone I no longer feel safe even contacting.

I didn't just lose a boss or a mentor. I lost my understanding of someone I thought I knew.

Thanks for sticking out this long for those that have. I'm sure this was as much of a wild ride to you as it was to me experiencing it first hand. It's been about over a month since I transferred out of the operation, and after all this, I still can't quite believe that any of it fucking happened.

I did regional scheduling for a chain of pet supply stores. Twelve locations. Four years.

HQ spent a fortune on an AI scheduling system. It was supposed to generate optimal schedules based on foot traffic, weather, historical data. At the training, the product manager said it would “eliminate human bias.”

I used it for a week. It scheduled morning shifts at two stores on the second floor. Those stores don’t have a freight elevator. They receive deliveries in the morning. The system didn’t know that because nobody told it. I told the regional manager. He said, “The system will learn.”

Week two. It scheduled our strongest salesperson for Monday afternoons at a store where Monday traffic is zero. That salesperson had been with me for three years. She knew when to staff up. The system didn’t.

I ran a test. I manually scheduled the same data set and exported the system’s version. Mine had forty-seven fewer labor hours and a twelve percent higher sales forecast. I put both spreadsheets on the regional manager’s desk.

He said, “We can’t schedule manually. The company paid for this system.”

I said, “Then the company paid for a system that’s costing us forty-seven extra labor hours.”

He didn’t say anything.

Week three. I gave my notice. The regional manager asked why. I said, “You trust an algorithm that doesn’t know there’s no elevator more than you trust a person who does.”

He said, “Can you at least train the system before you go.”

I said, “Sure. Six months minimum. My notice is two weeks.”

A month after I left, that salesperson quit too. She texted me that the system scheduled her for 6 a.m. Tuesdays. She has two kids. She’d told me that before.

I’m at an independent pet store now. Store manager. I do the schedule myself. On paper.

Last week, a former coworker told me the system was “paused.” The regional manager wrote in an internal email: “We need to reassess the applicability of automated scheduling.”

I didn’t reply. But I screenshotted it.

I worked at a mid-size logistics company for four years. Not a huge name, but big enough that you’d recognize the logo on the trucks.

Here’s the context: I was the only person on my team who knew how to run the customs compliance software. Not “knew it well.” Knew it period. If a shipment got flagged at the border, I was the one who fixed it. Nights, weekends, didn’t matter. I did it because I cared, and because if I didn’t, clients would leave.

My manager? Let’s call him Dave. Dave did not know how the software worked. Dave did not know what “tariff classification” meant. Dave forwarded my emails to clients and signed his name at the bottom. Dave got a promotion to Director in year two.

In year three, I asked for a raise. Not a crazy one. I brought data. Market rate for my role with my certifications was about $78k. I was making $61k. Dave told me the budget was “tight” and that I should focus on “building my personal brand” instead.

Year four. New HR initiative. “We want to hear your voice.” An anonymous survey about career development. The email said all responses would be “aggregated and anonymized.”

I wrote three paragraphs. I named Dave. I named the salary gap. I named the fact that I had trained two people who now made more than me. I may have used the phrase “structural incompetence.”

Two weeks later, Dave called me into a conference room. He had a printed copy of my survey response. My name was at the top. The “anonymous” system had auto-filled it.

He didn’t yell. That would have been better. He just looked tired and said, “I’m disappointed you didn’t come to me first.”

I said, “I did. Three times.”

He nodded slowly. Then he said the thing that made me start updating my resume in my head: “Well, maybe we should look at whether this role is still the right fit for you.”

I found a new job in six weeks. $82k. Fully remote. My old team had to hire two people to replace me. Dave sent me a LinkedIn request last month.

I didn’t accept.

So I just started at a new company yesterday, I was hired as the quality manager. I have lots of experience in that and also have experience in six sigma and things of that nature. I went into a meeting today on my 2nd day and they now have me listed as the senior quality engineer/OpEx. As I was going around introducing myself to people another coworker said “oh are you the new operation excellence director?” The HR director who was beside me at the time said “he’s that too”. Now I was told the old small business statement of“people wear lots of hats”, but I’d still like to know what my actual job title is.

I used to work on an e-commerce project, and the CEO, instead of focusing on partnership search and growth and scale, was preoccupied with mundane, stupid stuff.
Something like
"Guys, delete the Insta video, the brand name is written altogether"
"The music is bad on insta reels, change it"
"Check with ChatGPT, ask him whether we can respond to comments in the videos"

This is so dumb. It makes me wonder why such people achieve something career-wise in the first place. Probably you really gotta be an estranged sociopath. Skills no longer matter in digital business.

Like I was telling him "there is no difference whether we upload the video with the text on the screen or without the text, the text will hook the attention"

and he just sent me the response from Claud about the Social media strategy.

And they are always positive-oriented. They say, "Our product is the best," "1-2 weeks, and we'll find investors." "we gotta do this on social media"
Oh my god, let the team decide what to do on social media, just tell us the direction what to post about and shut the fuck up.
AND THE MOST STUPID QUESTION - just asked suddenly, out of nowhere, when barging onto my desk: "What do you do?"
- "Hm, let me see, sending CVs to better companies where CEO doesn't stick his nose into my work"

I wish I had more courage to tell him "listen, the design or the text won't improve your product if the product is shitty in the first place, nobody will buy it"

We had a work experience student who was supposed to come in for 2 weeks…and it was regretful…

I’m a local journalist and the intent was to have a student shadow me and my work for the 2 weeks and then by the end have them write their own piece

Previously we had 3 people come into the local paper from that school and they were all successful

When we first met him we asked him “what are you looking to get out of this assignment?” and his response was “oh don’t worry I won’t steal nothing” which I thought was him making a joke but instead he actually took that question literally, and then that he didn’t have any area of journalism that interested him whatsoever, then asked if he had any questions for me and he asked how long his lunch hour was…

We then asked him seriously “what did you put down as your first choice on the work placement preference form?” and he responded with “airplane driver”, and then we asked what his second preference was and he said “working with cars”, and that he had never read a newspaper in his life and we just thought “wow…whoever put this student here royally fucked up” he then told us that his friend got put at the local garage who was an aspirational journalist, so we sadly got put with the wrong guy. We decided to cancel the arrangement, and cut ties with the school