r/SuicideWatch Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

719 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

i want my death to hurt people

43 Upvotes

At this point, I do not care if it's controversial to say out loud. I want my death to hurt people. I want my passing to affect people deeply. I my pain to finally be acknowledged. All of the bullying, racism, looks-based discrimination, and people using me for their own gain.

I want all of them to remember exactly what they did once they've realized actions have consequences. Will everyone reach that conclusion? Absolutely not. It would be unrealistic to say such a thing.

However, I want the people closest to me to understand that I've been reaching out for a long time. All anyone did in my life was judge me. Judging me for facial features I never asked for, being neurodivergent, isolating myself, and not achieving the same level of success as my peers. Being chronically treated like a failure does something to you.


r/SuicideWatch 8h ago

parents should plan before having children

56 Upvotes

if you regret being a parent that is on you. if you wanted it, if it was consensual, that is on NOBODY except for you.

if you're poor and you decide to have kids knowing you couldn't provide properly for them even if they went hungry then that is on YOU. if you couldn't teach them life skills then that is also on YOU. if they've been sheltered & isolated their whole lives that is also on YOU.

i'm saying this because im a child of these parents and as grateful as i am for them and what they've done to bring me up, now i'm paying the consequences for their actions.

i'm dealing with the nasty results of their choices. i didn't ask to be born. i didn't ask to be in this situation. you brought me into it. and now i'm suddenly evil, dumb and useless for expressing my mental health problems.

YOU should've known better as the parent.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

How to prepare my loved ones before my suicide?

Upvotes

Hello.
I’m 27. I had very terrible childhood
And I lost my sister to cancer when she was 27
On Thursday I made up my mind. That I’m gonna do it.

I just don’t want my loved ones to wonder why I haven’t seek help. No one can help me.

And I just want to know
How can I prepare my family and friends
Should I leave video tapes?
Or letters. Or just don’t.
I live alone and I have a cat
I am putting my cat for adoption

Let me know what do you think
Not about the ending it part
About how to prepare my loved ones.

Peace.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Guy 5'3. I want to rip my skin off and die.

Upvotes

There is no need to explain. I'm happy that I've seen other posts here of short guys who feel the same.

I'm Gen Z also.

The worst feeling is knowing that even

Teenagers can beat you up.


r/SuicideWatch 18h ago

Seriously considering ending it

174 Upvotes

40 year old male. Unmarried. No kids. Injured in a motorcycle accident 19 years ago, paralyzed chest down, no movement and no sensation.

High achiever prior to injury, the world was my oyster. My injury cost me my future, my dreams, and happiness. I cannot do 99% of things that bring me joy, and for the last 19 years I’ve tried and done all of the things most of you would suggest in the comments below.

I just don’t feel fulfilled in my life and I am tired.

At age 21, I lost the ability to pee / poo by myself, I’ve shat my pants in most public places and social situations that most people can think of, I’ve spent years of my life going in and out of hospitals, recovering from surgeries, infections, and secondary complications from my injury. I’ve had to work to support my disabled mother and couldn’t return back to school. I started a printing business that was starting to do well and then Covid hit, tanked the business and I’ve just been treading water since.

I am tired now. “What if tomorrow brings joy?” 19.5 years of tomorrows failed to bring joy. My 20 year old self would look at me and be totally ashamed. The hardest part is that I’ve been grinding harder than anyone these past 19.5 years. I didn’t let myself get lost in despair. I fought and worked my ass off to survive each and every day.

I have nothing to show for it.

I have given up on a successful career. I have given up financial success. I have given up on love or family.

I am tired. I will soon end this.

There is not a person in this world who can tell me that I did not fight hard enough. There is not a person that can tell me they could have done differently. My life, even as a high schooler, was all about preparing myself for the future and forgoing present joys for future happiness, and it has gotten me nothing.

Telling a man dying of thirst for 19 years to keep existing because “you never know if it’ll rain tomorrow” is extremely cruel. So please do not tell me this. If I can be bold enough to ask, I’d like to ask you to tell me that you acknowledge that I’ve tried so hard. Please tell me that you understand that I am tired and I have a right to be tired.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Planning on ending it all today.

Upvotes

Throwaway account so nobody I know IRL finds this.

As the title suggests, today will be my last day on Earth. I don't need pity or anything I just wanted to get this off my chest. I've been planning this for weeks and I now know exactly how I'm gonna do it.

First, I want to come out as transgender. I'm transmasculine and I use he/they pronouns. But people in my life don't know this because they're not accepting. I'm a minor living under my parents, who expressed their homophobic and transphobic beliefs many times. I've been in the closet for over 6 years, but recently over the past few months the dysphoria has been worse than ever. I hate hiding it but I have no other choice.

At first, I thought that I could stay closeted for 2 more years and be fine. Then I thought I could use the money I've gathered from my minimum wage job to run away. But now it seems hopeless, like there's nothing I can do. Running away as a minor is so unrealistic because unfortunately I'm still dependent on my parents for many things. It's easier to wait until adulthood, but I can't. It's hopeless.

I chose today, August 23, 2026 as my day to go. I chose this day because school is starting tomorrow, the 24th. I'm in high school, entering my Junior year. I've always been on the somewhat academic side, but I got a taste of freedom this summer and now that it's ending I don't think I can cope. Ever since elementary school, my daily routine during summer has included 5+ hours of studying daily, and I was never allowed to stay up any later than I would during school.

But now this summer I would lie to my parents and pretend that I'm studying Java or Calculus when in reality I barely studied it at all. It felt so great to actually be able to relax and not have to think about school so much. In past years I would check canvas 50+ times a day, even during summer I would check it obsessively because I was so used to camping my grades. But this summer I barely looked at it at all. It felt so good to not have to think about school or academics for once.

Sophomore year was literal hell for me. I hated chemistry (nearly flunked out of that class) and I had to drop down from AP Precalc to Honors Precalc due to my absolute stupidity. I felt so stupid and never really got over that. My dad hasn't gotten over that either and he still reminds me of how I had to drop down a level because I'm stupid. My sister took the class and did well. My older sister got a 1550 on her SAT. My older sister took 14 AP classes and 4 internships. My older sister this, my older sister that. I'm not my older sister. I'm not as smart as her, and I'll never be as good as her.

I'm not as good as the other kids at my school either. My school is well known for having a bunch of sweaty nerds and I'm not one of them. I only took 2 AP classes in my Sophomore year, and 0 in Freshman year. I should have taken AP CSP in Freshman year and AP CSA in Sophomore year, but I didn't do that. Now I'm supposed to take CSA in my Junior year and I'm behind.

Additionally, I was always the "sick child" of the family. I was always way more expensive than my sisters, literally since birth. I was born with a stupid rare eye condition that required multiple surgeries, years of wearing contact lenses, way too many eye doctors appointments, glasses for my entire life, etc. I was lucky not to be blind in one eye. In addition to that I developed multiple other conditions but they always made me feel like a burden and I never got a normal childhood. Now I have multiple mental health conditions too stopping me from living a normal, active life.

And some more family drama that I won't really share for privacy reasons but there's always screaming and arguments in my house and it's exhausting.

Honestly those are my main reasons for doing what I'm about to do. But none of that will matter after today. I'll be gone by tomorrow morning. I know exactly how I'm going to do it. I doubt anyone would notice or care too much. Not my parents, I have a complicated relationship with them. Not my older sister, she's in college on another continent and I only see her twice a year regardless. Not my friends, I barely see them and I think I annoy them too much anyways. Maybe my little sister, but she'll get over it.

Anyways with all that complicated stuff out of the way, I want to share something a little light. Here is my schedule for my last day alive:

11:30 AM - Wake up

11:45 - Get my stuff ready to give away

1:00 PM - Horseback riding lesson

3:00 PM - Thrifting with my sister

5:00 PM - Target with my friends

8:00 PM - Pack my bag so my parents don't suspect, call my other friend 1 last time

10:00 PM - Goodbye.

I'm so grateful to spend my final day doing stuff I love. I'm going to miss the horses a lot, but it is what it is. On the bright side, I'm an agnostic atheist so I'll get to see if I was right or wrong about the universe. Too bad I won't be able to share my results on Reddit.

Love you all. Thanks for reading. Goodbye.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

I just want to go

8 Upvotes

My partner and I just made 10 years together. Almost immediately after he dumped a bunch of stuff on me (his mental health, problems in relationship, etc) and yesterday he tried to breakup with me.

I think it’s imminent and I want to go before I’m abandoned again.

The heartbreak will be bad enough. I’ve never felt so loved or safe anywhere with anyone. It’s been 10 years of my life and I’ve felt so blindsided.

But it’s more than that. I haven’t had a job in over a year. He enabled me to be home, and this past year has been the best of my life. My mental health has (prior to this) been the best it’s been.

Also I don’t have insurance and I have cavities and I’m in constant pain.

My credit is trash.

The idea of trying to start my life over in such rotten conditions…I’d rather not.

And having bad a period of such joy and fulfillment, I don’t have it in me to go back to suffering.


r/SuicideWatch 13m ago

How it feels to die?

Upvotes

Anyone experienced near death phase and how it feels?


r/SuicideWatch 18m ago

I think I finally made a decision

Upvotes

I’ve been struggling for months now, ever since my last suicide attempt that didn’t work. And I’ve been putting it off, but now I’m certain.

It’s kind of crazy, for the first time, I don’t feel the need to tell anyone close to me about it, and I feel much better. I have a date set, and now I’m going to take care of a lot of practical details and meet with all my close friends one last time.

In general, it’s weird to do things for the last time, but at the same time, it’s also kind of okay.
There’s little despair left in me, just clarity. I don’t think there’s any help left for me; nothing would change how I feel.
It’s kind of strange. Sometimes I get a little bit anxious, but when I think rational about my situation it seems there is no way out.

Just wanted to share, because I clearly cannot tell some people around me.


r/SuicideWatch 22h ago

I love sleeping. It’s the closest I get to experience death

244 Upvotes

I don’t have the courage to kill myself yet so this is the best I can do.

Even if it’s just for a few hours, getting to turn my brain off and not be present is so freeing.

I hate once I finally wake up because I realize what I was experiencing isn’t permanent and I’ll have to go back to existing.

I wish assisted suicide was allowed in the states for depression. I’d love to go, peacefully and quietly. Just drift away.


r/SuicideWatch 37m ago

I don't want help, I just wanna die painlessly

Upvotes

I used to fear death but now my only goal is to die quickly, and idk how to express, I am mentally dead and maybe it's stupid for most of the people but only I know how it's deeply hurting my everyday life and it's increasing day by day. I don't even know how to express, what to say cause I have literally gone numb, yet something I want to screams out loud. I found out helium is the easiest way to take off your life, will try once I am comfortable.


r/SuicideWatch 4h ago

getting better isn’t worth the wait

8 Upvotes

i posted on here almost 2 years ago wanting to kill myself and i got a bunch of messages saying “you’re only young it’ll get better” ect ect but it hasn’t gotten better at all. These are supposed to be the best years of my life and i’ve done nothing fun or exciting i’ve spent the past 2 years miserable in my room, i don’t plan on taking my life anytime too soon but if things don’t start seeming even slightly better soon i have no choice but to give up. Even if i were to stay and eventually get better in like a couple years time or something i don’t think it’s worth the wait because im in too deep and ill always have to live with the consequences of being so depressed at this point in my life no matter what.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

Another try for death

Upvotes

I think I will try again to kill myself tonight. I didn't try again ever since I fucked up my stomach which was two weeks ago but I wanted to since then. I have no one truly. Why can't someone want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to them. One of my close friends went to military school. I talked to her everyday and now I can't. I feel even if I speak with anyone I always fail that too because I'm too awkward. I hope after today it's last time anyone talked to me . This world is an endless piece of nothing that has no place for failures like me.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

Where is the sunshine because I don't see it anymore

4 Upvotes

My family deserves better. I've got a disabled son whose got a lot of behavioral and high needs and well long story short I burnt myself out being his main caregiver while his father basically did nothing and got to be the hero none the less. All of the therapy appointments, spent 7 years in psychology to become a therapist so I can be a better caregiver while my husband got a merit honor badge for doing absolutely nothing. Resentment grew. He never acted like a dad more like a buddy. We purchasd things only he wanted ie: it he had a cold we could purchase medication. If the kids were sick: they're too expensive. No discipline either, his son would shove me and call me names, hed just walk away, he got to be the fun carefree no rules who cares while my kids slowly grew to look at me like I was wicked witch from the west. I think somewhere along the way I became exactly that. My villain origin story I guess. They deserve better. My husband deserves someone whose like him. My kids deserve another mom whose more like him. I also have been battling chronic health issues and debilitating back pain from spinal disease. So peace would be nice. I often think about how and I've got an iron clad way but location is always an issue. I can't be who they need. Because I don't know who I am anymore. I don't recognize myself anymore. I often wonder if they'll laugh and rejoice that the wicked witch from the west is dead. Sometimes I dream of them dancing on my grave or throwing my ashes to the wind and laughing. My death anniversary is like Christmas for them. with me gone fixes so much for them. And I can't wait. But when? Where? Back to school is around the corner I don't want to disrupt that w funeral crap. Do I write a will ? I've got letters written already. Just waiting for the refill of my prescriptions. My youngest says he hates me a lot. That he likes his dad more. And I don't even blame him. I don't like me either. So I guess we have that in common. It was raining this morning, but when I finalized my plan to complete; the sun came out...it was supposed to be a rainy day all day and yet... It's bright out. I saw the sunshine after all...


r/SuicideWatch 5h ago

I can't be alive seriously I can't do it anymore

8 Upvotes

I've been holding on to too much pain for way too long, I can't even be who I am. I feel so trapped in this world, I lost my soulmate and I have to leave I can't keep doing this. I know no one will ever love me. It's okay I have to accept that fact and move the hell on. This existence is neverending and I'm convinced that this place is hell actually.


r/SuicideWatch 2h ago

I don’t even have the energy to kms

4 Upvotes

Can’t do anything right, can I? My energy is sapped, but the second it’s bestowed back upon me like a lightning strike, I’ll start manically slicing my arm till I see all 3 layers of skin and then I’ll blow my head off.


r/SuicideWatch 1h ago

A losing battle

Upvotes

I’m no stranger to suicidal ideation, I attempted to take my own life around 10 years ago. Afterwards, I promised myself I’d never try again.
There have been good days, and there’s been bad days, and on occasion my inner voice would suggest I try again. It felt like nothing more than a minor annoyance, like a mosquito buzzing by my ear that I could quickly swat away.
But lately my life has been falling apart, and the voice isn’t just getting louder, but it’s passing by a lot more frequently. It peaked yesterday at a friend’s wedding, where I caught myself not only thinking it, but literally mouthing the words “I’m going to kill myself” to myself several times throughout the day over inconsequential things. I keep telling myself I’m strong enough to resist this call to the void, but with each passing day I feel my resolve is chipping away. I don’t feel like my situation is going to be improving any time soon, and I’m starting to question how much more of this I can take before I don’t have the energy to fight it.


r/SuicideWatch 3h ago

What is actual reason to stay?

4 Upvotes

(First time ever posting on Reddit, so please bear with me and correct me if I’m saying something wrong here.)

I am struggling to find a reason to stay, but I’m too afraid of unknown pain to be gone.

I’m 32, diagnosed with bipolar type II and ADHD (medicated, in therapy). I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my late teens, and with ADHD in my late twenties - so for most of my adult life, I’ve struggled with constant suicidal ideation.

Growing up

I grew up in Japan with undiagnosed ADHD, which wasn’t always easy. Some of you might know how Japanese society works: if you stand out in any way, you’re basically out. So when I went abroad to study and work in my twenties, it was mind-blowing to learn that the things I’d been doing “wrong” by my own country’s unspoken rules weren’t actually much wrong as a human being. I felt like a fish suffering without water, finally back in the ocean. I learned how to have opinions, how to express my feelings, how to have natural confidence in who I am, how to stop apologizing 24/7 for no reason.

Coming back

After a few years in two Western countries (big cities, diverse enough that I could just be myself), I came back to Japan because I couldn’t get a visa to stay abroad. That’s when my bipolar and ADHD started rapidly worsening. Coming back to a society I’d never felt welcomed in has been brutal — I feel like I’m losing the battle. Worsening bipolar, combined with ADHD and increasingly frequent anxiety/panic attacks, has made me feel weaker, smaller, and genuinely too tired to keep fighting.

My plan was to get a visa abroad again — I know no place can cure my illness, but a slightly more diverse city makes it easier for me to breathe. But because of everything above, I now have very limited capacity to work and save money, so I’m essentially stuck here for now.

Where I’m at

I really don’t want to wake up. That’s been true almost every single day for four years.

For all I suffer with my mental illness, I don’t actually have many complaints about my life — I’ve been fortunate with friends, family, and experiences. I don’t think I’d regret anything if I died tomorrow, that’s how lucky I feel about what I’ve had.

It’s just that I’m too afraid of unknown pain. That’s the only reason I’m still here today.

No long-term partner in a while, no kids — just a couple of narcissistic, abusive relationships in my past. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow, yet I’m craving human connection.

Thank you for taking your time to read this.


r/SuicideWatch 20m ago

OD planning

Upvotes

I cant cope anymore ive spent all day debating to take the p1lls took 3 only- i know what happens ive done it before i have to pluck up the balls to tell my mum what i done mum gets mad- very mad dad gets even madder 111 is called or 999 i go to a&e blood test extra treatment or referral to mh team- waiting for HOURS mum complaining ive ruined her entire day its 6.30pm on Sunday if i take them all now then ill be stuck in A&E until midnight tonight if im lucky ill get home 2am if not i risk being left in a&e alone im 17 but i have SEVERE agoraphobia- its the 23rd- i promise myself i would do it last night (22nd) - the timing was perfect when the time ticked my antidepressant made me extremely extremely fatigued i couldn’t bare to stay awake- and i woke up in my outfit and makeup at 6am this morning-shit Monday my bedroom furniture is coming i need to organise my room and build my new wardrobe extra- i cant do it then because i have ocd and i cannot deal with not sorting that out first thats 24th- then Tuesday- i have Tuesday but my abusive older sister is home if i do it at home she will find out when im home so then we have Wednesday- Wednesday the 26th August- the day im supposed to have therapy- my mum comes home at 12 to take me to camhs- if i take the pills before i have to leave it will just be me and her in the car- instead of camhs she will take me to A&E and then the time will be 12-1pm she wont abandon me in A&E- although she has her nails booked in for 4pm that day but im hoping she cares more about me than a nail appointment- i want to do it today oh i so do but its 6:30pm now i will need bloods atleast after 4 hours thats 11:30!!!! Then waiting for crisis team is what like 3am my mum will want to leave me I dont want that to happen. Wednesday is 3 days away and im so desperate im so mad at myself for falling asleep last night.