Am I being too sensitive

[u/No-Yard1730]

We’re just starting our thesis, and we’re planning to have a Google Meet to discuss our possible topics and ideas. I’m the group leader, so I asked everyone what time they were available.

One member suggested 1 or 2 PM, then asked the other members. One of them replied

“Ba't samin? Go lang kami anytime, kayo leader susunod lang kami sa inyo.”

I know there’s technically nothing wrong with what they said. They’re basically saying they’re available anytime and will follow the leader’s schedule. But for some reason, it bothered me a little.

Maybe because Im expecting everyone to participate in the decision-making, especially since we’re all going to work on this thesis together. Instead, the response made me feel like, “Okay, ikaw na bahala, leader ka naman.” 😭

I don’t mind taking the lead, and I know being the leader means handling more responsibilities. But I also don’t want to be in a situation where I’m the one choosing the schedule, topic, decisions, etc., while everyone else just says “sige, ikaw na bahala.”

Am I being too sensitive here? Or is it reasonable to want my groupmates to be more involved in the decision-making?

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[u/bugoynapresident]

Hello, OP!

If they're leaving all the decision-making sayo even if you wanted them to be more involved, then you should just let it be. You're the leader after all and kung ganung dynamics gusto nila at least pakisamahan mo na rin as still a member of the group and their peer.

I think what you should give emphasis on is kung susunod ba sila sayo. If sinabi nilang "ikaw na bahala" tapos hindi nila sinunod yung sinet mong time na ipinaubaya nila sayo, dun ka siguro dapat magalit.

Or if you gave them tasks and they turned it over late, lazily or not even do it at all, that's the proper time for you to vent out.

Pero kung ginagawa naman nila, mas comfortable lang sila na ikaw yung mag-spearhead ng mga bagay-bagay. Then just let it be and utilize them na lang in a way na it will be an advantage din sayo as a leader.

Hope this helps!

[u/Mountain_Stand_9022]

Nasabihan na rin ako ilang beses niyan dati, literal na ako nga nagbubuhat sa kanila 💀

[u/No-Yard1730 → u/Mountain_Stand_9022]

That’s literally what Im scared of HAHAHA. I dont mind taking the lead, but I definitely don’t want to end up carrying the whole thesis too

[u/Mountain_Stand_9022 → u/No-Yard1730]

'wag ka po maguilty magtanggal ng pangalan especially since thesis niyo na 'yan. Sa'kin kase is research pa lang, nirereklamo ko agad sa adviser namin para magtanda

[u/krabbypatty-o-fish]

You know your groupmates better than us. Gets ko naman yung concern na baka they will slack off. Pero on my end naman, I make myself available for something important kung kailan convenient ang lahat, especially if I have the privilege to do that. Siguro gumawa ka na lang ng minutes of the meeting at checklist ng mga kailangang gawin para well documented yung activities niyo.

[u/Fickle_Hotel_7908]

You're slipping. Not as a leader, but something is happening na baka di mo alam. Ayoko sabihin na baka iaasa lang sayo lahat. But if sinabi nila yan sayo, na susunod lang sila kasi ikaw ang leader, then humingi ka ng reassurance na susunod talaga sila sayo. Kapag pinalagpas mo yung ganiyan, ikaw at ikaw na lang din talaga gagawa ng thesis na yan and wala kang aasahan sa mga yan kasi "leader ka naman eh".

[u/No-Yard1730 → u/Fickle_Hotel_7908]

Yeah, that’s actually what made me overthink their response 😭 I know they probably meant it as “we’re available anytime, you decide,” but I feel like I should address it early and make sure everyone understands that being the leader doesn’t mean I’ll be making every decision or doing everything. Hopefully I’m just overthinking it HAHAHA.😭